Thursday, July 25, 2013

Hot Fire- Jesse & The Rippers Reunion on The Late Show With Jimmy Fallon



Have Mercy!

Last Friday John Stamos took his ever-so-perfect, never-trashy mullet to The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon, where he was reunited with his (fictional) chat topping (in Japan) band, Jesse & The Rippers. The guys performed a medley of songs including "Forever" by the Beach Boys, Elvis Presley's "Little Sister", Chan Romero's "Hippy Hippy Shake" and the timeless classic that is the Full House theme song

Bob Saget could be seen doing the Batusi dance from the audience and at the end of the performance Uncle Jesse was greeted with a lip-lock from none other than Aunt Becky. 

I don't know about you, but I certainly miss my old familiar friends...


-fresh (@danye33)

Tomato Hair


So hot right now.

MSG on the Move?


Despite James Dolan's still unfinished $968 million overhaul of Madison Square Garden, the Rangers and Knicks may soon find themselves homeless. The preemptive eviction notice comes after the New York City Council voted 47-1 to extend the Garden's special operating permit for just one more decade. Five years fewer than the 15 year permit the owners of the Garden, as well as the Bloomberg administration, had hoped for.

The move comes as a result of the city's plan to re-vamp the decrepit Penn Station, a transportation hub for commuters from Long Island and New Jersey, that has seen its better days come and go a long time ago. The station sees more than 500,000 daily commuters, and aside from being habitually overcrowded and hard to navigate, is a hot bed for panhandlers and the homeless.

City Council speaker Chris Quinn says “This is the first step in finding a new home for Madison Square Garden and building a new Penn Station that is as great as New York and suitable for the 21st century.”

Even with the tentative plans to kick the Knicks (amongst others) to the 34th street curb, Dolan barely alluded to the City Council's decision in a statement issued Wednesday afternoon, instead choosing to focus on the "World's Most Famous" arena's deep rooted history, while looking ahead to the reopening for the 2013 seasons.

And with good reason.

Ten years is a long time, and there's no telling what the administration's motives will be at that time, yet alone who is going to hold office. That's more than 3,500 days to come up with creative ideas to dilute Penn Station traffic and come up with a solution that works for both parties. One such idea would be to re-route some of the Long Island commuter traffic to Grand Central to lessen the burden, and make Penn the primary NJ/Amtrak operating spot.

But if this plan does come to fruition, it would take a serious toll on the players, owners and fans. Regardless of where they move to there's no chance they could find two vacant square blocks in a spot as centrally located as the real estate it holds today. As it stands now, the arena is easily accessible regardless of where you're coming from, with six different Subway lines running through it (A, C, E, 1, 2, 3), as well as the LIRR and NJT. A move from its current location would have catastrophic effects on local businesses, and would render the aforementioned nearly $1 billion renovation pointless. 


Luckily, there's still time to compromise, so this isn't necessarily a death sentence for MSG quite yet.

But this time around the clock is ticking before the season even starts.

-fresh (@danye33)

[Madison Square Garden Is Told To Move]

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Weave Gotcha Covered- Jewdacris "Move Bitch"



This badass ukulele rendition of LUDA's 2002 instructional memo to slow drivers comes to us via YouTube user GANknowtheygotem, though to be honest, there's only one name we should be referring to this young man by and that's Jewdacris. The hair. The glasses. The unedited, deep vocals. This is what perfection looks like. 

-fresh (@danye33)

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I'm Starting A Fantasy Football Survivor League (And You Should Too)


Anyone who knows me, or follows this blog, is already well aware of my obsession with fantasy football. From preseason positional previews to weekly waiver wire pickup columns, I've pretty much got you covered on all fronts during the football season. Which is why I trust that you'll take my advice and hear me out on a new fantasy proposal for 2013- a Fantasy Football Survivor league.

Typically Survivor leagues (formally know as suicide pools) feature a large group of people making a weekly selection on what team is going to win in that specific week. The catch is that once you choose a team, you cannot use them again for the rest of the season, and if your teams loses, you're eliminated.

Fantasy Football Survivor is going to be a little different. It starts out like any other typical league, only this time there's going to be 16 teams (managers). The catch is that each week, the team that scores the fewest amount of points will be eliminated one by one, until there is one sole surviving team left to be crowned champion.

Since 16 player leagues are gigantic, you're only going to start QB/2RB/2WR/TE/FLEX/K/DEF, along with four bench spots. That's still 208 players in total, which means the waiver wire is going to be slim pickings (and that tragically, Davone Bees will more than likely be employed all season long). Once a team is eliminated their roster will be manually locked by the commish, to prevent disgruntled owners from dropping their star players out of spite and skewing the league.

