Thursday, February 24, 2011

This Ain't A League, It's A God Damn Arms Race

This past week the New York Knicks acquired all-star starter and Olympian, Carmelo Anthony, in a blockbuster deal with the Denver Nuggets. It was no secret throughout the league that New York was Carmelo's preferred destination, but anytime the fate of a deal rests in owner James Dolan's hands, all bets are off. However, this time Dolan did the right thing, hung on to the right players, and locked in a second superstar to a long term contract.

In my opinion, the price for Carmelo was fair. The Knicks traded Danillo Gallanari, Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton and "The White Russian", Tina-Fey Mosgov to the Nuggets, and in return recieved Melo, Chauncey Billups, Sheldon Williams, journeymen Anthoney Carter and Rastafarian Renaldo Balkman. Anyone who complains that the Knicks "gutted their whole roster" or "traded their whole team away" knows nothing about what it takes to win in todays N.B.A. Sure the Rooster was a fun player to watch, but then again so was David Lee (David who?). Amare's dominance erased any memories of the old double-double machine before Christmas, and that's exactly what is going to happen to Gallanari once Carmelo gets unleashed at the garden. With the deal the Knicks got an upgrade at the Small Forward and Point Guard positions, as well as being able to hold onto their two leading rebounders (Stoudemire & Fields). With both Amare and Carmelo locked up for the next few years, this team is built for the long run, but by no means sleep on them come May. For the first time in a decade the Knicks are going to make the playoffs, and will be a very tough draw in the first round for a team like Chicago or Orlando.

(Not only did the Knicks get Carmelo, they also got a Simpson's character!)

The Knicks unloading three starters for Carmelo was a basketball no-brainer because in this arms race that is the N.B.A., you need superstars to contend and win. It's the same reason the Nets just gave up Devin Harris, Derrick Favors (2010 3rd overall pick) and 2 future first rounders for coach killer Deron Williams. The idea is that if you can get one superstar on your team, others will follow. The Celtic's formed their big 3 in 2008 when they traded for Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to go alongside Paul Pierce. The Laker's secured two titles at the '08 trade deadline by committing the steal of the century, taking Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies (for mega-bust Kwame Brown, Jarvis "black jack" Crittenton, the decaying corpse of Aaron McKie and some future picks). We saw it this summer when The Heatles locked up Wade, James and Bosh for the next half a decade. The Thunder are knocking on the N.B.A.'s elites door with Durant and Westbrook, and if Chicago could ever manage to stay healthy, would be right there as well with a line-up of Rose, Boozer, Noah and Deng.

The 2004 Detroit Pistons are the only team in the past 30 years to win a title without a bonafide superstar on their team. The reason they were able to pull this off was because they had A) A starting line up full of All-Star caliber players whose styles complimented each other and made them better despite still lacking an alpha dog star. B) The Eastern Conference was incredibly weak that year (Miami was a #4 seed with only 42 wins, and Boston made the playoffs despite being 10 games under .500). And C) Karl Malone hurt his knee in Game 2 of the finals. With that being said, the days of teams like those mid-2000's Pistons winning championships are longgg gone. And spare me the whole "Well the Spurs won four titles and they weren't loaded with superstars" shpiel, they had the BEST power forward of all time in the prime of his career. The Knicks did what all teams are trying to do these days, and that is load up on the biggest names, and put together your own mini all-star team that you can go to war with year in and year out. There are 30 teams in the N.B.A. right now, and the Knicks currently have 2 of the 10 starters from this past weekends All-Star game on their roster, who just happen to be the #2 and #5 leading scorers in the league. Anytime you have a chance to put that kind of talent together, you have to do it at any and all costs. This ain't a league, it's a God damn arms race.

