Friday, March 29, 2013

Merle Comes Full Circle As The Walking Deads Sets The Stage For It's Season Finale



The penultimate episode of the third season of The Walking Dead went back to their root and did what they do best- zombies and major character deaths. We edged closer to the season finale, where the inevitable showdown between Woodbury and the Prison is set to begin.

The first 30 minutes picked up where the previous three episodes left off, which was mainly just discussions about how to handle the impending war. The two camps have basically been two bros that bump into each other at a club and get into each other’s faces, talking about how they're gonna fuck the other guy up but never throw a punch.

The Prison is in heated debate about what to do with Michonne. Rick is in favor of tying her up and handing her to The Governor, as the issue of morality swings back and forth in his head like a pendulum. Rick goes to talk to Merle about helping to kidnap Michonne, where he finally decides to grow a pair and asks Merle why he's such a dick all the time? Merle doesn't really have a good answer. Same thing with Carol as she plants the idea in Merle's head that it’s not too late to turn over a new leaf.

Merle's idea to become a hero to the prisoners is to kidnap Michonne on his own and bring her to Woodbury. Great timing because this is minutes before Rick decides against his ill-advised plot to handover Michonne. Daryl heads off on his own to stop Merle and make things right and through all of this Rick decides now is the time to end his reign as supreme Ricktator.



On a happier note- Glenn makes his intentions known and asks Herschel for Maggie's hand in marriage, and then he takes some hand from a zombie. He totally jacks this poor walkers wedding ring and I hope he wiped it down with Purell or something before giving it to Maggie.

On the way to Woodbury, Merle stops to try and hotwire a car, setting off an alarm in the process and subjective both him and a handcuffed Michonne to hundreds of dead heads. In the WALKER Texas Ranger moment of the week, which is the moment in an episode where a character pulls Chuck Norris Herculean effort to kill someone, this one goes to Michonne for karate kicking three zombies while her hands are handcuffed and using the tie strings to decapitate another.

They get away relatively unscathed and make their way to Woodbury. On the ride Merle had a change of heart and decides he's going to let Michonne free.



Next Merle decides a plan to take out as many of Woodbury’s elite and it’s a pretty sweet plan at that. He grabs a bottle of whiskey, blasts classic rock with the windows open and then drives it into the barn area while the walkers follow the noise, then quickly runs to a lookout window nearby to watch the madness unfold. The Governor’s guys come out to kill the walkers and one by one Merle picks them off. He would be the best Call of Duty player ever if only he had two hands to hold a controller.

Eventually he gets attacked by a zombie which blows his cover. The Governor ends up coming in and lays the smack down, biting Merle's remaining fingers off in the process. To me that symbolizes that The Governor is just as dangerous, if not more dangerous, than the zombies. He finally puts an end to Merle's reign as most helpful/hurtful dick in the history of TV but shooting him at close range.

Daryl shows up just in time to find Merle enjoying his last meal, which was a dead man’s thigh.  In an emotional moment Daryl pushes walker Merle twice before shooting him and bashing his face in as tears stream down his face. 


You may have noticed from the start of this episode that it was going to be a Merle centric episode, which gave us a good indication that he was going to bite the dust at some point before the finale. This further proves the unwritten rule of TWD that if a semi main character has a larger than normal role in an episode they’re most likely going to die. Also props to Dan for his accurate death odds on Merle. Rest in peace buddy, you and your asholeness will be sorely missed.

The 3rd season ends this Sunday and I expect to see just the tip of the burning zombie pile. The battle will start this week but end when the show returns for its 4th season. Expect a lot of action and intensity that we’ve been waiting for, and be sure to come back next week as I recap the season that was.

-Miggs (@NickMiggs)

Happy G.O.O.D. Friday



Perfect excuse to throw up this gem from Yeezy's G.O.O.D. Fridays mixtape. This was a treadmill favorite of mine back in summer '11. Happy holidays to all who are observing this weekend.

P.S. Has anyone out there actually moved weight using an iPod Nano?


-fresh (@danye33)

2013 MLB Power Rankings (Part 3)

ICYMI- check out Part 1Part 2 of our Power Rankings

10. Baltimore Orioles- A healthy Brian Roberts, for now, and Manny Machado playing for the entire season , along with the addition of Jair Jurrjens to the back end of their rotation alongside that dominant bullpen has me very high on the Orioles this season. The only reason I can think of as to why everyone is overlooking the O’s is due largely to all the one run games they managed to win last season. But this team is for real and I see another winning season along with a probable return to the postseason.

9. Cincinnati Reds- Shin-Soo Choo placed at the top of this lineup could make all the difference for the Reds. He is a big upgrade from Drew Stubbs and will allow Brandon Phillips to settle back into his usual 2 spot. With Joey Votto healthy, this lineup should be much improved from last season. Their bullpen looks as good as ever, especially with recent news that Aroldis Chapman still wants to close as opposed to becoming a starter. Unfortunately, this creates a question at the back end of the rotation. Regardless, I see the Reds taking the NL Central and making it back to the postseason.

8. Texas Rangers- There's no question the Josh Hamilton departure will hurt the Rangers offense. However, their lineup is still as potent as ever. Lance Berkman will attempt to fill the void left by Hamilton. The Rangers got a huge upgrade at the catcher position with the addition of AJ Pierzynski. Another addition, Joakim Soria, really gives the Rangers a great back-end of the bullpen. The question for the Rangers will be the depth of their rotation. With Neftali Feliz likely out for a while and Colby Lewis likely starting the season on the DL, will the starting pitching hold up? I think the Rangers are going to be just fine due in largly impart to that lethal lineup.


7. Toronto Blue Jays- Unquestionably the most talked about this team this offseason is Blue Jays. Acquiring essentially all the Marlins big acquisitions from last season plus Josh Johnson. The Jays also added CY Young winner RA Dickey, seemingly giving them the best rotation in baseball. But I am not sold. RA Dickey hasn’t faced offenses like this on a consistent basis. Additionally, I am not too high on the latter part of the order for the Jays. I still feel they are the best team in the AL Eastm but with all the hype and added pressure, I can easily see Toronto flopping this summer.

6. Atlanta Braves- Well, the Braves certainly addressed the glaring flaw from last season adding not one, but both Upton brothers. Not only are they major upgrades to the lineup, but both are stout defensively and give the Braves the best outfield in the NL. They have a solid rotation and the best bullpen in the entire league to boot. Mix these ingredients together and you have yourself a playoff team that will make some noise in October.

5. Los Angeles Angels- WOW! What a lineup. Trout, Hamilton, Pujols, Trumbo. Each one of them can be a .300, 30, 100 batters. Needless to say, pitchers will not be happy to face the Angels. L.A. did lose two key starters in Zack Greinke and Ervin Santana, though they're replacing them with Tommy Hanson and Jason Vargas, two quality starters. The only question is the Angels bullpen. If they can maintain leads at the end of games this team will be a threat to win the World Series.

