Seth Rogan Explains How To Roll A Cross Joint

Thanks Seth!

Cats And Pizza Might Be My Favorite Thing Ever

Cats on their own? Can't stand them. Way too much sass and attitude in those little fuckers.

But cats mixed with pizza? Love it. Want it. Need it.

I'm seriously considering making that first picture up top my default avatar for every single online interaction I have from now until the end of time.

-fresh (@danye33)

Fresh Take Mailbag, Vol. 8

Hey guys- guess what? I'm growing a beard!

No, not a rapey one. A cool, manly one, like Ryan Gosling's in "The Notebook". Figured I had to pick up a new hobby besides sleeping and blogging while I work these overnight shifts, and I'm looking forward to doing my best Joaquin Phoenix in "I'm Still Here" impersonation when I finally see my friends again.

In this week's Mailbag we're talking about Amanda Bynes unique way of suggesting sex, deceased musical acts, which Gatorade flavor reigns supreme and much, much more. As always, please continue to hit me with all of your wildest questions via e-mail, tweet, text or in the comment section of our Facebook fan page.

And now, your questions!



Hey Dan-O, been out of the country and for some reason I just stumbled across how crazy Amanda Bynes is these days. "I want Drake to murder my vagina" was one of her tweets and she looks like she's had tons of plastic surgery....and had her vagina murdered by many a dude. How/when/why did this ex-Nickelodeon hotty start going all Lindsay Lohan on us?

-Bob, Thailand

I touched on the aforementioned "I want Drake to murder my vagina" tweet when it happened back in March, but aside from that I've kind of steered clear from that slow-motion train wreck that her life has become. But since you asked, I'm all for re-opening this can of worms.

Bynes' twitter account is where you can dig up most of your dirt on the former pre-teen star, and though its mostly just botox-induced (sometimes nude) seflies or shots of her duel microdermal anchors, occasionally we also get sad, confessional gems like this:

It's hard to pin point the exact moment this free-fall began, but the naked cupcake shop incident or her trio of DUI's seem like a good start. She's also hit the blogosphere for her bizarre workout methods, gym wardrobe (or lack thereof) and feud with the aforementioned Lindsay Lohan.

For a more definitive timetable of Bynes demise, check out this re-cap from Caity Weaver over at Gawker. And for a clip of Bynes in happier times, check out her stand up set as a 10 year old in '96.

Your thoughts on that co-worker who feels it is necessary to retrieve bottles and cans from the office recycle bins on their way out at the end of their shift?

-Ski, Rochester

Are you sure we're talking about a co-worker here and not oh, I don't know, that homeless man who lives in the park? I make close to babysitter wages at my job, and would never hesitate to throw out a bottle or can, as opposed to dragging it all the way home with me for the five cents refund. So the fact that you know and work with people who do this absolutely boggles my mind. I'm all for recycling, but I would never take a stranger's trash home with me, ESPECIALLY not from work.

The next time you see this happen please document it and I'll gladly throw it up one the Weave. Unless he/she is saving up for to pay for a life saving medical procedure for someone they love, then it's perfectly within your rights to publicly ridicule them.

Once and for all, please settle the debate over which flavor of Gatorade is the best flavor of Gatorade.

-CJ

There's only two possibly answers here and it basically comes down to a battle of old school versus new school, Lemon Lime versus Glacier Freeze. My go-to is the Glacier for a variety of reasons- it's aesthetically pleasing, tastes awesome and the name alone tricks me into thinking my beverage is five degrees cooler than it actually is.

With that being said- I'll never fault anyone for going with LL, the old faithful. That was my go to mixer for poor man's margaritas during one particularly broke summer. #YOLO

Why does it seem that men get more attractive, better at sex, smarter and more desirable as they get older, yet woman seem to get the reputation of drying up like a raisin, losing their beauty and are no longer desirable once they reach a certain age?

