Stop Lookin At My Mom!

Allow me to introduce you to Brian Bradley aka The Astronomical Kid. Little man wowed the judges on X Factor last night, preforming his song "Stop Looking At My Mom" and even went toe to toe with Simon Cowell at one point when he felt disrespected. In an interview with Fox News today he said that in 5 years his name "will be mentioned in the same breath as (fellow Brooklyn native) Jay-Z". Personally I can't get enough of this kids swag but for the love of god Brian will you get a new entourage please? You can't be rocking fly ass mohawks and LL Cool J style gold chains and then walk down the street with a dude in a Hollister tee and a Christmas tree looking bent up flat brim. And don't even get me started on Beetle Juice and fat Lil Romeo over there too. You know what they say, you're only as hard as the softest member of your crew.

-fresh (@danye33)

Roll Tide! It's Your Week 5 College Football Talk With Chooch

A good weekend of battles certainly didn't disappoint, although Notre Dame's close win over Pitt made the first 3 hours of Saturday's games less pleasant than I would have liked. This week I'll be heading down south to go to Sonic the Auburn/South Carolina game in Columbia, SC. Blog to follow but for now let us take a look back at the week that was, on the collegiate gridiron.

Week 4 in review:

Bama makes a statement: One of the most anticipated games coming into this weekend was the showdown between top 15 teams Alabama and Arkansas. The Razorbacks' high-flying passing attack would be the first real test for the Tide's vaunted defense this year. Well, Nick Saban's squad answered the bell and then some, crushing Arkansas 38-14. Bama's defense was as advertised and the offense rode Trent Richardson and the running game to a big day. Although other teams had impressive victories Saturday (see below), it's hard for me to view Bama as anything but the best team in the country right now. Another test looms this week in the Swamp against the Florida Gators.

LSU ignores the hillbillies, pounds WVU: Watching LSU dismantle West Virginia Saturday night was very impressive, especially in a hostile environment like Morgantown. The final stats belie the game, as WVU racked up a bunch of passing yards late and because they threw on nearly every play. LSU controlled this game from the opening whistle. Jarrett Lee is doing enough not to screw up games and letting the defense do its thing. No team had a more impressive September than LSU, which beat 3 ranked opponents away from its home stadium (one of which was a 'neutral' site game in Dallas vs Oregon). Florida looms in 2 weeks.

Clemson rises to the occasion: Over the years, few teams in the country have been as maddeningly inconsistent or underachieving as Clemson, which has SEC level talent every year. The past 2 weeks have been a huge step in the right direction for the program, with wins over defending national champion Auburn and preseason ACC favorite Florida State. The main reason has been the resurgence of the offense, led by quarterback Tajh Boyd, who's having a fantastic season. New offensive coordinator Chad Morris was coaching high school football in Texas 2 years ago, but has taken his Guz Malzahn-inspired running spread to Clemson and found great success. These 2 big wins were at home,however. A bigger challenge looms this week when the Tigers travel to Blacksburg to face Virginia Tech,who's owned the conference the last several years.

Florida State's woes: Speaking of the Noles, a season that began with so much promise, including a potential national title run, has suddenly derailed. FSU sits at 2-2, with its 2 wins against crappy FCS schools. The Noles have tons of talent, but they'll need to play with consistency and focus as they begin the ACC schedule. There aren't any killer games until the showdown in the swamp vs. Florida Thanksgiving Weekend, but there are enough solid teams to make the Noles trip up, which could make an already disappointing season disastrous. FSU has work to do if it wants to overcome Clemson to win the ACC Atlantic and it put itself in a huge hole with the loss last week.

Texas A&M enters the SEC with a whimper: At halftime of the top 10 match up of Texas A&M and Oklahoma State, I was preparing to eat some crow in my column this week. I had pegged A&M as one of my overrated teams to start the season, but they appeared to be well on their way to beating down OSU in College Station, up 20-3 at the half. The Cowboys came roaring back though, and ended up winning30-29, cementing their status as a top-10 team and delivering a crushing loss to the Aggies. A&M had better get used to this though. OSU would be at best the 3rd or 4th place team in the SEC West. Good luck Aggies.

