Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Hurricane Shapiro Hits Miami

(ESPN) Nevin Shapiro, a former Miami booster who is serving a 20-year prison sentence for masterminding a $930 million Ponzi scheme, has told Yahoo! Sports he provided impermissible benefits to 72 of the university's football players and other athletes between 2002 and 2010. Shapiro said he gave money, cars, yacht trips, jewelry, televisions and other gifts. He also claimed he paid for nightclub outings, sex parties, restaurant meals and in one case, an abortion for a woman impregnated by a player.

Seriously is anybody actually surprised that some sort of violation was occurring at the U? I mean it’s happening everywhere nowadays. You can’t play by the books when it comes to trying to recruit blue chippers, especially not when you’re in the ACC and the SEC and Big 12 schools are breathing down your neck. The recruiting battles down there are tighter than your little sister, so like any well respected collegiate institution does, they provided “impermissible benefits”.

That being said Miami U. definitely takes the cake as far as benefits go. The boys up in Columbus get free tattoos while the boys in South Beach get yachts, strippers, cocaine, and abortions. That’s a bonafide mismatch right there. Seriously, how has Miami not been killing it lately? Their roster should be filled with All-Americans. I mean when you dangle all those things in front of a high school senior they should bite. For me it would be a no-brainer.

Recruit: “Well you know coach I’m not really sold yet I mean I like the athletic facilities but the other schools are offering better facilities, discount tatoos and a free car rental.”

Miami: “Well you know our friend Mr. Shapiro is holding a sex party on his yacht tomorrow. You should come check it out. Strippers, booze, cocaine buffet, what do you say?”

I guess at that point I’m taking the Blue Mountain State route. Just sitting praying I stay number two on the depth chart for at least a year or begging for a redshirt season. Straight up cruising in the Florida keys, boozing it up, getting lap dances while I sit on my rich boosters yacht all day soaking up the Miami sun. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

And one more thing- Shapiro only had to repay upwards of $82 million from his $930 million ponzi scheme? I mean granted he wont see it for 20 years while he’s sitting in federal prison, crossing his fingers that he doesn't drop the soap, but an $848 million windfall ain't too shabby.



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