The 2 Man Weave

AMC Pulls The Old Bait And Switch After Last Nights "Walking Dead" Premiere

2012-02-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

Last night AMC kicked off season 2.5 of their fan favorite zombie drama, The Walking Dead. The show picked up right where it left off, with officer Rick Grimes standing over the still warm zombie corpse of Sophia, Carol’s daughter, who had been missing since the first episode of season 2.

The episode, titled “Nebraska”, saw Hershel fall off the wagon, Daryl make a funny, Shane piss people off, Rick commit a completely justifiable double-homicide, Lori doing everything in her power to prove the stereotype that woman can’t drive right and Carl come to grips with the fact that with Sophia gone, there is now an 82.3% chance that he will never, ever, lose his virginity. Okay, so I made that last one up, but you can’t honestly say that that thought hasn’t crossed your mind. Pool little guy.

In a move that was both clearly calculated and highly effective, the show returned to its famed 9pm Sunday night time slot, filling America’s football void without skipping a beat. Over 10 million viewers tuned in to watch to the highly anticipated debut, and after a where-the-hell did that come from? shootout to end the episode, fans were eager to see what was in store for the gang next week.

But as the credits rolled and the suspense mounted, we were informed that if we wanted too see what happens next week, we would have to wait until the first commercial break in Comic Book Men, a new, one hour, unscripted television series set in Kevin Smith's (Silent Bob) comic book shop in Red Hook, New Jersey, that premiered following last nights Walking Dead.

From a marketing, money making, business stand point, I loved this move. It forced people who would normally have no interest in watching this show, to do just that. Maybe they gained some new fans, maybe they forced people to throw their remote controls through their LCD screens. But regardless of what people thought, the word was out, and for better or worse, people were talking about this show.

From a viewer, fan, and television consumer standpoint, I hated this move. It was manipulative, greedy, and an inconvenience to the loyal fans who simply wanted to see what happened next at the old saloon in a timely manner.

The surprise wait led me to this below text message exchange with my friend Zach-

Zach: Super douche move on not showing the next episode preview

Me: Seriously, are you going to watch comic book man?

Zach: Not a fucking chance

six minutes later

Zach: This is brutal, Kevin Smith is a fucking dick nerd.

Zach: That guy with the beard has only had sex with his hand.

Zach: This preview better knock my socks off

Me: For real

immediately following the Walking Dead preview, approx 10:16 pm

Zach: That was awesome. Not worth it- but awesome

Me: I know man, can't wait for next week

Zach: U gonna finish CBM?

Little did he know, upon hearing about this ridiculous delayed viewing of the preview, I DVR'd Comic Book Men (so that I could fast forward straight through to the Walking Dead spot whenever it aired and not have to deal with a show that I had zero interest in) and instead had already switched over to the Grammys, just in time to see Adele preform a stunning rendition of Rolling In The Deep (Side note- Adele and Kelly Clarkston are in the middle of an epic battle to see who can shed more arm fat in a calender year. We're about six months into this thing and right now it's Clarkson's award to lose. However, barring some comfort food meltdowns, this race is still 100% up for grabs), fully knowing that I would get a text from Zach once it aired allowing me to then breeze through the episode to get to what I wanted to see.

This point right here illustrates that no matter how infuriating AMC's tactics were, in the end, it worked. Not only did they get at least one person who other wise never would have checked out their program, but by the time the preview aired, he was already referring to it in acronyms and was contemplating sticking it out for the long run. I was able to take some solace in the fact that I controlled my own viewing destiny, and didn't give into the man. Score one for the schemers!

The lesson here- no matter what, DVR always wins.

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Other Genres Edition)

2012-02-10T16:24:00.002-05:00

As always, GO VOTE for your favorite "Other Genres" sports movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Fan Page

The search continues for the BSM. Last week we broke downbaseball and just as I expected, The Sandlot laced up its PF Flyers and spedaway with the victory after receiving 47% of the vote. Childhood classicshave DOMINATED the voting thus far. Since we couldn't give each sport it's own catagory, we've decided to group the best of the remaining movies and throw them into our "Other Genres" column. So without Freddie Adu, let's meet our nominees and punch that final ticket to the big show!

Caddyshack

This isn't comedy. It transcends comedy. It isn’t something thatcan truly be described. It’s the perfect storm of unbelievable once in alifetime talent, writing and timing. Just look at the roster- it’s stacked (Murray,Dangerfield, Chase) with all of its stars at the prime of their careers. Thisis the Miami Heat of comedy. I wish I could make a funny movie with all myfriend just to have it compared to a turd that Caddyshack pooped and left inthe pool (I know it was a Baby Ruth). To me, this is the barometer to whichevery comedic movie should be judged upon. Oh and by the way, it’s kind of aboutgolf. (N.M.)

ColorOf Money

The days of old when men were men and pool sharks ran wildduping everybody except their own mama. The days before we all realized howshort Tom Cruise was. And before he got all weird and started believing inaliens and shit. It was the 80’s and the movie was “The Color of Money”. In asequel made nearly two decades after the original, Paul Neumann plays the slypool shark veteran who takes Cruise under his wing to try and teach the game tothe newbie. Predictably, a girl gets involved and the duo breaks. I won’t giveaway the ending, but it’s definitely deserving of a BSM ever nomination. Also,Fast Eddie is a fucking great name. (N.M.)

Karate Kid

For those who sayKarate is not a sport, you need to make your way down to Long Island and findRalph Macchio. Then ask him to deliver a precise crane kick to your face. Nowafter he does that get up and try to do anything....anything at all. If that doesn’tconvince you that karate is a sport and that those who practice it are athletes,I don’t know what will. No better movie to describe teen angst in the 80's thankarate kid. you have the short unassuming new kid in town that battles thedouches of all douches in and out of the dojo. Who would Danielson be withoutthe help and tutelage of Mr. Miyagi? The wise and strange Asian man next door.Any way this movie kicks cobra kai ass. (N.M.)

Beerfest

Think outside the boxor should I say think outside the Keg. What competition or sporting event do weall participate in most in? The answer is Drinking Games. To my knowledge this isthe only film to accurately showcase the sport of drinking. It’s not justthrowing a ping pong ball into a cup. It’s a battle of whit and drinkingability. It’s man vs. man to see who can stand the longest without throwing upor flipping over the table in anger because you lost to a chick in flip cup.When we watch professional sports we admire the sheer beauty of athleticability at its peak performance. Those who have seen an incredibly intensedrinking game have to admire the sheer beauty of how amazing some people are atdrinking games. That makes them an athlete in my eyes. So in homage tothis beer guzzling classic I chant at the top of my lungs "THEY'RE NOTTHAT DRUNK"! (N.M.)

Happy Gilmore

This movie actually features two different sports, hockey and golf. It's oneof the funniest movies of all time, and competitive duel that ensures betweenShooter McGaven and Happy is unparalleled in sports today. Despite having star power, the role players in the movie are just as good. Be it the grandma, meestah meestah lady, Ben Stillar as the sociopath elderly home orderly, Chubbs or Jaws from Bond, everyone brought their "A" game for this 90's comedy. Such a balanced attack. Talk about a hole in one. (D.C.)

Warrior

Warrior, which scored a 8.3/10 on imdb, came out last fall, and was well received by both critics and MMA fans alike. I actually haven't gotten a chance to see this movie yet, so I'm not going to blow smoke up anyone's ass or pretend that I know anything about this movie other than what I've heard second hand. But from the responses that I've gotten from people who have seen this movie, it was evident that it deserved a shot at the title. (D.C.)

-Miggs with a side of fresh

Somebody Do Me A Favor And Get My Man Rick Ross An Ash Trey

2012-02-10T12:56:00.002-05:00

So I was listening to Stay Schemin on YouTube earlier today and I couldn't help but take note of the cover artwork for Rick Ross's latest mixtape, Rich Forever. Now I must say, Freeway, what in gods name are you doing here bud? That shits canoeing like amotherfucker! Better ash up quick, wouldn't want to get any Scooby snacks on your white leather Maybach seats now would you?

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Stealing Jane "Whatever You Like"

2012-02-09T17:58:00.001-05:00

Much like it's predecessors Music VideosThat Don't Suck and Awesome 90'sSongs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered is a (fairly) new music feature we've been putting outfrom time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers. This installment features the unsigned YouTube phenom, Bryce Larsen, akaStealing Jane. I've been down with this song, and cover, since my junior yearof college back in 2009. T.I's rendition, along with the subsequent remixes byboth Trey Songz and LUDA were the official anthems of 38Groton, so I've always been partial to this tune in any form. But there's justsomething about this guys acoustic rendition of it that I've always enjoyed.

-fresh (@danye33)

I've Officially Declared February 6th as Lindependence Day

2012-02-09T15:50:00.003-05:00

On February 6^th, 2012, something incrediblehappened. For the first time that I can remember, a bench player, someone that asrecently as one month ago had spent time in the NBA’s Developmental League, hadcracked Mike D’Antoni’s starting lineup. Figuring out a way to break into D’Antoni’s rotation during hisKnicks tenure had been a task that was harder than Antonio Cromartie’s third leg. Many have tried, all had failed. That is,until now.

D’Antoni, despite being a quite southerner to the untrainedeye, has ruled the Knicks with an iron fist in the most my-way-or-the-highway approachI’ve ever seen a coach take. During the 2010-2011 season alone, they traded forAnthony Randolph and Corey Brewer, and neither one of them so much as sniffedthe Knicks rotation. Brewer waseventually cut by the Knicks and ended up signing with the Dallas Mavericks, enroute to the franchise’s first ever NBA title. As for Randolph, a guy who had scored just 35 points the entireseason while being held hostage on the Knicks bench, scored 30 points in hisfirst game as a free man for the Wolves last March.

When Jeremy Lin took the court Monday night, fresh off his25 point outing, and win, on Saturday, it was the start of a new era in NewYork Knicks basketball. Sure, panic mode had already broke out across theorganization, and with D’Antoni’s job on the line he had to act fast. But the fact remains that he gave the fans,and team (sans Tony Douglas) what they wanted, and rolled the dice on the undraftedpoint guard from Harvard. Luckily for the Knicks, that dice roll hit, as Linwent off for a career high 28 points.

Fast forward three days later and in a week where the NewYork Giants won the Super Bowl, Linsanity continues to hold down the front pageof the sports section. It’s the feelgood story that no one wants to end, and from the looks of it we’re onlygetting started. Sure, the combined record of the three teams that the Knickshave defeated on their current linning streak is 26-51, but they’ve also gone two thirds of those games without Stat& Melo. For the first time since Christmas Day the team is playing withan excitement and swagger that makes watching them enjoyable again.

Regardless of what happens the rest of the way, this weekthe Knicks have proved that still have a pulse, and that maybe the point guardthey so desperately needed had been with them all along.

So everyone, raise your cup of sake, as we share a toast to NewYork’s newest holiday- Lindependence Day.

-fresh (@danye33)

This Weatherman Owns Life

2012-02-09T11:30:00.000-05:00

Top 5 lines from this bro-

5. "Harrisville coming back like Jordan wearing that 4-5"

4. "What does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella for? A chance ofdrizzle."

3. "Talk about consistency, we got Patrick Ewing, we got Larry Birds, all over theplace with those 33’s."

2. "Getused to some fog, it’s gonna be a shout out to Foghorn Leghorn week all weeklong, cloudy, cloudy, cloudy with a chance of meatballs. Cause I got meatballsin my fridge, I’m hoping I’m gonna be able to cook them later."

1. "It’s like Gargamel getting rid of the Smurfs,there’s no more blue anymore and that means we’re not seeing that snow that wesaw earlier in the day."

Dad Kills Couple Because They Unfriended His Adult Daughter On Facebook

2012-02-09T10:46:00.000-05:00

(CBS) MOUNTAIN CITY, Tenn. (AP) — A father who was upset after a Tennesseecouple deleted his adult daughter as a friend on Facebook has been charged inthe shooting deaths of the couple, authorities said Wednesday. The victims hadcomplained to police that Marvin’s Potter’s daughter was harassing them afterthey deleted her as a friend on the social networking site. Potter, 60, hasbeen charged with two counts of first-degree murder in last week’s slayings ofBilly Payne Jr. and his girlfriend, Billie Jean Hayworth. The couple was shotto death in their Mountain City home in the far northeast corner of the state.Their 8-month-old baby was found unharmed in Hayworth’s arms.“It’s a senseless thing,” the sheriff said.

Look, I’m not going to lie, getting defriended on Facebook sucks.Total blow to your online ego. I was dumbfounded recently to find out that acouple of people from college had chosen to part ways with my profile just lastweek. Yea I was bummed out for a fewseconds but then I clicked back over to YouPorn or fantasy hoops and got onwith my life. If not for this story, Iwould have forgotten that even took place, so no, I cannot condone MarvinPotter’s criminal behavior after finding out that an adult couple had unfriendedhis adult daughter on a social networking site.

I think the real issue here is why was Marvin’s daughtersuch a little tattle tale in the first place? Wahh Wahhh, asuccessful couple with a family and nice life unfriended me daddy.Seriously take the defriending on the chin like a champ. Mad that theyunfriended you? Get into shape and go on a vacation, then make your defaultsome crazy ass picture of you laying down in a Bikini while natives take bodyshots out of your naval. Facebook revenge 101, make them feel like they’re theones missing out on your crazy life. Don’t go crying to daddy because you can’tget your stalk on anymore. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula, and start fighting your own online battles.

-fresh (@danye33)

Man Arrested For Repeatedly Punching Woman After She "Looked At Him Funny"

2012-02-08T16:45:00.000-05:00

(Chicago Tribune) A judge set bail at $25,000 today for a man who police said repeatedly punched a woman he did not know Monday afternoon on a River North street all because she “looked at him funny.’’ Bryant McClinton, 24, was charged with one count of battery in a public place and was booked into Cook County Jail Tuesday. The woman had been walking south on Orleans Street as McClinton was walking north. As they were about to cross paths McClinton punched the woman with his left hand, knocking the woman to the ground.

The second I read this headline I was immediately reminded of that scene in Goodfellas where they're all sitting around the table bullshitting and Pesci is telling the story about the bank job in Seacacus (I thought I told you to go fuck ya motha?), then Ray Liotta tells him he's funny which leads to a minute long exchange about what he meant by that. Funny how? Like I'm a clown, I amuse you? Before finally admitting that he was just busting his chops and then goes and beats the shit out of the owner. So yes, I really do wonder what Bryant McClinton meant when he said that woman looked at him funny? Did she make him laugh? FUNNY HOW YOU STUTTERING PRICK YOU???!!!

P.S. tried embedding about forty different YouTube clips for this scene but they were all disabled. If you would like to watch it, click here.

-fresh (@danye33)

Bo Shines On "Nerds", An Ode To The Outcasts

2012-02-08T14:06:00.001-05:00

Bo Burnham is a busy man. The young comic has kept himselfbusy in recent years by touring the globe, appearing in movies, performingmultiple comedy central specials (youngest artist ever to do so) and working onboth an MTV pilot and an “anti-high school musical” movie with Judd Apatow. Butdespite the roller coaster ride of success that this young man is on, he’snever forgotten the path that got him there. Both the good and the bad.

This has never been more apparent than it was after listening to Bo’slatest song “Nerds”, an ode to the outcasts. Right off the bat he attacks this track the same way the bullies used toattack him. He raps in this song, but witha noticeably different demeanor than we’ve grown accustomed to. There’s ananger to his voice. A cause in his words.

Bo takes the 8 Mileapproach in his opening verse, insulting himself first, as if to disarm hisenemy’s arsenal before they have a chance to use it themselves. “I’m a faggot,I’m a retard, I got a girl’s bag and a v-card”, all insults that I’m sure were thrown his way growing up. By the tenth line he already has to instruct himself to “calmdown Bo, just count to ten, um”. The verse concludes with him accepting defeat, butin a B-Rabbit drop-the-mic walk-off home run kind of way declares “I quit, I got nopatience. You won, I’ll face it. Yourlife peaks at graduation, well congru-fucking-lations.”

The chorus serves as a shout out to the types of childrentypically bullied in schools, ending with Bo proclaiming “I got your back kid.”

Nerds,

The faggots,
The spastic fat chicks who,
Sit in the back with no one to do their lab with,
The nerds,
The kid with acne,
And tons of proactive,
Packed inside his backpack,
I got your back, kid

And that message has not gone unappreciated. Hundreds ofYoutube comments have come flooding in by people from all walks of like, thankingBo for sticking up for them, along with sharing personal stories of heartache.

“This song has such an impact on me and I can't really expresswhy... for some reason the first couple of times I watched it, I cried at theend. Cheesy, I know. I guess it's just very relatable. I commend Bo for havingthe balls to get up there and let loose something as raw and angry as that.Good for him.”

“I can't stop listening to this. It's like a drug; a reallyincredible, emotional, beautiful drug.”

“whenever i feel depressed i come to this song and it alwaysmakes me feel better. im not a nerd or anything like that, it just shows howmuch confidence you can have.”

“this is so different from what he usually does and it made mecry instead of laugh out loud. i love him. no other words for it. <3”

It's beyond refreshing to see such an established performer go against the grain of society by putting his neck on the line to become a voice for the voiceless. Bo's brilliance and passion go without question and after hearing this song I have no doubt that his up coming rap album will be some of his best and most heartfelt efforts yet.

Not that I ever doubted him in the first place.

-fresh (@danye33)

Yahoo! Sports Uses 90's Suicide Ballad To Explain Jeremy Lin's Career Night

2012-02-07T11:40:00.001-05:00

This, of course, is a reference to Pearl Jam's 1991 mega-hit, Jeremy, a song whose video featured a young school boy blowing his brains out in front of his classmates. Slightly more controversial than the leagues only Asian-American born player scoring 25+ points in consecutive outings, but hey, the Knicks are fun to watch again, so I don't think anyone will mind the tasteless comparison.

-fresh (@danye33)

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!

2012-02-06T10:10:00.001-05:00

I woke up at 5 am today with a wicked hangovah and couldn't fall back asleep for the life of me. Just laid in bed replaying last nights game over and over again in my mind, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that for only the second time in my life, we are the champions. It's an amazing feeling, and I truly do hope that everyone is lucky enough to experience it once or twice in their own lifetime as well.

As for the Giants- I would just like to say that Eli Manning is the greatest competitor I've ever had the honor of cheering for. I don't even want to think about the day when someone else lines up under center in the blue and white. Poise, confidence and execution that is unparalleled in the National Football League today.

So on behalf of everyone at the 2 man weave (sans Gary), I would like to say thank you to the New York Giants. Your excellence on the field inspires us to strive for excellence in our own daily lives.

Now somebody do me a favor and cue up the Queen music on repeat for days!

-fresh

Andrew Bynum Will Never Drink Alcohol, Kissed Sumones Gurl, Purposely Showed Up To Class Late. This, According To His MySpace Page From When He Was 17

2012-02-04T12:51:00.000-05:00

click images for larger view

To view the All-Star starter's page in its entirety, click here.

-fresh (@danye33)

"The Catch" Taking You Into Super Bowl Weekend

2012-02-03T15:51:00.001-05:00

We all know what's at stake.

It all comes down to this.

The ball is in Eli's hands now...

And that's just the way we want it.