Notre Dame plays like crap: The Irish found a way to pull this one out, despite a putrid offensive performance, particularly by the passing game. The defense was a bright spot again, but ND needs more production from the QB position. I'll accept this game as just a bad day as long as the Irish go out next week and pound Purdue like they should. The Boilermakers will be pumped up for a night game against a rival. ND had better be prepared to match Purdue's intensity (I feel like I write this sentence every week. I'm sick of having to write it.).

USC struggles: Just a bad game all around for the Trojans in Tempe. Arizona State got its first win against USC since 1999 by shutting down Matt Barkley and forcing turnovers. USC fans must be getting a little frustrated with Lane Kiffin, and the full force of the sanctions haven't even hit yet.

Looking ahead to Week 5:

Nebraska at Wisconsin: The prime time ABC game this week (and location of College Gameday) features two top 10 teams in Madison. This is the first true test for either team and a very tough Big Ten opener for new conference member Nebraska. Wisconsin QB Russell Wilson can plant himself firmly in the Heisman race with a big performance, as could Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez. Expect to see a lot of running action in an old school Big Ten clash.


Alabama at Florida: This game is big enough that CBS made it a prime time showing. Florida has surprised this year, and while the Gators haven't really beaten anybody great (sorry Tennessee), the wins have been very impressive, particularly on offense. New offensive coordinator Charlie Weis (yea,that Charlie Weis) is doing a good job so far, but that's to be expected when he's handed a bunch of developed older players. He game plans and calls plays with the best of them, but he'll face his biggest challenge yet in defensive mastermind Nick Saban. I can't wait to see the chess match that goes on between these two on Saturday night.

Auburn at South Carolina: Yours truly will be at this game with Arob this weekend doing some on-site reporting. Well, I'll probably just be drinking beers and eating burgers. Still, it should be a pretty good game with Auburn looking to bounce back from the loss at Clemson a few weeks ago and South Carolina looking to bounce back from sluggish offensive performance against Vanderbilt last week. Auburn's defense is vulnerable, so this game should tell us how far South Carolina's offense has progressed.

Arkansas vs. Texas A&M (in Dallas): Jerryworld hosts another big non-conference game as these former Southwest Conference and future SEC foes square off. Both teams are coming off bad losses, one being a second half collapse (A&M) and the other being a blowout (Arkansas). Arkansas won this game last year and I think they will again.

Notre Dame at Purdue: If this game isn't over by the middle of the third quarter, I'm going to be really angry. Unfortunately, I also won't be surprised.

Michigan State at Ohio State: For the first time in awhile, many expect Michigan State to defeat the Buckeyes. This is a game that if I were a betting man, I would avoid like the plague. Very little is known about these two teams. Both lost their first real tests of the season at Notre Dame and Miami. This is a big game for both. I can't really say anything more until Saturday evening.


Clemson at Virginia Tech: At this point in the season, Clemson is battle tested; Virginia Tech is not. We'll find out if Virginia Tech looks like the ACC title favorite on Saturday. If Clemson is able to pull this one off it would be an incredible 3 game stretch and one that could propel the Tigers to Charlotte for the ACC title game. The schedule eases up significantly after this week. Can Clemson play as well on the road? Lane Stadium is one of the most intimidating places to play in college football.

Expanded Heisman Race after Week 4:

1. Marcus Lattimore, South Carolina RB (last week #1)

2. Andrew Luck, Stanford QB (last week #2)

3. Landry Jones, Oklahoma QB (last week #3)

4. Trent Richardson, Alabama RB (last week unranked)

5. LaMichael James, Oregon RB (last week unranked)

See you next week

-Chooch

Grade "A" Beef- Baseball Playoffs Edition

Welcome to the inaugural Grade "A" Beef column here at the 2 Man Weave. This will serve as a weekly outlet, to vent and rant about whatever issue is bothering us at the time being. With the MLB Playoffs kicking off tonight, I feel it is only appropriate for me to address some formatting issues with said playoff system, that have boggled my mind for quite sometime now.

