Thursday, March 31, 2011

Was The "Kicked In The Nuts Guy" The First Comedic Internet Star?

So I just finished watching the "Family Guy" episode where Quagmire bangs Cleveland's wife Loretta, and at the end of the show Peter gets kicked in the nuts very abruptly. Appropriately, the kick comes from the Clay Tiffany lookalike, the "Kicked in the Nuts" guy. After seeing that happen in the episode, I immediately began looking up old clips on YouTube of the famous, and quick footed, afro-ginger and was pleasantly surprised to see how well these videos held up over time. Not surprising considering anytime a male encounters a blow to the balls it always makes for good comedy. But I was more surprised with myself for not remembering that this whole series of videos even existed. I feel like I've been slacking on you guys for not posting this gold earlier. I remember watching these videos on ebaumsworld as a kid and A) dying of laughter and B) being incredibly jealous that I hadn't had the balls to come up with this idea myself (No pun intended. Ok, definitely pun intended).

Aside from "the Aicha" kid, I would have to say that the" "Kicked in the Nuts" guy was the first comedic viral video that I found myself constantly gravitating back to in the pre-YouTube stone age days of being "online". Back when you used to literally have to dial up a phone line to connect to the internet. I would pull up these videos on AOL 6.0 (Yes, I know- baller), eat dinner, then hope that it was done buffering just so I could enjoy the timeless art of unexpected kicks to the genitalia.

Mike Henry, you were a true pioneer. And possibly(?) the first comedic internet star.


Friday, March 25, 2011

Three Things To "Get Down" With This Friday

In honor of Rebecca Black's musical abortion "Friday" surpassing 50 million views on YouTube, I've decided to title this next post "Three Things To Get Down With This Friday". Just three things to be on the look out for/check out. Not sure if this will turn into a weekly column or not, but as long as Ms. Black is debating on whether to kick it in the front seat, or sit in the back seat, my fingers will be typing away. Also, who's the fat Usher lookalike in the above video? That guy is just oozing with street cred after that performance.

1. Derrick Williams- Not since Crystal Gail Mangum has one individual done this much damage to the University of Duke. In last nights coming out party, Williams had a career high 32 points and 13 rebounds, en route to a 93-77 dismantling of #1 seed Blue Devils. Williams has shined thus far in the NCAA and Pac 10 tournaments, and is doing all the right things to build his case for top pick in this June's NBA Draft. One scout refers to him as a cross between a better David West, and a stronger Antawn Jamison. Not a bad comparison if you ask me.

For the first time since 2006, the #1 pick in the draft isn't a shoe in this late in the season. If Williams and the Wildcats can get past Kemba Walker tomorrow night and into the Final 4, look for Williams draft projections to skyrocket to the top, if he's not there already.

Also, does rooting against Duke ever get old? I had them winning it all in my bracket and was still happy to see them go down. Kyle Singler is the team captain of the "Guys Who Are So Ugly That Despite Being Great Athletes, It's Conceivable That They Don't Get Any Ass" All-Stars. Other players on this team include Sam Cassell, Robin Lopez, Greg Ostertag, Joakim Noah, Bryant "Big Country" Reeves and Kueth Duany.

#2. @shelbyfero's Twitter page- I came across this 17 year old's Twitter account after a RT (re-tweet) by Bill Simmons a few weeks ago, and she has far and away the funniest timeline of tweets I have ever seen. Shelbyfero is 140 characters of pure gold. To be honest, I don't even actually know too much about her. She has no wiki page, doesn't write the name of her high school, or even what state she's from. But what she does write is the funniest, most society-aware (yup, just made that word up) tweets I've ever seen. I'm in the process of writing a mega-column about Twitter now, in which I plan on touching on a lot more Shelby-isms. But in the meantime enjoy these few gems from her.

  • My childhood ended the first time my iPhone corrected “gelato” to “fellatio.”
  • There should be some sort of Nobel prize for dads who aren’t creepy towards babysitters.
  • I’ve been using whitening strips for weeks but I still hate golf.
  • “This is probably a good time to reflect on every mistake I’ve ever made” - 3am
  • Nothing like a fun, friendly game among friends to find out who's an asshole
  • Winking is a good way to let people know you're not afraid to rape again
  • I love when people tell me they’re spiritual so I don’t waste any time and get straight to hating them.
  • It's been over ten years since I said "bye" on the phone without sounding like an asshole.
  • No, I'm pretty sure you're saying she's a gold digger.
And if you didn't like those, don't worry there's still 6,000+ more to read from.

#3 Adam, from "Real World: Las Vegas"- For those of you that haven't been watching this season (episode 3 aired this week, so it's not too late to catch up), you're missing out on one of the biggest reality show train-wrecks of all time, Adam. So far this season he's been kicked out of various posh Las Vegas night clubs for smashing bottles, fighting bouncers (see above), and taking his shirt off. In addition to this, he has also smashed beer bottles in the apartment, and gotten into a physical altercation with fellow housemate, and garbageman, LeRoy. Not a night goes by that Adam doesn't hit the bottle hard, and he's close to entering the reality T.V. Sheen Zone, for complete and utter ridiculousness.

