Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Let me start off by saying Anthony Stewart might be the worst criminal of all time. His planning and execution were terrible, and his trial and sentencing probably worse. If you’re going to rob someone it’s got to be worth it. Seven cents bro? Your target had SEVEN CENTS on him? What can you honestly buy with seven cents? Possibly one of those tiny ass Bazooka Joe gums but even that may have inflated to a dime these days. Gotta go big or go home. I mean Anthony- don’t you know that you don’t even have to rob someone to get seven cents? Check inside some couches you’ll find that kind of silver. Yet somehow you get caught, watched your boy snitch, got found guilty, and now you’re serving 2-6 in juvie all over seven cents. When you get out of jail, I suggest you find another line of work and leave the big scores to Danny Ocean.
Next we have Onyango Obama. You know when you get real drunk and do something you regret like piss the bed or make out with a fat chick and then you wake up the next morning and realize what you did? That’s exactly what Onyango is going through now. You know the President went to him and basically told him don’t fuck up and keep clean cause elections are coming up and nobody will ever question the fact you’re here illegally. So what did Onyango do? Rack up a nice BAC of .14 and get pulled over. Probably on his way to get his dick wet at the nearby assisted living facility but instead went all Jim Jones swervin’ and now landed himself in the public eye worse than Mike Donnelly in Black Sheep. I mean Onyango, pull it together bro. We can’t have the Presidents uncle racking DWI’s like he’s Kiefer Sutherland. At least not in an election year.
So who’s in worse shape? I have to admit at the outset of this blog I thought it was going to be a much closer Toss Up. Much like the 1992 NCAA Championship when the Fab Five went up against the Blue Devils. Expecting a great game and it ends with a twenty point blowout. I mean I was 3 at the time but even I was shocked. Same outcome here. Anthony Stewart is running victory laps around Onyango Obama. Anybody sitting in prison (juvie or not) for up to six years for stealing seven cents is probably having a worse day than Obama’s uncle catching a DWI. Cause if he really is in the Barack clan they’ll take care of him, be it formally or through back channels. That’s what family is for.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Thatta boy Javaris! Way to step out from the shadows and make a name for yourself! From now on you will no longer be known as "the other player" in that Gilbert Arenas locker room gun standoff of '09. Sure you jumped into the kiddie pool head first with a first degree murder charge, but still, at least your on the radar now. But if there's one thing I would have advised young Javaris on beforehand, it would have been to go to the old shooting range before you start painting the town red. The guy's a lifetime 44% shooter from the field, but 0% when it comes to hitting his targets with the heater. For shame.
Friday, August 26, 2011
I was originally going to title this post "Me, Myself and Irene" but I felt like that would come off sounding a tiny bit too much like a euphemism for masturbation. Not sure if my current choice was much better, but oh well. Anyways New York City is in full on state-of-emergancy mode. For the first time ever parts of Manhattan are having mandatory evacuations and the Dave Matthews Band Caravan that was scheduled for Governor's Island this weekend has been postponed. Hell, my company has even gone as far as to put up weekend employees in Times Square hotels just so they can get to work. Just a complete wash of a weekend if I've ever seen one. Everyone better load up on Beers and Cheeto's cause this sucker might get ugly.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Alright Dick in a box, here's your chance. No more Emile Hirsch. No more Jesse Eisenberg. And no I'm not counting Friends With Benefits. "In Time" IS JT's time to breakout as the leading man in a hit movie. The whole premise for this film blows me away. Below is the plot from its wiki page.
In a retro-future when the aging gene has been switched off, people must pay to stay alive. People stop aging at 25 years old. However, stamped on their arm is a clock of how long they will live. To avoid overpopulation, time has become the currency and the way people pay for luxuries and necessities. The rich can live forever, while the rest try to negotiate for their immortality.