-George Pooney

There are multiple factors as to why men tend to grow more attractive with age compared to our female counterparts, but it really all comes down to reproduction. Woman peak sexually in their late teens/early twenties because that's when they're the most fertile. They were put on this Earth to seduce a mate, get preggers and ensure the survival of our species, hence why they come out of the gates looking so good. Getting pregnant after 35 can be a risky en devour, whereas men can still fire off foot soldiers late into their 60's. So that sense of urgency and closing window never really shuts down for the guys.

I'm assuming the "drying up like a raisin" that you're referring to is a biological result of lower estrogen levels (disclaimer: not a doctor), but that can be solved with a quick squirt of KY, so I'm not too worried. As for losing their beauty, I'm going to have to flat out disagree with that stereotype altogether. There's plenty of hot older women out there, and with age comes experience.

As far as your suggestion that "men get better at sex" with age, the jury is still out for me, but I think for the most part everyone (guys and girls) gets better, or at least gets more comfortable and familiar with their own preferences with the more experience they get.

Think about it like this- when you first started playing basketball, I bet you mostly shot lay-ups until you were able to get confident enough to gradually make your way to the free throw line and beyond. After enough practice you probably got to a point where every now and then you're able to get lucky and hit a half court shot. Now that half court shot can represent whatever goal you want it to be in the bedroom, but the point is it's highly unlikely you were hitting that shot from day 1.

Semi-related: I'm stoked for the salt 'n pepa hair phase of life.

What deceased musical act would you most like to see live?

-John, Los Angeles

Obviously, it would have to be The Beatles (or pretty much any other classic rock act from that generation- Led Zep, Grateful Dead, Hendrix, etc.) but to throw a monkey wrench into your question I'm going to limit it to bands/artists who died during my lifetime.

That leaves me with two of my all time favorites- The Notorious B.I.G. and Sublime. Both shows would be absolutely incredible. I've known the majority, if not all, of their lyrics from an early age on and the atmosphere of a come-back-to-life concert would be like the Tupac hologram times a million. Though for somewhat obvious reasons, I think that I, personally, would fit in best at a Sublime show.

Ever since my Aunt Joy bought me their Greatest Hits cd, while on vacation in Texas in the summer of '00, I've dreamed of sipping on many a 40 oz. while Bradley Nowell & company jammed for me. Through their music they always came off as such lovable guys, with relatable struggles, who just wanted to have fun.

The closest I ever came to seeing Sublime in concert was when a crew of about 20 of us bought tickets to go see the popular cover band Bad Fish play at B.B. King's in NYC junior year of high school. Only before the band even got on stage to perform all the girls that we came with had been kicked out for underage drinking and all the guys had gotten the boot for smoking weed.

I also got in trouble for having these lyrics posted above my bed when I was in 7th grade.

R.I.P. Bradley & Lou Dog



So our parents claim to think that things where better growing up, the people worked harder, did more with less, were less materialistic, less entitled, they had musicians, we have dj's, etcetera etcetera. My view point is that yes, you may have had The Beatles and The Stones, but I can push one button on my phone and a pizza will show up at my house in 30 minutes which is pretty cool.

Not so sure I see the connection between convenient pizza delivery and the best rock band of all time, but please, continue.

Also, not sure if you read Jemele Hill's article on Geno Smith, but basically it talks about how we're a generation of entitled kids and that's why Smith comes off as immature. My thought is that we're not entitled we're just smarter. We're not willing to accept being the low man on the totem pole and are not willing to not be heard. As dumb as the phrase was and still is, there's a reason why our generation came up with the phrase yolo, 

I'm sorry but seeing that phrase used unironically makes me physically cringe 

because we all want to live our lives to the fullest and don't feel like wasting it doing something we hate just cause we get a paycheck, which our parents generation swallowed like an average workday for Naomi Russell. So to our parents generation we obviously look like we don't want to work hard and think that we are entitled to be our own bosses. Which thanks to technology and the internet, unlike our parents, if you have a good idea, you can sell it to Google for 50 million dollars. So the question is, what are your thoughts on this generational gap, are we entitled, or are they old fashioned. What generation would you want to be a part of and why?
-Tom Brokaw's a punk

