Friday, May 3, 2013

Power Ranking The Most Meaningful Ways To Wish Someone A Happy Birthday

Nowadays the ways you can wish your friends a Happy Birthday are endless. Depending on your preferred method, it could range anywhere from "I have this date memorized by heart and wanted to hear the sound of your voice on your special day!" to "I just took a break from stalking Spring Break pics and saw your name on the top right corner of my news feed!". Depending on how much effort you're willing to exfoliate, there's varying levels as to how sincere your message will be received. Below is the definitive Power Rankings for the best, and worst, ways to congratulate someone for surviving another 365 days on Planet Earth.

1. Phone call- Though it may seem arbitrary (and archaic), there is something genuinely satisfying about getting a phone call on your birthday. "Wow! This person went through all the trouble of scrolling through their contact list AND wasted twelve seconds of their lives while it rang! They must really love me."

2. Instagraming a picture of them- Admittedly, this was a way bigger deal back when Instagram pics were somewhat of a rarity. Now it's become the norm to document your every meal. But there's still something warm and fuzzy about seeing your face, along with a bday shout out, alongside someone else's virtual selfie collection.

3. Text- This too was once a gesture that held merit, but then group chats came along to serve as the "Get Out of Jail" Free Card for friends who forget their friends' birthdays. Now all it takes is for one person in the chat to hit you with a "happy bday bro", and the rest will soon follow suit.

4. Tweet- I'm not entirely sure why, but a birthday tweet just seems a bit (?) than a wall post. Maybe it's because of the whole "@(username)" in the message, or maybe it's because they're broadcasting your special day to all of their followers, but for whatever reason, this gets the nod ahead of the old 'book.

(Ed note: referring to Facebook as the "old 'book" just made me think of FB as the Old Testament and Twitter as the "New Testament". Disclaimer- I know nothing about religion.)

5. Facebook wall post- A good way to see which of your past acquaintances wants to remind you that they're still alive.

-fresh (@danye33)

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