The Major League Baseball Playoffs is an eight team, three round tournament that features all six division winners and two wild card teams, one from each league (Ed. Note- Wild Cards are awarded to the team with the best record in each league that did not win their division). Since there are 30 organizations in total, that means that teams have a slightly less 27% chance to advance to postseason play. This is the lowest percentage of the four major sports (NFL 37.5%, NBA/NHL 53%), which is puzzling because baseball plays the longest season (162 games) of any of the aforementioned sports. That number nearly doubles basketball and hockey and is 10x more than football plays. So in baseball the fewest amount of teams get to experience meaningful post season games after playing such a grueling summer, it's almost like much ado about nothing.

To stay with the topic of how the risk/reward ratio is so low in baseball lets take a look at the how the rounds are broken down. The Divisional Series (round 1) is a best of 5 competition. Excluding football (due to the physicality of the sport they play, each round consists of one game, loser goes home) the other two sports both play best of 7's in their opening rounds, and this is taking place in leagues where there are more playoff teams to begin with. In my opinion it doesn't make any sense to have a season that stretches out for a span of 162 games, only to have your playoff fate be determined in five games (that means that in the unfortunate event of drawing the Phillies in round one, you could potentially find yourself facing Roy Holladay and Cliff Lee for 80% of those games). It puts way too much importance on starting pitching and doesn't allow for enough time to play things out. I say chop the season down to 152 games (would anyone care/know the difference. It's not like power numbers mean anything anymore anyway) and expand the playoffs to six teams from each league, four rounds with the top two teams in each league getting first round byes and expand the wild card teams from one to three each. And if you don't like that idea, then at the very least catch up to the rest of civilization and extend round one to a best of 7.



I have no other problems with the way the later rounds are handled, and I like the idea of having the All-Star game mean something (winning side gets home field advantage in the World Series). The only other problem I have with the playoffs is how it is (seemingly) the same teams year in and year out. Yankees, Red Sox, Braves, Cardinals and Angels seem to be in it every year and although no team has won back to back titles this decade, the level of parody in this sport is still far lower than I would like to see. But that goes back the bigger issues or no salary cap and not so much a matter of the playoffs in general, so I will leave that topic for another day.

In conclusion, the regular season is just too long to exclude so many teams from the post season, and then once teams make it, there's just not enough games to work out the kinks and get get a fair shot at it.

And yes, I know that after the magical close to the season we had Wednesday night many people may disagree with me, and think that this current system is fine the way it is, but to me it's flawed and in desperate need of some modernization.

-fresh (@danye33)

Got Beef? E-mail us at danye@2manweave.com to have your issues brought to light

Week 4 NFL Picks

Gary has held down the King's Throne not 2, but 3 weeks in a row to start the season

This week the gang all agrees on taking the Saints, Eagles, Vikings, Falcons and Packers. This is the second consecutive week that we all agreed on 5 games (2-3 last week). I was able to pick up some ground on a couple of the guys after going a respectable 7-9 and look to further close that gap on Sunday. Some questions heading into this weeks slate of games are whether or not Mike Vick can bounce back from his hand boo-boo? Can the Bills stay hot in Cincy in a match up that just SCREAMS let down game? And will Cedric Benson be on the field come Sunday, or in the pen?

And now, the picks!