4. Los Angeles Dodgers- When Carl Crawford and Zack Greinke get back to 100% health, this team will be scary good. Not one, but two aces now atop the rotation. Finally, Matt Kemp and Andre Either have other pieces to give them help in the forms of Adrian Gonzalez and Hanley Ramirez. The Dodgers also have a solid bullpen. As long as they stay healthy I see them cruising to the NL West title and then anything goes in October.

3. Detroit Tigers- The Tigers made it to the World Series last season and got swept by the Giants. So what do they do, they add seasoned vet Torii Hunter to the mix and get Victor Martinez back, bolstering a lineup that already has Triple Crown winner Miguel Cabrera. The Tigers still have one of the best 3-man rotations in the game. However, the Tigers did not resign closer Jose Valverde, leaving them with a glaring void. All in all I see the Tigers battling it out in October for a possible return to The Show.

2. Washington Nationals- Additions of Dan Haren and Rafael Soriano make the Nats pitching undoubtedly the best in all of baseball. Bryce Harper has some experience under his belt now, paired with Ryan Zimmerman and company the Nats have a formidable lineup to go with that daunted pitching. Great news, Stephen Strasburg won’t be on any innings count so this team will be strong contenders to take the NL crown and possibly win it all if all goes according to plan.


1. San Francisco Giants- Well, the number one spot goes to the Giants for simple reasoning and that is, “what have you done for me lately”. What they have done is won two out of the last three World Series titles. Bringing everyone back from their championship run made it even easier to slate them here. The Giants
formula to success will be much the same as last season, pitching and timely hitting. Hunter Pence being there the entire season will help on the offensive side. Provided no injuries, this team will be right back to the postseason where their pitching will take over and with that rotation, watch out.

-Palaz

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Chris Paul + Blake Griffin = Aaron Gordon



Aaron Gordon doesn't have legs, he has pogo sticks.

The 6'8 power forward from the bay area just put the finishing touches on a stellar high school career that saw him win two Division II state championships en route to becoming a top 5 player in the class of '13. He averaged a ridiculous 21.5 points, 16.5 rebounds, 3.5 blocks and 3.7 assists per game as a senior, and is widely regarded as the best basketball product to ever come out of Northern California. 

His posterizing dunks would make Vince Carter proud, and he whips the balls around like a stretched out CP3. Gordon is said to be waiting until April's McDonald's All-American game to announce his decision for next year, but it's rumored that he will be choosing between Arizona, Washington and Kentucky. 

Though judging by his highlight tape, he may be better off at Florida Gulf Coast

-fresh (@danye33)

Fresh Take Mailbag, Vol. 2


Welcome back guys- this week we're getting a fresh take on vaginal odors, annoying co-workers, first dates in the woods and much, much more. As always, please continue to submit questions for the mailbag via e-mail (dan.chiavetta@gmail.com), tweet (@danye33), text or on the 2 Man Weave's facebook page. Remember- no topic is off limits!

And now, your questions!

How do you take a girl on a camping date when you just met her?
-Mac

The quick answer is that you don't take a girl on a camping date when you just met her. That is, of course, assuming that the tent you're talking about pitching isn't in your shorts- HEY-OOOOOOOOO!

But in all seriousness, camping as a first date is an awful idea. You're going to be confined to small corridors, with no access to simple luxuries like running water, toilets, refrigerators and beds. Not to mention the fact that, well, bears are a real thing, and on the off chance that a hungry one runs into you, you might get eaten to death.

Granted, I've been off the market for a while now, but in my prior dating experiences I used to like to go on a few dates before setting up shop in a 8x6 tent with some girl who just dropped heat in a hand dug hole a few feet away from where I'm laying my head. In theory camping should be fun- you get drunk around the fire, tell scary stories and roast marshmallows, but in reality its just two people having uncushioned sex on dirt, sleeping with one eye open and waking up with a sore neck.

Pretty much every reason why you should never go camping on a first date, or ever, can be explained in this Jim Gaffigan clip.



After seeing all these promos for Spring Breakers every where I look, it further highlighted the fact that I've never been on spring break and I honestly feel like I've missed out on somewhat of a right of passage. What's your thought on this tradition, and have you ever had a classic college MTV Spring Break moment? If so, would you care to tell us some stories from yesteryear?
-Nick Van Sexel

Ahh Spring Break, also known as "every father's worst nightmare". I was lucky enough to attend three in my day (Bahamas '06, Dominican Republic '07 and Panama City '08) and although each experience was incredibly different, they're all basically the same thing- a week's vacation from your normal life, with no inhibitions, no rules and tons of alcohol, all the while surrounded by friends along with thousands of other kids your age.

You'd be surprised how much you learn about yourself and others while shitfaced on the beach for seven consecutive nights. You get to meet people from all walks of life with backgrounds so different from your own. It's an eye opening experience that'll provide you with enough stories to retell for the rest of your life. I don't mean to make you feel any worse about not going Nick the Quick, but if you're reading this now and are between the ages of 18-22, make it happen. You won't regret it.

As for some classic stories from my past experiences, many of them are either NSFFE (not safe for future employers) or inside jokes that you would only be able to truly appreciate if you were there.

However, I will leave you with this cautionary tale- when I was 18 I went to D.R. for SB with one of my best friends from home and his boy from college. One night we end up meeting these two girls from Canada at the club at the resort and get to talking. They were super pretty and after a few drinks we start dancing. The one girl who I was talking to ends up telling me that she's 25 and used to be a cheerleader for the Calgary Stampeders of the Canadian Football League. I tell her I'm 21 (but turning 22 soon!) and we end up spending the rest of the night making out on the beach.

Well the other girl ends up going back to the room with my friend's friend, who ends up cheating on his girlfriend and having sex with this Canadian girl.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later and my friend and his boy are back at school living the good life, only it turns out his friend ended up getting chlamydia from his Canadian chick. Apparently it can take a couple of weeks for the symptoms to start to show once you've been infected, and by that time the kid had already passed it on to his girlfriend, who then cheated on him as well and passed it on to another guy in my friend's frat.

As for my girl, she friended me on Facebook right when she got home, and within a day of accepting her friend request sent me a message saying "Umm....maybe correct me if I'm wrong....lol...but uh ya...graduating in 2006 doesn't exactly add up to being 21."

Moral of the story- Go on Spring Break, karma is real.

If you could write for any online sports site, which one would it be? And why?
-Twitty

Rank the best national sports blogs.
-John

Since these questions are pretty similar I decided to combine them into one. Naturally I would only want to write for sites that I enjoy reading, so with that being said I would have to go with Deadspin, Grantland, Kissing Suzy Kolber, The Basketball Jones or Ball Don't Lie (Yahoo!'s basketball blog). 

It should be noted that I debated not answering this question and instead just creating a 50 page slide show about why I would never want to write for Bleacher Report. 



Does Coors Light really make girl's vaginas smell?
-Mr. Bubbles

According to Yahoo! answers (so please take with a grain of salt) yes, it actually does! Though the Silver Bullet is by no means the only kind of beer that yields these results, it is funny that they are the brand that most typically gets thrown into question whenever this query comes up. Apparently it has to do with enzymes in the vagina reacting poorly with the yeast in the beer.