GO BLUE

The Chosen One

2012-02-03T12:28:00.003-05:00

The starters for the 2012 NBAAll-Star game were announced Thursday night, live on TNT, before theKnicks/Bulls game at the Garden. The winners of the fan vote were Kobe Bryant,Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, Blake Griffin and Andrew Bynum for the West, while theEast will be sending out Dwyane Wade, Derrick Rose, LeBron James, CarmeloAnthony and Dwight Howard come tip off, February 26^th, inOrlando. All of these players are exceptional athletes, and deserving ofthis honor in the midst of having great seasons for contending teams. Well, every player with the exception of one, that is.

Carmelo Anthony is the onlystarter whose team doesn’t boast a winning record. It’s not like theKnicks are hovering around the mediocrity level either, they’re an uninspired 8-14. To the untrained eye, Anthony’s stat line this season looks a lot likewhat the prototypical All-Star starter’s stat line should look like. He’saveraging 23.8 ppg and 6.5 rpg, but if you look a little closer you will alsosee that only Kobe Bryant has taken more shots per game, and that no other top20 scorer is shooting worse than he is (a career worst 40.3%). Anotherstat for you- Carmelo hasn't hit a field goal in 12.5% of the Knickswins. Deserving of a starting spot to represent his conference? Hardly.

The fan voting system has andalways will be flawed. Remember, this is a system that once elected Yao Ming astarter in a year in which he didn’t step one size 18 foot on the court inuniform. This is also a system that just two years ago saw Allen Iversonget awarded a start despite putting up brutal career lows and only appearing in19 games. That same year, 2010, Tracy McGrady went into the final hours ofvoting primed for a starting slot before finally getting overthrown by SteveNash as the buzzer went off on the fan voting. Tracy had played in just45 minutes that whole season.

When this kind of stuff happensit always serves as a reminder that events like the All-Star game are strictlyput in place for two reasons. To make money while making the fans happy, andthose two things go hand in hand. Stars sell and the fans want to seetheir stars align together, which is why year in and year out it’s the biggestnames, and not always the most deserving players, that get to bask in the All-Starlimelight.

This year there are a slew ofEastern Conference forwards on contending teams worthy of Anthony’s startingspot. For instance, Chris Bosh is averaging 20.4 ppg and 8 rpg whileanchoring the front court of the East’s second best team. Midway upthe coast you have Andre Iguodala who has helped right the 76ers ship back to their winning ways, and he’s been doing it with his defense, a rarity intoday’s NBA. Philly is ten games over .500 and Iguodala is one of just fourplayers in the league averaging more than 13 ppg/6 rpg/5 apg (the other playersto do so are LeBron, Kobe and Kyle Lowry). Danny Granger isaveraging 18+ppg for Indiana and has the Pacers sitting pretty at fourth placein the East. Hell, I’d even argue that Luol Dang, Paul Pierce and RyanAnderson’s play all merits contention for a starting spot over Melo. At leasttheir performance has translated to wins.

So when you’re sitting at homein a couple of weeks checking out All-Star weekend, remember that you’rewatchingBasketball With The Stars, not necessarily basketball with thebest.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dan is the editor inchief of the 2man weave

Reader E-mail- Does Using The Hand Railing As Ass Floss On The Subway Get This Chick Laid?

2012-02-02T16:38:00.004-05:00

This mobile upload popped up on my News Feed last night and I immediately got a semi. Now my question for the weave is- does using the hand rail on the Subway to floss your ass get this chick laid?

-J.P.

I'm going to start off my saying that anytime a chick makes it known that door #2 is open for business there are going to be an ample amount of suitors signing up to play slip and slide. She clearly has a constant need for things in or around the back door, as evident by this cheek spreading photograph that we've all now been blessed with. So to answer your question- yes, flossing your ass on the Subway hand rail is about as natural a mating call as you can think of. We should be commanding this woman for her innovation in the most unlikely of places.

HOWEVAH, I would say the real question here is not whether or not flossing her ass on the hand rail gets this chick laid, but rather whether or not that bro who stole LeBron's shirt from "The Decision" is the one doing the exploring in her land down under? Maybe she's the one making his black snake moan and couldn't wait for the bedroom so she got the party started a little early? After that public display of sphincter stretching I bet they didn't even need to bust out the his & her pleasure when they finally got horizontal.

I SAID LOOK MA- NO HANDS!

-fresh (@danye33)

Have a question you want answered? E-mail fresh at dan.chiavetta@gmail.com

Sports Movie Showdown (Baseball Edition)

2012-02-02T14:10:00.000-05:00

As always, go VOTE for your favorite Baseball movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Fan Page

Last week we asked whatyour favorite hockey movie. The readers of the weave answered backemphatically, QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK TIMES 2. In our most lopsided vote yet D2won with 47% of the vote. We threw on our tie dye Trinidad jerseys and skatedtill we couldn’t stop just like Luis Mendoza. This is real interesting becauseso far not one so called “critically acclaimed” film has come close to winningand you know what- THAT'S (Bernie) FINE. Fuck critics because in the end do wereally want some pompous asshole telling us that Coach Gordon Bombay isn’t aclassic film character? Fuck no!

As we inch closer andcloser to the end of this little charade we've deemed The Best Sports MovieEver, we reach what some have called the toughest vote yet as we break downAmericas Past time, baseball. I think the benches may clear on this one and it’llsurely be one of the most vicious cock fights we’ve had on BSME. So without FreddieAdu, let’s step to the plate and point our finger at which Baseball Movie trulyis our favorite.

Moneyball

Acombination of economics and baseball gives us quite possibly the mostinteresting sports story in the last 20 years. The film tells ofBilly Bean, who as general manager of the Oakland Athletics, turned his ballclub from an imminent failure to a major contender in the 2002 AmericanLeague. The club took the philosophy of “buying wins” instead ofbuying players and made it mainstream, thus now holding the longestsingle-season winning streak of 20 games. It’s one part philosophy,two parts drama, and the rest… All-American ball. The line, “It’shard not to be romantic about baseball” allows every guy who’s ever felt thatway to nod in approval, and repress a built up tear. We wantbaseball to be pure, to let raw talent and meritocracy to win every time, eventhough we know it isn’t. ‘Moneyball’ is a movie that not onlytranslates well into the pantheon of baseball hallmarks... it allows us toinvest hope that the game can still be won by an underdog lot; that a team witha $35 million payroll can beat a flock with a $135 million dollarpayroll. ‘Moneyball’ is to the baseball fan, what ‘The ShawshankRedemption’ is to the hardened heart. (Z.S)

Field of Dreams

Tryingto write about this Costner opus is hard. Everything has been said,and rightfully so. The reason ‘Field of Dreams’ has always been popular is fortwo reasons. The first one is simple… that baseball serves as thegreatest allegory for most American boys. At some point, all youngmen dream of cracking the bat and sending the leather into the centerfieldstands. Most of us have put our face into the leather glove, smelledthe spring grass, felt the dirt on our hands, chewed sunflower seeds andallowed the cheer of family to boost our confidence and tame our nerves. ‘Fieldof Dreams’ turned an unspoken notion, and gave us a standing commandment; thatbaseball is a religion… ordained by God himself. Had the Lord written anewer New Testament (sorry Jewish friends)… baseball ethics would be the themeof the Gospels. We understand baseball as black and white, good and evil,Pinky and the Brain, love and hate.

The second reason we love this movie is something that sneaks upon us and isn’t revealed until the very end. It’s ultimately afather/son story. Tackling this subject in the allegory and robustworld of baseball demonstrates that there are bridges between father and sonthat can heal hurts and undo wrongs. If we go on the notion that anomniscient God uses baseball in an unforgiving world, we allow the purity ofthe game to repair a loving bond between Ray and his dad, after what must haveseemed an eternity of regret. When Ray and his dad finally playcatch at the end, anyone who’s ever had a great father will be using theirsleeve to hide the joy. (Z.S)

Sandlot

This movie iseverything right and beautiful about the game of baseball. The childhood experienceis perfectly embodied as these kids lose themselves in a game without a care inthe world. It’s an example of how simple life used to be. We didn’t care aboutcell phones, facebook status or what celebrity showed their cooch getting outof their BMW. It was simple and it simply was BASEBALL. Everybody had thosedays growing up where no matter what you were playing, you’d go out as soon asyou woke up and before you know it was getting dark and you had to be homebecause mom was bringing KFC for dinner. Every time I watch it I can’t help butfeel like wow, this may just be what heaven is like. So many classic scenes, likewhen the gang tried chewing tobacco for the first time and when WendyPeffercorn got her Bo Derek on in that bathing suit. All the nicknames arepriceless- Smalls, Benny the Jet, Squints Paladoris, Yea Yea, Ham Porter andthe list goes on and on. This movie is a must own for me, like no matter what technologycomes out I will always till the day I die, somehow own this movie. It’s toughto explain but I think if we could we would all want to have a sandlot of ourown whatever it may be. I'll leave you with a quote that I'm sure you all arefamiliar with and that I think about to this day, and it drives me to strivefor greatness in whatever I do. "Heroes are remembered, but legends neverdie." (N.M)

Angels In The Outfield

The premise of thismovie is about as fucked up as you can get at the Disney level. Some dead beat dad puts his kid in anorphanage and tells him that the only way they could be a family again is ifthe Angels win the pennant. Sure enough,actual Angels start showing up at Anaheim Angels games and affecting theoutcome for the better. They end up winning the pennant and Rogar (the manager)ends up adopting Roger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and his friend J.P. As far as baseball movies go, I don’t thinkit stacks up in comparison to the classics, but it’s still an entertaining filmthat provides hope to the hopeless. (D.C)

Major League

This movie is the bigbang of baseball comedies. There were none before and there have been nonesince that will match it’s perfect comedic prowess. With a cast of oddballcharacters they set out to prove their bitch of an owner wrong and win the pennant.Before Charlie Sheen was "Winning" and drinking tiger blood, he wasplaying one of my favorite sports characters ever, “Wild Thing” Rick Vaughn (healso was on steroids) . With a dominant fastball and an attitude tomatch, he takes the MLB by storm and also by hitting batters in the head. Thismovie at its core is so character driven that you walk away wishing that WillieMays Hayes actually existed, and believe you me with Jose Reyes gone there isno one I want more leading off for the Mets right now, and he’s a fictionalcharacter. Jake Taylor playing the catcher who never got the big payday butloves the game so much he ends up pushing away the only woman to ever love him.With one of the classic endings in all baseball movies, they win the pennantwith a suicide squeeze. What else wouldexpect from this team. (N.M)

Bull Durham

For all you tweensthat read The Weave and are asking what about Summer Catch, starring FreddiePrinz Jr. the answer is keep dreaming. Bull Durham was the first of its kind toshow what it’s like to play in the minor leagues. The old whore who sleepsaround with the newest members of the team, beautifully done by Susan Sarandon.The old vet who never made it the majors, Crash Davis, played by Kevin Costner, hasto teach the young stud the real way to play ball and be a professional. Itwill always remind me that you can’t be successful if you’re all arm and nohead. (N.M)

-miggs/fresh/strawn

Super Bowl X(LVI) Factors

2012-02-02T11:44:00.001-05:00

With the Super Bowl just three days away, you would be hard pressed to find an angle or story that hasn’t already been covered in some facet. The extra week in between conference championship games and the Super Bowl allows for lots of over hyped speculation, predictions and statements. That’s why in this column I’m going to shy away from the conventional Brady, Manning, Belichick, rematch story lines, and instead talk about some of the under the radar X-factor players that I feel could prove to be the difference makers come Sunday.

For the Giants, look for the sleeping Giant, Jake Ballard, to awake from his quiet playoff slumber and make some big plays for Big Blue. The undrafted free agent out of Ohio State has just three catches for 33 yards in three post season games thus far, however he played his best football of the season back in week 9 against these very same Patriots up at Gillette Stadium. In that game he had four catches for 67 yards, including the game winning touchdown with under a minute left to play. One of the reasons he will be able to expose New England’s defense come Sunday is because the Pat’s, notoriously weak in their secondary as it is, will be forced to devote the majority of their attention on stopping the Giant’s 3-headed monster receiving core of Hakeem Nicks, Victor Cruz and Mario Manningham. Someone is going to be open for Eli on Sunday, and look for Ballard to be the beneficiary.

On the opposing sideline, look for the NFL’s league leader in receptions, Wes Welker, to continue his string of dominance. He had 136 receiving yards the first time these two teams squared off, and with Brady’s safety blanket Rob Gronkowski possibly slowed down by a high ankle sprain (he hasn’t practiced since the Baltimore game), Welker should be primed to pick up the slack across the middle. New York’s secondary has far exceeded anyone’s expectations in these playoffs, but containing Welker is a task that is much easier said than done. During the regular season he eclipsed the 110 yard receiving mark in 50% of his teams games, and although his numbers are down this postseason, don’t expect them to stay that way.

The outcome of Super Bowl XLVI will by no means be determined by the production of these two players alone. Football is the ultimate team sports, and both victory and defeat rest in the hands and actions of many men. However, keep an eye out for these two X-factors come kickoff, because for better or worse, both of these players will be leaving everything they've got on the field in Indianapolis.

-fresh (@danye33)

Adam Sandler To Star In Movie Based Off The Hasbro's Board Game "Candy Land"

2012-02-01T12:55:00.001-05:00

(Movie Phone) According to Variety, Sandler's production company, Happy Madison, is in final talks with Hasbro to develop a movie based on the classic board game "Candy Land," with Sandler set to star. For those unaware of Candy Land, it was first developed in 1949. The board game took children through wonderful lands made up of candy, such as Peppermint Forest, Lollypop Woods and Gumdrop Mountains.

I have a feeling this effort will fall somewhere between "Jack & Jill" and "You Don't Miss With The Zohan" on the shitty Sandler movie spectrum. Look, I get it. He has kids, more disposable income than any man could ever dream of and he wants to make movies that his youngins can enjoy.

But one thing I don't get is how the fuck you play "Candy Land" these days? A few friends and I tried turning it into a drinking game a couple of summers back and we couldn't for the life of us understand what we were supposed to be doing. You just flip a card and then move to the next space with that color on it. Occasionally, you draw a characters face and you get to go directly to them. Which is fine, except for the fact that if you draw the Gloppy the Molasses Monster card you're automatically placed just a few spaces away from the finish line. In short- whoever gets that card wins. It's bullshit.

Give me Monopoly everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.

-fresh (@danye33)

5 Busted In LSD Ring At Drexel University

2012-02-01T12:31:00.000-05:00

(NBC) Two Drexel students are among the five people arrested and accused of operating a "huge" LSD ring on the campus of Drexel University. Investigators said the drug ring was likely going on for about a year before they were able to break it up. The three non-students accused of masterminding the operation were taking home anywhere from $5,000 to $15,000 a week. One of the Drexel students began cooperating with police earlier this month after he was arrested in Upper Moreland on marijuana and gun charges. That student led investigators to a second Drexel student accused of being the campus supplier for the operation. He too became a confidential informant, allowing investigators to record phone calls of drug transactions. In an overnight raid on Florence Street, drug agents confiscated 9,500 hits of LSD worth about $28,000 on the street, according to the DA.

Ten thousand tabs?! As they say on Sportscenter “Welcome tothe big show!”. To be honest I can’tbelieve there’s such a big market for acid these days. Sure I have a fewfriends who’ve tried it, but if these guys were moving thousands of hits a weekthat means more or less everyone in Philly has been chillen up in the sky withLucy.

I spent the night at Dexel once back in high school. We weredown in Philly for the Lax Final Four (aka strictly there to binge drink) andended up getting my buddies cousin written up for drinking in her dorm room. Seemed like they ran a pretty tight ship downthere. It was also all of a three minutewalk into the ghetto and I remember the path we took back to her dorm after theparty was commonly referred to as “rape road”. Probably the last place on EarthI would ever want to hallucinate.

And what’s up with the kid who snitched getting busted withweed and guns? I would expect an acid dealer to go to a Disco Biscuit show, nottote an actual biscuit. Anyway, you gotta love the designs on these tabs. I mean how could you say no to a multicolored Hawaiian Punch dude saying "SHAZAM"? You can't.

Marketing 101- give the people what they want.

-fresh (@danye33)

GQ Names Pleasantville, New York, The Second Best Smelling City In The World

2012-01-31T14:36:00.000-05:00

(GQ) 2. Pleasantville, NY

Money changes the smell of everything, and wealthy towns where people who want to flee New York's asphalt canyons go to have gardens and lawns have scents as restricted as the covenants guarding their real estate values. Maple, oak, and pine smell cyclically different as the seasons turn, and Pleasantville's scent is based on these trees and their leaves at all stages—green, yellow, dead brown, and budding. When you close your eyes you get grass and then the smell of "America as it was," whenever that might mean for your nose. If Normal Rockwell's paintings emitted a scent, this is what it would be.

So the old P-Vegas is the second best smelling city in the ENTIRE WORLD huh? How is that even measurable? I mean don't get me wrong, I'll take the recognition. Anything to help property value, right? I guess I've just taken my crystal clear oxygen for granted these past twenty years. Not going to lie, that "America as it was" line really hits home though. I guess America as it was smelt like marijuana, pizza and nail polish.

Pleasantville = this?

-fresh (@danye33)

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen...

2012-01-31T12:39:00.002-05:00

Anyone on the twitterverse has seen it, the #thatawkwardmomentwhen trend. People detailing the awkward moments of their lives. To be honest, a lot of things are awkward but here is a list I came up with of what would truly be, the most awkward moment.

5) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you read a tweet about someone's awkward moment and it's clearly referring to you

Extreme awkwardness here. It may not seem like it but take a second and think about it. You know that whatever moment they are referring to was already awkward to begin with, and it involved you. You walk away like "well that was awkward" and try to forget about it. Then BOOM, immediately after a tweet about how awkward it actually was coming from that person and now everyone knows. Kicking the level of awkwardness up a notch.

4) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you see your one night stand from last night out again the next night

Prototypical awkward moment here. You guys make eye contact, no one knows what to do, especially if there was some drunk sloppy sex the night before, possibly a blackout or two involved. Maybe she doesn't look as good as she did last night when you were 15 jack and cokes deep? Do you give the courteous hello and small talk? Do you just avoid her? Do you try and bring her home again? What if she's with a different guy? Just so many additional factors to increase the level of awkwardness.

3) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you're talking shit about someone and they're standing right behind you

We've all seen it in the movies. Someone is talking shit, possibly screaming about the other person. Then the person talking shit finally realizes through a series of cues that the the person who is the brunt of all the shit talking is directly behind the shit talker. Then they turn around. Never actually happened to me in real life but I feel this has to be extremely awkward. At the very least there's a verbal confrontation, possibly a physical scuffle, maybe a ruined friendship.

2) #thatawkwardmomentwhen someone farts in a room full of people and everyone looks to you

Always awkward especially if you didn't fart. If you were the perpetrator, its more or less just embarrassing rather than awkward but if you didn't do it, so awkward. All these thoughts running through your head like "why do they think its me", you're sitting there trying to blame other people to prove that it's not you. If it's particularly raunchy people are plugging their noses, possibly leaving the room or passing out where they stand. Even worse if it's in front of girls.

DRUMROLL

1) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you walk in on your parents having sex

Most awkward moment possible. Never happened to me but what could possibly be more awkward than this? Family dinners will never be the same. Images engraved in your head. Possible nightmares. Parents don't even know how to approach you afterwards. Afraid to even give them hugs anymore. If there's a more awkward moment than this please, someone, let me know.

-Bacon

Toss Up! Dunk of the Weekend- King James or the Blake Show?

2012-01-31T11:16:00.002-05:00

or

It's a good thing LeBron's dunk happened first so he could at least have a couple of days to bask in the lime light. Because once Big Daddy Blake showed up to this dunk party it was a wrap. Lebron's oop was insane but at the end of the day John Lucas is only 5'11. Kendrick Perkins is a 6'10 enforcer and Griffin just tea-bagged him like a cup of Lipton.