Let me reiterate that for you. NO ONE AGES ABOVE 25 YEARS OLD! This leads to a great encounter in the preview where a guy introduces his mother, wife and daughter to JT, and all three of them are certified dime pieces. Could you image living in a world where no one gets ugly? Where chicks stay at the top of their games for all of eternity? Every girl becomes a milf. Forever. I just caught rock from even thinking about it.
Now I guess the drama occurs in the movie when a poor young man (Timberlake) is accused of murder after inheriting a fortune of time from a wealthy upper class man who apparently killed himself (or did he?). After he inherits his new found time, he goes around distributing that wealth to other poor people who are about to "run out of time", not unlike a futuristic Robin Hood. Even if this movie ends up being a let down (something I can't see happening), its still guaranteed to have some great chase scenes, sex scenes and futuristic gadget scenes. Hell, it may even have some Future Sex Love Sounds!
You've officially been warned.
1. Aaron Rodgers 2. Michael Vick 3. Philip Rivers 4. Tom Brady 5. Drew Brees 6. Peyton Manning 7. Tony Romo 8. Matt Schaub 9. Matt Ryan 10. Josh Freeman 11. Ben Roethlisberger 12. Eli Manning 13. Matt Stafford 14. Joe Flacco 15. Sam Bradford 16. Kevin Kolb 17. Jay Cutler 18. Ryan Fitzpatrick 19. Matt Cassel 20. Donovan McNabb 21. Kyle Orton 22. David Garrard 23. Cam Newton 24. Mark Sanchez 25. Matt Hasselbeck 26. John Beck 27. Colt McCoy 28. Alex Smith 29. Chad Henne 30. Jason Campbell
Q. Who is your breakout Fantasy Football Quarterback this season?
A. I'd have to lean towards Josh Freeman here. You could argue that he had his "breakout" season last year, but this is the year he legitimizes himself as a solid QB1 in 12 teamers. He certainly has a chance to sneak inside the top-10, ahead of guys like Big Ben, Eli, and Matt Ryan. Only statistical category where you should expect a bit of regression is interceptions (only 6 in '10). Pencil him in for 3,650 yards, 23 passing TDs, 400 yards rushing and maybe this is the year he finds the end zone via the ground two or three times.
Q. Which old time favorite should owners shy away from this season?
A. I think the only appropriate answer here is Peyton Manning. Colts owner Jim Irsay has (loudly) voiced his concern over Number 18's availability for week one, going so far as signing Kerry Collins as an insurance policy. One has to assume it will take a few weeks for him and the offense to click, even if he is under center from the start. I've got him ranked as my number 6 QB, though it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to see him finish lower. I recently snagged him in the 7th round of a 10-team mock, so his stock is at an all-time low. If you get him at a crazy value, grab him. Just be safe and back him up with a high-end QB2 like Flacco or little brother Eli.
Q. Fitzpatrick over some proven vets like Cassel, McNabb and Orton. Explain?
A. 1) Cassel is without Charlie Weis, and I don't think it's too late to label Jon Baldwin a bust. 2) Last I checked, there was still a guy named Adrian Peterson in Minnesota, and Sidney Rice bolted for Seattle. 3) Josh McDaniels has been replace with John "run it again" Fox. I love me some Ryan Fitzpatrick. In the 13 games he started last year, he was 10th in fantasy PPG, with a decent TD/INT ratio. In case you haven't noticed, the Bills are not a very good football team, and will be playing from behind more often then not, which results in a ton of passes. I'm also of the party that believes losing Lee Evans doesn't hurt the passing game a whole lot (Hint: I like Roscoe Parrish as a deep sleeper). 3,500, 25/17 wouldn't shock me, and don't forget he can run, sneakily finishing with 250 and a score.
Gary will be back later in the week to discuss RB, WR and TE's. You can listen to Gary on his weekly podcast "I Ain't Even Mad" on itunes, or by clicking here.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Talk about upping the ante for ding-dong-ditch huh? Back in the day we used to ring our neighbors doorbells and before the buzzer stopped I would be halfway down the street moving as fast as my size 12 Reebok Questions would take me. Completely terrified of getting caught.