If this is a problem for you than I suggest you switch to wine or liquor when buying beverages for your lady. 

Either way, I'd rather smell 100 Coors Light vagina's than one Kardashian vagina


You're a Mets fan if I'm not mistaken, but I was curious as to what you believe the AL East will look like by the end of the 2013 season after the blockbuster trade the Jays made. As a Jays fan, I consider them to be the #1 team out of the 5 (especially with the Texeira injury), but I'd like to get a New Yorker's perspective!
-Dan C

I'm not ready to write off the Yankees quite yet. Sure, they're severely banged up on offense, but they have some speed guys like Ichiro and Gardner who will be getting on base early and often and you can't minimize the threat that Robby Cano posses every time he steps to the plate, especially in a contract year. And with C.C., Andy, Kuroda and a healthy Mo to close out games, runs are going to be hard to come by for opposing teams.

As a Jays fan you have every right to have high hopes heading into this season, but the fact remains that many of these guys they brought in (Reyes, Buehrle, Johnson) were part of the great Miami hype machine last year and that experiment failed miserably. Dickey is a gem to root for, and playing indoors for the majority of his starts will only help his knuckleball move. But this is the AL East after all, and there's no such thing as an easy win in this division. If I were you I would be cautiously optimistic, but you can expect to be playing some meaningful games come Septerber, and as a fan you can't ask for anything more than that.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
-Marco

Not sure if Tootsie Pops are what Lil Kim and Sisqo were talking about when they recorded "How Many Licks" back in 2000, but maybe your answer lies somewhere in that song. 

Will the Tribe return to 90's form with their recent spending?
-Mac

According to the Weave's lead baseball writer Joe Palazzo, no, they will not. Joe has them ranked 22nd out of the league's 30 teams. Here's what he has to say about the Tribe's chances in 2013-
The Indians are another one of those teams with a legitimate lineup but no pitching at all. I love the additions of Michael Bourn and Nick Swisher, which should help not only offensively but defensively as well. Having said that, their lack of moves in their rotation is going to hurt them. Unless Masterson and Jimenez turn it around the Indians won’t be making much noise this season. 
They did, however, make a great Harlem Shake video.

MJ, Scottie and Ron Harper playing cards midflight

What 30 for 30 subject are they missing?
-Kevin

First off I'd like to give props to Bill Simmons and the folks over in the ESPN docs department who have really done a great job bringing some of the most important sports stories of the past fifty years to life. It doesn't matter if it's a topic I knew nothing about like Ben Wilson or a story I thought I was already familiar with like Ricky William's battle with mental illness/weed addiction, you always walk away from those movies with incredible insight and the production value is top notch.

The beautiful thing about sports is that the players we both love and loath are just everyday people like you and I, meaning they all have personalities, flaws and background stories that could provide us with a never ending possibility of documentaries to touch on. With that being said, here's a few players, teams and topics that I would love to see them dive into moving forward.
  • Gambling in the NBA
  • The Miracle Mets of '86
  • Lawrence Taylor 
  • The Bison Dele murder
  • The Kermit Washington/Rudy Tomjanovich punch
  • Malice at the Palace 
  • Sam Hurd  
  • Dajuan Wagner's 100 point game
  • That Red Wings limo crash of 1997
  • Rehab: a closer look at how players come back from injuries
Also, anything that includes testimonials and first hand stories from MJ, Barkley or Oakley would be welcomed into my DVR with open arms

If you could be any kitchen utensil what utensil would you be and why?
-Gerald

Spork, because I like to spoon after I fork. 

So I’m walking out of my cubicle area at my sales job this morning and I run into this little squirrely guy I work with who always gives me a hard time. Usually it's just good natured ribbing, but sometimes he just gets a little too into it, especially like with touching me and ish. He asks me where I’m going, and I tell him that I'm on my way to the bathroom. As I'm telling him this, he marks down a little tally on to a sheet of paper and I now notice that he's been keeping a tally of whenever I leave my desk. He marked down the three times since I got here at 8:30 that I left my work space and walked around. He noticed I caught him making the tally and he tells me he does it to keep himself occupied, and that because I leave my desk so much it seems to him that I spend more time away from my desk than at it.

Mind you this guy is not an authority figure of mine.

I could care less about what he thinks of me personally, but now that I know what's been going on I can't help but feel like I'm being watched now and can't leave my desk out of embarrassment. I'm feeling multiple feelings of distrust, anger and confusion and I want to lay the smack down on his candy ass. What should I do?
-Not safe in Office Space

I'd say filing a report with human resources would be a good start...

However, there are other options to take if you don't want to go that route, but first I have a few questions for you. Most importantly, what do you mean by "touching and ish"? Where exactly is this man touching you? I know you said it's all "good natured ribbing" and that he's a "squirrely" guy, but regardless of what sex the person in question is the "no touch policy" should be implemented to the fullest extent the second you enter the office.

Putting the petting in the backseat, we can now get to the issue of this man-who-is-not-your-boss monitoring your bathroom use. It's creepy on so many levels, and his intent/motive behind his note taking would determine my next course of action.

If he was keeping tabs out of boredom, then I guess you let it slide and chalk it up him truly having nothing better to do. I still wouldn't buy it though because I'm assuming your office has internet connection, therefore you should never be bored enough to tally your coworker's bowel movements.

But if he was doing this to make a mockery of you, either to other employees, or worse, your bosses, then I think you need to sit him down face to face and give him a piece of your mind. Tell him you don't appreciate his intrusiveness and that if he keeps it up you're gonna inform his higher ups.

Then proceed to drop trou and leave him with some homemade Hershey's on his keyboard.

Tally that, bitch.

-fresh (@danye33)

Great Moments In Unfriended History, Vol. 13


Pics or GTFO

Have an annoying "friend" taking up space on your newsfeed? Screen shot his or her status and send it my way to dan.chiavetta@gmail.com.

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

2013 MLB Power Rankings (Part 2)

To check out Part 1 of our Power Rankings, click here

20. Chicago White Sox- A team that is consistently in the middle of the pack, the White Sox find themselves a little further down the ladder this season. AJ Pierzynski’s departure not only hurts their lineup but he was the team’s heart and soul. Not to mention he called the games from the behind the plate. These duties now belong to an inexperienced Tyler Flowers. Another question will be whether or not Alex Rios and Chris Sale can repeat last season’s performance. I feel way more confident in Chris Sale than Alex Rios, who has continuously failed to live up to his potential. With the division getting stronger, I see the White Sox floundering this season.

19. Milwaukee Brewers- While the Brewers offense still has some pop, it has sorely missed the big man in the middle, Prince Fielder. The question will be can the bullpen hold up as well as the rotation and remain consistent throughout the whole season? A highly touted prospect, Wily Peralta, is set to join the Brewers starting rotation this season giving them a big boost and potential ace. If the bullpen is solid the Brewers will have a decent showing, but I don’t expect much more than that.