Somewhere out there Tina-Fey Mosgov is cackling and rolling a blunt.

-fresh (@danye33)

Zach Strawn Takes You Into "The Grey"

2012-01-27T19:15:00.002-05:00

Once more into the fray,
Into the last good fight I’ll ever know,
Live and die on this day ...
Live and die on this day ...

If one looks at ‘The Grey’ and sees Liam Neeson kicking wolf ass, you’d be correct. Perception is our reality. We tend to know the thespian Neeson as Oscar Schindler, Rhas al Ghul, Qui Gon Jin, Rob Roy, Darkman and an overall resident badass. Neeson has become so ingrained as a contemporary yet grittier Steve McQueen that with ‘Taken’ and ’Unknown’ we expect him to unleash his animal rage and kill wolves using MacGyver –esque nuances. And let’s be honest, when we see Liam run at the wolves with mini-liquor bottles between his knuckles, our own carnal ambitions come forward and all of a sudden we become Michael Vick. Fuck those wolves. I went into this film expecting the typical man vs. beast flick that translates so well in ‘The Edge’ and ‘Jaws’. What I got was so much more.

Very rarely do movies leave you feeling so overwhelmed with thought and contemplation that you want to just sit down in a dark corner and polish off a bottle of Woodford Reserve by yourself. Ok, maybe that just happens to me, but ‘The Grey’ is an intense sermon. It’s a last prayer in the religion of survival and a hymn to the resounding belief that we all can overcome obstacles if we keep fighting. Neeson draws upon the emotion of his wife and her memory as we collect his characters flaws and core. Another flashback is between him and his father. Ironically, Neeson draws upon the happiest memories he has in the most perilous of situations he’s a part of. It lends us to see an acceptance of death. He’s willing to succumb, but why doesn’t he?

It is a survival story. Seven men survive a plane crash and decide to hike out of the Alaskan tundra as wolves begin to attack them and weaken their union. A colorful cast of characters keep ‘The Grey’ fresh with diversity of opinion, beliefs, and personalities. Conflicts between some of the men and... how a few of them meet their end... remind us that we all approach stress... and the end of our lives in very different ways. Some pass away in the quiet of the night, some quit, some try, but fall up shirt.... and then there are those who despite all hardship, keep fighting. It’s a powerful allegory for the times we live in. If this film feels like its summed up in the entire line of ‘No Fear’ t-shirts... you could be right. But the power of resiliency is arguably one of the most inspiring attributes an individual can possess. We all have to ask why Neeson keeps fighting, and its certainly open for interpretation... but we know that he is at peace... being at war.

We all have wolves in our lives, we have blizzards, and rivers blocking our path. We have experienced crashes and survived dire straights. With death (and taxes) being the only certainty the rest of us will all experience... it seems that we all have a choice. As the poem Neeson recites frequently throughout the film ends... our choice is relatively clear....

Live and die on this day ...

-Zach

Zach writes for the blog "Shoot From The Hip"

Jose Canseco Is Handling Retirement Well... Just Kidding, He’s Now Begging The Boston Red Sox For A Try Out Via Twitter

2012-01-27T12:17:00.002-05:00

Instead of opting for the more tradition resume/interviewroute to seek employment, our favorite scorned tweeter has taken to the keyboard in his latest attempt to make a comeback to the big show. This timearound his team of choice is the Boston Red Sox, who last I checked, weren’t inthe market for a 47 year old rat who hasn’t played professionally in over adecade (No, Yuma doesn’t count). He claims to have batted .350 lifetime with 1HR for every 9 plate appearances in his career at Fenway. Not sure if there is anyway to verify these numbers, but if I were Jose, I wouldn't quit my day job.

Oh that's right, he doesn't have one...

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Hockey Edition)

2012-01-25T15:58:00.000-05:00

Last week we went 12rounds with cinema heavyweights and only one film stood tall, and brain damaged,screaming at the top of his lungs "ADRIEN!!!!." The winner was RockyIV, proving that the 2 Man Weave does not have any Russian readers.Rocky IV landed one of those wild hay-makers that sounds like a whipcracking on the rest of the opposition by grabbing 37% of the vote.Once again the winner that the readers of the weave have selected may not havebeen the most critically acclaimed of the group, but it was certainlydeserving nonetheless.

We now move on to thenext division of films in this tournament to crown the Best Sports Movie of All-Time.This time we’re here to break down the only films on the list to take place ona big sheet of ice. That's right Hockey, the sport from up north. Hockey is theonly legitimate team sport that allows fighting in the middle of thegame. It also has some of the greatest underdog stories to ever occur in sports,both in real life and on the big screen.

Miracle

When the general public thinks about the greatest moments in hockey history, you’ll be hard pressed to find an answer that isn't the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. Simple known as the " Miracle on ice" this might not just be the best hockey moment ever, but the best sports moment of all time. It would be pretty hard to create a better story than this one. That's why "Miracle" is such an amazing sports movie in the first place. This is one of the very rare occasions where a true story ends up being more unbelievable than a made up screenplay could ever be. A group of young unknowns college kids take down the Titans the sport. Just like Rocky IV, Mother Russia is challenged once again by a smaller and less physically imposing opponent. The hardest part of this movie is trying to figure out what the hell half of the players are saying, and they are AMERICAN. The Beantown accents are a plenty in this one. This movie will jack you up and make you want to skate around your local rink with blood all over your face and a American Flag draped on your back during some poor little girls birthday party and you’ll do it AGAIN....AGAIN......AGAIN....AGAIN. (N.M.)

Mighty Ducks

The premise of thismovie could be very dark if you think about it. Scumbag lawyer gets a DUI andis forced to take a group of kids and turn them into a championship hockeysquad against their will. But it’s a Disney movie so everyone is happy andeverything works out in the end. First off this was made when Emelio Estevezwas a legitimate movie star, oh how far we have come. This movie played every stereotypeto the T- it has the CAPTAIN (CHARLIE CONWAY), THE BLACK KID (JESSE HALL,HE WAS ALSO THE BLACK KID IN SANDLOT). The New/Rich kid (ADAM BANKS) and thekid I always got compared too or pigeon holed into THE FAT KID (GOLDBERG). Thisconsummate rag tag group of kids will face-off against the dreaded Hawks. Theformer team of Coach Bombay and the creepiest part is that his coach is stillhanging around little kids all the time. This was and still is one of myfavorite movies of all time. It is so ingrained in my thought process of sportsthat when I play NHL 12 and have a breakaway I always triple deke and alwaysMAKE HIM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. It’s the same reason whenever a room goes quite Ifeel the need to start a good slow cheer, QUACK QUACK QUACK. (N.M.)

Mighty Ducks 2

The quack attack came back with a sequel for the ages. They added lovable newcomers like Julie “The cat” Gavin, BashBrother Dean Portman, Cowboy DwayneRobertson, Ken Wu and the knuckle pucker- Russ Tyler. The Ducks wereinexplicably chosen to represent America in the Junior Goodwill games, wherethey faced off against the evil Iceland for the Gold. Some highlightsfrom this film include the gang roller blading through the Mall of American,the Bash Brother’s rocking out to BTO's “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”, The Iceland coach blatantlycheap shot Esteves in front of both teams yet no one came to defend his honor,the boys shopping for Bikini’s on Rodeo Drive and Team Trinidad’s iconictie-dyed jerseys. Vote for this movie if you love America. (D.C.)

Slap Shot

The saddest part ofthis movie is that it’s going to get the least amount of votes. Just from theway the voters have been selecting over the past couple of weeks I don’t thinkthis movie has a shot (pun intended). It’s sad because of how awesome thismovie is. It’s what major league and Bill Durham were to baseball, this movieis everything and more to hockey. Paul Newman plays the old hockey veteran thatis still holding on for dear life, to a career that just never took off. Hetakes a newcomer, Ned, under his wings and shows him the way Minor Leaguehockey is supposed to be played. That somehow convinces Ned that in the finalgame of the year he needs to strip down to his jock strap and skate around therink. This among countless classic moments including anytime the original Hansonbrothers (not those pussy Mmmbop Hanson’s) make an appearance on screen makes foreverengraved this movie into the sports comedy bible. (N.M.)

MYSTERY ALASKA

Have you and yourfriends ever played a game of outdoor backyard hockey and thought to yourselves“Yea, we can beat the New York Rangers”? The answer is no, unless you live inMystery, Alaska. That is exactly what happens in one of the few films inRussell Crowe's career that he doesn't kill tons of people. The most realisticpart of this movie is that when the Rangers come to the small town they start bangingeveryone’s wife including the mayors. Also, it’s realistic in the fact that arec hockey team would never beat The Rangers and neither did this fictionalteam. (N.M.)

As always, go VOTE for your favorite Hockey movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Page!!!

***BONUS***

SUDDEN DEATH

Simply Put its DIEHARD ON ICE. The final scene is a helicopter crashing through a stadium intothe ice itself. (N.M.)

YOUNG BLOOD

A baby faced Rob Lowe playsDean Youngblood, a talented young hockey player, trying to figure out the gamein the minors. It’s a pretty sick movie that isn’t mentioned a lot but thefinal fight scene is ridiculous because they end up using their sticks like medievalswords. (N.M.)

-Miggs

Dolan Pulled The Trigger, And It Backfired

2012-01-25T10:30:00.000-05:00

Last February the Garden was a temple of hope. The Knicks were steadily clinging to the brighter side of .500 for the first time in almost a decade and their rag tag group of over achievers were doing just that, overachieving. They were winning the games that they were supposed to win, and every now and then they'd steal one from a contender, proving that these were no longer the same bottom feeder Knickerbockers that fans had unfortunately come to expect. Their center was playing at an All-NBA level, they had a potent offense, a solid floor general and a nice rotating cast of interchangeable wings that each brought unique skill sets to the table. A foundation had been put in place, and for the first time in a long time, the future looked bright in the big city.

You know that old saying "the grass is always greener on the other side"? Well multiply it by ten and that's New York sports fans, and more specifically, New York sports management, in a nut shell. Nothing is ever good enough, moves must always be made, your team can always "improve" somehow. So when it became evident around the All-Star break last season that Carmelo Anthony would not sign an extension with the Denver Nuggets, Knicks owner James Dolan knew this was his chance to land himself a second superstar, and he would not let that opportunity pass him by.

On the surface there is no way the Knicks should have ever been in a position where the negotiating ball wasn't in their court. Carmelo wanted New York just as badly as New York wanted him. During negotiations he even implied that he would sign there as a free agent (for less money than the max extension that only Denver could offer) in the summer of 2011 if a deal didn't get worked out before the deadline. But then some rumors started to fly, most notably Andrew Bynum for Melo, and Dolan began to inch closer and closer to that dreaded panic button.

Donnie Walsh, the team's GM at the time, took a more cautious approach, advising the team to hold out for a fair offer or test their luck in the free agent market that summer. Donnie had been brought in to make up for the decade of incompetence that had taken place before his arrival, and worried that by showing their poker hand too early, Dolan would go all in. After all, stars sell in this league, and it's not every day you get the chance to send out two of the games most recognizable figures onto the court, night in and night out, for years to come.

So sure enough, against the wishes of the team's General Manager, Dolan signed off on a pre-deadline deal that sent rising star Danilo Gallinari, starters Wilson Chandler and Raymond Felton, along with Timofey Mosgov and a first round pick to the Denver Nuggets for Carmelo Anthony and some pieces. It was a rushed decision, but one that could certainly be justified. The Knicks had pulled the trigger.

And it backfired.

The Carmelo Anthony experiment thus far has been a roller coaster of mundane highs and far too many lows. Hell, in Melo's first month alone the team went on a seven game winning streak and a six game losing streak. Amar'e's production dropped significantly, Fields became a shell of himself and lack of depth became a crippling factor that would ultimately lead to their demise. They got swept by a decaying Boston team, a series that saw them get blown out in two laughers on their own court.

Promises were made. "Next year we'll be back better than ever". We had heard it all before. Then the lockout happened, quickly halting any opportunity for the team to gel together over the summer months. After a deal between the owners and players union was finally made in early December, the shortened free agency period began and the Knicks wasted no time in using their amnesty clause on their only true point guard (Chauncey Billups). This allowed them to then go after a lifetime 8ppg-8rpg center for the steep price of $14 million per year (Chandler) to anchor a non-existent defensive unit. The signing wasn't bad on paper, but then you realized that their coach, Mike D'Antoni, known for his fast paced, seven seconds or less offense, was heading into this season without a true point guard, a center who's useless offensively outside of ten feet and a still unsettled, ever growing, alpha dog battle between Carmelo and Amar'e.

Which leads us to present day, where the Knicks currently sit in eighth place in the Eastern Conference, a mere half game ahead of the Bucks and the lowly Cavaliers. Including the playoffs, the Knicks are 21-27 since trading for their superstar forward, Carmelo Anthony. In that same stretch, the Nuggets are 30-16 (12-5 on the year). Last year these two teams finished first and second in points per game (Den 107.5, NYK 106.5). This year not much has changed for the Nuggets, who remain tops in the league in that category at 105+, while the Knicks have regressed all the way down to 94.3.

This is due largely in part to the Knicks horrific shooting woes. In fact, only the Sacramento Kings boast a worse shooting percentage than the orange and blue. The main culprit so far has been the aforementioned Carmelo, who is shooting a career worst 40% from the field on 21+ shots per game, 6 more attempts per than Stoudemire. Meanwhile, while playing for the Knicks West in Denver, Gallinari is putting up career best in points, rebounds, assists, shooting percentage and blocks as he makes his strong case for his first of many All-Star appearances.

For New York the excuses have been plentiful, and although some have been warranted, it can't be overstated enough that the Knicks put themselves in this position, and have no one else to blame for their ineptitudes. By not calling Denver's bluff eleven months ago, the Knicks essentially chose their own fate. Had they waited the situation out, their best case scenario would have been playing the 2012 season with Amar'e, Melo (With Curry/Jeffries off the book, they would have been able to afford to give Melo a max contract last summer), Gallinari, Chandler, Felton, Mosgov, Douglas, Fields, Shumpert and Harrellson.
The worst case scenario would have been bringing back that same early 2011 nucleus (a nucleus that went 28-26 as a unit), with a mid-level free agent (think Kris Humpries and his 10 rpg at $8 mil) and ample cap room to make a run at Dwight or Deron Williams in summer of 2012. Now the fate of their season rests in the hands, and stomach, of Baron Davis.

By now it's painfully obvious that at the very least the Amar'e/Carmelo duo is not playing out as originally hoped. The offense looks stale, Melo is chucking and Amar'e is disappearing late in games for the first time in his career. It could be the coach, it could be the (lack thereof a) point guard, it could be something as simple as not even having a full year to get used to playing with each other. Whatever the reason ends up being, they owe it to the players to let this thing play out.

If I could go back in time would I "ok" the Melo deal? No. But we can't go back in time (yet, at least) so for now I think what's best for the Knicks would be to work with what they've already got. I don't think it's fair to dangle Amar'e's name out there like a carrot every time a disgruntled superstar requests to be traded off their team. You, James Dolan, made your grave, now it's time to lay in it. Or better yet, dig your team out of it! A foolproof way of doing this would be by surrounding your stars with capable, or at the very least competent, role players and a coach who knows how to run a set offense. Figure out who the go to guy is on this team, make it known, but also explain how important whoever the #2 is to whomever it ends up being, and how crucial they are to the teams ultimate success. This guessing game we're in the midst of now isn't going to fix itself without some leadership and guidance from up top.

One last word of advice for James Dolan- at the very least let the gun powder wash off your hands before pulling the trigger again.

-fresh (@danye33)

"Shit Drake Says" Actually Made Me Laugh

2012-01-24T18:56:00.000-05:00

Not going to lie, this is only the second "Sh*t People Say" video that I've seen. Been avoiding these suckers like the black plague and to be honest I'm not really sure why. I guess I just assumed that were corny if everybody else was obsessing over them. Oh well, I'll take the L on this one, and will be sure to post any other favorites that I come across. The floodgates have officially been opened.

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Jeffrey Gaines "In Your Eyes"

2012-01-24T17:48:00.001-05:00

Much like its predecessors Music Videos That Don't Suck and Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered is a new music feature we'll be putting out from time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers from years past. How many times do you end up listening to a cover a think "Whoa, this blows the original out of the water?" I'd say this happens roughly 8% of the time, but when it does, god damn it can be good. Our inaugural installment features Jeffrey Gaines covering Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes." This song was immortalized by John Cusack's boombox toting performance in the classic 80's film Say Anything. Gaines' cover does this song justice and then some, as he beats away on his 6 string like it owes him money.

-fresh (@danye33)

Let's See How The People Of Happy Valley Are Coping With The Death Of Their Favorite Child Rapist Protector, Shall We?

2012-01-23T16:36:00.001-05:00

You're right, I'm sure the lung cancer had nothing to do with it.

"Let us light one candle for each child....."

Don't be sad, Burger King is going to start testing home delivery!

Love this bro's eyes closed, fake cry swag. Totally milking it in an attempt to get some sympathy pussy later.

Straight tears, not saying a word. Staying true to the Joe Pa way!

Joe Pa wanted us to believe that he had never heard of "Rape and a man".

Those glasses look like a drooping ball sack. Well done!

images courtesy of SI

Giants-Pats Set For Super Rematch

2012-01-23T12:32:00.001-05:00

For the second timein just four years, the New England Patriots and New York Giants will be facingoff for a shot a Super Bowl glory and the highly coveted Vince Lombardi trophy. Although many of the central pieces remain from that February 2008 duel,including quarterbacks Tom Brady & Eli Manning and coaches Bill Belichick & Tom Coughlin, this time aroundthe script has changed. No longer are the Patriots the undefeated, doubletouchdown favorites, world beaters that they once were. In fact it's the Giantswon this match-up when these two teams faced off in week 9, prevailing 24-20 inweek 9, in a thriller that set the stage for this colossal rematch.

Admittedly,both teams needed a stroke of good fortune to advance on Sunday. For thePatriots it was Billy Cundiff,who missed a 32 yard field goal for the Baltimore Ravens in the closing secondsof regulation, essentially sealing the deal for New England. Had the kick gonein, we would have been looking at overtime. Instead, the Pats won 23-20.

The Giants good fortune came at the expense of Kyle Williams, the secondyear wide-out for San Francisco. Filling in for the injured Ted Ginn Jr., Williams fumbled twice fieldingpunts, including a crucial drop in overtime that led to the game winning fieldgoal by Lawrence Tynes. Journey man and special teams expert, Devin Thomas,recovered both fumbles for Big Blue, the games only turnovers. The latterrecovery, coming in overtime, gave the Giants possession at the S.F.24 yard line, barring eerie similarities to when they interceptedBrett Favre in overtime of the 2008 NFCChampionship, setting them up for a game winning drive at the Packers 34.

Withthe win, Eli Manning became the winningest road playoff quarterback of all-time,and Tom Coughlin tied former Cowboys coach Tom Landryfor most road playoff victories with seven. For the Patriots, it's just more of thesame- as this marks their fifth AFC title in a dozen years. However, it'sthe unfinished business from Super Bowl XLII that still looms heavy over any pre-titlecelebration.

Things will certainly bedifferent this time around. One example of this is the emergence ofRob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, two deadly tightends that have helped elevate New England's offense to never before seenheights. For the Giants, their staple of getting a strong four man pass rushremains, it's just the players that have changed, with Jason Pierre-Paul filling the void left by Michael Strahan nicely. And despite not having David Tyree there tomake any game saving helmet catches, they will have Victor Cruz, and Giants fans are perfectly fine with that.