The best part about Adam is his background. We find out through his drunken confession to Nany that he started selling drugs at the age of 14, and within a few months was "the biggest drug dealer in my state (Maine)". At the age of 16 he orchestrated a drug robbery that went array, and resulted with the man they were robbing getting shot. Although Adam didn't pull the trigger, it was his gun, and idea, that led to him being sent to juvie for the next three years. However, Adam uses this to his advantage, and successfully (and creepily) predicts that opening up about his trouble past to Nany will make her all the more attracted to him. And low and behold, in next weeks preview it shows her getting into bed with him. Well played, indeed. Maybe I should start opening up more about that time that I got caught stealing dice from 'Try and Buy' when I was 11. That will really get the ladies going.

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Kemba Madness!!!

With all due respect to the four Pre-Thursday NCAA tournament games, March Madness officially doesn't start until tomorrow. This is the time of year when all the casual college basketball fans come out of the woodwork, fill out a bracket, and spark up debates about both teams and players that they know nothing of. The fact that the first round of this years tournament starts on St. Patrick's Day gives me a feeling comparable to that of a child born on February 29th, and actually getting to celebrate their birthday on that day. Just a perfect storm of madness, booze, gambling, entertainment and heartache.

The tournament this year truly is a wide open playing field. But despite lacking the one, two or even three dominant, sure fire teams to make the final four (which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing), it makes up for in star power. Everyone has been talking about how the talent isn't that deep this year, diluted playing field, etc. But everyone knows that March Madness is the time and place for players to truly make a name for themselves.

During the 2010-11 NCAA basketball season, there have been two players who have been able to successfully separate themselves from the pack. Kemba Walker of UConn, and Jimmer Fredette of BYU. Calling them gifted scorers, would be like calling Steven Spielberg a "good" director. They're great at what they do, and more importantly are consistent in what they do. Take Jimmer for example; he led the NCAA in scoring with a staggering 28.5 ppg, and scored 52 points in a conference playoff game just last weekend. But the stat that I think is most impressive is that in 34 games, only three times this season did he score LESS then 20 points in a game (ed. note- never less then 13). He single handedly brought BYU out from its short lived stay in irrelevance land, and carried them all the way up to a top 10 ranking, and #3 seed in this years tournament. And speaking of do it all scorers who led their team to a #3 seed in the tournament with little to no help from anyone else on their team.... Kemba Walker! Or as I like to call him, Allen Iverson 2.0. This guys been on fire since he became a regular on "Sportscenter's Top 10" during the Maui Invitational last fall. He finished fourth in the nation in scoring (23.5ppg), while competing in hands down the toughest conference of all time (This year the Big East produced 11 tournament teams, which is unheard of, and shattered their previous record of 8). When it came down to crunch time this year, it became known as Kemba-time. He couldn't miss. He was literally the anti-Lebron when it came to closing out games and hitting game winners. And like I mentioned before, he wasn't putting up these kinds of numbers vs. teams like Fresno, Wyoming and TCU. Kemba had game winners alone vs. power houses such as Villanova, Texas and Pitt.

All this debating that has been going on between Kemba/Jimmer reminds me of a time not too long ago. The year was 2006, and J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison were in the midst of a similar rivalry, despite never stepping foot on the same court together. Both were putting up unthinkable scoring numbers as well as highlight reels, and the talk of who was the better player became a daily debate between my circle of friends, along with the likes of mainstream media. In the end, JJ won Player of the Year, and missed a foul shot late in a Sweet 16 game that would have won it for them. While Adam led the NCAA in scoring during the regular season, and followed it up by crying on the court after an upset in the tournament. The parallels between those two players and Kemba/Jimmer are eerily similar. Redick and Walker both played on the east coast, on better teams, with the better coach, in the bigger market, in the more competitive conference, and got more ESPN games to showcase themselves. Whereas Morrisson and Fredette both played on the west coast, in the mid-major conference, led the NCAA in scoring, and were Caucasian stars in a primarily African-American league. The thing about Fredette that reminds me the most about Morrisson, is that since they played at small market west coast schools, they sort of had a mystique about them that they wouldn't have had, had they played in the Big East, Big 10, Big 12 or ACC. The fact that you saw the numbers they were putting up, but not necessarily saw the game itself, allowed you to think of these players as larger than life, folk hero esq. stars that you didn't really know too much about. The similarities are definitely there between this years cream of the crop and 2006's. Now lets just hope this time the outcome will be different.

(This commercial scored off the charts on the unintentional comedy scale)

And on an unrelated, somber note. Let's all pour out a 40 oz. this weekend for the late, great, Nate D-O-double G. A man who made a living off breaking the BYU honor code. No one will ever sing the hooks as well as he did. G's up, hoes down.

-fresh (@danye33)