18. Arizona Diamondbacks- The D-Backs suffered a major setback when young star, Justin Upton, joined his brother in Atlanta this offseason. Cody Ross will be Upton’s replacement, and although he is very capable, he does not have Upton’s 5-tool ability. But all is not lost; they still possess a very deep and potent lineup. They have a very good bullpen but the questions arise from their rotation. They have very capable arms but am not sure they can live up to there potential.


17. New York Yankees- It’s been a rough start to the spring for the Yanks. Losing Granderson and Tex for extended periods of time will really hurt them especially with the lack of off-season moves. However, one off-season move I do like is Kevin Youkilis, whose experience and versatility really help out the depleted lineup. The starting five will be key for the Yanks this season for them to have any hope in getting back to the postseason. If they can keep them afloat while they get healthy bodies back, they will be contending in the latter part of the season. Though I fear that all the injuries to their key players may be too much to overcome in a fierce division. Note: I could mention A-Rod but I fucking hate him, officially the worst re-signing in Yankee history.

16. Oakland Athletics- Talk about Money Ball, this team came out of nowhere to win the AL West, and on the final day of the season no less. I loved the acquisition of Josh Reddick as well as the signing of Yoenis Cespedes last season. Also, the two young guns, Milone and Parker, really proved themselves last summer. With their '12 team pretty much intact, along with the addition of Japanese star Hiroyuki Nakajima, its tough to count them out of the playoff hunt. I think they’ll still be a tough team, but I am not sure if they can be a contender this season.

15. Philadelphia Phillies- Injuries were the story for the Phillies last season as Halladay, Utley, and Howard all missed major time. This season everyone is coming back healthy and the Fightin Phils’ can do just that, fight and try to contend in the NL East. However, a rocky start to the spring for Roy Halladay has many worried that his better days are behind him. Furthermore, Chase Utley’s health is always a concern. The Phils’ took some key pieces from the Rangers, Michael Young and Mike Adams, which should help in the lineup and the bullpen. If the Phillies stay healthy, they’ll be contenders this season but that is a big IF.


14. Boston Red Sox- The most scrutinized team from opening day last season were the Red Sox. Bobby Valentine was hired to change the perception of the team, leading to even more disorder and chaos, which was evident in their play all season. 2013 presents Boston with a new team, new manager, and former pitching coach, John Farrell. All reports show a happier, and just as important, healthy team. The Red Sox don’t have their usual top-to-bottom juggernaut lineup and their rotation depth is slim, but I feel they have the best bullpen in the AL and can make up for those short comings in the rotation. Watch out for Boston this season in a brutal AL East.

13. St. Louis Cardinals- The Cardinals enter the season having already lost two key players in Chris Carpenter and Rafael Furcal. But the Cards still possess a very good lineup and have two great pitchers atop their rotation. The depth of the Cards’ bullpen will be key for them this season. But those two pieces will be sorely missed and could end up costing them a playoff berth.


12. Tampa Bay Rays- Forget the Blue Jays, the best rotation in the AL still goes to the Rays even with the departure of James Shields. The biggest loss however is BJ Upton, whose 5-tool talent will be missed in field and even more so in their lineup, which was already thin to begin with. Hopefully Evan Longoria can stay healthy and the Rays seem to find guys to pickup the slack but in a tough division, they’ll need to rely heavily on their young arms.

11. Kansas City Royals- What an offseason for the Royals, who added three high caliber starting pitchers making them a team to lookout for. James Shields, the biggest signing, will lead a now impressive starting rotation for the Royals, who also have a potent offense littered with young talent. If Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer can get their averages up, this team will be serious contenders and with the extra Wild Card, could get back into the playoffs for the first time since they won it all in 1985.

-Palaz

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Beast Mode Goes Back To School, But Who Should Join Him?


If given the opportunity, chances are most people would love to go back to college and relive their glory days one more time. But for most people, that’s just a pipe dream.

Luckily for All-Pro running back Marshawn Lynch, he’s not most people.


Lynch laced up his neon green cleats and hit the turf Saturday, participating in Cal’s annual spring football game. Donning his old college number (#10), Beast Mode zigged and zagged his way 22 yards into the end zone on his lone carry, something he did 35 times in his three seasons in Berkley.

Seeing Marshawn pass the pylons in his old college digs got me to thinking about what other Pro (or soon to be Pro) players could benefit from another spring game at their alma mater. Here’s what the Weave came up with.


Reggie Bush, Running Back, USC

Reggie won, and was subsequently was stripped of, the 2005 Heisman trophy as a junior at USC. He had an electric career at So Cal that coincided with the birth of YouTube and other convenient media players, making Bush’s highlight reel mandatory viewing on a weekly basis. He was selected 2nd overall in the 2006 draft, and despite signing multiple post-rookie contracts, most recently with the Detroit Lions, his NFL career hasn’t quite panned out the way fans expected it too. He’s averaging 4.3 YPC in the pros, which is less than half of what he averaged as a junior at USC (8.7). His 42 collegiate touchdowns in three years also trumps the 29 touchdowns he’s scored in his seven NFL seasons, and perhaps another game in the cardinal and gold could help him gain some of his swagger back.


Tim Tebow, Quarterback, Florida

Tebow is arguably the greatest college football player of all time. He won two national titles during his tenure as a Gator, and became the first sophomore ever to win the Heisman trophy. He holds the SEC season rushing touchdown record  (23) and total touchdown record (55) for his ’07 campaign, and is the conference’s all time leader in passing efficiency, completion percentage and touchdown to interception ratio.

Unfortunately, his success in the NFL was short lived, and after winning a playoff game for the Broncos in ’11, rode the pine for the piss poor New York Jets a season ago, attempting only eight passes in limited opportunities.

At just 25 years of age, there’s no reason to believe that Tebow can’t bounce back and have a successful NFL career, and what better way to regain his confidence than in front of 90,000 screaming fans in Gainesville?


Manti Te’O, Line Backer, Notre Dame

The Heisman runner up enjoyed an incredible career at South Bend that saw him rack up insane tackle totals, take home lots of hardware and shoot up most mock draft boards. But after a lack luster title game performance that saw Te’O rack up just three solo tackles in the Irish’s 42-14 loss to Alabama, many people started to question if Manti had what it takes to succeed at the next level. Then came the catfish controversy and now all of a sudden a once sure fire top 5 pick has seen his stock plummet like Enron. A dominating performance in the Notre Dame spring game would surely leave a better taste in future employers mouths than the Bama beatdown.


Vince Young, Quarterback, Texas

Vince put up a performance for the ages when he upset Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart’s #1 ranked USC team for the National Title in the 2006 Rose Bowl. Young combined for over 460 total yards of offense in the game, including the go ahead rushing touchdown on a 4th and 5 from the 9 with just 19 seconds remaining, forever immortalizing his standing at the university. Which is why it’s no surprise that after getting cut from the Titans, Eagles and Bills, Vince has found himself back in Austin. The 29 year quarterback was spotted taking classes there this winter and is set to participate in the school’s Pro Day this week to try to show that he’s not washed up. At this point he might as well just use his final year of eligibility and take over under center for the Long Horns. After going 5-4 in the Big 12 last year, the program has nowhere to go but up.