You have to feel bad for the victim here. Could you imagine making it to your 80's and then going out like this? Your childhood years were spent in the cross hairs of the great depression and WWII for god's sake. Dude was probably tougher than nails, just your typical gritty, hard working New Yorker. He hears a knock at the door and probably thought it was his latest Viagra shipment but nope, just it's your naked, knife wielding, psychopathic neighbor coming to kill you. Just like Lloyd Christmas said*, "Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat."
* Okay so that quote doesn't 100% match what happened with this story, but you get the point
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Is she implying she smoked a Jeffrey last night?
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Well that seems a tad counterproductive now, doesn't it?
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back
Pre-emptive, premarital sex! Now we're talkin'!
I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
I think Ke$ha suffers from Palilalia
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
What? Your drop-top doesn't have an AUX plug?
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy
Something tells me that mission will be accomplished
Don't stop, make it pop
She's talking about a can of Pringles, right?
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
A fight til the sun comes up? That would break James Kelly and Jack Smith's record for longest fisticuffs, 6 hours and 15 minutes from their bout in Melbourne, Australia, on October 19, 1856.
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Yes Ke$ha, unlike basketball games, election polls, and high school classes, the end of a party is not dictated by time. The ending of a party typically occurs when the host decides to call it a night, or whenever they run out of beer.
Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
I'm pretty sure that's the exact motto the Hoff was living by in this video.
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
Just goes to show how easy pretty girls have it. Hot chicks=free drinks
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
I fully blame M.I.A. for the abundant rebirth of this stupid word. We need to just retire it already, especially because no one seems to totally grasp what it even means. Is it tangible? Is it a feeling, or an aura that is giving off by your coolness? Regardless, I hate swagger.
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
Biggest pet peeve of the last two years for me hands down is Mick Jagger's name popping up non-stop in shitty pop songs. First take the above lyric for example. If any decent looking girl in their 20's was approached by a man who looks like this outside of a club, they would instinctively walk away without giving him the time of day. Ke$ha doesn't specify Jagger '68 or Jagger current day, so I'm left to conclude that the only reason why this line exists is because it happens to rhyme with another word that I hate, "Swagger". This infuriates me to no end. Moving forward, Maroon 5 currently has an abortion of a song out called "Moves Like Jagger". Watch the video if you feel like purging. It features a a CGI Mick shaking his hips while the word "Swagger" appears in bubble letters in the background. WHEN WILL IT END!!!!!
I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Does "crunk, crunk" mean they're all double fisting?
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk
So what's the deal Ke$h? You giving it up or what?
Gonna smack him if he's getting too drunk, drunk
Wasn't that tonight's objective? Also, love that fact that she's "Gonna smack him if he's getting too drunk", but not for touching her junk? Classy!
Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us -
FUCK THE POLICE!
(repeat chorus roughly 6 more times)
Monday, August 22, 2011
Hey Lil Tunechi- have you ever heard of the phrase "stay your lane"? Well it applies to you too. Seriously the hipster of hip-hop has gone too far this time. You've achieved unparalleled levels of fame because you rapped about pussy, money and weed. Now you've traded in your doo-rags, fitted caps and gold chains for a pair of skinny pants and some Vans. Fifty got shot 9 times, and you got 9 stitches while getting your post-concert Tony Hawk on.
Not saying that Plax and I ever consummated, or that catching a pre-season touchdown pass is the same thing as making out, but if last nights performance by Burress is a sign of things to come this year then it's going to be a longggg season for us Giants fans. This guy caught the game winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl for Big Blue just 3 and a half years ago, now he's catching perfect fade route passes from the Dirty Sanchize. Makes me physically ill. The lone bright spot is that I have him on my fantasy team so at least I'll be able to somewhat enjoy his continued success, while a little part of me dies more and more inside with each cross of the pylon.