-fresh (@danye33)

Monday, February 21, 2011

Music Videos That Don't Suck Vol. 2

Because all MTV airs nowadays is shows about pregnant teens and juiced up guidos, I've taken the responsibility upon myself to present to you the reader any worth while music videos that come my way. In this installment we have the video for Kid Cudi's "Erase Me". It has a very 1960's feel to it, with Cudi dressed up and preforming as if he were Hendix. Cudi is joined in this video by McLovin and Clark Duke (Sex Drive), who also preform in hippie clad attire. Throw in a few hot girls, and a closing verse by Kanye West and I'd say you have yourself a solid music video.

"Monica Lewinsky on ya dress take ya to the cleaners"

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Things Not To Do When Visiting Your Alma Mater

(Don't be that asshole older guy coming back like O'Bannion was)

So this weekend I'm making the pilgrimage back to the home land, snowy SUNY Cortland. The place where I spent four of my formative adult years. A lawless environment that helped mold me into the person I am today, but not without first strapping me into a roller coaster ride of extreme highs and a few mild lows. But as I approach this visit, I am aware that I am a much wiser man now than the 18 year old, popped collared lad who first entered the frozen tundra of Cortland, NY. And with this new found knowledge, comes a new responsibility to inform you, the graduate, of how NOT to behave when reentering the wild that is, your alma mater.

#1. Don't confess your love to someone who wouldn't bang you when you were still a student there- Look, we all know why colleges exist. So that young adults can have casual sex without repercussion before entering the real world. And if you couldn't seal the deal back when you had access to parties, a house, and large amounts of grain alcohol, it ain't happening now. Chances are shes found someone else already, forgotten about you, or is creeped out/repulsed by the idea of even touching you (just like she was back then). So save face, and hit on new faces, not old acquaintances.

#2. Don't eat in the campus cafeteria- Fact. No one enjoys eating the food on campus. Sure it's easily accessible if you live in the dorms, convenient if you have a meal plan, and orgasmic if you have an eating addiction, but if you're a real human being, with access to a debit card and automobile for the love of God eat somewhere else. No one wants to be online at the salad buffet thinking "Hey, isn't that the creepy older guy who poked me summer going into Freshman year?". Show that you've matured and moved on from the Ramen Noodles/all you can eat days.

#3. Don't start a fight with someone who is currently in college- Or in general for that matter, but for arguments sake lets stick with someone who's still in school. For starters, if you start a fight at any time you're a total douchebag. If you start a fight as a college graduate with kids that are still in college, you're a mega douchebag. The diploma is supposed to symbolize maturity, knowledge and accomplishment, so act that way. Don't get tough with some drunk 19 year old who bumps into you while completely inebriated having a great time. Think about how much you used to make fun of asshole alumni when they would come up, and now realize college students might be thinking of you that very same way. Much like at All-Star games when they have some of the old timers in attendance, there comes a point when you need to realize that your time has come and gone, and it's a whole new ballgame, with a whole new roster.

#4. Don't buy drugs from underclassmen- Yes, college is a time for experimentation. Yes, if you're still "experimenting" with drugs as a college graduate you have a drug problem. Get help, not high. What was once all fun and games with the guys from your floor, has now become a lonely and embarrassing habit. Stick to the bar and you'll be fine.

#5. Don't throw up (in public)- College is a time for testing limits. Seeing how much alcohol your body can absorb, and then pushing it 10x past that. We've all woken up in a bed of vomit (Oh wait, you haven't?) or ran to a garbage can because we couldn't keep down our fourth game over shot at 2 a.m. (tabasco, tequila, 151). But by the age of 23 you should know what your body can and can't handle. Now there's nothing like a good morning yuke of straight bile to cure your hangover blues, that's normal. But throwing up while surrounded by kids that were in middle school while you were getting a handski at prom is a little embarrassing.

So there you have it! Follow these five steps and you won't make an ass of yourself at your grand return to the promised land.

*Bonus tip- If you're making some money as a graduate, don't be afraid to spread it around and buy a few rounds of shots for the ladies. It'll show maturity, wealth and that you're there to have a good time. Not be a d-bag.

-fresh (@danye33)