It's extremely hard to characterize an entire generation because within that group there's going to be millions of people who fall into both categories. Sure, kids can strike it rich these days with massive tech deals (just last week Tumblr sold for $1.1 billion), but look at guys like Henry Ford, John D. Rockefeller, or even on a much smaller scale, Debbi Fields, who in the 70's worked her way up from an Oakland A's ballgirl to a multi-multi millionaire by baking cookies. The opportunities to strike it rich have always been there, the only difference is that now those goals are obtainable while sitting down in your living room.

The reason this generation is smarter than the last is solely due to the speed and convenience to which we can access information. Though it should also be noted that our parent's generation were the ones who created the internet, iPhones, and PORN for our viewing pleasures, so I think rather than ridicule them for feeling a sense of pride over The White Album, we should be thanking them for the doors they've opened for us along the way. Without them, there would literally be no us. Plain and simple.

But now that proper props has been given, I can definitively say that there has never been a better time to grow up, live, eat fro-yo, pirate music, than the present. Sure, our generation is entitled, but we're (well, scientists, not me) also changing the world for the better every single day. We've got a black president, gay athletes, and are light years closer to equality than we've ever been in the past. There's always going to be a few broken bitches out there who try to ruin the world for the rest of us, but for the most part I see a ton of good out there every single day, and that's what makes me most proud to be a part of this generation.

-fresh (@danye33)

I Guarentee The Magic "Win" The N.B.A. Draft Lottery

Vucevic and Noel would make for an imposing front court

The N.B.A. Draft lottery is tonight, which should be exciting, but always ends up as one of the most infuriating events of the basketball year. It's appears to be blatantly rigged, and even if its not, the league has done little to cast a shadow on our doubts. Here's how I proposed to fix it last year, you know, the year in which the league-owned Hornets walked away with the #1 pick in a one horse draft:  

"If I were commissioner of the league, I would have stomped that puppy out right away. See all you have to do to prove your product isn't rigged is show the actual ping pong ball selection live on TV. You can't tell me one good reason why they decide the outcome behind closed doors. It's sketchy, unethical and leaves the door open for way too much speculation.

If they showed the balls being selected, not only would it make the viewing experience more enjoyable (this year's broadcast was awkward and anticlimactic) but it would shut up all the doubters, generate raw emotion from fans and owners and prove that the NBA has nothing to hide."

It's as simple as that. Show us the ping pong balls bouncing around and I'll believe that that team truly "won" the lottery. But so long as Stern or Silver are filling up those envelopes behind closed doors- I'm not buying.

In the past ten years alone we've seen the down and out Cavs land their hometown hero (James '03), the Bulls hit a home run with their hometown prodigy Derrick Rose (on just 1.7% odds), the Cavs win the Kyrie sweepstakes in their first year without LeBron, and the aforementioned, league-owned team formally known as the Hornets win their first lottery without CP3. Which is why I'm absolutely positive that the Magic, who have the best odds as it is at 25%, walk away with the #1 pick after a putrid, post-Dwight campaign in 2012-13. That's just the way this circus works.

-fresh (@danye33)

D-Wade Goes To Prom With Smokeshow Heat Fan

In all seriousness her real date for the night should have just cut his losses and went home as soon as D-Wade walked through the door, right? I mean even if he did end up getting buns that night, there's no way she wasn't wishing that it was Flash inside her the entire time. Bet she couldn't even muster up the decency to fake an O. Here he is all dressed to the nines, on his suit and tie shit, with presumably the hottest girl in his school as a date, and in walks a former Finals MVP to sweep his lady off her feet. Insta-wet.

And make no mistake about it, there's a 100% chance Wade beat. Did you catch the part where he referred to himself as the third wheel? Guy couldn't even keep a straight face.