to find out that they aren’t lesbians, they’re just intoxicated. Festival-goers perform similar experiments with drugs. The main thing to realize here is that it is okay to try things. Taking one tab of LSD probably isn’t going to kill you, or turn you into a skitzo. Although that may be true; taking one tab of LSD, 13 mushroom caps, 4 ecstasy pills, 6 lines of cocaine, 48 whip-its, 6 bong rips, and drinking 15 beers might do the trick. It is easy to get overwhelmed at a place like this, with all of these party supplies being overly accessible and readily available, but it is important to use your head. Although the gazelle theory does come into play in a situation like this (drug use will kill only the weakest brain cells, leaving the strong one’s to survive), don’t go overboard, become a poacher, and be responsible for the extinction of the species.
-Old Blind Bob
Friday, August 19, 2011
At first I had Charlie's back with this one. We all know how much of a nightmare getting a spot in the city can be. In fact, I'd say driving into Manhattan and trying to find a non-lot spot is the 5th scariest thing in the world behind AIDS tests, pregnancy tests, public restrooms and snakes so I can't knock the guy for holding down some primo real estate. But then I found out that his wife drives him every morning from Wayne, NJ at 7 a.m., shells out $36 in quarters and peddles second hand books for 12 hours a day all for a net pay of $100? That just doesn't seem like a savvy business move to me.
For starters you're getting literally zero use out of your car. Thing hasn't moved since "Livin La Vida Loca" was at the top of the charts. Then you factor in gas, bridge tolls and having to spend an hour+ in traffic with your wife each day and that right there is enough to make me consider a new career path. Also, who is his clientele? Everyone who lives in that neighborhood has money out the ass and made the jump over to Team Kindle years ago, so I don't think anyone is knocking down his (car) door to get their hands on a greasy copy of "Oliver Twist".
I can't get enough of the fact that this hippie is a disbarred lawyer turned book vendor. Talk about a fall from grace. Cast Jason Segel in this guys life story and Apatow turns it into gold. Write it down.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Do you guys remember Vinny's creepy, douchey, uncle Nino who has made a few guest appearences on the "Jersey Hills" (starting now this is the only way I will ever refer to that show) each season? You know the guy who got a few cheap laughs by dropping their cringe-worthy catch phrases like "smush" and "grenade" and hopped right into the hot tub next to Snookie? Well somehow that asshole has found a way to turn that into a schtick. The guy has almost 40 THOUSAND twitter followers and his bio reads "To have the “Original Guido” Uncle Nino at your next event contact AlfonseTornabene@yahoo.com". Like how is this even possible? Who in their right mind would book the creepy uncle of some tool reality television star for anything? What talents does this jackoff actually have? I could see him just showing up with a couple bottles of Strega, fisting pumping and hitting on your mother. Why anyone would let this man into their homes is beyond me. Total fake life shit.
So apparently Georgetown's Men's Basketball team had an exhibition game Thursday night (their time) in China against the Bayi Rockets. From a first person account (which you can read here) I gathered that from the get go the refs had had it out for the Hoyas. After three quarters the Rockets had taken close to 50 FT's and at one point a Bayi player almost took a swing a JT3. Despite the horrific officiating the game was tied 64-64 with 9 minutes to play when a Rocket player who was trapping in the backcourt hit a Georgetown player to the ground long after he had passed the ball. Chaos ensued, and fans quickly joined in on the fight by throwing chairs, bottles and other objects on the court to add to the slugfest. From the pics below it doesn't even look like a contest though. Yi just got his whole world completely shattered. Somebody do me a favor and cue up the Lee Greenwood!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Seriously is anybody actually surprised that some sort of violation was occurring at the U? I mean it’s happening everywhere nowadays. You can’t play by the books when it comes to trying to recruit blue chippers, especially not when you’re in the ACC and the SEC and Big 12 schools are breathing down your neck. The recruiting battles down there are tighter than your little sister, so like any well respected collegiate institution does, they provided “impermissible benefits”.
Recruit: “Well you know coach I’m not really sold yet I mean I like the athletic facilities but the other schools are offering better facilities, discount tatoos and a free car rental.”