Rob Gronkowski, Tight End, Arizona State

Gronk doesn’t need the practice, but who are we kidding, this guy would never turn down a chance to be surrounded by bikini clad coeds again.  

-fresh (@danye33)

Monday, March 25, 2013

2013 MLB Power Rankings (Part 1)


30. Houston Astros- Let me be one of the first to welcome the Astros to the American League. Having said that, it will probably be one of the nicer things they hear for the next 6 months. The Astros' lineup is comprised mostly of young, unproven talent, with the exception of Jose Altuve who appears to be a budding star in the league. The addition of Carlos Pena should replace the power lost when Carlos Lee was dealt last year. Their pitching staff has a perfect game on their resume but that is about the only thing they have going for them. In the tough AL West, all signs point to another 100-loss season for Houston.

29. Miami Marlins- Well Mr. Loria you really fucked this one up. With all the hype coming into the 2012 season, new name, new coach, even a seemingly brand new team could not help the Marlins. On the field, the team struggled and were unable to sustain win streaks let alone snap out of month long slumps. Off the field, Ozzie Guillen showing his public affection for his idol Fidel Castro really brought the Cuban exile fan base to the stadium… to protest. Ultimately, Miami’s remodeling was a complete and utter disaster. The stadium drew the fewest fans at a First-Year ballpark in three decades causing the team to quickly divorce from all of their big signings, leaving Giancarlo Stanton by himself, where he expressed his disappointment publicly via twitter. This year’s team will not pose much of a threat to anyone and will be in rebuilding mode for years to come.

28. Minnesota Twins- From perennial contender to perennial pretender, the Twins drop off has been substantial to say the least. While their offense remains a viable threat, with the M & M boys paired with Josh Willingham and Ryan Doumit, their pitching is simply abysmal. Even with the brilliant managerial skills of Ron Gardenhire, I feel the Twins are going to struggle mightily due to their lack of starting and relief pitching this year.


27. Colorado Rockies- The Rockies are the NL’s version of the Minnesota Twins. By that I mean they have a very capable offense, anchored by CarGO and Tulowitzki, but their lack of pitching will inhibit winning on a consistent basis. Making it more difficult is the division they play in which is littered with good pitching, their offense will be shut down too often to carry the load.

26. New York Mets- Boy the Mets just can’t catch a break. Not only did they lose CY Young winner R.A Dickey, but they are in one of the toughest divisions in baseball that got even better this offseason. The Mets sorely needed another big bat in this lineup to protect David Wright and Ike Davis and failed to grab one this offseason. While the addition of Shaun Marcum should serve as an adequate replacement for Dickey, the Mets lack of offense will be the focal point for their struggles this season.

25. San Diego Padres- Every year it seems like the Padres have young talent with a lot of potential on offense. This year is no different including another talented young prospect in second baseman, Jedd Gyorko, who absolutely tore it up in triple-A last season. But I don’t feel Chase Headley will put up those kind of numbers again and you can’t bank on Yonder Alonso and Everth Cabrera to continue their maturation as big league hitters. Furthermore, the Padres starting five, which has always been stout, does not seem to be intimidating passed ace Edinson Volquez. Even with the very good bullpen, I believe the Padres will have a tough time in the NL once again as their prospects continue to develop.


24. Chicago Cubs- Chicago is starting to get better and better under Theo Epstein. Their two young stars, Starling Castro and Anthony Rizzo, are great centerpieces to build around. I really like the addition of Nate Schierholtz adding more depth to the lineup. Another addition, Edwin Jackson, paired with Samardzija and Garza give them a solid top of the rotation with a good back end of the bullpen. Overall, I don’t see the Cubs doing much this season but they could surprise people if they’re hitting comes around.

23. Pittsburgh Pirates- Last year the Pirates were one of the surprise teams that jumped out to a hot start. But they were unable to sustain the streak and quickly dropped from contention after the All-Star break. They have one of the biggest stars in the league in Andrew McCutchen and have another talented young
prospect in Sterling Marte. But there aren’t enough pieces to win consistently. Moreover, AJ Burnett won’t be as good as he was last season. Losing Joel Hanrahan was a big blow to the Pirates and I see Pittsburgh being consistently inconsistent and ultimately finishing near the bottom of the NL.

22. Cleveland Indians- The Indians are another one of those teams with a legitimate lineup but no pitching at all. I love the additions of Michael Bourn and Nick Swisher, which should help not only offensively but defensively as well. Having said that, their lack of moves in their rotation is going to hurt them. Unless Masterson and Jimenez turn it around the Indians won’t be making much noise this season. Note: If you haven’t already seen the Indians “Harlem Shake” video please do yourself a favor and watch it, it's my favorite version of the shake, hands down.



21. Seattle Mariners- I love what the Mariners have done this offseason. Adding veteran hitters Kendrys Morales and Michael Morse and putting them along side young studs Dustin Ackley, Kyle Seager, and Jesus Montero they can really cause some damage with that lineup. Again, it comes back to pitching. After King
Felix, there just isn’t enough depth to allow Seattle to compete on a daily basis. They’ll be better but won’t be able to contend this season.

-Palaz

March Madness Opening Weekend Recap


Mr. Steal-Yo-Ball- Louisville

The Cardinals have cruised their way into the Sweet 16, winning games by 31 and 26 points in rounds 1 and 2 respectively. But don't let their high point totals fool you, this team has been getting the job done with their defense. Louisville set an NCAA tournament record with 20 steals (8 of them from Russ Smith) to go along with 67 deflections in their blowout of North Carolina A&T Thursday afternoon. They've yet to be tested, but that could change quickly when they face off against the high flying Oregon Ducks later on in the week. 

2k For The Blue Devils

Duke’s 66-50 victory over Creighton last night will send the Blue Devil’s to the Sweet 16 for the 27th time, but it was also the program’s 2,000th win. They join the Kentucky Wildcats, Kansas Jayhawks and North Carolina Tar Heel’s as the only division one men’s teams to reach that milestone.

Hustle Real Hard, Hustle Hustle Real Hard- Mitch McGary, Michigan



Mitch McGary did it all for Michigan, including going 10 of 11 from the field in the Wolverines’ 25 point win over VCU Saturday.  The freshman set new career highs in points (21) and rebounds (14), grabbed every loose ball and set a handful of Earth shattering picks that freed up his teammates for open looks. This is Michigan’s first Sweet 16 appearance since the days of the Fab Five.

Cold As Ice- Aaron Craft, Ohio State



The Junior point guard overcame a handful of costly misses and fouls in the closing minutes of Ohio State’s second round showdown versus Iowa State, but rose to the occasion when the Buckeyes needed him most. Tied 75 all with just under 30 seconds remaining, Craft causally dribbled in place above the 3 point line for close to 25 seconds, just waiting for the perfect time to strike. After taking two hard dribbles towards the hoop to get freshman Georges Niang on his feet, Craft pulled up and sank the game winning 3 with just .2 seconds remaining.