-fresh (@danye33)

Just Touch It Dave! Eddy Curry Makes Triumphant Return To The Hardwood (Pun Intended)

2012-01-20T13:59:00.001-05:00

(Roto World) Eddy Curry, who is said to have been as large as 400 pounds at times in the past few years, stepped on an NBA court for the first time since 2009 and finished with six points on 2-of-3 shooting with three rebounds in six minutes.

In honor my favorite ~~bank robber~~ fat ass making his return to the N.B.A. last night, I figured now would be an appropriate time to dig up my favorite article the NY Post has ever published. It's from January 13th, 2009, titled "Guy Driver: Eddy Curry Put Moves On Me". It talks, in graphic detail, of Curry's alleged sexual come on's towards his ex-limo driver, Dave Kutchinsky. I dare you to read the following excerpt and not laugh. You can't.

"Knicks center Eddy Curry was slapped with a shocking sex-harassment suit Monday by his former driver, who claims the 6-foot-11 hoopster tried to solicit gay sex from him.
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."

Curry also made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them," the Manhattan federal court suit says.

Kuchinsky, who is straight and Jewish, also alleges racial discrimination, saying that Curry hurled slurs at him including "f---ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK."

Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a "fully loaded" gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.

"Look, I have one in the chamber," Curry allegedly said.

Kuchinsky, who worked for Curry from October 2005 through October 2008, says he was initially hired as an around-the-clock chauffeur for Curry and his family at their Burr Ridge, Ill., mansion.

But shortly after starting work, he soon found his duties fell well outside his job description and "progressively became Curry's "house-boy,'" his suit says. He is seeking $98,000 plus compensatory damages from the injured Knick, whose contract pays him $9.4 million this year. Kuchinsky says he is owed $68,000 in unpaid wages, as well as $25,000 in expenses for which Curry never repaid him.

"Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there," said Kuchinsky's lawyer, Matthew Blit. "Imagine going into your boss's office ... and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it's in a corporate office or a private home."

Curry, who has played just 2 minutes, 38 seconds this season because of knee injuries, declined to comment late Monday in New Orleans, where he was expected to sit out the Knicks' game against the Hornets."

Have a good weekend crackers!

-fresh (@danye33)

This Is Why I'm Not Afraid Of San Fran Heading Into The NFC Title Game

2012-01-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

This duo starts out real strong, then they crashed and burned worse than the Hindenburg. Kind of like how that 13-3 regular season record won't mean jack once the 49ers lose on Sunday to Big Blue. It's all about how you finish people. 60 minutes of hell and these guys just don't have it in them.

Somebody do me a favor and cue the Cruz Salsa Dance!

-fresh (@danye33)

Things I Would Rather Do Than Go See The New Tom Hanks 9/11 Scavenger Hunt Movie

2012-01-20T08:23:00.000-05:00

Masturbate with sand paper
Scrub Khloe Kardashian's rolls (not unlike the way you would a Bull Dog's wrinkles)
Trade eyes with Michelle Bachmann
Listen to the complete discography of Owl City
Go to the Gathering of the Juggalos
Get this tattoo
Move to Mobile, Alabama (and try to catch the leprechaun)
Be Eddy Curry's limo driver for a full calender year
Hire Casey Anthony to babysit my first born child
Play on or around the third rail
Be forced to audibly say the phrase "LOL" everytime I wanted to laugh
Trade Dwight Howard for Emeka Okafor in my fantasy league
Get drunk exclusively off wine coolers
Take a shower with Jerry Sandusky
Shave the maid in Billy Madison's arm pits
Trade in my iPhone for a Startac
Get date raped by Casper from Kids
Never trim my pubes again
Hire Lindsay Lohan as my DD
Box Manny Pacquiao
Let Rosie O'Donnell sit on my face after a 6 mile jog
Support SOPA
Only use single ply toilet paper
Split a crave case with the Numa Numa guy
Ask a celebrity for a "RT" on my birthday

So yea, in short, I would never go see this shitty movie.

-fresh (@danye33)

Who Wants To See Gus Johnson Announcing The Rape Of A Teddy Bear By An English Bulldog?

2012-01-19T07:15:00.000-05:00

I know this video is old but to be honest I couldn't care less. I was searching through some of my old YouTube favorites this morning and came across this gem that was too awesome not to post. It's from May of 2010, which if you don't remember, was the Year of Gus. The guy absolutely owned March Madness that spring with catch phrases like "Rise and fire", "BAM!", "Instant classic!" and "Whatta game!'. Hands down my favorite part of this video is when "One Shining Moment", the staple song that signifies the end of the tournament each year, starts playing and it's just a close up of this dogs doofy ass, deer-in-the-headlights face. Had to run this back like 6x and each time I laughed harder than before.

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Boxing Edition)

2012-01-18T15:46:00.001-05:00

We’re back like Jordanwearing the four-five in our quest to find the best sports movie of all-time. Lastweek’s Basketball poll proved to be a bitter debate between substance over thenostalgia. Turns out the fans of The Weave said “Fuck Substance give me SPACEJAM”. Space Jam (37%) edged out White Men Can’t Jump and He Got Game (23.5% each).Don't get me wrong I loves me a little Loony Tune on NBA action butwe’re talking about THE BEST here. I added it to the list knowing that it wouldbe a crowd favorite but to be honest I didn't think it would win. Iunderestimated how much people actually do connect with a 3ft tall animatedbunny over a semi-true story of an underdog basketball team from Indiana (i.e.Hoosiers got Hosed). This in no way, shape or form is a knock on Space Jam, Ijust don't think it is the best basketball movie of all-time. Butlike they say “that’s why we play the game” and at the end of the dayit doesn't matter what I think, it matters what YOU people vote for.Keep in mind when you are voting that each movie that wins it’s respective categorywill be placed into the running in our final poll to select the BEST SPORTSMOVIE OF ALL-TIME.

This week we hit themat with the Sweet Science. Yes folks boxing, the most refined way to beat thefuck out of somebody for a payday. Boxing is amazing for the fact that two guyswill stand in a square across from each other and just punch and be punched withoutactually breaking out into an all out brawl (although sometimes it leads to a spontaneousmeal, cough cough Iron Mike). What makes boxing such a great sport for a movieis the drama that goes into a fight between two men, both of which are probablypaying for 3 alimony checks and or to support their addiction (i.e. drugs,gambling or whores). This heightened drama is brought out by the factthat no boxer is ever normal, most of them are usually fucked up andare fighting to keep themselves out of jail and or trying to support a familyduring the great depression. The boxing category is far and away ourmost critically acclaimed, with many of the below films nabbing multiple Oscarvictories. DING DING DING! Here are our nominees.

Rocky

We start off withthe original Heavyweight Champ- Rocky. This is the first Boxing Movieto win the big one. It won the 1976 Best Picture award at the Oscar’s and simultaneous changedthe direction of Sly Stallone's career from soft-core porn starto legitimate movie Star. This movie is the framework for anystory of a fictional, down on his luck boxer, looking for his big break. He isfound by an old, and I mean old,boxing trainer Mick, played by Burgess Meredith, the guy who played penguin inthe original batman movie from the 60's. Together this pairing tookthe boxing world by storm. Enter Apollo Creed, played by Carl Weathers, who islooking to fill his New Years Day bout card with an unknown localunderdog. He selects Rocky on the basis of Rocky's nick name, The Italian Stallion,which oddly enough sounds like it might have been Stallone's porno name before hittingit big. In the end, Rocky loses this classic bout to Apollo that nearly goesthe distance. A battered and bloody Rocky screams at the top of his lungs forthe one thing he truly cares about- ADRIENNNNNN. It’s such a simple underdogstory that resonates with everyone. Everybody just wants that one chance toprove that they can hang with the best, and that’s what Rocky did for SIXFUCKING MOVIES. After numerous sequels and a shit ton of dough, this movie hashad such an impact on our social conscience that Philadelphia actuallybuilt a statue resembling the one in the movie. Joe Frazier is from Philadelphia,and is a real boxer, yet Philly opted to immortalize the fictional Stallone characterinstead. THAS RAYCESS… Personally, my fav is Rocky III, but this one broughthome the hardware and started it all. This movie eats lighting and crapsthunder, just like Mick said. (-N.M.)

Raging Bull

In one of the greatest all-time Oscar snubs Raging Bull lost a bout to Ordinary People, a movie none of us have ever seen or will see inour future. Raging Bull on the other hand is a how-to on how to make anincredible boxing film. I'm not just saying this because Marty Scorsese is mysecond cousins great uncle (true story) but because it legitimately is consideredby many as not only the best boxing movie, or the best sports movie, but simply one of the best films ever made. Dinero won best actor for his rolebecause of his incredible transformation into the character Jake Lamatta. Before Christian Bale was sucking weight for some indie flick or Hugh Jackman was buffing up for Wolverine, Dinero did it first . Dinero has claimed to have gained close to 60 poundsto play the fat version of Jake Lamatta, but also lost it all and get ripped for the boxing scenes. That's dedication to the craft my friends. Simply put, even if this film isn't selected it will always be considered one of thebest movies of all time. Hands down best scene is when Dinero gets Joe Pesci to slap theshit out of him (-N.M.)

Rocky 4

The quarto installment that proves trilogies don’t always get it right. While you can say the Clubber Lang installment is one of the lesser in the series, one cannot ignore the deplorable fifth film. Tommy Gunn can suck nuts. That being said, without the bitter the sweet just isn’t as sweet, right? The gem that shines between the latter mentioned two turds is a beacon of hope in the darkness of growing communism. Rocky 4 represents the 80’s zeitgeist which had everyone bleeding red, white and blue and screaming in orgasmic unison ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! Rocky 4 redefined patriotism in film and thus redefined boxing films. Between the line of propaganda and sentiment we root for Rocky harder this time. Not just because he’s the proverbial horse to bet on, with that inspirational underdog story. We root for him because were at war, and he’s the last, best hope for a peaceful victory before mutually assured destruction blows us all to kingdom come. So raise a Budweiser, wear a flannel and relive the Reagan era as the Italian Stallion goes toe to toe with Ivan… America, fuck yeah. (-Z.S.)

The Hurricane

Denzel Washington plays Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, a boxer who is stripped of his title and falsely imprisoned on murder charge.Sounds like Oscar gold right? Wronggg- he got snubbed, and subsequently ended up winning the Oscar the following day for his performance in Training Day (the academy's equivalent of a "make up" call). I personally think he should have won for The Hurricane. This movie reminds me of Shawshank Redemption mixed with some boxingand racial tension. This story of Hurricane Carter is actually the basis for my favorite Bob Dylan song. (-N.M.)

The Fighter

The Fighter is the true story of Lowell's own, Mickey Ward's, raise to fame. But the movie itself is about so much more than that. Like all boxing movies, it's about over coming adversity, but in this case, I would say it's primarily a story about family. Dickie Ward (Bale), a man once famous for knocking down Sugar Ray Lenard, believes he is being filmed by HBO to document his comeback, when in reality they're there to film his demise, in the appropriately titled "High On Crack Street". Promises are broken, arrests are made and tempers run high, but at the end of this movie- Irish is king. Melissa Leo and Christian Bale both took home Oscar's for Best Supporting Actor/Actress, and 21st century Rocky was born. (-D.C.)

Cinderella Man

Cinderella man is bestdescribed by it's title. Do you know how chicks root for Cinderella so hard tomeet her prince charming and put that glass slipper on and fall in love? Well mendo the same thing, but instead of love, they a root for a man down on his luckfighting to save his career and feed his family during the depression. On topof that he fights a Nazi, has it ever been easier to root for someone to win at the end of a movie? It's an awesome movie and true story Cinderella story, worthy of your time, vote and attention. (-N.M.)

As always, go VOTE for your favorite Boxing movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Page

-Miggs/Fresh/Strawn

You Can Buy Tickets To Tonight's Nets-Warriors Game For One Cent

2012-01-18T13:38:00.001-05:00

Lately we've taken to tracking some of the ridiculously low Net's tickets prices on Stubhub. Well tonight's game vs. the Golden State Warriors certainly takes the cake. That's right, for the ripe price of ONE CENT you can go to a professional (we use that term loosely) basketball game. What makes matters worse- I actually bought tickets to this game for my dad and I for Christmas, splurging on some lower level seats for like twenty bucks each. I'll be live tweeting from the game and depending on whether or not they decide to launch burritos into the stands, I may have a write up on it for you guys tomorrow. So yea, if any of you guys out there have a penny to spare, I'd be happy to take the Path out to Newark with you later.

-fresh

Three Quick, Random, Music Connections

2012-01-18T12:59:00.001-05:00

1) Levels is the new Call On Me

Think about it for a second, both songs are by Sweedish DJ's (Eric Prydz & Avicii) and are adored by house fans and causal music lovers alike. They both feature incredibly catchy hooks/phrases/lyrics etc. and neither song uses more than fifteen different words throughout it's entirety (11 for Call On Me, 13 for Levels). These two songs have been used as an audio lubricant to impregnate many a female throughout the years and are fan favorites for grownups who still like to chew on pacifiers.

2) The The Marvin's Room/Someone Like You connection

Even though Marvin's Room is a five minute drunk dial attempt to win back an ex-gf and Adele's sob song Someone Like You has become the anthem for scorned lovers everywhere, at it's true core these songs are far more similar then they are different. Both have past romances on their minds and although one is "just saying you could do better" while the other had "hoped you'd see my face and be reminded that for me, it isn't over", it's evident that both artists are longing for the past and holding onto something that so clearly isn't there anymore. Although the fact that Drake's already had sex four times this week leads me to believe that's he's coping with the breakup a tad better than our multi-chinned friend from across the pond.

3) What's the worst song of the past five years- Fireflies or Moves Like Jagger?

I'm sorry (I'm not sorry) but this is something that I just needed to put out there in the ether and see what my fellow weavers think this. Both of these songs make my insides tingly for all the wrong reasons. I'm going to give Owl City the benefit of the doubt and just proclaim them as the worlds shittiest band since this was their first single and subsequently every other song I've ever heard by them not only sounds identical, but sucks identical as well. I swear every time one of their songs starts playing on my "Pumped Up Kicks" Pandora station I do a mad dash to the "next" button.

But Maroon 5 on the other hand, what the fuck happened to you guys? As questionable as it may look in retrospect, I was a huge fan of these guys in high school. "She Will Be Loved", "This Love" and "Sunday Morning" were all quality songs. Moves Like Jagger makes me jealous of Nathan from Angry Boys. I find myself legitimately wishing that I was deaf. It's far and away the cheesiest, most sell-outish song I've ever heard. I have nothing else to say. It's time to move (like Jagger) on.

-fresh ( @danye33)

"Mean Drunk" Arrested For Smearing Iguana Feces On Teen's Head

2012-01-18T00:17:00.001-05:00

(NWFDW) A man was charged with a felony after smearing iguana “poop” on the face of a teenager. Carl Pfeifer, 53, was arrested Dec. 30 for incidents that took place on June 8, 2011. He threw a beer bottle at a teenager. The bottle hit the victim’s arm and ricocheted off of his face. The teenager did not retaliate. Pfeifer walked out of the room then returned with a tray that had iguana feces on it. He struck the teenager in the head with the tray, which smeared the poop in the teenager’s hair. Pfeifer cursed at the teenager. When Pfeifer was questioned about the incident, he said he had been drinking rum the night of the incident. He also said liquor makes him a “mean drunk” and he “may have said a few things he should not have,” according to the arrest report.

I can see it now. Some teenager that's beginning those coveted high school summers, probably minding his own business listening to some DMB, maybe mingling on fb chat or rolling one up somewhere and then out of the clear blue sky comes Carl "mean drunk" Pfeifer all sauced up on rum and just throws a bottle at you. You shrug it off instead of leaving or retaliating and then here comes Carl Pfeifer yet again, only this time with his readily available tray of iguana shit and just smacks you with it, smears the shit around in your hair, curses you out and leaves. We all face tough choices as teenagers. What college to go to? Who to take to the prom? Whether or not you should leave the room after some mean drunk just threw a bottle at you or stay put and get upended with trays full of iguana shit?. You're not gonna win them all, but I'm sure there's a moral victory in there somewhere. I mean at least you took the tray of iguana shit on the chin like a man right?

But on the other hand you can't really blame Carl Pfeifer here either. I mean when I drink liquor I'm sometimes an angry drunk and say things I don't mean. I don't go around throwing bottles and trays of iguana shit at teenagers, but like they say, to each his own.

-Bacon

They Might Be Giants

2012-01-16T09:54:00.000-05:00

A calm, collected and super efficient Eli Manning led the Giants into the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field yesterday, where they cruised away with a 37-20 victory over the defending Super Bowl champions, the 15-1 Green Bay Packers. This was the fourth win in a row for Big Blue, the league's hottest team, who is catching fire at just the right time, and the seventeen point shellacking set the record for largest playoff margin of victory ever over the reigning champs.

The Giants have outscored their two opponents by a combined score of 61-22 thus far in these playoffs, and much like they did in January of 2008, they're getting it done with a dominating dose of defense and Eli. However, that's where the similarities between the two seasons stop. During that miracle playoff run four years ago the Giants eked out road victories week after week, many coming in the closing moments, en route to a Super Bowl title. This time around, the games haven't even been close.

Manning out shined soon-to-be NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers yesterday, throwing for more yards and touchdowns on fewer attempts and with greater accuracy. The Giants secondary, their long time Achilles heel, deserves much of the credit for this feat, having successfully taken away the deep ball and in turn did not allow any Packer receivers to top the fifty yard mark. They forced Rodgers to try to beat them with his feet, not his arm, and Perry Fewell's boys executed that game plan perfectly.

During the regular season no team forced more turnovers than the Green Bay Packers. Yesterday, the Giants won the turnover battle by three, and that number does not include the heavily scrutinized, second quarter Greg Jennings no fumble call that had many fans and talking heads alike up in arms. Everytime the ball hit the grass yesterday the Giants walked away with it. This includes five fumble recoveries (two got overturned) and two failed on-side kicks by Green Bay that proved to be the difference maker in the game. Big blue wanted it more, and they went out and got it, time and time again.

The most encouraging sign for the Giants moving forward is their newly found big play ability on offense. They can strike on any given down, regardless of where they are on the field. Every week it seems as if a new player is stepping up and breaking free for backbreaking long plays and this week was no different. Third year wide out Hakeem Nicks added a 66 yard score and 37 yard Hail Mary touchdown to his resume, the latter swinging momentum the Giants way for good, extending their lead to double digits heading into the half. In the 2012 playoffs alone, Nicks already has four touchdowns (a Giants playoff record) and 280 receiving yards.

The Giants now head to San Francisco in what is sure to be a grueling, hard nosed, defensive battle to the finish. These two teams met back in week 10 at Candlestick Park, and the 49ers emerged victories, 27-20. But all you have to do is open your eyes to see that this Giants team that's clicking on all cylinders now is hardly reminiscent of their mediocre, mid-season selves. They're playing like a team that's been to the promised land before, but more importantly they're playing like a team that wants to get back there. With just one game standing in their way of another trip to the Super Bowl, that dream is closer than ever before to becoming a reality. When it's all said and done, it looks like they might be Giants, once again.