Miami: “Well you know our friend Mr. Shapiro is holding a sex party on his yacht tomorrow. You should come check it out. Strippers, booze, cocaine buffet, what do you say?”
I guess at that point I’m taking the Blue Mountain State route. Just sitting praying I stay number two on the depth chart for at least a year or begging for a redshirt season. Straight up cruising in the Florida keys, boozing it up, getting lap dances while I sit on my rich boosters yacht all day soaking up the Miami sun. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
And one more thing- Shapiro only had to repay upwards of $82 million from his $930 million ponzi scheme? I mean granted he wont see it for 20 years while he’s sitting in federal prison, crossing his fingers that he doesn't drop the soap, but an $848 million windfall ain't too shabby.
Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Who Is About To Decapitate Johnny Bananas En Route To His Fist Challenge Championship Ever?
I've had it with all these bullshit endings lately. First the Dougherty Gang completely shits the bed and goes out like a bunch of sissies. Sure the stripper chick older sister caught some lead in her leg but it certainly lacked the Godfather style tollbooth shootout that I had been hoping for. And now we have William Boyd Sturdivant II who goes 6 days without food or water, in 100 degree temperatures, while balancing on top of a 100 foot radio tower refusing to listen to anyone and then all of a sudden he just gives up? Come on bro you're better than that. You didn't make national news four days running because people wanted you to give up and come down safely. You gotta go out with a bang and give these cameramen what they're looking for, be it with ridiculous body gestures, outlandish demands or a good old fashion concrete swan dive.
P.S. On a completely serious note I don't know how the hell this guy survived 6 days without food or water. I went to Applebee's last night at like 10 o'clock, didn't eat breakfast this morning and about twenty minutes ago literally did a dead sprint to the $1 pizza slice place around the corner from my office because I thought my stomach was going to start eating itself.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Lou Roe was a standout basketball player (second team All-American) at Umass in the early 90's and was drafted with the first pick (in the second round) of the 1995 draft by the Detroit Pistons. He lasted just two seasons in the league and never came close to achieving his perceived potential. Dwyane Wade was drafted fifth overall by the Miami Heat in the 2003 NBA draft and has since won Olympic gold, a Finals MVP, NBA championship and was the driving force behind luring LeBron and Chris Bosh to join his team last summer. Neither one of these two players have anything to do with the 1973 Supreme Court case or abortion in any way. Regardless, here is the tale of the tape.
This data does little to illustrate something that we didn't already know. Dwyane's career is by far superior to that of Lou Roe. But this does even up the overall score at 1-1 in the cases of Roe vs. Wade.
Looking forward to a game 3 winner takes all!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Dunk Champion Accidentally Murders Squirrel, Experiences Guilt-Driven Insomnia, Then Gives His Thoughts On Casey Anthony
Slam Dunk champion and N.B.A. Rookie of the Year Blake Griffin tweeted today that he accidentally hit a squirrel yesterday in his car (was it a Kia?). He then went on to say that he was so overwhelmed with guilt that he could not sleep last night. Blake followed that bit of (over) sensitivity up by calling Casey Anthony a "monster". Not sure if the guilt of driving over a medium-sized rodent is comparable to that of murdering your 2 year old daughter and then withholding any knowledge of her "disappearance" for a month after, but yes Blake, Casey Anthony is a monster. Albeit a hot monster at that.
So while some N.B.A. players have been spotted showcasing their talents and working on their games this summer in the likes of the Philippines or Dyckman Park, Chris Bosh, the weak link of Miami's big three, has spent his time (40 hours to date) getting this bizarre, awkward and blatantly confusing back tattoo. To be blunt about it I just don't get it. There seems to be a purple woman yelling at a skull, an eagle perched on the branch of a gigantic tree, some music notes and (possibly) the face of a man resembling Gargamel from The Smurfs. The images are just all over the place, not working well or complementing each others style at all. I think he should title it "The 2011 Miami Heat."
