Friday, October 4, 2013
Week 5 NFL Picks Column
Last week I teased a story about me getting sick and promised that if all went well at the doctors I would spill the beans in this week's column. Well I'm still breathing, so here goes nothing.
As most of you know I recently moved into New York City. What most of you don't know is that before signing the lease I had to agree to vacate the apartment for the last week in September while my landlord's family visited from Ireland. I got to move in a week early in August in exchange for the week away in September (horrible trade), but since I'm getting a good deal on the spot I figured it wouldn't be a deal breaker.
So I spent last weekend commuting to work from my family's home in Pleasantville, spent Monday into Tuesday crashing on a buddy's couch and Wednesday and Thursday during the day in a spare bedroom at my grandparents apartment in Chelsea.
Now on Wednesday I had started to notice two or three bites on my arm and neck, but like most things that don't pose an immediate, fatal threat to my body I decided to ignore it. Fast forward to the following afternoon and now I'm waking up in a full on panic mode because my entire body (all exposed extremities) is on fire and I have gigantic bug bites (the two worst of which you can see in the above photo of my forearm).
Immediately I start fearing for the worst (bed bugs) and hit up every pharmacy I can find in a ten block radius. None of the ladies I speak with can be certain that it is or isn't bed bugs, so I make a doctors appointment for the morning. But now I've got to go to work and I'm having a panic attack because if it is beg bugs I don't want to be forever known as "that dirty asshole" who brought bed bugs into the office and infected the whole staff. So I show the manager on duty the bites he agrees that I should go home immediately.
So I get home around 11 pm and as a "precautionary measure" my mom makes me take off all my clothes on the back deck (she didn't stick around to watch, you perverts) so I don't contaminate the house. I throw all my clothes in a garbage bag and make a bee line for the shower. Then I popped a couple of benadryl's and slept like a baby.
Went to the dermatologists office the next morning and to my relief discover I wasn't bit by beg bugs. They prescribed me some medicine, which ended up doing the trick, so I'm fine now. But the fact remains its been a week since this all happened and I still have no idea what the fuck bit me. Literally could have happened anytime and by anything.
Fuck bugs (and cheap Irish tourists).
2 Man Weave Anti-Lock Of The Week (1-3) N.E. +1.5
I reverse jixed the shit outta myself last week for my first correct anti-lock pick of the year and I'm looking to keep the momentum going strong this time around with Brady & the boys. They just cut Zach "Goose Egg" Sudfield, which has lead some analysts to speculate that a Gronk return is on the horizon. And Cincinnati just got manhandled by the Browns. This line should swing 5 points in the other direction but I'll GLADLY take the points. Pats in a blowout.
The King's Throne
Keytwitty (13-7) Atl-10, Car -2, Oak +4.5, K.C. -2.5, Bal +3
Watch The Throne
Dough Boy (10-10) NYG -2, St. Lou -11.5, K.C. -2.5, N.E. +1.5, N.O.
Cambo (8-10-2) Den -7.5, Sea -3, N.E. +1.5, S.D. -4.5, N.O.
J Fonts (8-11-1) NYG -2, Det +7, K.C. -2.5, N.E. +1.5, N.O.
Gary (8-11-1) K.C. -2.5, N.E. +1.5, Sea -3, G.B. -7, Oak +4.5
Danye (8-11-1) Jax +11.5, Den -7.5, N.E. +1.5, N.O., Car -2
Chooch (7-13) K.C. -2.5, N.E. +1.5, Sea -3, G.B. -7, Den -7.5
Miggs (6-13-1) N.E. +1.5, S.D. -4.5, Hou +6.5, Indy +3, N.O.
Flem (4-13-3) K.C. -2.5, Sea -3, N.O., S.D. -4.5, Car -2
Obscure Gif of the Week / Have fun trying to figure this out
Keytwitty's Babe of the Week / Rosa Acosta
Random YouTube Video Of The Week That Has Nothing To Do With Football / "Little Wrecking Ball"