-fresh (@danye33)

dan is the editor and chief of the 2 man weave

Kid Cudi Cover Taking You Into The Weekend

2012-01-13T17:09:00.001-05:00

I've been a fan of this chick's version of Pursuit of Happiness for a while now but this is the first time she's making an appearance on the Weave. Anyways, have a safe/drunk weekend everybody. Go Giants!

-fresh

Can't Knock The Hustle

2012-01-13T13:55:00.001-05:00

Photographic evidence that man evolved from the monkeys.

"Ugly, Bald" Stalker Cop Gets Sued For Leaving Creepy Note On Front Door Asking Out A Woman Whom He Had Given A Ticket To Earlier In The Day

2012-01-12T11:46:00.000-05:00

(not the actual cop)

(Cafe Mom) Here's the story: Evangelina received a ticket for $132 from police officer Chris Collins for speeding. After the cop did his, you know, job, he did some snooping. Well, actually, it wasn't really snooping since Evangelina had to give him her license when she got pulled over, but still -- he did something shady. He went to her house and left a note. A fairly adorable note, I might add.

"It's Chris ... that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket. I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since. I don't expect a girl as attractive as you to ... even go for a guy like me, but I'm taking a shot anyways. But hey. I did cost you $132 -- least I can do is buy you dinner."

Sure, it's a little inappropriate that he visited her house, but the self-deprecation and modesty in the note almost seem to negate it. Anyway, Evangelina was so unbelievably appalled at this behavior that she's decided to see if she can squeeze some money out of this guy.Look. Generally, I think there is something a little ooky about cops asking women out, but something about this scenario is sort of sweet -- and I definitely don't think it warrants a lawsuit. If Collins pulled her over and told her he wouldn't write her a ticket if she agreed to have dinner with him, then that would be grounds to sue. Collins simply did his job, then asked her out on his own time in a non-creepy way (again, yes, the going to her house part was a little creepy).Perhaps I'm growing out of touch in my old age, but, really, is it that much more inappropriate than a Starbucks barista or firefighter asking you out after doing their job? And is it really a reason to sue?

I seriously found myself having to take deep breaths as I was reading this to try calm my rage for both the cop and author of this post. I legit had to do the woosa thing from Bad Boys II. For sanity's sake, I'll dive in one at a time and start with the cop. First off, fuck this guy. This isn't the movies pal, this is real life. If you fuck someones day up and give them $132 ticket, you're on their shit list for the rest of their life. That's just how it works. And that sob story letter was the most pathetic thing I've ever read. Look, chicks dig confidence and humor, and you sir lack both. Here's a tip- don't refer to yourself as fat and bald within the first five words of you trying to ask a girl out. Also, don't pull the old "I would never expect a girl like you to go for a guy like me" line because it's bullshit. If you truly would never expect it to work then why did you write that embarrassment of a proposal up in the first place? Both figuratively and literally, this cop has some big balls. No way this guy has fired off a round of baby juice with the assistance of an actual female in years. Showing up at her house? Serious need of a reality check.

And this "reporter" Nicole Fabian-Weber is even more out of touch with reality than the cop. The title of her article was "Heartless Woman Sues Sweet Cop for Asking Her Out on a Date". Are you shitting me with that? "Sweet" cop? "Heartless" woman? What planet are you from hunny? Nothing about what that cop did was sweet, in fact I'll give you three adjectives right off the top of my head that fit him better- desperate, pathetic and douchebag. "Fairly adorable note"? I've read ransom notes that were more adorable than that. And to answer your question- YES, it is that much more inappropriate than a Starbucks barista or firefighter asking you out after doing their job. The reason being they didn't fuck you with a ticket and make you cough up hundreds of dollars unwillingly. If you were to go to Starbucks and get asked out by a barista, you asked for it by entering the store. This woman wanted nothing to do with the cop when she got her ticket and I sure as hell don't blame her for wanting nothing to do with him after reading that "boo hoo, I'm bald and ugly and nobody likes me" letter either.

-fresh (@danye33)

@iDisrespectHoez, A Tweep You Should Follow

2012-01-12T11:18:00.003-05:00

Welcome to the second edition of the 2 Man Weave's "A Tweep You Should Follow" segment. As always, we will be interviewing non-celebrities who constantly make us laugh and entertain us on Twitter, so that you guys can get to experience the hilarity of their tweets. This installment features the legendary Alex, better known as @iDisrespectHoez, a college kid from the Bay in Cali. This interview took place over gchat on 1/11/12.

danye: Welcome to the 2 man weave, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. You ready for some questions?
idisrespecthoez: Thank you man, I appreciate it. Ask away bro.
danye: For starters, where does your twitter names come from, both idisrespecthoez and Alex the ChillLater?

idisrespecthoez: The IDisrespectHoez name came from us making fun of the IRespectFemales cat, I wanted to be the opposite of that shit. I used to be DatDude4 and that was corny so I changed it. The Alex ChillLater name came from when I started a group like Odd Future Wolf Gang on twitter, it was called Normal Present ManDog Gang and I played my name off Tyler The Creator
danye: That's brilliant man what's the most disrespectful thing you've ever done to a hoe?
idisrespecthoez: I fucked around with 2 sisters in one day thats probably the worst shit I ever did
danye: Well played! What do you constitute a hoe as? Or are all woman hoes?
idisrespecthoez: Nah not all women are hoes, there are alot of good women out here. But a hoe is just a chick that is easy and fucks everyone pretty much chicks that let me fuck them off the strength that I got them a 40 and 2 McChickens.

danye: Amen. Do you feel like your twitter avatar accurately describes you?

idisrespecthoez: Pretty much, I dont own no gun tho. I'm not a criminal, I'm a college student thats about to graduate in a couple months, I just like that picture lol.

danye: Alright let's talk a little Boy Meets World shall we?
idisrespecthoez: lmao aight
danye: What are your thoughts on Corey not hittin it until they got married, and what would you have done in his situation?

idisrespecthoez: That shit was horrible, I really wont deal with a girl more than a month if she wont let me fuck unless she is my soulmate or something. And even if she is at 2 months I'd cheat one her So yeah if that was me Topanga would have been getting cheated on.
danye: And what about Mr. Feeny? you don't think dude ever copped any buns?
idisrespecthoez: From what I seen nah, he was always lonely and following those kids from middle school to college. He was lowkey a pedophile.
danye: Feeny = Sandusky?
idisrespecthoez: Never know man, they should investigate that shit too.
danye: You should write and film your "Boy Meets Hoes" idea, I think that would be hilarious just based off your tweets alone. Like an internet show or something.
idisrespecthoez: Lmao that would be hilarious man. Me and my friends thought about just filiming everyday stuff we go through and putting it on youtube, cause all those tweets are just personal experiences, nothing is made up.

danye: I noticed your tweets about "Just The Two Of Us" (Will Smith song) and your story about your ex. Is having a kid something you're looking forward to/when are you looking to make that happen?
idisrespecthoez: No idea man the girl I saw that happening with aint around with no more, and the girls I'm dealing with right now I wouldn't have a child with to save my life.
danye: Would you ever drink Cisco again?
idisrespecthoez: Nah man Cisco is for the lost souls and the homeless.
danye: What do you think about Jay and Beyonce naming their girl Blue Ivy?
idisrespecthoez: No opinion on that really, thats their child. They can call it Blue Dogshit for all I care (Denzel voice)
danye: That's a great answer, it really is nobody's business.
idisrespecthoez: People worry too much about what celebrities are doing anyway. Worry about your own shit.

danye: What happened with that chick who cried when she didn't come?
idisrespecthoez: She scared the shit out of me. She some deeper issues but we got over that lol, she still tucked away in the iphone when I need her.
danye: Do you think aliens exist?
idisrespecthoez: I'm pretty sure Lebron is an alien.
danye: Favorite rap song/ artist or group of all time?
idisrespecthoez: Favorite song is You Must Love Me and Racks in a tie...Favorite artist is Kanye.
danye: What's your dream job/career?
idisrespecthoez:Man I just want to provide for my family and not struggle at some job making 10 dollars an hour, thats a dream. But if I could pick one job in the world I'd probably be a sports journalist.
danye: Well you're always welcome on the Weave!
idisrespecthoez: Thank man I appreciate that.
danye: Last question- why should people follow you on twitter (in 140 characters or less)?
idisrespecthoez: I keep it real, and from what people tell me I'm funny. Hopefully that's enough.

FOLLOW HIM!

"like us" on Facebook!

-fresh (@danye33)

Yep, I Started My Own Bernie Fine Meme

2012-01-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

To build your own Bernie Fine meme, click here and use the template I designed.

-fresh (@danye33)

Three Reasons Why Being A Bum Is Harder Now Than Ever Before

2012-01-11T15:44:00.001-05:00

Some days, but not all days, I notice the same man begging for change just a few steps away from the North-West corner of 47th and Madison. Begging may not be the right word, because he doesn't actually talk, he just sits there with the same sign and cap on day in and day out. I don't think this man is actually homeless (I hope) because he looks like he's just a shave and some UV rays away from pulling himself together. It's weird because it almost seems like the colder or damper the day, the more likely he is to be in that certain spot. Whereas for most of the summer months I hardly saw him at all. One reason why this strikes me as strange is because the place where he sits on 47th provides zero protection from above, and it's not even on one of those vents where hot air from the subway rises. What I'm trying to say is- I feel as if this man were truly homeless, he would set up camp somewhere that would provide some form of warmth and shelter. But nope, day in and day out in the cold weather he sits, mute against the wall, hoping against hope for a few coins or dollars. It's obvious that he's chosen this spot because it's densely populated with Grand Central commuters exiting to start their days, which makes me almost sure that it is a calculated move to come off as homeless to make a quick a.m. buck. People have been known to flock daily to spots where they know the money is good. It's a solid plan, but in Mr. 47th st man's case I've never seen him receive so much as a penny.

Which got me to thinking, it's got to be much harder now than ever before to be a bum, and I'll tell you why in three short reasons.

1) Debt Cards

Who carries cash anymore? Drug dealers, bookies and the occasional high roller who still likes to "make use" of his money clip, that's who. It's once in a blue moon that I'm carrying cash on me, and that's only because I'm either A) hitting up one of my dollar slice pizza places B) going out drinking for the night and don't feel like putting my card down everywhere I go, or C) making it rain at the Stiletto's. This must blow worse than that braces chick from 40 Year Old Virgin for bums everywhere. Back in the day if I had change on me I would gladly throw a couple quarters Ashy Larry's way, but armed with nothing but my ATM card, I can now walk by guilt free.

2) Ipods

There's nothing better than walking around New York City with a pair of headphones in your ear. It doesn't matter if you're high, drunk or sober, there's nothing quit like walking around this unique concrete jungle jamming out to your favorite tunes. The best part is that this allows for you to blatantly ignore any and all hecklers trying to scam money out of your pockets. Let's be real for a second- no stranger wants to "just talk" to you. If you engage them even the slightest they're going to try to take you for all you're worth. A simple way to avoid this from happening is by not breaking stride and pretending that you can't hear them. What are they going to do, get mad at you? I use this technique daily as I try to finagle my way through the diamond district without getting ~~raped~~ harassed to sell gold that I don't even own for the millionth time. Different situation but the same principles apply.

Headphones are like a get out of jail free card. It's your very own hall pass to roam the city and not have to engage with anyone that you don't want to. But think back just twenty years- if you were trying to ignore a heckling bum on the street there was no way around it without coming off like a total, cold hearted, dick. Now all you have to do is press play and you're in your very own private Idaho. Even if you are in the middle of midtown Manhattan.

3) "It's All Been Done"

In Chris Rock's 1999 opus "No Sex In The Champagne Room" he advises us all that if a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless long. Because a real homeless person, is too hungry to be funny. Agreed, but that doesn't mean true bums should just flat out stop trying. How many times have you seen the played out "Why lie, I need a beer" or "Need money for bus ticket home" sign. It's getting insulting at this point. Bums come in contact with quite literally thousands of people a day, I say they do a little brainstorming sesh and come up with some funny one liners. Here's a good rule of thumb- if you make me laugh, I'll give you money. If you're annoying and unoriginal you're not getting no FDR's outta my pocket. It's time to go back to the drawing board, or in this case, sidewalk chalk, and come up with some new slogans, because Holla for a Dolla and May God Bless You ain't cutting it.

-fresh (@danye33)

For the sake of being PC, remember folks, there are many ways to reach out and help the homeless people in your community. Nobody deserves to be left in the cold.

Sports Movie Showdown (Basketball Edition)

2012-01-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

Sothe results from last week’s poll are in, and the the readers of The 2 ManWeave have spoken. Your favorite football movie of all time is.....DRUMROLLLLLLLLLLLL.....Rememberthe Titans (47% of votes). Out of the six classics that were in our contest, Remember theTitans came out on top even with their best player GaryBerteir paralyzed from the waist down (I always get choked up when Ihear James Taylor Fire and Rainbecause of this movie).

Whichleads us into our second week of the competition to crown the Greatest SportsMovie of All-Time. This week we're going to be breaking down the best basketball movies of all-time. After further review of last week’s vote, Danyeand I discovered that the older classics like The Longest Yard andBrian's Song got absolutely no love (literally, not one vote). BURT REYNOLDS for god sakes, heshould have gotten three votes from his mustache alone. Due to last week’suniversal panning of the older classics, we have decided to angle our selectionto a younger, hipper crowd, in hopes to have a closer tally thisweek. Basketball is Fresh's sport of choice and also my vertical leap is onlyhigh enough to slip a credit card underneath, so I brought him along tobreak down a few of the movies. AND THE NOMINEES ARE

SPACEJAM

Whocan rightfully say that they have never mimicked or tried to mimic MJ's lastsecond game winning dunk in this NBA/Looney Tunes crossover smash hit. MJ andthe Looney Tunes vs. The Monstars, billed as the best game ever played in thisUniverse, this movie delivers time and time again like an ACME Bombexploding in Wile E Coyotes face. Its star studded cast includes the likes ofLarry Bird, Sir Charles, LJ, Mugsy Bouges, Danny Devito as a dick head alien,and Bill FUCKING Murray. Not only does this movie have a kick ass cast but alsoa timeless soundtrack with R.Kelly bringing down the house with I Believe I Can Fly. Yes, R.Kelly was allowed to work ona children's movie, it was the nineties man. Anyway who knew BillMurray could ball like that. Guy can straight dish the rock. This movie is imprinted intomy subconscious. No matter what Iam doing at the time, if it shows up at 3 am on Stars or Encore or HBO 45west, I will stop and watch the whole damn thing. I've tried the MJ'sSecret Stuff trick on my friends, but it was with an alcoholic drinkI made, and it was for us playing beer pong not basketball. This whole movie sumsup its own greatness with one single exchange-

Bill Murray“The NBA needs guys with talent, guys who have talent but never really thoughtof a professional career. You think I got a shot."

Micheal Jordan "No."

Bill Murray "It's cause I'm White."

Micheal Jordan "Larry's white."

Bill Murray "Larry’snot White..... He's Clear"

Hoosiers

Let'sset the backdrop for this movie, for those who may not remember or befamiliar with this classic film, which has been voted on by AFI as the 13thmost inspirational film of all-time and 4th best sports movie of alltime. It's 1952 and the small Indiana town, Hickory, is in need of anew head basketball coach. Luckily, Norman Dale was just released from hisformer coaching job for striking one of his players, ifthis doesn't peek your interest yet, I don't know whatwill. As the controversial head coach takes over he must deal with the smalltown ideals and population that offer him a player pool of less than 10players to choose from. The team goes through many trials and tribulations, suchas playing with only 4 players because of fouls and coaches decision to sit oneof his best players or hiring an alcoholic assistant coach thathas to be taken to the hospital during a game in which he showed up drunk (playedby Dennis Hopper who got an Oscar Nod for the role). This rag tag group ofplayers, most of which are terrible except the immortal JimmyChitwood, eventually win it all at the Indiana State championship,another underdog story that really makes you think, “Hey if I onlyplayed against white kids from the 1950's, I might have a shot ofwinning the state championship, instead of finishing in last place behind theinner city champions for the 7th straight year”. Little known fact about thismovie: The name of the team in this movie is not actually the Hoosiers, it’sthe Hickory Huskers.

HeGot Game

ThisSpike Lee joint is based around a highly touted recruit, Jesus Shuttlesworth, andthe decision making that goes into picking the right college. It’s not youraverage, “I'm the best high school player in the country, I'm gonnapick a college to go to for a year before I jump to the NBA” storyline. Jesus’father, played by Denzel Washington, is serving a long term in prison foraccidentally killing Jesus’ mother during an argument. During the recruitmentphase, Denzel gets released from prison for a week on one condition-that he gets his son to commit to the Governors alma mater, BigState. Jesus is played by the one and only, Ray Allen, who beat out the likesof Kobe, KG, T-Mac and Starbury for the opportunity to play Jesus. Tobe honest his acting job isn’t half bad. I mean how hard is it to actexcited when on his recruitment trip he gets to have a threesome with somecollege whooores. One thing I would like to see in real life from this movie isthe films climax, the very competitive father/son one-on-one streetball game to decide where Jesus will play basketball in college. I feellike Denzel is such a G that he may be able to hold his own for a little versusRay.

Love and Basketball

Growing up this movie often times remindedme of my childhood friendship with a girl named Molly. No, we never played strip one-on-one orattend the same college (or high school for that matter), but we were bestfriends and up until I hit puberty she would routinely beat me on the blacktop. This movie follows the story of Quincy(Omar Epps) and Monica (Sanaa Lathan) as they grow up as neighbors in LasAngeles. With basketball as their bond,we follow along as they fall in and out of love, culminating with a one-on-onegame for each other’s affection as adults. Both characters end up at USC together as well as spending time playingfor profession basketball teams in L.A. (Lakers & Sparks). It’s a feel good story that everyone who grewup loving hoops can relate to, and it reminds us that all’s fair in love and basketball.

White Men Can’t Jump

Ah the timeless ebony and ivory tale of twoVenice Beach street basketball hustlers. Billy Hoyle and Sidney Deane cross each other so many times in thismovie you’d think it was Allen Iverson’s rookie season. After being embarrassedtwice by the white Hoyle, Sidney decides that they should team up together andat first all is well while the money piles up. But then Sidney throws a game on purpose, leading to Billy’s wife (RosaPerez) to leave him for the first of three times in the film . The defining scene of the movie would have tobe when Billy finally throws down an alley-oop pass from Sidney during theirlast hustle together in LA. Despite winning,Gloria (Perez) still leaves Billy (Harrelson) because it is apparent that hecannot and will not change his gambling ways. Little known fact- one of the unnamed street players in this movie is apre-NBA Gary Payton. No glove, no love.

Honorable Mentions

The Basketball Diaries
Blue Chips
Coach Carter
The Air Up There
The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh
Fast Break
Teen Wolf

As always, please go to our facebook fan page and vote now!

-fresh / miggs

Grandma Drops It Like It's Hot To "Rack City Bitch"

2012-01-10T14:53:00.001-05:00

Hey dark haired Biebs- how about you move over and quit hogging the damn camera will ya? You got grandmama in the back stealing the show like a young J-Lo from her Fly Girl days and here you are upfront lip-syncing like a non-retarded Keenan Cahill. Let me let you in on a little secret bro- you didn't get 6 million views on YouTube in under a week because of your Aztec sweatshirt, Dree Brees like mole on your face and ice pick side burns. You got 6 million views because your grandma is out there straight dropping it like it's hot in her Depends-capable Levi's and dark rimmed reading classes. Swag for days! Just wearing the shit out of the John Madden haircut and oozing with sexual innuendo. Certified D-W indeed.

