Help! My Friend Is Trying To Get Wifed Up "Just To Fit In"- Gettin Miggy Wit It, Vol. 2

Welcome back Honkeys...I hope you enjoyed the first installment of my bi-(curious)weekly advice column. Just some quick house keeping, if you have anything on your mind... something in your life you want an opinion on...or any question at all SEND IT TO THE WEAVE via e-mail (dan.chiavetta@gmail.com) or hit us up on our Facebook fan page. Leave it anonymous if you don’t trust me, but come on I’m like the chubby best friend in a 80's high school movie. You can tell me anything.... and I won’t try to bang you on prom night.

So let the lesson begin. The following is a call for help from a fellow Weaver.

Dear Miggs,

I have a tight nit group of friends that have been hanging out nearly every weekend since sophomore year of high school. We've all seen different girlfriends come and go but we have always stuck together. It’s safe to say that we have a lot of input on the female relationships of everyone in the group. One of us, let’s just call him “Fred” for safety sakes, recently started to hang out with a girl and it looks like its heading for the area of serious pretty quickly. Fred's two best friends, myself being one of them, have been in serious relationships for the past 2 years. On the other hand this new girl would be Fred's first serious girlfriend ever. I am happy for him finding someone but I'm not sure if he actually likes this girl or he’s settling because he feels the pressure that he hasn't had a serious girlfriend yet. If this girl was awesome and totally cool we wouldn't have an issue with it. BUT!!!! she has such a blah attitude that she’s kinda hard to be friendly and nice to. AND ITS NOT EVEN LIKE SHES THAT HOT....Even so it would be OK if Fred was totally in to her...BUT!!! He doesn't even seem to like her that much. When pressed, the most he’ll say is “yea kinda”. He has yet to make it official but I feel like it is going in that direction. It’s a tough line to tip toe because  as much as I would like to say something I don’t want to piss him off if he actually does like this girl. I don't want to be the guy who stops Fred from happiness but I also don't want him to be stuck in a relationship that isn't good for him. Just want to see what you think.

Thanks,

Bryan

Ok first off I want to thank you B-Minus for being the Guinea pig in this little experiment the weave is starting. I hope I can help because I think this is a situation a lot of people face when having one of their best friends start a relationship.

My thoughts quickly before I break down how you should handle it.

To me it sounds like this guy is feeling the pressure of everybody getting older and finding girlfriends and he has yet to have a serious relationship. This may make him more inclined to force feelings about this girl by his own doing. Think about it when you were a little kid and your friends would tell you they got Sega or Nintendo you went home immediately begged and cried in till you got one too. Also, I’m assuming you are not Mormon or Amish or some other super conservative religion and that these two people have done the horizontal mambo or she at least has touched his pepper a couple times. That weighs heavy on a man that may not have Wilt Chamberlain-esq. numbers in the sack. So he’s settling in the relationship aspect because the sex IS AS EASY AS PIE!!!! POOTANG PIE!!! (shout out to The Rock)

Step 1: Make your feelings known

If you haven’t noticed this from watching every romantic comedy ever, the only time people get hurt is when important information is with held.. like how you feel about your friends new squeeze. If Fred is as good of a friend as you say he is then your opinion should weigh heavily on his decision. Having said that, don't be a dick about it. Don't tell him that you don't think she’s hot, tell him how you feel about her personality and how they fit together. 

Step 2: Get him to tell you how he feels

He sounds like a shy guy. Maybe a little insecure, but if you are as good of friends as you say he should open up if you’re serious about the conversation and don't make it into a joke. If he reacts harshly and gets upset, it’s because he probably has doubt about the whole deal so by you saying it you are affirming the doubts he has and it may upset him. But if he opens up and really does have legitimate feelings for this girl it will show when he talks about it.

If you don’t feel like doing steps one and two, then your only option is to get rid of the chick Saving Silverman style. Because that is the only way that you will not be an asshole and makes it a full proof plan if he doesn’t actually like her. If he does like her than tough shit you can’t tell people who to like and who not to like.

Try and convince your boy to nut up and dump her

The only way someone ever kicks an addiction is by committing themselves to do it on their own. This is no different, the only way he is fully going to get rid of her is if he dumps her himself.  To help this along show him the good life, take him out without her coming, plan a "bro" night out or something homoerotic like that. I know you’re in a relationship but go out and talk to girls with him. Show him that there are better options out there.

I hope I helped you there B to the Ry, and just know that if they do go into a relationship it’s not the end of the world. If this girl sucks as much as it sounds like then it will probably end sooner rather than later. If not then get used to it and make her life a living hell so maybe she'll leave on her own.

Always remember I’m an open book so let the emails rain down on me like one of those weird Asian porn videos we all "accidentally" watch....seven times in a row.

-Miggs

Miggs is the 2 Man Weave's perma-frat boy