As far as I know, there are no online leagues out there with this option as a setup, so what I'm going to do is set it up just like any other fantasy league (using Yahoo!, personal preference) and make the games head-to-head. This way it will be easy to see and tally weekly scores, as opposed to the cumulative "points"option.

The entry fee for the league I'm starting is going to be $20, with $300 going to the winner, and $20 going to the team with the best head-to-head record. This will provide some incentive for managers to pay attention even after they've been eliminated.

If this sounds like something you might be interested in, shoot me an e-mail at dan.chiavetta@gmail.com. Even if you don't end up in my Fantasy Football Survivor league, and you end up starting your own with your group of friends, I would love to hear about your experience.

Good luck!

-fresh (@danye33)

Comedians Rewrite Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" So That It's Finally Ironic



Alanis Morissette burst onto the music scene in the 1990's with one hand in her pocket and the other firmly planted atop the Billboard music charts. Her 1995 album Jagged Little Pill featured a slew of singles including "Head Over Feet", "You Learn" and "You Oughta Know", the latter being an ode to her relationship with Full House's Uncle Joey. The fourth single off that album, "Ironic", was ironic for the fact that none of the situations that occur in the song were actual examples of irony. A more appropriate title for the track might have been "Bummer."

But regardless of whether or not Morissette's failed attempt at irony was intentional or not, Eliza and Rachel Hurwitz have created there own remix of the song, nearly two decades later, to set the record straight. Feel free to read along from the lyrics below as the song plays.

An old man turned 98
He won the lottery, and died the next day
from a sever paper cut from his lottery ticket
It's a black fly in your chardonnay
that was specifically purchased to repel black flies
It's a death row pardon that causes your demise,
because you leave the jail and get hit by a bus
And that really is ironic
We fixed it for you, Alanis (you're welcome)

It's like rain on your wedding day, a day and place
You chose because it's known not to rain
It's a free ride, but you get mugged on the way
We've got good advice we're forcing you to take
And who would've thought, it figures!

Mr. Play-it-safe was afraid to drive,
Instead he packed his suitcase and got ready to fly
He wasted his whole damn life being afraid of cars
But as the plane crashed down, he thought, well isn't this nice?
And that really is ironic

We fixed it for you, Alanis (you're welcome)

It's like rain on your wedding day, a day and place
You chose because it's known not to rain
It's a free ride, but you get mugged on the way
We've got good advice we're forcing you to take
And who would've thought, it figures!

We've got an editorial way of sneaking up on you
When you think your irony is okay and the examples in your song are right
We've got an editorial way of helping you out when your song
About irony is wrong and everyone says it to your face

A traffic jam causes you to leave early,
But you rush and get in a crash, which causes you to be late
A no-smoking sign you hung up when you quit,
Now you started again but can't smoke 'cause of the sign

It's like ten thousand spoons you bought with your only knife
Now all you need is a knife, but you only have spoons!
It's meeting the man of your dreams...
And meeting his beautiful wife at couples therapy

And that really is ironic, don't you think?
Finally ironic, and yeah we really do think
It's like rain on your wedding day, a day and place
You chose because it's known not to rain
It's a free ride, but you get mugged on the way
We've got good advice we're forcing you to take
Our changes make it so your song makes sense
Who would've thought, it figures!


-fresh (@danye33)

Saturday, July 13, 2013

These Foot Locker Slam Fest Videos From The 90's Are All Sorts Of Awesome





In the top video we've got Prime Time, Griffey Jr. and track star Mike Conley Sr. (father of Grizz PG Mike Conley Jr.) showcasing their filthy hops in the Foot Locker Slam Fest. Conley's rock-the-cradle is on some Dr. J shit and #24's off the backboard reverse slam is a thing of beauty. Really makes wish that A) Deion became the first and only three sport professional athlete and B) that athletes from other sports would cross over and showcase their skills every now and then. Could you imagine Megatron, Jimmy Graham and Dez doing this kind of competition today? I'd throw a cool $10 down on a pay per view.

Highlights from the below video include a pre-juiced Barry Bonds missing a leftly slam, Deion dunking in a bucket hat, Michael Irving doing his best Chris Webber impersonation and the aforementioned Mike Conley Sr. dunking from WELL behind the free throw line.

Just another example of how everything was better in the 90's.

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, July 12, 2013

The Definitive Superhero Power Ranking (Pt. 2)

 

If you missed Part 1 of Migg's Superhero Rower Rankings, click here

5) Batman- (2005-2012) Christian Bale

Put away your batarangs and hear me out for a second. You ask 100 people what was a better Batman movie, 8 out of 10 will probably say the Dark Knight trilogy, and for the most part they are absolutely correct. The movies as a whole are better, but let’s be real, what sold those movies was the dark take on them helmed by Chris Nolan and the villains (namely, Heath Ledger). The film’s success cannot be understated, it’s one of the biggest movie franchises of all time and they basically got there through terrible circumstances. The first one was a decent success but breathed life in what seemed like a dead character post-George Clooney nipple batman. So let’s give thanks to Bales grittier take on what in recent years had become a campy joke. The second film was a huge success but thanks mostly to The Joker who basically gave his life for the film. The third film had to deal with a national tragedy based around the opening weekend of the film and still made major dough and gave a decent end to a fantastic trilogy (Ed Note: That's not what you said last year). All these are validate Bale's seat at the table, but I'll tell you what, there's still another Batman on this list yet to come.