P.S. Hands down creepiest moment of the video was at the :34 second mark where the kids goes "I got your grandma on my dick" and points to his actual grandma. Nothing kills street cred in the rap game faster then implied incest. Total buzz kill.

-fresh (@danye33)

Toss Up! Would You Rather Go To The Nets-Hawks Game Tonight Or Eat This Bag Of Crunchy Cheetos?

2012-01-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

So I checked Stubhub today and noticed that tickets for the Nets/Hawks game tonight were going for the bank breaking price of 49 cents! That's right, two quarters will get you in the building in Newark to see All-Stars Joe Johnson, Al Horford and Josh Smith of the 6-3 Atlanta Hawks, which begs the question, would you rather eat .875 oz's of cheese flavored cornmeal snack or go to a professional basketball game? Decisions, decisions, decisions. Sure one will make you fat, but the other may make you bored. Plus it's in Newark, so yea... about that. I think I'd rather stick with the chips.

-fresh (@danye33)

Man Facing Drug Charges Shows Up To Court Wearing Instructional Sweatshirt That Shows You How To Cook Crack

2012-01-09T12:17:00.000-05:00

(Local 10) FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. -A man facing drug trafficking charges made a strong first impression at his court appearance in Broward County when he showed up wearing a "crack shirt."The man's shirt included instructions for making crack cocaine.Michael Weinstein, the attorney who took a picture of the shirt, said, "I realized the gentleman who was up at the podium in front of a judge charged with trafficking is wearing a jacket with a how-to manual of how to cook crack cocaine. I couldn't believe the gumption this person had." The defendant has not yet been identified.

Damn, I guess I must have missed the "Wear a jacket with a how-to manual of how to cook crack-cocaine at your court appearance" commandment that last time I listened to Biggie's "10 Crack Commandments". Might have to run that track back.

-fresh (@danye33)

I Got (Big) Blue Balled

2012-01-09T11:34:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you listened to a sporting event on the radio? And I'm not talking about that time you caught the bottom of the seventh on the way home from the gym one night last August, I'm talking about start to finish, an entire game being absorbed strictly through your ear drums. Well for me, that happened yesterday. That's right, I listened to all sixty minutes of the Giants-Falcons game on my way home from Boston, missing out on such essential visuals as Hakeen Nicks rendition of the Dirty Bird, and not one, but two, 4th and inches stops by Big Blue. Listening to a ball game on the radio is a lot like masturbating to an issue of Playboy. Sure, it got the job done in the 60's and was tolerable up until the mid-90's, but in 2012, both leave me uninterested and flaccid.

Yes, there was something beautiful about hearing Vin Scully's voice echoing out of your PHILCO radio during the 1953 World Series, but that's only because most people at the time didn't own televisions so that was their only viable option. We live in an age now where most people can't take a shit without somehow being visually entertained or stimulated by images on a screen. Be it checking Twitter, playing Angry Birds (honestly, do people still play this shitty game? I never got the appeal of it but for some reason everyone always sucks it off. Though to be fair, I'd say the majority of AB fans are children under 16 and housewives over 45) or streaming videos off Youtube, rarely does a free moment go by without us turning to our mobile devices for entertainment. Which is why the idea of sitting down for an extended period of time absorbing the spoken word only to then use those words to internally create images in your head, seems so foreign to us. It's because we so rarely have to do this task.

It's a somewhat humbling way to take in a game. No longer are you allowed to pick and chose what you would like to pay attention to, like a player's facial expression or who's lined up in front of who. Instead you're left 100% at the mercy of the announcers and what they deem to be important during the broadcast. Bob Papa and Carl Banks did a great job yesterday. I always knew the time, score and situation, and hearing Papa's voice decibels raise during Nicks 72 yard touchdown catch nearly caused me to swerve into oncoming traffic from sheer excitement.

So yes, yesterday I got Big Blue Balled. I was not able to see my favorite team win their first playoff game since Super Bowl XLII. I missed out Jacobs 4th down spin, Manningham's tightrope catch and Eli's 14 yard scramble. But I will have another chance to watch them play next week, and as a Giant's fan, I couldn't ask for anything more.

-fresh (@danye33)

Pretty Much Every Rapper From The Past 30 Years Spelling Out Their Names In Their Own Songs Taking You Into The Weekend

2012-01-06T16:47:00.000-05:00

D-A-N-Y-E

-fresh

(h/t to ben)

Teen Lies To Authorities About Her Identity, Tricks Them Into Sending Her To Colombia To "Party and Smoke Marijuana"

2012-01-06T16:25:00.000-05:00

(NPR) Jakadrien Turner, a Texas teen deported to Colombia after authorities said she lied to them about who she was, is headed back home today. It's still unclear how long Turner spent in the Colombia, but the AP reports that she was at a Colombian shelter and had gotten a job at a call center. CNN reports that Turner's family said she was in the country "partying and smoking marijuana, and a detective told them she was pregnant." We also know that Turner ran away from home in November 2010 and she was arrested by Houston police in April of 2011. She told police she was Tika Lanay Cortez, a Colombian citizen born in 1990.

Go Jakadrien, go! Seriously who do I contact to buy the movie rights to this girls life? Because make no mistake about it this is 100% going to go down in history as one of the greatest teenage adventure stories of all time. So Ferris Bueller cut school for a day, big deal. This teenager was able to lie her way into a free plane ticket to Colombia, find a place to live, a job, drug connects, rages to go to and a man to knock her up. She's accomplished more in a few months than 75% of my friends have since graduating college. Kinda reminds me of Into The Wild, only without the death wish and with more lies. Her life story puts everyone else's to shame. If I were a girl I would want to be her so bad it's not even funny. Minus the baby, of course.

-fresh (@danye33)

Ohio Man Arrested For Breaking Into Some Dudes House And Pulling A Desert Eagle 50 Cal Semiautomatic Pistol On The Homeowner

2012-01-06T15:44:00.003-05:00

(Ohio)A Portage County man is jailed on charges of using a high-powered pistol to threaten a resident inside a Nelson Township home.Rudy White, 48, was arrested Tuesday on charges of aggravated burglary. Sheriff David Doak said additional charges are possible.White is accused of drawing a Desert Eagle .50-caliber semiautomatic pistol while fighting with a 48-year-old man inside the man’s home in the 12000 block of state Route 282. No shots were fired.The resident was treated for facial injuries at Robinson Memorial Hospital in Ravenna. White was also treated at the hospital before being taken to jail.

Jeez, Zach Galifianakis has aged horribly

I've spent the last ten minutes trying to figure out what the hell happened in this story and I've still got nothing. So this shanty looking MF'er waltzed into some 48 year old mans house toting a high caliber assault pistol with the intentions of robbing him. This much is clear. Yet no shots were fired and the home owner ends up getting treated for facial injuries. My question is- how the fuck do you walk into some strangers house with a Desert Eagle and leave with no merchandise, black eye and in hand cuffs? The planning was there, he had the pieces, but the execution was horrendous.

Odds on what drugs he was on:
meth -220
oxy's-150
bath salts +135
the cheese +300

-fresh (@danye33)

I Don't Think I'll Ever Be Able To Forgive Myself For Missing Out On The Peanut Butter Bacon Burger At Shake Shack

2012-01-06T14:18:00.002-05:00

(Gothamist) Last week the Upper West Side Shake Shack sold 42 of their limited-edition peanut butter and bacon burgers. By 7:45 p.m. on Saturday they had already sold more than 300 and there was a line around the block, reports the Westside Independent. And yet, despite all that consumer enthusiasm, Shake Shack has no plans to add the item to the menu and won't offer it again for "a long, long time," according to manager Mark Rosati.

What the hell kind of shit is this? Shake Shack cock teases us with this delicious creation from god and then just hours later poof and it's gone? This is like the fast food version war crimes. Somebody needs to start up a Nuremberg Trial stat! Even if they really don't plan on bringing it back for a "long, long time" don't tell us that. At least allow us to hold on to some small, sliver of hope, that maybe, someday, any day, we could be reunited with this heavenly cow chow. Furthermore we're still in a recession. Lines around the block and you're leaving people hungry for bacon and peanut butter gooeyness in the cold? Not cool.

P.S. I don't even know if I would actually like the taste of a peanut butter bacon burger but I do know that I LOVE the idea of it.

-fresh (@danye33)

5 Ways To Improve "The Jersey Shore"

2012-01-06T13:14:00.000-05:00

Look, by now everyone knows that the "Jersey Shore" is as fake as J Woww's chest. If you don't believe me, just watch this video. But just because it's fake, doesn't mean that we still shouldn't be able to enjoy watching our former favorite guidos & guidettes raise hell on the Seaside boardwalk. The truth of the matter though is that the show sold out and turned stale a long time ago. They haven't had a must-see episode since Ronnie nearly strangled Sammie Sweetheart in season 3, and much like season 4 of The O.C., I'm just going to go ahead and pretend that the whole Italy experience never happened. Luckily for the producers, I'm here to provide them with 5 free fool proof ways to right this rescue ship. Because lets face it, the J.S. Titantic crashed a long time ago.

1). New Story Lines Please

If you saw last nights season premier, then you also saw them prominently go back and re-use the old "Sitch is threatening to tell Jionni about him and Snooki's pre-Italia smushfest" plotline. Hey MTV- we didn't care the first time and we sure as hell don't care now! The way I would have written it? Have Unit vouch for the hook up to Jionni, have Jionni confront Situation, have Situation pull up his shirt and flex his abs muscles and then have Jionni stab him with an ice pick. Boom! Television gold right there.

2). Slip The Cast Members Psychedelic Drugs

It's not like these people could come off as being any stupider than they already are, so why not shake things up a bit and slip a few mushrooms into their protein shakes? Wouldn't you want to see Pauley D's take on how the universe was created or Vinny crying uncontrollably because he misses his family and the psilocybin triggered a memory of his mother wiping his ass when he was four? And how much would you pay to see Snooki curled up in a little ball in the corner, mute, with dilated eyes rocking back and forth? Nothing? Oh yea that's right, me either.

3). Ditch The Shore Store

How they expect us to fall for this gimmick a third time is beyond me. Each cast members net-worth is 10x more MINIMUM than that of their boss, store owner and landlord, Danny. Are we really supposed to take this seriously? They don't give a shit about this job, and quite frankly why should they? I say we switch things up a bit. We can put Jwoww on the corner and follow her around while she turns tricks for cash. Dress Snooki and Deena up as clowns that make balloons and occasionally out with each other on the boardwalk. Sammi and Ronni can open up their own couples counseling center. Situation can intern for TMZ and write gossip columns on the beach. Then just have Vinny play with Pauley D's nuts all day because clearly that's all he really wants to do anyway. See, fun for everyone!

4).Fear Factor- Jersey Shore Style

Each week cast members will have to do death defying challenges for money. Some stunts I had in mind were having sex with Snooki (no condom), road trip to Camden, New Jersey and see if you can "beat the beat" on the corner of North 3rd and State street for 10 minutes without getting robbed, and lastly, see how many gallons of hair gel it would take to successfully fist Deena's anus.

5. Flood The House With Carbon Monoxide While They Sleep

-fresh (@danye33)

Am I Finn From Glee?

2012-01-05T15:10:00.000-05:00

Throughout the past year I've had several people come up to me, separately, telling me that I remind them of some character from Glee named Finn. I'm talking about people from all different facets of my life: co-workers, family members, best friends along with people who I hadn't even spoken to or seen in years. At first I laughed it off as some kind of coincidence or backhanded complement/insult, but now it's gotten to a point where I can no longer ignore the possibility that there is a character out there on a prominent television show that eerily resembles me. Should I be flattered? Or embarrassed? I mean he's a good looking guy, so at least I've got that going for me, right? And from the Google images search I did of him it looks like the guy is crushing faux-high school tail on the reg so I think this is a comparison I can get down with! Must be funny as a motherfucker too. Probably walks around Glee High all day cracking jokes and slappin' asses like a boss. Dudes a smooth pimp in real life too, linked to the likes of Taylor Swift as well as multiple Glee cast members, so people please keep the compliments coming!

-fresh (@danye33)

These Two Bash Brother Teddy Bears Can Play On My Team Anyday

2012-01-05T13:45:00.001-05:00

That Grizzly Adams has the most fat boy swag I've ever seen in my entire life. Absolutely demolishing anyone who comes in the paint and then just strutting away straight faced like he's on a goddamn cat walk. I love it! Seriously Billy Bob and White Chocolate can start on my team any day of the week. Sure, they would probably foul out before halftime, but that's perfectly fine because by the time that happens there's an 80% chance that the other team's star player will already be out with a dislocated shoulder and by then no one in their right mind would feel remotely comfortably driving the lane. Total game changer.

-fresh (@danye33)

The Leader Of The (Rap) Pack

2012-01-05T12:30:00.001-05:00

Within the first minute of Bramzwig's debut mixtape, The Roaring Twenty, he advises listeners to "live it up now, cause being old sucks" and boy does the kid practice what he preaches. The twenty year old rapper from Pleasantville, New York, has taken the Internet by storm this week with the viral release of his first full length album. The 15 song effort has already been downloaded by over one thousand people (and streamed by another 5k more) in the mere 48 hours that it has been available, and with the snowball effect of 21st century word of mouth (RT's, statuses, wall posts and e-mails) this party is just getting started.

Creating and ultimately releasing an album these days is infinitely simpler than it was even just ten years ago. But with the simplicity and oversaturation of available content to consume, it has become much harder to stick out from the crowd and make a name for yourself. That's what makes Bramzwig's rise to notoriety all the more impressive. He's had to do it on his own, guerilla style, and so far- it has worked.

Social media has played a instrumental role in getting Bramzwig to the point where he is at today. He has fan pages,YouTube channels and a blog where you can listen to all of his material. With over four thousand "likes" no good song goes unnoticed, and his fans are quick to flaunt their approval and beg for more.

What really impressed was the way in which Bramzwig has chosen to go about releasing The Roaring Twenty. Starting roughly a month ago, Bramzwig began leaking tracks from his upcoming album one at a time, weekly. Each new song featured unique cover art, illustrated by Conner Kennedy, and left the fans thirsty for more. Sites like Doughnuts & Milk, Empty Throne and Bump That Ish gave him lots of love, and suddenly the majority of the college rap blogosphere was buzzing with interest.

The album officially dropped Tuesday (January 3rd) on Coast2CoastMixtapes.com, hosted by Mr. Peter Parker, a respected face in the rap community. It doesn't cost you anything to purchase, and that's precisely the way Bramzwig wanted it. "Pay for my shows, but the music is free" is his mantra, but it's also a fair representation of a motto most, if not all, new age musicians are forced to accept. Let's be real, if most people are reluctant to shell out even ten dollars for an established artist like Eminem or Jay-Z, what makes you think they would open their wallets and take a flier on an unsigned artist when they could just listen on YouTube for free? So like all things in life, artists have had to evolve, using the more fan friendly "free music" method of sparking peoples interests and ear buds.

This spring Bramzwig plans to take his act and brand globally, where he will be studying abroad down under in Australia. But fear not gringos, new music will still be coming your way. He's "sitting on enough new music" to keep the fans back home at bay and has been in contact with several Australian DJ's with whom he is looking forward to working and preforming with during his stay. He looks forward to "repping America" and hopefully gaining a whole country's worth of new fans.

"I'm not looking at any kind of ceiling right now, oreven looking at the floor from where I started. I'm riding the wave, andhopefully it's a tsunami" says the eternally optimistic Bramzwig. We're all anxiously anticipating the Bramzwig tsunami, we just hope one doesn't hit while he's on the Golden Coast.

You can download/stream The Roaring Twenty for free here

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Football Edition)

2012-01-04T12:52:00.000-05:00

Recently, Danye and I have been having heated discussions in an effort to find out what is the bestsports movie of all-time. We came to the conclusion that it is frigginimpossible to pick just one movie, so we've decided that the only way to findout the definitive best sports movie of all-time would be to let the fans ofthe Weave decide. That's right, you the reader are going to be able to vote onwhich sports movies give you the most goose-bumps or which movies make you notafraid to cry like a little bitch in front of all your boys. To make thingseasier, we’re going to start out by breaking the movies down into categories sothat we can get a winner from each. The categories are Football,Basketball, Baseball, Hockey, Boxing & Other. Each week I will be breakingdown the top candidates for each sport, then fans of the Weave willget a chance to vote on our Facebook page for which of the movies deserves thetitle of best in show. The week following the vote, the winner ofthat category will be revealed and so on and so forth. Once we haveselected a winner from each category, the movies that won will face off in abattle (online vote) to be King of Kings. If a movie that you love is not onthe list, feel free to bitch about it in the comment section. We begin this ongoingseries with a short discussion of the nominees for Best Football Movie.

Brian's Song

I made this selection purely out of the fact that this movie is a sure fire way to make men shed a tear. It is the true story of Brian Piccalo, running back for the Chicago bears, and his relationship with his star counterpart, Gale Sayers. Starring the bad-ass James Caan and Billy Dee-Williams (otherwise known as Lando Calrissean- the black guy from Star Wars that's not Samuel L Jackson). The story rips your heart out of your chest as you watch these two strong competitors deal with Piccalo's diagnoses and eventual death due to cancer. If you don't get a true emotional response from watching this movie it either means that you’re in a coma or you're the reincarnation of Saddam Hussein.

Varsity Blues

VB makes the list because of its absolutely awesome description of what it’s like to play football for a big high school program in Texas. From Tweeter steeling cop cars to the chick with the whip cream bikini, this movie delivers on every young football players dream of what playing in high school should be like. My personal favorite is when the whole team discovers that the hot teacher who has been teaching them sex ed is actually a stripper at the local watering hole. Sometimes dreams do come true.

Remember the Titans

This movie single handedly taught me everything I know about the civil rights movement and race relations during the 60's. I mean it left out the part of extreme bigotry, hate and violence, but hey, I got the gist of it. It’s an amazing (semi) true story about how one of the first integrated high schools in the south put together an amazing football team and reached the promised land by working together and settling their racial differences. Regardless of the true outcome of the team, this movie still gets you jacked up for the ultimate team sport, even with the cutesy Disney spin put on the entire movie to make it more dramatic. Hereare some of the differences from Denzel’s team to the actual team.

RUDY

The ultimate underdog story that made every young kid believe that they could suit up for Notre Dame. So thanks, Rudy, for letting all of us down in the end. Yea I mean it’s a little unrealistic and I found that out the hard way. I actually believed that the guy who played the chubby hobbit could actually play for one of the most storied college football programs ever. So to my surprise, I got denied to play football by D-III powerhouse Western Connecticut, because they don't take offensive line man under 6 ft. To add insult toinjury they asked me if I wanted to film the team. Assholes. Anyway it doesn't take away from the feeling you get when all the star players on the Notre Dame team walk into coach Dan Devine's office and lay down their jerseys in order to get Rudy a chance to play in his final game of eligibility.

TheLittle Giants

This pick is here simply for the fact that Danye and Myself love the annexation of Puerto Rico. It holds a nostalgic part of my childhood for the fact it came out in 1995 right around when I started playing little league football and oddly enough my first team was named The Giants. Every kid who grew up playing Pop Warner at this time thought it was a good idea to put Alka Seltzer in their mouths to try for some intimidation. Little did we realize that the part when Johnny's Dad comes to the final game to see him score a touchdown, that his dad definatly wasn't always away on business but he had another family and son who probably was way more talented than Johnny ever was. The craziest part is that the Carolina Panthers actually used the annexation of Puerto Rico this past season and scored a touchdown. Who knew Cam Newton was such a Rick Moranis fan?

