Thursday, December 24, 2009

"Home Alone" A Timeless Christmas Classic

As I sit on my couch, eagerly awaiting the Christmas Eve dinner that will be taking place at my cousins in a few hours, I can't help but be to be thankful for the one cinematic masterpiece that never fails to put me in full-on holiday mode, and that my friends, is "Home Alone". Nothing says Christmas more to me than a 9 year old Kevin eluding and abusing Harry and Marv, all the while his family tries to make it home in time to spend Christmas with him. The one liners are endless, from Uncle Franks "Look what you did you little jerk" to Kevin's proclamation of "Buzz your girlfriend, WOOF!". The whole premise of the movie is great- Kid gets in fight with brother over who gets to eat the cheese pizza (which btw never made ANY sense to me. They ordered 10 pizza pies for 15 people, yet somehow the entire stash of plain cheese gets consumed within the first 30 seconds of eating, leaving Buzz to mock-vomit up the "last slice"), kid tells his mother he never wants to see his family again, kid ends up getting his wish and gets left at home because douche bag neighbor messes up the head count while ransacking through the van for gifts, family goes to Europe (where we learn from Buzz that although France has nude beaches, not all French babes shave their pits), Kevin lives sucsessfully at home on his own for a couple of days, shaves, stages party with cut-out Michael Jordan poster dancing with a blowup doll to trick the two robbers, shoplifts from the grocery store, goes to church with the creepy Old Man Marley, overcomes his fear of fernaces, boobietraps his entire house, outwits two 40 year old men with a series of hillarious and equally unrealistic scenarios, gets them arrested by calling the police and referring to himself as a man named "Murphy" and somehow is reunited with his mother on Christmas morning. Of course this reunion happens after the mother sleeps in a European hotel, offers a shoebox full of earings to an elderly couple for their plain ticket ("I'm begging you.. From a mother to a monther") and hitches a ride with the "Kenosha Kickers", John Candy's polka band that is driving up to Milwakee for a show. A feel good movie that I can throw on and enjoy year round, but come Christmas time just gives me that little extra kick that I need to get into the holiday season.

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

-fresh (@danye33)

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