Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The One Where We Break Down Ke$ha Lyrics: "Tic Tok" Edition

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Is she implying she smoked a Jeffrey last night?
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack

Well that seems a tad counterproductive now, doesn't it?
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back
Pre-emptive, premarital sex! Now we're talkin'!

I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
I think Ke$ha suffers from Palilalia
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
What? Your drop-top doesn't have an AUX plug?
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Something tells me that mission will be accomplished

Don't stop, make it pop
She's talking about a can of Pringles, right?
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight

A fight til the sun comes up? That would break James Kelly and Jack Smith's record for longest fisticuffs, 6 hours and 15 minutes from their bout in Melbourne, Australia, on October 19, 1856.

Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Yes Ke$ha, unlike basketball games, election polls, and high school classes, the end of a party is not dictated by time. The ending of a party typically occurs when the host decides to call it a night, or whenever they run out of beer.

Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer

I'm pretty sure that's the exact motto the Hoff was living by in this video.
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
Just goes to show how easy pretty girls have it. Hot chicks=free drinks
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
I fully blame M.I.A. for the abundant rebirth of this stupid word. We need to just retire it already, especially because no one seems to totally grasp what it even means. Is it tangible? Is it a feeling, or an aura that is giving off by your coolness? Regardless, I hate swagger.
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Biggest pet peeve of the last two years for me hands down is Mick Jagger's name popping up non-stop in shitty pop songs. First take the above lyric for example. If any decent looking girl in their 20's was approached by a man who looks like this outside of a club, they would instinctively walk away without giving him the time of day. Ke$ha doesn't specify Jagger '68 or Jagger current day, so I'm left to conclude that the only reason why this line exists is because it happens to rhyme with another word that I hate, "Swagger". This infuriates me to no end. Moving forward, Maroon 5 currently has an abortion of a song out called "Moves Like Jagger". Watch the video if you feel like purging. It features a a CGI Mick shaking his hips while the word "Swagger" appears in bubble letters in the background. WHEN WILL IT END!!!!!

I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Does "crunk, crunk" mean they're all double fisting?
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk

So what's the deal Ke$h? You giving it up or what?
Gonna smack him if he's getting too drunk, drunk
Wasn't that tonight's objective? Also, love that fact that she's "Gonna smack him if he's getting too drunk", but not for touching her junk? Classy!

Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down

Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us -


(repeat chorus roughly 6 more times)


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