TheLongest Yard

The 6th and final film up for voting is The Longest Yard. Why was it picked? Because it’s the ultimate story of the bad guys who are really the good guys beating the good guys that are assholes. If you didn’t catch that it’s a story about how a bunch of rowdy inmates follow a porn-stache clad Burt Reynolds against the guards that give them shit every day. Two cool notes about this movie- Burt Reynolds actually played college football at Florida State before becoming an actor and he also used to eat lunch with the actual inmates at the prison the film was shot at. Please don't compare this one to the Adam Sandler remake. I don't hate that movie, but it pales in comparison because the original is such a classic.

HonorableMentions

FridayNight Lights

That's theonly reason this movie didn't make the cut is because it’s toosimilar to Varsity Blues and they would take votes away from each other. It’s amuch more realistic look at what it was like to play for a program like Permianin the 80's. My favorite part of this whole movie is the fact thatthey don't win in the end. It makes the wholemovie believable and makes you wonder how good of a player BoobyMiles could have really been.

Any GivenSunday

Well for starters it stars Al Pacino as a alcoholic head football coach ofa professional Miami football team called the Sharks. Jamie Foxxplays the new school style of athlete and even has a rap song that I desperately want to find but can’t find called "Steaming Willy Beaman". I mean it’s just a bad ass movie. It has JimBrown as a lunatic defensive coordinator, Lawrence Taylor plays an ageing linebacker fighting through concussions in order to make his bonus money. At onepoint this movie gets so crazy and indicates thatsome professional football players may participate in some lewd behavior, highlighted by LL Cool J doing blow off of some chicks boobies. Manwere they way off with that one. No one in the NFL acts that way now.

TheProgram

This isthe poster child movie for anyone wondering how crazy a college footballprogram could be. From Steroid use to players getting fucked up to coachescheating and everything in between. But there is not a scene in any otherfootball movie that gets me more jacked up to play than the practice sceneset to Welcome to the Jungle. It gives me a Gridironhard on.

So that concludes the first list of movies in our search to find the Ultimate SportsMovie. A vote will be held on the 2 Man Weave's Facebook Fan Page starting on Wednesday 1/3 and will be up for one week. After that the votes will be tallied and the winner of the football bracket willbe reveled along with an article breaking down the next bracket- Basketball. So please go out and pick a winner.

-Miggs

Who Wants To See Sinbad Dressed Up As A Giant Heckling Condom?

2012-01-04T10:31:00.000-05:00

I'm quite literally at a loss for words. But I mean the guy did take a bullet for the President's son in First Kid, so maybe we should listen to what he has to say and wrap it up next time.

h/t to ben for the video

Congratulations To Flem For Winning The Inaugural 2 Man Weave Pick 'Em Contest!

2012-01-03T14:17:00.001-05:00

The King's Throne
Flem 129-117-10

Watch The Throne
Danye 126-120-10

Chooch 126-120-10

Gary 121-125-10

The Mush
Geez 118-128-10

Well there you have it folks. The first of (hopefully) many 2 Man Weave Pick 'Em contests is in the books and your winner is Gregory Fleming. Flem hovered along in the middle of the pack for most of the fall, but finished up strong as the season progressed, leap frogging me for good in week 15 and never looking back. Greg is in the midst of enjoying a very successful holiday season that saw him add two fantasy football titles and now this pick 'em contest to his resume.

But with the thrill of victory comes the agony of defeat, and in this case, our good friend the Geez walks away with the unfortunate title of "The Mush" for the 2011 season.

Both he and Gary entered Week 17 with identical 111-120-9 records, but after Gary erupted for a personal best 10 wins, the Geez fell behind for good. At the beginning of the season we all shot a few e-mails around discussing what should happen to whoever loses this league. Since there was no entry fee, the sole goal (other than first place bragging rights) was to avoid that dreaded mush spot. Ironically, the Geez was the one who initially suggested (and we all agreed) upon the idea that would ultimately be his fate.

click for larger view

So there you have it. In the coming months (or whenever Gary can get his ass down here from the boonies) the five of us will be getting together to reminisce about the season that was. We'll eat pizza and drink beer and when it's all said and done we will put together a special video for you readers out there that'll involve the Geez, (possibly) Lady Gaga and copious amounts of marinara sauce. Stay tuned.

I'd like to take this time to thank my fellow contestants for a great season. For the most part (cough cough- Gary) you guys got your picks in on time and it was a pleasure competing against you. For the readers- thanks for sticking with us and if you actually took our advice you might have even won yourself some money. Look for some new and improved wrinkles in year 2 but for the most part it'll be a lot of the same. Witty banter, friendly trash talking and food punishments for the losers.

Can't wait.

-fresh (@danye33)

Checking In On The 2 Man Weave's Preseason NFL Predictions

2012-01-03T11:00:00.000-05:00

Five Things We Got Right

1) Predicting the oft-injured Lions to make the playoffs

2. Lions- I'm realistically high on the Detroit this year to jump to second best in the North. Their core defensive line of Vanden Bosch, Corey Williams, Suh and Avril is tops in the league and that's before 2011 first round pick DT Nick Fairley even steps foot on the field. Matthew Stafford, Jahvad Best and Calvin Johnson are all excellent skill position players with deep histories of getting injured, but if they can stay healthy the playoffs are definitely in play in the Motor City.

Admittedly, this pick wasn't ballsy at all. The Lions were this years "hot" team heading into the season. But to be fair they hadn't made the playoffs this millennium, so I'll gladly toast to the fact that I've been on board since August. Predictably, all three of those aforementioned "excellent skill players" did go down with injuries at one time or another (most notably Jahvid Best done for the year after week 6) but Stafford still managed to eclipse the 5k yard mark, and Calvin Johnson led all wide receivers in yards (1681) and TD's (16). This team remains a juggernaut in the making.

2) Picking the Texans to win the AFC South

1. Texans- Could this be the year that Houston finally lives up to the hype and makes the playoffs? I say yes, by default. This is a very off year for the South, with Manning on the shelf, Luke McCown starting in Jaxsonville and a pick your poison scenario between Matt Hasselback and Jake Lockler in Tennessee. When healthy the Texans are a top 5 offense and if their D can improve to a mediocre level they win this division easily.

With Peyton Manning being ruled out for the entire season before week 1, it seemed as if the Texans winning this division would be the lock of the century. And for the first half of the season, it was. However the Texan's suffered more injuries than any other team in the league, overcoming season ending trips to the IR from defensive end Mario Williams and Quarterbacks Matt Schaub and Matt Lienart, along with lingering injuries to Arian Foster, Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels. It wasn't easy, but the Texans were finally able to punch their first ever post season ticket.

3) Being cautious about the Eagles preseason expectations and predicting that they finish second in the NFC East

2. Eagles- On paper Philly should win this division and conference this season. Too bad the games are played on the gridiron. I just don't see Mike Vick and company running the gauntlet without suffering some grueling injuries. Offensive line is another major concern for the Eagles

I hate to say "I told you so", but the Dream Team ended up being a nightmare in Philly. They got off to a 1-4 start and never really put the pieces together until it was too late. As predicted, Mike Vick missed 3+ games due to various injury and it wasn't until week 15 that they actually started looking like "team". I think a full off season of working out and practicing together will pay off nicely, and look for them to return to the playoffs next winter.

4) Not buying into the Ochicinco hype

Q. Can Ochocinco get in the endzone 8+ times this year with Brady throwing to him?

A. I just don’t see it happening. He has looked lackluster in preseason action and reports out of New England say that him and Brady are not on the same page and have yet to click. There are just so many mouths to feed in that offense. Welker will continue to be a godsend in the slot, Deion Branch is still kicking around (I shuddered as I typed that) and the duo of Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski each have a realistic possibility of finshing in the top 10 fantasy tight ends.

I'll admit it, I drank the Ochocinco Kool-Aid heading into this season. I served this question up for Gary on a silver platter. I legitimately thought the receiver formally known as Chad Johnson would have a career year with Brady up in New England. But our very own G-Funk knew better. Aside from the many mouths to feed in that offense, Ocho often times appeared disheveled, and finished up with an incredibly lackluster 15 catches, 276 yards and one trip to the end zone.

5) Buying the Broncos Resurgence

2. Broncos- Admittedly this is a long shot, but I think that if Denver can get healthy they can actually be a much improved football team. John Fox will have the Broncos back to their old ground and pound ways and #2 overall pick Von Miller should provide an immediate impact to a lackluster defensive unit. Also, don't count on Lloyd to sniff 1,400 yards again, but you can expect Moreno and McGahee to put up inflated rushing numbers in the mile high city.

I was high on the Broncos even before they pulled Kyle Orton and made Tim Tebow their starter in early October. I just had a feeling that John Fox would be able to reestablish the ground game that had carried this team for so many years under Mike Shanahan. They averaged a league best 164 rushing ypg, and McGahee finished just a yard short of 1,200. Despite backing into the playoffs (losing their last 3 games) they still won the AFC West and will play host to the Steelers Saturday afternoon at Mile High. Also, keep an eye out for Von Miller, who may very well win Defensive Rookie of the Year when the awards get announced later this month.

Five Things We Got Wrong

1) Picking the 49ers to come in last in the NFC West

4. 49ers- It pains me to write this but as long as Alex Smith is running the show for the 49ers, I'm selling. I just don't see Jim Harbaugh righting this ship this quickly. A tank job followed by landing Luck with the #1 pick in the 2012 draft is not out of the question.

To be fair that division is always a crap shoot and aside from a few Harbaugh loyalists, I don't think anyone could have predicted a seven game improvement from the Bay City red shirts. Alex Smith had just 5 interceptions in 446 attempts and their defense held opponents to a conference best 14.3 PPG. If I had predicted either of those things in August you would have called me crazy.

2) Anointing Josh Freeman as this years "Breakout Fantasy Football Quarterback"

Q. Who is your breakout Fantasy Football Quarterback this season?

A. I'd have to lean towards Josh Freeman here. You could argue that he had his "breakout" season last year, but this is the year he legitimizes himself as a solid QB1 in 12 teamers. He certainly has a chance to sneak inside the top-10, ahead of guys like Big Ben, Eli, and Matt Ryan. Only statistical category where you should expect a bit of regression is interceptions (only 6 in '10). Pencil him in for 3,650 yards, 23 passing TDs, 400 yards rushing and maybe this is the year he finds the end zone via the ground two or three times.

Ed. Note- Those were Gary's words, I cautiously warned in my Mega-Preview "buyer beware, the schedule gets much tougher and asking for another 25 TD, 6 pick year from Josh Freeman is unrealistic."

My favorite running joke this season (besides the Tampa Bay Buccs themselves) was how high Gary was, both literally (?) and figuratively, on JASSSHHHHH FREEMAN last summer. The third year gun slinger finished up his 2011 campaign with six more interceptions than touchdowns to go along with a pretty impressive 10 game losing streak. Head coach Raheem Morris has already got the ax, and the future for Freeman in Tampa Bay doesn't look nearly as bright now as it did a year ago.

3) Advising fantasy owners to take Hernandez over Gronk in fantasy drafts.

Q. How has the balance of power shifted between Hernandez and Gronk in N.E? Would you advise owners to draft one over the other, both, or neither?

A. Hern (again with these awful nicknames) without question has to go over Gronk (9/10, ideal tight end nickname). It wouldn't shock me in the slightest to see Hernandez finish second on that team in catches, right behind Welker. He was everywhere in the preseason. Literally. Lining out wide, in the slot, as a fullback in I-form sets, two tight end formations, you name it, he was there. Essentially, he's just a really big wide receiver, and looked every bit of the part this preseason and a majority of last year. Gronk will take away looks in the red zone, but Hernandez is one of those rare tight ends who can score any distance from the goal.

It's a good thing I didn't take Gary's advice on this one. Gronk broke the All-Time NFL records for most receiving yards and touchdowns by a tight end (1,327 and 17 TD's, +1 rushing TD) en route to ~~carrying me to a second place finish in fantasy~~ a first place finish for New England. Hernandez's 910/7 were nothing to scuff at either, but it just doesn't stack up to Gronk's record setting season.

4) Pretty much everything I wrote about the St. Louis Rams

1. Rams- the NFC West remains a crap shoot, but with a year of experience under his belt look for QB Sam Bradford to enter the Freeman/Stafford range of elite young shot callers (1). You can bet that Spagg's will have his boys geared up and ready to go on defense as well (2), and the under-the-radar signing of Mike Sims-Walker at wideout will pay dividends (3). Don't be surprised if Chris Long hits double digit sack numbers.

Sam Bradford was the 29th rated QB this season and finished up the year with 6 TD's and 6 picks (on 357 passes). Defensively, Spagg's boys gave up 25+ PPG and finished in the bottom third in virtually every statistical category. And Mike Sims-Walker tallied a grand total of 11 catches in four games before being released by the Rams. So yeah, I would like to take this time to eat my words, accept defeat and burn that paragraph from Internet history.

5) Sleeping on the Bengals

4. Bengals- Well the Carlson Palmer era has officially ended and with that Cincinnati immediately regresses to their late 90's form at the bottom of the division (and conference). Andy Dalton will struggle right out of the gates, and oh yea, their RB Cedric Benson is currently in the pen serving 20 days for an assault charge. Not exactly an ideal situation heading into week 1.

You know, when you're wrong, you're wrong. The Bengals wound up 9-7 in the toughest division in football and advanced to the playoffs for the first time in six seasons. Andy Dalton far exceeded everyone's expectations, throwing for nearly 3,400 yards and 20 scores. To be honest I don't think I've ever seen a team overachieve quite like this one, but I'll tell you what, I don't think this Cinderella story ends next week in Houston. I'm calling the upset now.

Buyer beware.

-fresh (@danye33)

The Top 5 Most Awkward Individual Knicks Player Photos (2012 Edition)

2012-01-02T15:41:00.000-05:00

5) Amar'e Stoudemire

For the love of YHWH would it kill you to use some gel anti-perspirant? The Albert Einstein in a headlock look is not going to get you asked back to fashion week.

4) Jarred Jeffries

The joke I'm going to make about his al-Qaeda beard/lazy eye combo isn't half as offensive as his actual offense is. Try saying that five times fast.

3) Mike Bibby

Mike Bibby is the only player in the league whose hair has gotten longer as his career progressed, and that look is not for the better. It looks to me like Mike was going for the 40 Year Old Virgin pose in his debut Knicks pic.

2) Josh Harrellson

Harrellson is the latest in a long line of awkward, white, big men for the Knicks. For starters it looks like his chest hair is trying to pull a Harold & Kumar Escape of Guantanamo Bay, and his forearm hair gives Robin Williams a run for his money.

1) Renaldo Balkman

Smoke more weed bro. Seriously.

-fresh (@danye33)

Week 17 NFL Picks

2012-01-01T13:22:00.000-05:00

The King's Throne

Flem 120-111-9 Philly -8.5, Atl -11.5, SF -10.5, Min -1, Det -3.5, Dal +3, N.O. -8, Hou +3, Bal -2, Cle +7, Jax -3.5, NYJ +2.5, Buff +11, S.D. +3, Den -3.5, Sea +3

Watch The Throne
Chooch 118-113-9 Philly -8.5, Atl -11.5, SF -10.5, Min -1, Det -3.5, NYG -3, N.O. -8, Hou +3, Bal -2, Pitt -7, Jax -3.5, Mia -2.5, N.E. -11, S.D. +3, Den -3.5, Sea +3

Danye 117-114-9 Philly -8.5, Atl -11.5, SF -10.5, Chi +1, Det -3.5, NYG -3, N.O. -8, Tenn -3, Bal -2, Pitt -7, Indy +3.5, Mia -2.5, N.E. -11, S.D. +3, K.C. +3.5, Ari -3

The Mush
Gary 111-120-9 Philly -8.5, Atl -11.5, SF -10.5, Min- 1, G.B. +3.5, Dal +3, N.O. -8, Hou +3, Bal -2, Pitt -7, Jax -3.5, NYJ +2.5, N.E. -11, S.D. +3, Den -3.5, Sea +3

Geez 111-120-9 Philly -8.5, Atl -11.5, SF -10.5, Min -1, G.B +3.5, NYG -3, Car +8, Hou +3, Bal -2, Pitt -7, Indy +3.5, NYJ +2.5 , Buff +11, Oak -3, Den -3.5, Ari -3

12 Reasons To Love TNT’s “NBA Forever” Christmas Day Promo

2011-12-30T17:16:00.000-05:00

When I asked my close friend and basketballenthusiast/historian/nerd Dan Chiavetta if this 113 second promotion was thebest ad ever created, his response to me was pretty direct: “BLOG ABOUT THIS!”

In the spirit of the Holidays, I give you the twelve reasonswhy I haven’t stopped watching or sharing this groundbreaking and compellingcommercial.

1) 0:00 Paul Pierce takes the court with Red Auerbach’sCeltics, followed by Kobe Bryant leading Magic’s “Showtime” Lakers onto thefloor of the Boston Garden.

2) 0:19 The lyrics “Don’t ever forget that you’re neveralone” accompany an image of Derrick Rose standing with Scottie Pippen, MichaelJordan, and Bill Cartwright. Powerful symbolism.

3) 0:36 Spike Lee salutes Bill Russell, and Dirk guardsLarry Bird as we hear “Play on children, like it’s Christmas Day.” Somewhere, amusic supervisor deserves a raise.

4) 0:43 Steve Nashpats “Pistol” Pete Marovich on the back as the song begs “I want you to liveforever…”

5) 0:53 “…underneath a sky so blue.” Kevin Love and JerryLucas look to the heavens as they fight for rebounding position.

6) 0:57 Wilt Chamberlain blocking Dwight Howard, then givinghim the old good game as Dwight warmly acknowledges the iconic center.

7) 1:00 Blake Griffinstuffing it on Hakeem. You have to believe “The Dream” would’ve at least gottena hand on it, but I digress.

8) 1:06 Larry Bird kicks it to Ray Allen for the open 3 asthe music crescendos, and on cue, every single person watching gets goosebumps.

9) 1:12 Amar’e Stoudemire throws it down, and then chestbumps Patrick Ewing. Knicks fans rejoice.

10) 1:34 Magic dishes one of his signature no-look passes toKobe for theslam, before dapping up Bryant, the man he himself referred to as “The GreatestLaker of All Time”

11) 1:40 The NBA’s reigning MVP, Derrick Rose, follows aferocious dunk by paying homage to his lineal teammate, Michael Jordan, with afist bump and a bow of the head.

12) 1:44 A sport that is as linked to its past heroes, as itis to its modern day superstars, declares one unifying message: “NBA FOREVER”.

The best ad ever? You can decide that for yourself. What’scertain is that if you love basketball, this promo symbolizes the end of thelockout and the beginning of one of the most anticipated seasons in leaguehistory, which is, after all, the best gift the NBA could have given.