If The Shoe Fits.. 

Wichita State "upset" #1 seed Gonzaga 76-70 to advance to the Sweet 16. Oregon, who inexplicably got seeded 12th despite winning the Pac 12 conference tournament, has looked unbeatable early with blowout victories over Oklahoma State and St. Louis. La Salle continued their improbable tourney run, having now one three games in the past week including a game winning shot from Tyrone Garland with 2.4 seconds remaining last night to eliminate America's favorite sociopath, Marshall Henderson, and the Ole Miss Runnin' Rebels.



And last, but certainly not least, DUNK CITY! Florida Gulf Coast University (est. 1991) upset #2 seed Georgetown and #7 seed San Diego State, en route to becoming the first ever #15 seed to advance to the Sweet 16. They'll face off against UF in the battle for Florida bragging rights Friday.

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, March 22, 2013

Amanda Bynes Doesn't Like To Play Hard To Get


Not much subtext to add here, other than the fact that apparently Bynes wants Drizzy to pillage her lady parts. However, it should be noted that Amanda does has dermal piercings, so everything she says should automatically be taken with a grain of salt.

P.S. If I were Drake I would be wind sprinting out of my condo to get to her A$AP Rocky. That's on some Godfather shit- an offer you can't refuse.


-fresh (@danye33)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Realllly Liked "The Catcher In The Rye" As A Child



The above video shows a giddy, 16 year old, JGL correctly answering Alex Trebek's question on Celebrity Jeopardy all the way back in 1997. The $400 question was "Holden Caulfield, the hero of this Salinger novel, hates movies, phonies & his classmate Ernest Morrow", to which "Joey" energetically answered "The Catcher In The Rye". He also noted that, like pretty much every other teenager, it was his favorite book.

Gordon-Levitt was competing against Kirsten Dunst and Benjamin Salisbury in the episode from which this clip was taken. 

-fresh (@danye33)

TV's Longest Game Of Cat And Mouse Ends In A Torture Chamber- It's Your Walking Dead Recap With Miggs



This week The Governor revealed that his favorite singing group is TLC because boy did this guy Creep. He really showed off how sadistic and crazy he can be in the Woodbury-centric episode. His men are preparing for war and Andrea wants out. Tyrese goes beast mode and Milton grows some fuzz on his peaches and (kind of) stands up for what’s right. Plus a cat and mouse game for the ages! It was a wild one in Woodbury, and we’ll dive into all the gory details below.

If I had to guess what kind of furniture the Governor had in an abandon shed, it would probably be a torture chair and chains. He is a combination of Hannibal Lector and Slick Rick (only because of the eye patch). I love that I now get a guttural reaction when I see The Governor, I fear him. The Governor is doing a hell of a job of playing sadistic one minute and then a clear headed leader to the people of Woodbury the next. I don’t think the writers and actor David Morrissey could have done a better job portraying how bad of a man The Governor is in the novel (Ed Note: rape?). Mind you they’re doing this all on cable TV, if you’ve read the novels you understand how graphic and brutal the Governor is and you also understand that you probably can’t show a lot of it on TV (Ed Note: thanks for clarifying!). So without actually seeing him doing bad things you still get the feeling that he is a really bad guy. The Governor is clearly preparing something terrible in hopes he gets his hands on Michonne.

Speaking of Michonne, they started this week’s episode off by showing a flashback of Andrea and Michonne while they were fending for their lives on the road. I think the reason they did this was to show two things, one being that the time they spent together really does mean a lot to Andrea and secondly it foreshadowed that one of them was going to end up in chains just like Michonne’s zombie pets. This is one thing that I feel like the writers have been missing for a little while now, there seems to be no more flashbacks to explain characters back stories and such. It was such an effective tool for the first two seasons and if you noticed like I did it has been absent much of the third season. Hopefully this they’ll start using this tool more often.


If you read our discussion from last week, you would have seen that my choice as a character that is going to switch sides during the battle between the prison and Woodbury was Milton. Little by little he’s spurning the Governors plan’s and he took a big step this week into standing up for himself. First he revealed the Governors plans to Andrea, causing her to nearly shoot him. But then ends up preventing her from going through with it. The only issue I have with Milty is that he is the worst liar in the world. He caves worse than origami in a rain storm, meaning any time The Governor puts a little pressure on him he totally gives away any secret he was trying to keep. I see this ending one of two ways for Milton- either The Governor kills him or he leaves to help the prisoners.

Andrea sets out to get to the prison before The Governor finds out, and on her way out the door (fence) warns Tyrese about how dangerous The Governor is. Andrea gets about five feet out of Woodbury before The Governor figures out what her plans are, thanks to Milton’s blabber mouth and with that the cat and mouse game which consumed 75% of the episode begins. A few minutes in TV time later we see Andrea out run the Governor’s car and eventually they both end up in an abandoned warehouse.

The Governor is more relentless than the liquid Terminator and he won’t stop until he creeps everyone out. The Governor plays a slow moving snake waiting to attack, as Andrea plays the quiet mouse trying to weave in and out of danger that lurks around every corner. This game lasts a good 30 minutes of the show before Andrea finally escapes using a huge zombie horde as a diversion. I thought she was going to get to the prison scott free, but I was wrong. Right as she’s about to scream out for Ricks help, she gets snatched up by the old One Eyed Bandit.

The Governor then sneaks Andrea back into Woodbury without telling a soul. He’s then confronted news that someone torched the zombie pit, and believes that it was a frustrated Tyrese. He gives Tyrese a schpeel about how its only used for scare tactics and Tyrese buys it. How can anyone trust this guy. As he’s leaving he figures out that Tyrese has nothing to do with the fire and it was his once loyal right hand man Milton. WAY TO GO MILTY.



The show ends with Andrea strapped to a torture chair waiting for whatever The Governor has in store for her. Which just goes to show that no matter how much you may like someone, it doesn’t take much for them to go crazy and hold you against your will during a zombie apocalypse. It also drives home the point that you can’t let your personal feelings stop you from doing what necessary.

Next week I’m sure we’re going to see how the prison is gearing up for the battle, with the last five minutes leaving us starved for the much anticipated duel between camps. Will Andrea get saved? Will Tyrese switch camps? Will Milton learn how to tell a lie? Come back next week to find out.

-Miggs (@NickMiggs)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Guest Blog- Gary Power Ranks The Top 5 Cookies


5. Snickerdoodles

They have the name "snicker" in it and Snickers are the best candy bar ever. This is science.


4. Pepperidge Farm Milano 

You gotta just open the bag and eat the whole thing in one sitting. This is America, that's a law.



3. Chocolate Chip

I like chocolate chip but I don't really eat them anymore because when I was a kid it's all my mom ever made so I've had them a bunch. Overrated cookie. Like the Kobe Bryant of cookies really.