4) Spiderman (2002-2007) Toby Maguire

Swinging in at #4 is your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, played by Toby Maguire. He gets points for being the first incarnation on film of Spidey. The first two films are instant classics among superhero nerds. Toby captures the innocence of being a teenage superhero but also the wise ass attitude that I loved so much about Spiderman in the comic books. Watching it in theaters as a cherub faced 12 year old, I couldn't help but think "wow, this is what a comic book movie should be like." So many classic moments, Uncle Ben dying, BONE SAW ISSSS READYYYYY and an upside down kiss that actually kind of turned Kirsten Dunst into a hot commodity, most likely because of the wet t-shirt, but she was pretty good in the movie anyway. The second and third films pale in comparison, but Toby will always have a web attached to my heart.


3) Wolverine (2000-The Future) Hugh Jackman

Ok, I understand that not every X-men movie has been that good. Heck, the best one they've made only features Wolverine telling Magneto and Dr. Xavier to fuck off. But the thing is this guy has longevity. He has been the only incarnation of one of comic book cultures most revered characters, and has been doing it for 13 years. It’s amazing that he plays a man who does not age and is ripped to shreds and has looked the same for all the movies he's been in. It makes me think that Hugh might be a super human in real life, because not gonna lie, I saw Le Mis (Ed Note) and this guy can sing too. So even if they decided to make an X-men spin-off-musical, no one is going to take the claws from this guy anytime soon. With the release of the second solo titled Wolverine movie ( The Wolverine) and the upcoming release of the next X-men movie (X-men Days of Future Past) it will mark his 8th time acting as the Berserker Bub. Amazing, he has played Wolverine in a major motion picture more times than I’ve been to the gym in the past year. 


2) Batman (1989-1992) Michael Keaton

Yes!! That’s right, I said it- Michael Keaton is the best Batman of all-time! Now, after all you nerds take a puff of you inhaler and listen to me for a second I'll give my reasons. Who even cared about batman before 1989? It was a campy (yet wonderful) TV show from the 60's and an aged comic book that people thought was sucked dry of possibilities. That all changed when Mr. Mom donned the Cowl. He was just enough of a dick playboy to capture Bruce Wayne and was able to be badass enough to take on the likes of Jack Nicholson and Danny Devito. Look at the incarnations of Batman before Keaton took on the role. The look of every Batman changed to the dark brooding character that he has become. Even the actors adopted what Keaton laid down in his version by being a millionaire with a hint of cockiness, and then the grizzled voice he speaks in when he is the Caped Crusader. Trust me re-watch those original Batman movies and you will see you prefer Keaton to any other batman before and after him. POW!!!!


1) Ironman (2008-Forever) Robert Downey Jr. 

RDJ straight kills it and you know it. There is no argument here, RDJ is Tony Stark, who is Iron Man. I wouldn't be surprised if he has an actually working suit at home. He has it all, every category is basically checked when you look at Ironman. Major financial success, multiple successful follow ups, he was the first incarnation, he will forever be connected to this character and I feel bad for the poor bastard who has succeed him in this role. He basically single handedly created a mega world of Marvel Superheroes that we now get to enjoy on film. Meaning if it wasn't for the success of Iron Man, there would be no Avengers, no Thor, nor Cap.  Nobody. We should all bow to RDJ's power as the best super hero of all time. 

Iron man was kind of a forgotten character in the Marvel Universe to the point where people were befuddled when they announced they were making it into a blockbuster film. Flash forward a short six years later and we are signed up for at least three more installments of seeing Tony kick ass and drink martinis. It is kind of a dream scenario and makes you think RDJ was born to be Ironman. Downey Jr. had wealth and grew up a child actor before falling into hard drugs and becoming the butt of many a Lindsey Lohan-esque jokes in the 90's. 

Then he figured his shit out, gets cast as Iron Man and fulfills his lifelong destiny of playing the baddest MFer in comic book history. Iron Man was an over privileged rich kid who had his own substance abuse problems, until he eventually figured out how to build "the suit" and then became the hero the world needed....and gosh darnit we need RDJ to be Ironman forever. Hopefully with the help of CGI and plastic surgery he will never age out of the role.

