Monday, July 18, 2011

The 2 Man Weave Turns 100!!

Crazy to believe this is the 2 Man Weave's 100th blog post. Seems like just yesterday Pete and I were driving down Central Avenue in Yonkers, cruising for tail when we were stopped at that red light and startled by a knock on our window. "Quick-they're coming!" said the distraught twenty something, as he opened the back door and entered into our '98 Ford Explorer. He was wearing a red and black lumberjack coat, Yankees fitted, ripped jeans and paint-stained New Balance walking shoes. We quickly lowered the volume of the stereo, which had been playing "Feel So Good" by Mase, an ironic choice because at this very instant we were feeling the polar opposite of such a thing. "Dude, you can't just jump in our car, get the hell out of here" we pleaded with the man, but by this time the light had turned green and he quickly composed himself and explained to us that if we drove him a short distance, away from the "bad guys", he would be forever indebted to us. Reluctantly, Pete pushed down on the pedal as we continued down the boulevard.

My initial diagnosis was that the man was under the influence of LSD. The dilated pupils mixed with his intense paranoia were a dead giveaway. So I handed him a lit Newport Menthol Light cigarette and after a few drags he seemed to even out and come back down to Earth. "Who is after you?" I asked and he proceeded to tell of us of how he came to be in such a peculiar predicament.

He told us how he owed a bunch of money to some guy name Sugar Vazquez, and that earlier in the day Sugar had sent some guys by his place to rough him up for the cash. Luckily for our new friend, he had been on the roof of his building, tending to his marijuana plants, when he saw the thugs climb in through the window just off of the fire escape latter. He escaped out the back stairwell, but not unlike in Home Alone 2 when Kevin runs out of the loading dock of the Plaza Hotel, right into the arms of the bad guys, sure enough Sugar himself was there waiting in his '68 striped Camaro. Due to Sugar's large stature (apparently the man weighs over 350 pounds), Jan (the man in our vehicle) was able to escape down an ally before he could get out of the car. Once he got to Central Ave he thought he was in the clear. That is, until a stray bullet grazed past his left ear prompting him to run into traffic and into our back seat.

It was at this moment that Pete shot me a silent glance, one that I telepathically interpreted as "Fuck you. You stupid fuck." But that glance didn't last long because we were abruptly rear ended by the aforementioned '68 Camaro. "Holy shit!" we yelled simultaneously and Pete accelerated, swerving us into the left lane, causing me to spill my Olde English 40 oz. bottle all over the floor (that was the least of our problems).

Sugar was in hot pursuit as he banged his car into the rear ride side of our Explorer. I gave him the finger, but to be honest I think that may have been a tad counter productive. We were starting to catch up to traffic and soon enough we would be sandwiched between other cars, or worse, caught at a red light. We knew it was now or never to make our move and right as Sugar was about to make contact with us for a third time Pete floored it, threading our way in between two cars with inches to spare. This forced the car that we cut off to slam on its brakes, coming to a complete halt, which led to Sugar slamming into it at 65 mph, deploying his airbags, and putting his car (and possibly life) out of commission.

We made an illegal U-turn and cruised away south towards the heart of Yonkers. Jan had almost gotten us killed, but the adrenaline rush was pretty epic so we opted not to punch him in the face for endangering our lives like that. However, we did immediately drop him off at the nearest bus stop.

As Jan was getting out of the car, he turned to us with a smile and said "You guys just ran the illest 2 man weave!". Pete muttered something about "hoping you catch the aids" but it was at that moment that we both became aware of our destiny in life. To start a blog together, and it would be called "The 2 Man Weave".



So there you have it guys, that's how it all began. I would like to take this time to thank you, the readers, for supporting our work, whether you agree with our opinions or not. It really means so much to me that there are people out there that are interested in what I have to say. So please keep reading, keep commenting and keep kicking life's ass each and everyday. Oh, and if you really want to be awesome, 'like us' on Facebook. That is where you can find links to our stories and stories from other great writers that we think you should check out, along with funny pictures, videos, song recommendations etc.

I love you all.

-fresh

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