2. "These Things" (Ed Note: They're called 7 Layer Cookies)

I don't even know what these are called. You ever go to your grandmas house and she buys those assorted cookies? Bunch of different pastries and whatnot. You don't wanna fuck with any other cookie but these.


1. Oatmeal Raisin 

Oatmeal is a complex carb. Can you explain oatmeal? Nope, too complex. Don't even try, you can't.


-Gary (@LeBronaldReagan)

This blog was in response to Keytwitty's Top 5 Cookie post from yesterday. 

Am I Smarter Than A 6th Grader? Apparently Not


Last night I came home from work to find that my dad had filled out his bracket the same old school way that he always does it, on a pullout from the New York Post. I too had a copy of my (printed) bracket with me and began comparing picks. My 11 year old sister, Ava, was also sitting at the kitchen table with us as we munched on chicken nuggets and fish sticks, and I asked her if she would like to fill out a bracket. 

At first she said didn't want to and tried escaping to the living room to watch the Knicks game and (presumably) listen to One Direction. But I wasn't going to let her get away that easy. After some short big brother convincing I had her all set up with a bracket and a pen and began explaining how to fill one out and what the seedings meant. Before long she was actually into it, and even though some of her reasoning's were a little shaky (Which team is closer to England, the home land of the majority of the members of the aforementioned 1D- New Mexico or Michigan?) she ended up doing a fine job. Another big dilemma she had was who to pick when LOUISville played St. LOUis (the love of her life is Louis Tomlinson). 

When it came time to compare the final results I was shocked to find that both she and I had not only picked the same championship matchup (Indiana vs. Michigan State), but both had IU winning it all! Here's a kid  who hadn't watched one second of college hoops all year, yet she predicted the exact same outcome as me.  

So am I starter than a 6th grader? Apparently not. 

But when it comes to filling out bubbles in March Madness, no one is.


-fresh (@danye33)

The Inaugural Fresh Take Mailbag


Hey guys, and welcome to the first ever Fresh Take Mailbag. We got some great submissions this week, and today we're going to be talking about Facebook Official relationships, moving home after college, which color cheese is superior and much, much more. Just a friendly reminder to please continue to e-mail me questions at dan.chiavetta@gmail.com so we can keep this column up and running! Remember- no topic is too taboo for the Weave, so don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly.

And now, your questions!

Why hasn't some tech company (Google) created a bracket format that can be imported into all of the other sports sites? Same exact information (or at least 80%), but yet we have to enter it into 15 different sites?
-Kevin

Not only that but you forgot to mention the worst part about submitting a bracket into several different sports sites and that's trying to remember all your user IDs and passwords. But yes, there is no good reason why we shouldn't be able to submit one universal bracket that's compatible to all pools. Because what always happens is you end up having to refill your bracket multiple times for each site and naturally you'll decide to switch up the 8/9 games or take a flier on a few 12/5 upsets in that hopes that one of your brackets will catch fire, only that NEVER HAPPENS. Regardless of how different your two brackets are they will both inevitably suck equally.

Don't say I didn't tell you so when your boss's 12 year old son wins the company pool in three weeks.

I really need your opinion on something that I think is one of the biggest controversies in our country today. Which is better- yellow or white American cheese? See, I'm a yellow man myself but lately its seems that this white cheese is all the rage. I'm tempted to switch but don't know if I can part ways with my childhood favorite. Please HELP!!
-Gerald

I think there comes a time in every man's life when he realizes that white cheese (be it American, mozzarella, Swiss, Parmesan, etc.) trumps all in the cheese game. Going against the grain and saying goodbye to a childhood favorite can be scary, but in this case I think you're about 10 years late to the party. The only time yellow cheese is superior is when it comes to grilled cheese sandwiches, and to be honest I think that's more of a nostalgia factor than anything. Even with cheeseburgers I just feel like white cheese legitimizes the sandwich more than yellow does.

Another notable exception to the rule: "Whiz Wit" Cheesesteaks


Now that Tiger and Ms. (not Veronica) Vonn have become Facebook official it begs the following question- do you think she made him get tested for STDs? Or did she just say to herself "Well Elin got half and that was a lot of dough, so if I can pop one or two out it will be a hell of a lot more than I am making now!"
-Dough Boy

Not only would she not give a fuck is he had full blown AIDS, but she's about to pull that goalie on him so fast it'll make his head spin. It's been estimated that Woods' net worth is somewhere in the ballpark of $600 million, and even if you subtract the $100 million Elin walked away with, that's still more than a pretty penny for Vonn to potentially win in divorce court someday. Comedian Ari Shaffir put it best with the following tweet-
And he's absolutely right! It's just a waiting game with Tiger. Not so much a matter of "if" he's going to cheat again but "when" he's going to cheat again. So no, Ms. Vonn is happier than a pig in shit these days, regardless of whatever potentially deadly STD's reside in Tiger's ballsack. 

WHY ARE THE KNICKS SUCKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
-Linda

The Knicks ended their skid last night (Monday) and got a W in Utah. They are currently the #3 seed in the East. Where do they finish and do they make it out of the first round?
-Nick

It's not so much that the Knicks are sucking but more so that they're...broken? We knew heading into this season that they were going to be historically (or prehistorically) old, but that all got thrown in the back of our mind when they started out red hot with a 18-5 record. Now the injuries are starting to pile up, the 3's aren't dropping at the same rate they once were and we're starting to see New York's true colors. Stat is done for the year, meaning this will be the third straight playoff run in which he will be rendered useless to the Knicks. Injuries to Chandler, Thomas and Sheed aren't helping either.

That five game West coast road trip they just finished up was absolutely brutal, but the way they bounce back against the Magic (Wednesday night) and then in a home and home with the Raptors will end up either making or breaking their season. Their schedule is too tough down the homestretch to letup against any of the East's bottom feeders. After that they close out the regular season facing playoff caliber teams in 9 of their last 14 games, including matchups against the Heat, Thunder, Pacers and Grizzlies.

It's a miracle that this team plays in the Eastern Conference and has been able to hold on to that #3 seed as long as they have, despite dropping 11 of their last 19 games (as of Wednesday afternoon). Whereas a team like the Nuggets, who have rattled off 13 straight wins out West (with a 47-22 record), find themselves sitting in the #5 seed.

My thought process on the Knicks is that as long as they're making progress, I can live with the results. For example, in their first year with Stoudemire ('10-'11) they made it to the playoffs for the first time in seven seasons (got swept by Boston). The following year they made the playoffs again and won their first playoff game in a full decade. If they can manage to get out of the first round this year, something they haven't done since Patrick Ewing was on the team, then I will consider this season a success.

Prediction: Knicks end up with the #4 seed, beat Atlanta in six, before falling to a Heat team primed to win their second championship in as many seasons.