So there it is folks, that's my definitive list of Superheroes. Thanks to the success of these characters mentioned above, we will have many more opportunities to add to this list as we we're introduced to new characters each summer. I think the next step for actors to be recognized for their efforts as superheroes is for one to be nominated, or dare say win, an Oscar. 

Do I think it’s logical? No. But we're talking about made up characters after all, so who knows...

-Miggs (@NickMiggs)

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Shartshank Redemption



"Talk about a pain in the butt"

*gets hit with several rotten tomatoes*

/logs off Blogger account for the night

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Olden Polynice With The Premature DX Chop (circa April '99)



The classic celebration takes place at the 1:25 mark in the above video, after Stoakovic sinks game tying 3 without a millisecond to spare to send the game into overtime. The Sonics would hold on to win 99-98, behind Polynice's 12 points, 16 rebounds and five epic SUCK IT hip thrusts.



-fresh (@danye33)

The Pats Put Hernandez In Their Rear View After Successful Jersey Swap Offer


As the evidence continues to mount against former Patriots star Aaron Hernandez, and new allegations come to life, his old organization is doing everything they can to distance themselves from the man they once agreed to pay $40 million to employ.
Hernandez was arrested on June 26 and charged with the first degree murder of Odin Lloyd—a semi-pro football player and “acquaintance” of the Pro Bowl tight end—as well as five additional gun charges. The Pats acted swiftly and released him shortly after.
In the two weeks that have followed police and prosecutors have begun to paint a clearer picture of the type of man Hernandez was. Reports surfaced of an ’07 Gainesville shooting that the tight end was questioned for, as well as records that he sucker punched a club bouncer (and avoided charges due to his stature as a UF athlete). More recently, Hernandez has been tied to a February shooting that left 30 year old Alexander Bradley without an eye in Miami.
But perhaps what’s most troubling is the allegations that Lloyd was executed because he had knowledge of Hernandez’s involvement with a double-murder case in Boston from 2012. Bristol, Conn. police recently confiscated a silver SUV with Rhode Island plates from Hernandez’s uncle’s house which matched the description of a vehicle police had been looking for in connection with the homicides.
No matter how you look at it, one by one Hernandez’s domino’s are falling all the wrong ways, so it comes as no surprise that the Pats are going above and beyond to eliminate all memory of their once beloved ballplayer. First the team stopped selling all jerseys and merchandise associated with the alleged killer, next his stats were erased from the team’s website, but then New England took it one step further and came up with the PR move of the decade—they offered fans a free jersey of equal value in exchange for any Hernandez Pat’s jerseys.
This past Saturday and Sunday the team opened up their Gillette Stadium Pro Shop doors for fans off all ages to turn their No. 81 or No. 85 Hernandez jerseys in for another jersey of their choice. On Saturday alone close to 1,200 fans took advantage of the unique barter offer, including more than 300 children. ESPN estimated the move cost the Pats close to $166,000 in revenue lost. But freeing their stadium of Hernandez’s name when next season kicks off is a priceless move for an organization desperate to clean its hands.
In the weeks following Hernandez’s arrest jersey sales for the troubled star have skyrocketed on sites like eBay, leading to bidding wars and four-figure prices for ones that were autographed. The Patriots knew that demand was high, so they bit the bullet (no pun intended) and took the revenue hit in an attempt to get his name in team colors off the streets.

In an unrelated, though highly coincidental move, the Patriots also released a new team logo last week, abandoning their famous cursive font for a block lettered look. The change was apparently two years in the making, and will only appear in their end zone design for 2013. Due to an NFL rule that stipulates teams can’t change their jerseys more than once every five years, the script written will remain on the team’s jerseys and merchandise until the following season.
For the Pats, distancing themselves from a player who was once such a prominent part of their organization is no easy task, but thanks to a few quick decisions by Robert Kraft they’re at least taking strides in the right direction. Too bad the hardest part of this whole process is going to be moving forward on the field, where the team will be without their deadliest weapon.

This article was originally published on TDdaily.com
-fresh (@danye33)

Monday, July 8, 2013

The Perfect Cure To Your Post-Holiday Weekend Blues



The above video of an unnamed orange cat twerking it to Juvenile's 1999 club banger "Back Dat Azz Up" (a song I once successfully got my name and message to display on the bottom chyron of TRL thanks to online voting) comes to us via Jakari Forde's Vine account. Now I'm no cat person, but I would gladly pop some bottles and film faux rap videos with this Garfield any day.

In other words, I'd let her ride in the Jaggy, with daddy.

[via Uproxx]

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Well, I'm Off To Austin!



Austin, Massachusetts, that is. Anyways, I hope everyone has a happy and safe fourth of July weekend! Oh, and be sure to post the phrase 'MERCA on all your social media accounts. By no means is that played out or annoying I swear.




-fresh (@danye33)