I can't be the only one who hoped while reading this that things were going to take a drastic turn for the worst, and that this couple would somehow end up dead in the East River, right?
No. Just no. If you want to tell the most spectacular woman on the face of the earth how you fall for her more and more each day, buy a goddamn card at Hallmark and send it to her. Ain't nobody got time for this kind of virtual PDA.
Have an annoying "friend" taking up space on your newsfeed? Screen shot his or her status and send it my way to email@example.com.