Friday, September 20, 2013
Week 3 NFL Picks Column
Two weeks into our Pick 'Em Pool and the one and only Keytwitty is sitting on top like a hair wig. This is the last week of the season before byes start up and immediately begin decimating your fantasy teams, so enjoy the full slate of games while you've got it! This time around the gang seems to agree that Minnesota giving 5.5 to the Browns is the lock of the century, seeing as the Cleveland has zero intention of fielding even a junior varsity caliber team.
Nothing to bitch about on my end, so enjoy this gif of a sad, portly, NC State fan playing with his nipple!
2 Man Weave Anti-Lock Of The Week (0-2) G-Men +1.5 in Carolina
I know I'm jinxing my team, but even the curse of the dreaded 2MW Anti-Lock pick can't stop Big Blue from going into Charlotte and laying the smack down on the Panthers' candy ass. Sans the Giants running game, these two teams are pretty much carbon copies of last year's version and if you remember correctly New York crushed them 36-7 on a Thursday night in this very arena. Victor Cruz declared this a "must win" game and I think the rest of the team will follow suit.
*Obligatory FUCK YOU to David Wilson. It's been almost a month since my fantasy draft and he STILL doesn't have a positive cumulative point total for the season. Brandon Jacobs stops eating Cheetos and banging hookers for three days and he gets in the end zone, meanwhile Tiki 2.0 can't hold on to a loaf of bread.
And now, the picks!
The King's Throne
Keytwitty (7-3) NYG +1.5, G.B. +2, Hou -2.5, Mia -2, Chi -2.5
Watch The Throne
Dough Boy (6-4) Minn -5.5, Det +1.5, Mia -2, St. Lou +3.5, Hou -2.5
Danye (4-6) Minn -5.5, Atl +2, S.D. +3, Indy +10.5, NYG +1.5
Miggs (4-6) Minn -5.5, Bal +2.5, G.B. -2, NYG +1.5, Atl +2
Gary (4-6) Minn -5.5, G.B.-2, Car -1.5, Buff +2.5, N.E.-7
Chooch (4-6) Philly -3, Dal -3.5, NYG +1.5, Pitt +2.5, Atl +2
Cambo (3-7) S.D. +3, NYJ -2.5, N.O. -7.5, G.B. -2, N.E. -7
J Fonts (3-7) Minn -5.5, N.E. -7, Det +1.5, NYG +1.5, Cin +2
Flem (1-8-1) Minn- 5.5, S.D. +3, Chi -2.5, NYJ -2.5, G.B. -2
Obscure Gif Of The Week / Psychedelic Cat
Babe of the Week / Luz Elena Gonzalez
Random YouTube Video Of The Week That Has Nothing To Do With Football / Man Eats Apple In One Bite
Gametime Drinks For Jags Fans To Wallow In Their Sorrows With- Berry Mojito
Gametime Snack Of The Week- Ass Kicking Chili
Chief Keef "Locked 'N Loaded" Fantasy Player To Watch For
Trent Richardson, RB, Colts
"Ayo, so the otha night I's was in the VIP getting some brains from this sweet lil thang named Tracey. She's doing her thing, playing with the stick like Ovechkin. Slobbin on the knob like some corn on the cob. She was good but she wasn't dynamite and I knew I wasn't gone bust. So what did I do? I made a trade. Grabbed this chick Jessica that had been giving my mans the business and told her to suck and swallow everything. Next thing you know? I came.
See- sometimes in life trades work out for the best. All you needs is a little change of scenery! That's why I know the big homie T-Rich gonna eat and go back for seconds this weekend in San Fran. Bout to throw three hunna on it he gets in the end zone."