-fresh (@danye33)

Miguel Does The Impossible, Makes Billboard Music Awards Temporarily Relevant

On the litmus scale of meaningless music awards the Billboard Music Awards typically falls somewhere between the VMA's and the CMA's. But last night was not your typical Billboard Music Awards. In the middle of his performance of his song "Adorn", R&B star(?) Miguel attempted a flying leg kick from one stage to another, jumping over dozens of cheering fans.

I used the word "attempted" rather than "completed", because Miguel did not successfully jump from one stage to another, but instead proved that white men aren't the only ones who can't jump, kicking one female spectator in the face while simultaneously leg dropping another.

True to his craft, Miguel finished his performance, and afterwards took to his twitter feed, writing that he "got caught up in the moment, thank goodness Khyati is okay." Though the tweet has since been deleted.

Here's the video via MarvB_'s Vine-



Now watch it with a random black guy's commentary-



And lastly, the inevitable Jim Ross treatment-



-fresh (@danye33)

Hipsters Rejoice! The Hornets Are (Possibly) Coming Back To Charlotte

Sometime in the past five years, roughly coinciding with the rebirth of snap-backs and Starter jackets, the Charlotte Hornetts, a team that hadn't existed since 2002, became the most visible basketball franchise in the streetwear world. You would be hard pressed to attend a summer concert, or even walk down the street, without seeing a teal and purple champion throwback or a buzzing bee dribbling a basketball in an "H" sweater starring you in the eye. And now all those retro loving Hornets "fans", who lionize 90's NBA despite being in elementary school at the time, may soon be in luck!

According to a report by CBSSports.com, the Bobcats have started the process of bringing the iconic Hornets moniker back to Charlotte. With the current installment of the Hornets changing their name to the New Orleans Pelicans, it makes perfect sense for MJ's team to capitalize on what would be a brilliant business decision.

Unfortunately, commissioner in waiting Adam Silver told Bobcats season ticket holders in April that any change to the Hornets would take 18 months to complete, so the earliest we'll see the striped Charlotte uni's would be at the start of the 2014-15 season.

But depending on how the ping pong balls fall in the next few drafts, a Nerlans Noel/Andrew Wiggins NBA Jam duo could go a long way in challenging the Zo/Glen Rice duo's of yesteryear for Hornets supremacy.

[ESPN] Bobcats Could Revert To Hornets

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield "Space Oddity"

Hadfield's five month reign as commander of Expedition 35 aboard the International Space Station came to an end Sunday, but not before the world's most lovable, mustachioed, astronaut gave us one last gift- the first ever music video from space.

-fresh (@danye33)

What Could Gotye Possibly Have Done To Make His Ex-Girlfriend Change Her Number?

It's been a little over a year since "Somebody That I Used To Know", Gotye's creepy-yet-catchy ode to his ex, first penetrated our ear buds. And in that time I still haven't gotten over the fact that this guy (allegedly) did something so bad that his girlfriend "changed her number" to avoid talking to him. First off, is this even a real thing that people do post-relationship? I've witnessed plenty of fucked up couples go their separate ways, but none that have ever reached the point of changing their telephone number. Like that kind of seems like a big deal, no? And even if she did change her number, couldn't he just find out the new one from a mutual friend? If that were to happen then she would have went through all that trouble for nothing.

The whole scenario just feels a bit off to me. She wants him out of her life so much so that she goes through the hassle of changing her number, yet has no problem subjecting her friends to his irrational and possible dangerous behavior by sending them over to his place to collect a bunch of old records? I feel like if at a certain point you've just got to cut your losses, which in this case is her vinyl records, and get this guy out of her life for good. You can't have it both ways sister.

Oh, and Gotye- learn how to take a hint. IT'S OVER!

-fresh (@danye33)

Here's A Years Worth Of NBA Fights Condensed Into An 8 Minute YouTube Video

Ironically, Metta World Peace is involved in roughly 40% of these scuffles.