I imagine that tree looks like a lot like the one Phineas fell from in "A Separate Piece". Just a hunch.
Friday, August 12, 2011
So far, so good for Johnny, CT and LeRoy. All three have made it to this seasons last episode
2. The finale of "The Challenge: RIVALS"- Wednesday, August 17th, 10pm on MTV. Not since Seinfeld ended when I was in 4th grade will I have been this upset about a show going off the air. This season, with the return of CT, has provided me with the most entertaining hour of television each week, all summer long. For the Final challenge (and the challenge leading up to it) the cast was flown from Costa Rice to Argentina, where things really got loco. Last weeks episode saw Wes dump a 2 liter bottle of soda of Cara Marie, Laurel break Paula down like an abused puppy dog (Insults Laurel hits on in her 45 second tirade- Paula's battle with anorexia, the fact that she is 39 and both unmarried and without children, that she is ugly and that she has never won a challenge before) and they set the stage for a final elimination round duel of CT/Adam vs. Johnny/Tyler. In case you didn't watch the Cutthroat season from a couple years back, click here to see what happened the last time CT and Johnny faced off in an elimination round. I expect their battle next week to yield the same results. For my betting odds on which team of rivals will win it all, click here. "You killed it".
3. 30 Minutes Or Less- Admittedly, I don't know too much about this movie, other than what I've gathered from watching the trailer a bunch of times. My take is that Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network) and Aziz Ansari (Parks & Rec) are two down on their luck buddies in their early 20's who get kidnapped by two ruthless, dimwit criminals (Danny McBride and Nick Swardson). Once they are kidnapped they are then strapped with a bomb and told they have 9 hours to rob a bank or else they will be blown to smithereens (Haven't heard/used that phrase in while. Don't plan on using it again anytime soon). The title comes from the pizza company that Eisenberg's character works for, and the criminals get him to their place by ordering pizza from his restaurant. Clever! I may* try that tonight when I order my chicken parm wedge. Regardless the movie looks funny and I'll be reporting back on it soon. Can't go wrong with Mark Zuckerberg, Kenny Powers and the dad from Road Trip.
*definitely not trying that tonight
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Things haven't exactly gone according to plan for the New York football Giants this summer. A few questionable cuts, neglected re-signings, and untimely injuries have Big Blue staring face to face with all the makings of an 8-8 season.
At a time when many of their biggest rivals have put themselves in position to improve drastically, Wellington Mara's neglecting to "make it rain" on the free agent crop now puts the G-Men back into the middle of the pack in the NFC Conference. The first of the questionable moves came when the Giants opted not to re-sign center Shaun O'Hara. Yes, the veteran was coming off of ankle surgery, but stability at the offensive line position is something that cannot be overstated enough as a crucial element to a successful team. Center is one of the most underrated positions, due to the crucial rhythm that must exist between them and the quarterback on a play-by-play basis.
The next domino to fall was tight end Kevin Boss. My Jets fan friends like to give me a hard time about this loss, but in reality I actually think Boss is very replaceable (For instance, he is the #29 ranked fantasy TE on Yahoo! Sports). That is, if we could find someone to replace him. The man we signed to fill in for Boss, Ben Patrick, retired due to "personal reasons" within a week of joining the team. Now they're looking at a combination of Travis Beckum and Bear Pascoe. A duo that combined for a mere 21 catches last year.