-John Fontanelli

John is the co-founder of the 37 project

The Best Of The 2 Man Weave, 2011

2011-12-29T11:58:00.000-05:00

Nuthin' But A "G" Thang- Dan Chiavetta (1/25/11)

An Ode To Tommy- Dan Chiavetta (1/26/11)

Things Not To Do When Visiting Your Alma Mater- Dan Chiavetta (2/11/11)

Kemba Madness- Dan Chiavetta (3/16/11)

NBA End Of Season Mega Column (Part 1 & Part 2)- Dan Chiavetta (4/13/11 & 4/15/11)

LeBron's Rough Draft- Dan Chiavetta (6/9/11)

The 10 Greatest Basketball Video Game Characters of All Time- Gary McClune (6/21/11)

@Keytwitty, A Tweep You Should Follow- Dan Chiavetta (7/8/11)

A Retroactive Diary From My First Concert Ever (Blink-182 at Jones Beach, 7/21/01)- Dan Chiavetta (7/21/11)

The One Where We Break Down Ke$ha Lyrics: "Tic Tok" Edition- Dan Chiavetta (8/23/11)

The People's Champ- Peter Walsh (9/3/11)

2011 NFL Mega-Preview- Dan Chiavetta (9/7/11)

Peoples Who Don't Smoke Weed and Why I'd Like Them Better If They Did- Meg Marzo (9/8/11)

Tyson Tanks and Schmur Soars at The Charlie Sheen Roast- Bob Sohigian (9/24/11)

Pipa Middleton Upskirt Alert!- Dan Chiavetta (9/26/11)

Facebook Rant- News Feed With In Your News Feed Edition- Dan Chiavetta (9/27/11)

The Ten Facebook Commandments- Dan Chiavetta (10/3/11)

The Unintentional, Unavoidable, Side Effect of Book Trailers- Dan Chiavetta (10/12/11)

Following Up With That Chick Who Had The Most Outrageous Profile Picture of All-Time- Dan Chiavetta
(10/14/11)

The One Where Chooch Goes Inside The Huddle For USC-ND- Mike Cianciulli (10/21/11)

SNOOKI READ THE 2 MAN WEAVE!!! It's Your Weekend Tweet Re-Cap- Dan Chiavetta (10/17/11)

SLC Punk: Growing Up and Growing Out- Corey Hammock (10/26/11)

2011 NFL Midseason Power Rankings- Dan Chiavetta (11/8/11)

Sad Time In Happy Valley- Dan Chiavetta (11/10/11)

RIP Trolling And The Tale Of The Juggalo Funeral- Dan Chiavetta (12/16/11)

BREAKING NEWS: Women Get Hit On At Office Holiday Parties, Some Don't Like It- Adam Herbert (12/22/11)

2012 NBA Season Preview (East & West)- Dan Chiavetta

Long Haired Dude From Workaholics Fractured His Spine After Doing A Beer Pong Dunk Off His Roof

2011-12-27T14:09:00.000-05:00

(TMZ) Blake Anderson -- the frizzy-haired guy on "Workaholics" -- fractured his spine Saturday night ... jumping off his roof onto a beer pong table ... and the incredibly stupid stunt was all caught on tape. Sources close to the actor tell us, he's currently undergoing surgery to treat the fracture-- and fix whatever else he messed up. Needless to say, he'll be out of commission for a few months. Blake was throwing a party at his L.A. house when the accident went down -- attended by Tyler the Creator and members of his rap crew. We're told cops shut the entire thing down not long after the roof-jumping.

It takes a special breed of bad ass to jump off your own roof in the middle of your own party. I mean it's not like Blake here is some nobody at his first Hollywood get together, trying to steal the show, get recognized or make a name for himself. It was his party! Everyone there already knew/loved him or was just using him for the free booze. Either way I think we all need to tip our hats here and recognize real because this man is on some Daniel Day Lewis shit. Just staying true to his character 24/7. No days off. Dude was probably smoking smoking pcp with Tyler the Creator and the rest of those Odd Future misfits and decided to get his Almost Famous on, only this time instead of jumping into a pool he landed back first on a wooden table. A for effort, F for brains. Good thing the cameras were rolling.

video platform video management video solutions video player

Bitch better have my honey!

-fresh (@danye33)

College Football Pre-New Years Bowl Preview

2011-12-27T11:34:00.000-05:00

It’s time for Capital One Bowl week, or whatever ESPN is calling it these days. We’ve got some of the useless pre-Christmas bowls out of the way and have some real matchups coming up over the next week leading up to New Year’s Day. Here’s a rundown of the games you should check out this week.

Monday December 26:

Independence Bowl: Missouri vs. North Carolina- North Carolina will be playing this game with an interim coach, usually a concern for teams in bowls looking for a reason to give 100% effort. Larry Fedora will take over next year after leading Southern Miss to a Conference USA title, but he won’t be involved in this game. UNC has tons of talent, including future high NFL draft pick DE Quentin Coples. Missouri had something of a down year after winning 40 games over the prior 4 seasons. My hunch is that North Carolina comes out playing hard for interim coach Everett Withers and pulls out a close victory.

Tuesday December 27:

BELK Bowl: Louisville vs. NC State- I’ll be honest. I’ve never heard of this bowl game. I also don’t know what the fuck BELK is. Nevertheless, the game features an interesting matchup featuring up-and-coming Louisville, coached by one of the best future coaches in college football, Charlie Strong. Louisville has recovered from the dark depths of the Steve Kragthorpe era and has the Cardinals playing good ball, especially on defense, his area of expertise. I expect Louisville to challenge for Big East titles starting next year, and winning the bowl game would be a good start.

Wednesday December 28:

Holiday Bowl: Cal vs. Texas- The Longhorns have been one of the country’s most disappointing teams the past two years and have vastly underachieved based on their talent level. Mack Brown could be on the hotseat, and rightfully so. He had a great 7 year run with Vince Young and Colt McCoy, but hasn't done anything when he doesn’t have an elite star at QB. Next year will be huge for him regardless, but a bowl win would be a good start. I think they’ll pull it out.

Thursday December 29:

Alamo Bowl: Baylor vs. Washington- This should be an exclamation point game for Robert Griffin III and his Heisman season against a mediocre Washington team. Beware the Huskies though. No one picked them to win the bowl game last year vs. Nebraska but they surprised everyone. Still, I don’t see it this year against a playmaker the caliber of RGIII.

Champs Sports Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Florida State- It’s the Chooch vs. Benji bowl. It could also be dubbed the “fail to live up to preseason expectations” bowl. FSU began the year as a top-5 team but could never quite put it together after nearly upsetting #1 Oklahoma in Week 3. Disappointing losses to Wake Forest and Virginia ensued, but the Gators did once again defeat Miami and Florida to win the Florida state title. Notre Dame, though not ranked as highly to start the season, still failed to meet BCS expectations, due mainly to its 0-2 start, including the night we shall not revisit (the epic choke at Michigan). This will be a defensive struggle as both offenses were pretty woeful down the stretch. Turnovers will be key, and that makes me really nervous as an ND fan. I’ll have to pick Florida State to win this one. Hope I’m wrong.

Friday December 30:

Pinstripe Bowl: Rutgers vs. Iowa State- This is a pretty uninspiring matchup, but it’s sweet that they’ve created this bowl game for Yankee Stadium. The stadium will be rocking with all those NYC area Rutgers fans (eyeroll).

Music City Bowl: Miss State vs. Wake Forest- One of a few ACC-SEC matchups. It’s strength vs. strength with MSU’s defense against Wake’s offense. Based on how Wake got killed by Vandy the last week of the year, I’ll have to pick the SEC team in this one.

Insight Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Iowa- No fanbase can be more disappointed with its team’s season than Sooner fans. Oklahoma had it all set up to make a run at the title and the talent to do so, but blew an inexplicable game to Texas Tech at home, but followed it with losses to Baylor and bitter in-state rival Oklahoma State. The only thing that should keep the Sooners from rolling in this game is motivation. If they come to play, Iowa won’t stand a chance.

Saturday December 31:

Sun Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Utah- This game intrigues me because of Georgia Tech’s triple option offense. This scheme has frustrated opponents for years during the regular season, but the Yellow Jackets have put up a total of 20 points in 3 bowl games under Paul Johnson. When a team has a full month to prepare, the defense can stuff the triple option. If Utah can do it this week, it’ll be the final proof.

Chick-fil-A Bowl: Auburn vs. Virginia- I was surprised when the Chick fil-A bowl picked Virginia over Florida State for this game. Auburn isn’t that good, but neither is Virginia really. I think the SEC takes another one over the ACC.

I will provide a preview of the New Year’s Day and BCS games later this week.

-Chooch

mike cianciulli is the 2 man weave's college football guru

2012 NBA Season Preview Part 2

2011-12-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

Western Conference

1. Oklahoma City Thunder- OKC made it to the Western Conference finals a year ago and this time around I don't see the train stopping there. This team features two of the top five best Under-25 players in the league in Russell Westbrook and back to back scoring champ Kevin Durant (other players in top 5 U-25 are Blake, Rose and John Wall) and despite rumors of a power struggle between the duo over who takes the last shot/is the go to guy in crunch time, you have to figure that they can co-exist enough to win the west. Quite frankly there is just too much talent on this team for them not too. Kendrick Perkins showed up to camp down 30+ lbs and basically looks like Sergie BLOCKa 2.0. James Harden is my preseason choice for 6th Man of the Year (if he comes off the bench) or Most Improved Player (if he starts). Either way he's prime for a breakout season. FEAR THE BEARD.

2. Los Angeles Clippers- Lob City will finish top 3 in the Western Conference for 3 reasons. 1) They've found the fountain of youth. Aside from Chauncey this team is made up entirely of 80's babies with fresh legs that are ready to run on short rest. 2) The Blake Show. Last years Rookie of the Year averaged 22+ PPG and 12 RPG. Look for both of those numbers to increase in his sophomore effort alongside CP3. And reason 3) The Battle of Los Angeles- After David Stern nixed the original three team Chris Paul trade Lakers fans were left with a very sour taste in their mouth. But just days later when Stern allowed for Paul to be dealt to their arena sharing little brothers (the Clippers), that meant war. Both teams want to outperform the other more than anything else and be the toast of the town. The bad blood is there, and a rivalry has just been formed before our very eyes. This is the year the Clips step out from big brother's shadow, and if you don't believe me, look at the highlights from their two preseason games this past week. Yellow and Purple doesn't even belong on the same court as Red and Blue.

3. Dallas Mavericks- Sure the reigning NBA champs may have lost Tyson Chandler, JJ Barea and Caron Butler from a year ago, but their core offense nucleus of Dirk, Matrix, Jet and Kidd remain in tact. The additions of Delonte "Charlee Redz" West, Vince Carter and The Candy Man Lamar Odom go a long way in ensuring another season with a deep bench. Perhaps it's just because they over achieved so much last season, but for some reason I think these guys are going to pick up right where they left off like they still have something to prove. Maybe Jason Terry will get a matching championship trophy tattoo for additional motivation.

4. Memphis Grizzlies- The Grizz are they NBA's new kids on the block after a surprising and inspiring playoff run last May. They locked up big men Marc Gasol and Zach Randolph for the foreseeable future and going to battle with a healthy Rudy Gay could elevate them to title contenders right off the bat. Josh Selby, the highly talented freshman out of the university of Kansas, fell into their lap with the 49th pick in last June's draft. Look for him to do a nice job of spelling Mike Conley during this jam packed season.

5. San Antonio Spurs- Greg Poppovich must keep a keen eye on Tim Duncan's minutes throughout this season if he wants him to have anything left in the tank come playoff time. After last years early exit to the Grizzlies it will be interesting to see if these Spurs have one last playoff push in them. Blair/Splitter/Bonner will rotate down low to help fight off Old Man Time from the Big Fundamental. Also, their draft day deal with the Pacers for swingman Kawhi Leonard might have been the most overlooked move of the summer. Once Richard Jefferson's ~~noose~~ contract expires, the athletic wing from San Diego State will become a staple in that front court for years to come.

6. Los Angeles Lakers- Let's re-cap these past seven months for the Lakers. First, they got swept in the second round of the playoffs by the Dallas Mavericks, going out with absolutely zero class in a frenzy of flagrant fouls, ejections and strip teases. Then the Zen Master, Phil Jackson, retired, leaving them with former LeBron scapegoat Mike Brown calling the shots. Then Lamar Odom became brothers in law with Kris Humpries. Then they became ex-brothers in law just 72 days later. Then the lockout ended and the team agreed to trade Odom and Gasol for Chris Paul. Then commissioner David ~~Stalin~~ Stern vetoed the trade after every news outlet in the country had already confirmed it, leaving both Gasol/Odom's "feelings hurt". Then Odom decides not to show up to training camp, so they traded him for 8 cents on the dollar (Dallas' late first rd pick). Then their little brother (the Clippers) pulled off a deal for CP3, and over night became the toast of the town. Then they got embarrassed by said little brother, not once, but twice, in the pre-season and their opening day starting lineup consisted of Kobe, Gasol, Fisher, Josh McRoberts and Devon Ebanks. So yea, I'm putting the Lakers here out of respect for Kobe's legacy, and although I wouldn't put money on it, I wouldn't be surprised if this team misses out on the playoffs entirely.

7. Portland Trail Blazers- The Blazers are a perfect example of the type of the team whose players don't really wow you individually (sans Aldridge), but when playing together, can really produce some productive basketball. Camby and Wallace are elite defenders, Aldridge was 2 Man Weave All-NBA last season, and the Jamal Crawford signing (2 yrs/10 mil) goes a long way in lightening the scoring burden placed on Wesley Matthews and Nicolas Batum. Also, it'll be nice to see Camby/Kurt Thomas playing together again for the first time since their Knicks days back in the early 2000's.

8. Golden State Warriors- The Warriors missed out on this years free agent crop of elite big men talent, swinging and missing on Marc Gasol, Tyson Chandler and Nene, settling for NBA Draft mega-bust Kwame Brown. But a strong draft (sharp shooter Klay Thompson) and pre-season trade (acquiring Brandon Rush from Indiana) should go a long in way in adding to their already lethal long range arsenal. Last years 3 point leader Dorell Wright looks to keep his hot hand going and with Steph Curry and Monta Ellis in the back court, putting up points should not be a problem for the Bay city Blue and Gold. If David Lee can stay healthy, I think this is the year they sneak into the playoffs.

9. Denver Nuggets- The Nuggets really impressed me last year post-Melo trade. However, after three of their starters exiled to China during the lockout, their team is now left with some serious question marks. Problem #1- who wants the ball in their hands with the game on the line? Gallo? Afflalo? Al Harrington? The Knicks-West lack that go-to scorer, and I'm not entirely sure how much sense having Lawson and Andre Miller makes. On the block this team will be able to d-up with the best of them, and look for newcomer Kennith Faried to lead all rookies in rebounds per game. Other Nuggets predictions- The Rooster averages 20+ PPG and Tina-Fey Mosgov gets no fewer than four sets of testicles stamped on his forehead.

10. Utah Jazz- The Jazz boast one of the strongest front courts in the West with Paul Millsap, Al Jefferson and Derrick Favors. Which is why I was so surprised when they took Kentucky Center Enes Kanter with the third overall pick, since center was seemingly the only position they didn't need help with. Regardless, they must have really liked what they saw. For this team to be competitive this year they're going to need Devin Harris to revert back to 2009 form, where he averaged 21 PPG and 7 APG for the Nets. Easier said than done, but I'm not ready to write his career off just yet. Gordon Hayward, Alec Burks and Raja Bell should make for a nice 3-headed monster at the 2, and it will be very interesting to see whether or not journey man and ganja enthusiast, Josh Howard, has anything left in the tank. If so, this team could make a solid run at the 8 seed, especially in a shortened season.

11. Houston Rockets- The Rockets grand plan of stock piling assets in hopes to make a splash in the summer of 2011 failed miserably once Stern nixed the Gasol/Paul deal. GM Daryl Morey has had a hard on for a center ever since Yao retired and he was unable to fulfill his own wishes this off season. I just spent the past 10 minute blankly starring in awe at this hodgepodge that has been assembled. There's simply not enough back court minutes to go around for Courtney Lee, Johnny Flynn, Gordon Dragic, Kevin Martin, master tweeter Johnny Flynn and Kyle Lowry. And their front court is equally as jammed with Pat Paterson, Louis Scola, Marcus Morris, Chandler Parsons, Jordan Hill, Chase Budinger and Terence Williams, with the only center on their roster being the unproven Hasheem Thabeet. Unless they can package up some of these guys for something of value, this season could get ugly fast for the red Rockets.

12. New Orleans Hornets- The Hornets are in an awkward situation right now. They don't have an owner, so all basketball related decisions go through the commissioners office. Which is why the Chris Paul trade from earlier in the months presented such conflicting interests for all parties involved. Regardless of how wrong/corrupt etc. it was to veto that trade, you can't argue that this team isn't better suited now for the long run. There was a better chance of Tim Tebow getting herpes than there was of Paul re-signing, so locking up Eric Gordon (top 5 SG), Minny's pick (more than likely top 5), Chris Kamen (former All-Star) and Al-Farouq Aminu (8th overall pick in 2010) is like highway robbery compared to the fates Cleveland and Toronto faced when their stars walked in 2010. They also have stud defenders in Trevor Ariza and Emeka Okafore and traded Quincy Pondexter for Greivis Vazquez, a young PG out of Maryland who showed huge chops in last years playoffs. So no, this team cannot contend in the immediate future, but barring contraction have some nice building blocks to work with. Even if the way they obtained them may not have been moral, fair or even legal.

13. Minnesota Timberwolves- The Wolves have been able to assemble some of the best young talent in the league these past few seasons. Twelve of their fifteen players are under the age of 27, including All-Star Kevin Love, Derrick Williams (#2 in '11), Wes Johnson (#3 in '10), Anthony Randolph, Ricky Rubio (#5 in '09), Darko (#2 in '03), Wayne Ellington and Michael "Super Cool Beas" Beasley (#2 in '09, averaged 19+ PPG last year). They finally have a competent head coach in Rick Adelman, even though the same can't be said about their GM David Kaaahhhhhhhhnnnnnn!!!!! This team has the highest ceiling out of all the other bottom feeders out west, and are a year away from becoming a team that must be taken seriously. I think Kevin Love will win the rebounding title this year, but also expect rookie Ricky Rubio to go through his fair share of growing pains while adjusting to a new league and country. Expecting anything more than 8/4 per game out of the Spaniard is unrealistic.

14. Phoenix Suns- The Suns overachieved and finished just under .500 last season. Don't count on their winning percentage to sniff that number again this year. As of now Josh Childress is the only "true" shooting guard on the team, and he's 6'8 with a career 5 PPG and 34% from 3. Not exactly the type of player Nash strives with. They overpaid Grant Hill to stay (one year/6 million) to go along with other grossly overpaid forwards on the team, Hakim Warrick and Channing Frye. Steve is wasting the last few productive years of his career playing with trash and needs to put his loyalty aside and bolt at the end of this season when his contract runs out. As for the Suns in general, you can't blow something up that's already in shambles.

15. Sacramento Kings- The Kings are like that AAU team that comes into gym and immediately intimidates the other team with their superior athleticism. Just hammering down dunks like it ain't no thing in warm-ups, oozing swag in their black ripaways and shooting tee's. But then you get on the court and realize that they are incredibly undisciplined, the coach has no control over them and the players would much rather go one-on-one than set an off ball screen. The next thing you know your down 20, the players are sulking and their heads are out of the game. That's basically what I think of when I try to evaluate this team. Jimmer and Tyreke are undoubtedly going to struggle to maintain a happy medium between the two in terms of ball control and shots, and I'd set the over under at game 25 before it blows up in their face completely. I'm also counting down the days until Demarcus Cousin's inevitably self combusts and assaults another teammate. Vegas actually just released the odds on "Which Teammate Cousins Is Going To Punch In The Face This Season" yesterday and the lines are as follows- JJ Hickson +225, Jason Thompson +300, Tyler Honeycutt +355 and Jimmer Fredette +1,000. Tyreke Evans may have the best handle in the league, but don't expect it to translate over to W's quite yet.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dan is the co-founder and editor in chief at the 2 man weave