The King's Throne
Gary (22-24-2) Det +1, N.O. -7, Philly -8.5, St. Lou +1, Cle -1, Buff -3, Min -1.5, Car +6.5, Hou -4, Atl -4.5, Ari +1.5, S.D. -7, G.B. -12.5, Oak +4, Bal -3.5, T.B. -10

Chooch (21-25-2) Dal -1, N.O. -7, Philly -8.5, Wash -1, Ten +1, Buff -3, Min -1.5, Chi -6..5, Pitt +4, Atl -4.5, NYG -1.5, S.D. -7, G.B. -12.5, N.E. -4, Bal -3.5, Indy +10

Flem (20-26-2) Det +1, N.O. -7, Philly -8.5, Wash -1, Ten +1, Buff -3, Min -1.5, Car +6.5, Pitt +4, Atl -4.5, NYG -1.5, S.D. -7, G.B. -12.5, N.E. -4, NYJ +3.5, T.B. -10

Geez (20-26-2) Det +1, N.O. -7, Philly -8.5, St. Lou +1, Cle -1, Cincy +3, Min -1.5, Car +6.5, Pitt +4, Atl -4.5, NYG -1.5, Mia +7, G.B. -12.5, N.E. -4, NYJ +3.5, T.B. -10

The Mush
Danye (17-29-2) Det +1, N.O. -7, Philly -8.5, Wash -1, Ten +1, Buff -3, Min -1.5, Car +6.5, Pitt +4, Atl -4.5, NYG -1.5, S.D. -7, G.B. -12.5, N.E. -4, Bal -3.5, Indy +10

2012 NHL Season Preview (Northeast Division)

Does Boston have what it takes to capture Lord Stanley's Cup for a second year in a row?

NORTHEAST DIVISION

Boston Bruins- Three words to describe the Boston bruins: OLD TIME HOCKEY. They were the ultimate complete team last season. They were the last team standing, defeating the Vancouver Canucks for their first Stanley Cup since 1972. They could light you up on the score board, shut you down defensively, knock you on your ass, and a man by the name of TIMMMY kept the puck out of the net better than any other goalie in the league. Returning virtually their entire team from last season, it is easy to see how they are the favorites to win this division again. Up front Milan Lucic, Patrice Bergeron, and Nathan Horton headline a high powered offense that is sure to have a successful season. Heading into his sophomore season, Tyler Seguin has potential to be a star after showing off his skill during the B’s postseason run. On a different note, it looks like this might be the end of Marc Savards career after suffering yet another season ending concussion. I have always been a huge fan of Savard (he was originally drafted by the Rangers in ‘95) and it would be sad to see such a talented player be forced into early retirement. Boston has the privilege of being the home to Zdeno Chara, who when on skates towers at almost seven feet tall and is a nightmare to any opposing forward. Year after year he continues to be a Norris trophy finalist for the league’s best defenseman. As long as Big Z is patrolling the ice, the Bruins will be towards the top of the list for fewest goals against.

Oh yea, and they have a goalie who led the league in GAA (Goals Against Average) with a minuscule 2.00 named Timmy Thomas. Thomas has been one of the best stories in the NHL the last few years. He spent a majority of his career bouncing around minor league clubs all around the country until he finally made it to the big show at about 32 years of age. This is unheard of for a goalie and he continues to post surreal seasons every year. The Bruin’s season will come down to staying healthy and if they can do that then there is no reason they don’t have a chance to repeat as champs.

Players to Watch- Tyler Seguin, Nathan Horton, and Tim Thomas, who looks to follow up his Vezina season of last year.

Buffalo Sabres- There is a lot of talk in western New York that the Sabres are capable of taking the Bruins down atop this division. That is not entirely out of the question. The injury plagued team of a year ago had a strong second half to the season and squeaked into the playoffs as a 7 seed. Buffalo is getting back their top play-maker in Derek Roy, who only played in 35 games last season. The newly acquired Ville Leino looks to improve on his breakout season last year where he posted a career high in goals, assists, and +/-. Thomas Vanek, Brad Boyes, Drew Stafford, and young gun Tyler Ennis highlight the rest of the Sabres’ offense. Buffalo’s defense will have a new look this year as they add established players in Christian Ehrhoff and Robyn Regehr who along with Jordan Leopold and Tyler Myers make for a very talented blue line. In net is everyone’s favorite Olympic hero, Ryan Miller. If he can avoid the slow start he had last season and return to his form that brought team USA to the gold medal game, the Sabres will make some noise this year. Before I spent 4 years in beautiful Cortland,NY, I had nothing against any team from Buffalo but being around that many Buffalo fans made me go a little crazy and I developed a hatred for the Sabres. Now, that I am far, far away from western NY I can say I would not mind seeing them back on top in that division but I do see them falling just short in 2nd place.

