Wednesday, February 5, 2014

As Many As Half Of All Adults In North Korea Are Addicted To Crystal Meth

(The Wire) The drug is now prevalent in the Northern areas of the country. One of the study's authors, Kim Seok-hyang, told The Journal, "Almost every adult in that area (of North Korea) has experienced using ice and not just once … I estimate that at least 40 percent to 50 percent are seriously addicted to the drug."...Opium was once the North Korean drug of choice, but the fields dried up in the middle of the last decade. But now meth is being embraced. Meth seems to have also reached the people. "Doing ice was a social thing; it was a lot of fun," a North Korean defector told The Journal. Sometimes teenagers give their friends meth as a birthday present. That same defector said he used crystal meth, typically referred to as "bingdu" or "ice," before crossing the Tumen River to escape the People's Republic for China.

Well I think we finally found our plot for "Breaking Bad: The Movie." It picks up with Jesse Pinkmen speeding away from the Nazi Ranch and driving right into the loving, tender arms of Dennis Rodman. The Worm then quickly propositions the vulnerable meth cook into agreeing to a business deal that would allow Jesse to cook the highly coveted Blue Sky meth for Rodman to distribute on his monthly visits to see his BFF Kim Jong-un in North Korea.

Only problem is that Kim Jong can't handle the potency of the near-pure drug, and in a ill-advised, strung out moment of vulnerability decides to launch a missile at South Korea. But due to the ineptitude of the North Korea army, the bomb detonates at their own launch station, killing all of the military higher ups stationed in Pyongyang, including Kim Jong himself.

The U-S then invades under the guise of implementing democracy into the former military state, claiming they were in on the plan to drug Kim from the start. Rodman wins the Nobel Peace Prize for indirectly killing the crazed leader and Pinkman is crowned this millennium's Albert Einstein for cooking the batch that brought down the DPR.

Pinkman is honored at a White House ceremony, where he receives a medal of honor and even gets the Commander in Chief to yell "Yeah, bitch!" right into the Pool cameras. He then begins dating Cat Marnell. Vice runs an eight part YouTube feature on him titled "From Pink To Blue." Then Marell OD's in her sleep, in bed, next to Jesse.

/take Badfinger "Baby Blue"

-fresh (@danye33)

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