While attending the Big East Tournament this past weekend with some of my friends we stopped in at a local MSG watering hole “Stout” for a couple post game suds. Much to our delight there was a Louisville friends and family dinner taking place in the back. We noticed a Louisville couple walking to the party so one off my friends decided to ask them a question. He proceeded to say “What are your thoughts on Rick Pitino banging that chick in a restaurant while having a wife and five kids at home?”. To our shock the lady responded without even thinking about it “Rick can do whatever he wants, as long as we win” …we couldn't believe it. What is your thoughts/comments/advice to the people of Cardinal nation?
-Mike

Hate to say it Mike but I couldn't be less surprised by this woman's reaction. Think about it- we're talking about a southern school, in a blue grass/collar state that lacks any professional teams, where collegiate athletics TRUMPS ALL. It's just like one of those Friday Night Lights football towns amplified by 100 because of all the alumni they have and the national scale to which success brings.

We've seen this sort of blind loyalty in the past many times in both the sports and political worlds. One example that comes to mind is Kobe Bryant, who would go on to win an MVP award, two NBA World Championships and an Olympic gold medal AFTER being charged with a heinous sex crime (to a woman other than his wife). Another example would be Bill Clinton, a guy who while President of the United States cheated on his wife by copping dome and fingering an intern with a cigar, yet if he were to chose to run for office today would win in a landslide.

So no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with supporting a guy who banged a gold digger for 15 seconds on a restaurant table before finishing down his leg if he gets you a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. 

What would the NFL do after a collision-related, on field death? One week off? Certainly not cancelled season, right? What would have to happen for the NFL cancel a season or even the league as a whole?
- Tony in Bayside

I legitimately think the only way the NFL would cancel a game was if their was a straight up massacre inside the arena and players got killed by fans. Any self inflicted deaths mid-game (via injury, heart attack, etc.) would be played off as a "serious injury", and the player in question would be carted off the field under the illusion that they were merely hurt. The NFL would never let you know that the player in question died until long after the advertising checks from that game had cleared the bank, and even then they would play it off like the death happened en route to the hospital.

Remember, this is a league that once allowed the Super Bowl to be played as scheduled even though one of the team's starting quarterbacks had been kidnapped by a transvestite (granted it was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, but still, plausible).

It would be hard to imagine the league itself folding, seeing that 31 of the 32 most watched television shows in the fall of 2012 were NFL games and because of the sheer amount of money (both gambling and legitimate) that it generates. But with the league's "elephant in the room" concussion problem growing more and more visible each year, it wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility to see the sport radically shift from the way we now know it someday.

(Note: I don't want to be around for that day)

What should the Catholic 7's conference really be called instead of the new Big East?
-KV

The Devil's Rejects

Would Twitter have more credibility if it had I better name? I say yes. 
-John

I think one of the reasons that Twitter works as a name is because the company itself doesn't reference the user in it's title the way that MYSpace or FACEbook did. It also may (or may not) qualify as a onomatopoeia, and the fact that it's name (Twitter) can be used as a verb (Tweet) makes it ultra versatile. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

And @RealSkipBayless

Whats better for College Basketball: parity or asymmetrical dominance?
-Ryan

College basketball as a unique entity thrives with recognizable players and dominant teams. This equates to must watch TV, higher ratings and more media coverage, so in that regard I think it's better for the sport when they have players like Kemba, Jimmer, and J.J. Redick or power houses like the '12 Kentucky Wildcats or '09 Tar Heels stealing headlines and generating national interest in the sport.

With that being said, the NCAA tournament is 100% better when there's no clear cut favorite to win it all. The parity in this year's bracket is almost unparalleled, and no one has any clue who to pick to win it all, yet alone make the Final Four. In recent year's we've seen teams like George Mason, VCU and Butler make deep tourney runs and there's honestly nothing better than the unpredictability of March basketball.

It's either a double edged sword or a best of both worlds scenario, depending on how you want to look at it, but I always enjoy heading into this time of year without the faintest clue of who's going to win it all.

Have you ever heard of an Alaskan Pipeline?
-Anon

I have not, but judging by your lack of follow up information I think its pretty safe to assume that whatever it is you're talking about has nothing to do with irrigation.

But since I absolutely despise not knowing what every single subliminal dirty phrase on the internet means I headed over to Urban Dictionary, which taught me that an Alaskan Pipeline is the act of pooping into a condom, freezing the rubber overnight and then using it as a dildo.

image

I’m 23 and still live with my parents. I've got a full-time job within a year of my college graduation. At the time I was super psyched because in my mind the next logical step would to be to move out. Since then things haven't gone exactly how I wanted them to and I fear I am no closer to moving out of my parents house than before this job. It seems that our generation is locked in this weird niche of having the responsibilities of working full-time without being able to reap any of the benefits (ex: living on your own). I understand all things come with time and I expect to move out in due time, but a couple of things are really starting to eat at me and I wanted to see what your reactions to them are and what are some ways you would deal with this crushing weight on my shoulders. I have multiple friends who decided to skip the four year college degree racket and go straight into the work force. Now they nearly double my salary, not to mention all of the overtime they can receive due to the nature of their work. I resent them for it and question my own choices in going to college for what I did. Also, having the same housemates since the day you were born seems like a cool thing but its causing stress on us as a whole. Between sharing bathrooms and television privileges, home has become a tension filled dance around the pure fact that we need some time apart. I know it’s a lot to lay down but I’m excited to hear your thoughts on this sitch.
-Home SICK College Grad

But think about all those beers you got to CRUSH and games of Madden '08 you got to play while your buddies were back home working construction and installing H-Vac systems. You can't put a price on those memories man.

Try thinking of your time living at home as an investment, rather than a punishment. A means to an end if you will. According to a recent study from TIME magazine 85% of recent college grads end up moving back in with mom and dad after graduation. That's a shitload of young adults without the means to financially support themselves in the real world. Even if you did have a job in college chances are that money went towards books (ha!), beer and drugs. And most entry level positions these days barely cover your commutation fare, let alone rent and utilities.

But there's no need to resent your working class friends for rolling in the dough while you save up to move out. By choosing to forego college they essentially made the decision to grow up a bit quicker than you or I, and from the sound of it, that decision has paid off nicely for them. Who is to say that they weren't equally as jealous of your collegiate escapades while they were more than likely living at home?

The important thing to realize is that even though living at home might not have been your ideal plan of action post-graduation, it most definitely wasn't your parents dream scenario either. Just think of all those post-American Idol counter top sex romps they wished they could be having but can't because you're in the kitchen nuking up some nachos.

As for the TV/bathroom conflicts, there's no denying the fact that being forced to hold in a bowel movement or missing an episode of Duck Dynasty is an awful feeling, so maybe suggest scheduling certain times when you would like control of the remote. Also, if the morning is where the majority of your bathroom conflicts arise, try setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier so that you can take care of business in peace. I know there's nothing worse than waking up even a second before you absolutely have to, but your thoughtful gesture will not go unnoticed by your roommates.

They may even reward you with a nice, home-cooked, FREE meal. Something you most certainly would not be getting if you lived on your own.

Do you think all magicians are rapists? Or that some rapists just like to do magic on the side?
-Chris

Magician-magic-trick-hands

Yes, all magicians are rapists.

-fresh (@danye33)