In the midst of all of this chaos the Giants were able to bring back their leading rusher Ahmad Bradshaw. Re-signing him was imperative because it will allow the Giants to continue to be a run first team, and lets not kid ourselves, Brandon "Butterfingers" (because he fumbles the ball a lot, and presumably consumes a lot of them) Jacobs isn't the 20+ carry a game guy that he once was. But for all the positive vibes that were brought upon by the Bradshaw signing, those feelings were quickly nullified when Pro-Bowl Defensive End Osi Umenyiora announced that he would be holding out for a new contract. Granted he is only slated to make 8 million combined for the next two seasons (Comparatively, Charles Johnson just signed a 6 year, 72 million dollar deal with the Panthers, leaving Osi green with envy), which is less money than his double digit sack/forced fumble numbers merit, but Osi is on the tail end of his career and much like Jacobs, is not an every down player anymore. The fact is Osi signed that contract (6 years, 41 million) after his most productive season stat-wise (2005) so this shouldn't come as a surprise to him. Players these days have become just as greedy as the owners, and we are living in a time where contracts only seem to be honored when they feel like it and that isn't right. The Giants are trying to meet their star DE half way, offering incentive based bonus's so there is still hope that both sides can reach an agreement before the season kicks off September 11th.
Smith signing with the Eagles continues to further escalated their trend this summer of making a big splash with their high caliber acquisitions. They already added Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Jason Babin, Vince Young, Ronnie Brown and this summers "Golden Egg" of free agency, lock down corner Nnamdi Asomugha. Getting Steve Smith almost feels like icing on the cake, and definitely adds insult to injury for the already crippled 2011 Giants team (both literally and figuratively- first round pick Prince Amukamara broke his foot and will miss at least the first two months of the season). The silver lining throughout all of this is that as of now, of course, both teams have the same record, 0-0. Games aren't won in the off-season, they're won on the field. One of the oldest cliches is that the football field is really a battle field, and if that's the case it looks like the Giants will be heading out to war without some of their most reliable solders.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
TJ Fredette is the 29 year old older brother of Sacramento Kings guard, and Mormon folk hero, Jimmer Fredette. Apparently TJ has been preforming some of his songs at half time of Jimmer's games for some time now, but he didn't get noticed nationally until the NBA Draft in June when he was interviewed on ESPN about a contract he wrote up for Jimmer before he entered college, motivating him to make it to the pros one day. However, this summer TJ has upped the ante by taking his gimmicks to the legendary Dyckman Park to rap before one of the highly covered summer league games their. Needless to say it was a total fail, and the crowd (which was made up of 99.9% African Americans) was disinterested and booed him off the court.
In closing I think that TJ is the bigger embarrassment for three main reasons. First- Tom Hanks has infinitely more money than Jimmer, thus allowing Chet to quite literally make as big an ass out of himself as possible, fully knowing that no matter what he'll be sitting on millions when it's all said and done. TJ has a lot more to lose by making a mockery of himself. Second- Jimmer plays in a sport made up primarily of blacks, and his brother is single handedly murdering one of that races most prized pastimes. Not a good look for the new white-boy in the league. And third- TJ kind of looks like the brother from "Lights Out". Not really sure why that counts as a strike against him, but that brother was a total douchebag to Lights (inadvertent stabbing in episode 7 anyone?) so TJ's getting penalized for it.
If those reasons weren't good enough for you, check out their shitty music below and pick which one you think brings more shame to their families?
So Michelle Bachmann appeared on the cover of Newsweek today looking like the love child of what would happen if the "Have you seen my baseball?" kid from Something About Mary fucked the Steve Carrol poster shot from 40 Year Old Virgin. Now if you don't know who Michelle Bachmann is, she is a Republican congresswomen from Minnesota, and long shot "hopeful" to be the Republican candidate for the Presidency in 2012.
I'd be lying if I tried to act like I knew the first thing about politics. I stay informed and try not to dig too deep but I can't help but despise everything that Michelle and her still-closeted husband say and stand for. Just your typical run-of-the mill right wing, uber conservative nut jobs. According to her wiki page she "was called by God to run for the seat, and that she and her husband fasted for three days to make sure." This is the same husband who refers to gays as "barbaric" and even hosts his own clinic to "Pray the gay away."
I'm not buying the fact that tubby kept his mouth shut for three days
This woman makes Sarah Palin look like Princess Di, and this cover makes her look like a delusional sociopath. Well played, Newsweek. Exposing true colors left and far right.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Video Request from Matt Hart
"Sleep is for babies, gamers play all night"