Players to Watch: Nathan Gerbe, Tyler Ennis, and Marc Andre Gragnani (strong 2011 playoffs)

Montreal Canadiens- The Habs had a pretty disappointing season as they were bounced from the first round of the playoffs. They have done little to improve their roster during the offseason and I see them having a down year. If they have any chance of making a playoff run they need Michael Cammalleri to find his scoring touch of 2010 when he almost carried his team to the finals. Line-mate Tomas Plekanec must increase his offensive production. Plekanec is probably Montreal’s most talented passer and if he can find some chemistry with Cammalleri then that will increase the depth of their offense. Second line center Scott Gomez must find his game that made him one of the premier playmakers in the league just a few years ago. His offensive drop off has been quite the enigma and I, for one, think it is a trend rather than a blip on his career. The Canadiens did pick up Oswego native Erik Cole who is coming off his best season in years but I am not quite sure if I am sold on him repeating that performance this season. Team captain Brian Gionta, who is usually the most consistent producer on his team, should play a crucial role in this team’s success as long as he stays healthy. Montreal may have the most exciting young defenseman in the entire league, P.K Subban. He is as a good a skater as you will find in the league and is also very physical. He finished the year with 14 goals and 38 points and was in the running for rookie of the year. This could be his breakout year when he shows the world just how good he really is.



Montreal’s anchor and quarter back on the power play, Andrei Markov, will also be returning after suffering a season ending injury at the very beginning of last season. If healthy, he can put up around 50 assists and will be a key part of this team. At the young age of 24, goaltender Carey Price had his best season of his career posting 38 wins. He was probably the team’s MVP last season and will have to play just as well this season for the team to make a run at the playoffs. Montreal has not missed the playoffs since 2007 but I think this year will be a step back for them.

Players to Watch- P.K. Subban, Max Paccioretty

Ottawa Senators- It seems as though the Senators have been rebuilding their team forever. They have not been a real threat in the east since their trip to the finals in 2007. Their lineup is filled with young promising players and there is a lot of hype in Ottawa with it being the host of the all-star game. Atop that list of young players are Nick Foligno, Peter Regin, Bobby Butler, Erik Condra, and this past year’s 1st round draft pick Mika Zibanajad. This team is relying entirely on its youth and it is up to veterans Daniel Alfredsson and Jason Spezza to show them the way. The 38 year old Alfredsson is coming off his least productive year of his career and will be looking to prove he has at least one more quality year left in him, while Spezza will look to get back to being that playmaking center that is also capable of burying 30+ g-notes. Ottawa’s strength this season will be their defensive unit which includes the veterans Sergei Gonchar and Chris Phillips, and 21 year old Erik Karlsson. In net will be Craig Anderson, who was acquired in a late season trade. He finished very strong in Ottawa and if he can return to his 2009 form, where he brought Colorado to the playoffs, he will keep the Sens close in every game. This season will be a step forward for Ottawa and I think they are heading in the right direction. They won’t make the playoffs this year, but they will bring speed and youth to the table.

Players to Watch- Nick Foligno, Bobby Butler, Colin Greening, Mika Zibanajad, and Erik Karlsson.

Toronto Maple Leafs- The Leafs have been a middle of the pack team for quite a while now and have not made the playoffs since 2004. This proud franchise is in the middle of a youth movement where their two oldest players are 30 years old. One of the biggest keys to this team’s success will be Tim Connolly’s ability to mesh with all-star Phil Kessel. Kessel might be the most under rated player in the league and is one of my personal favorites. He was diagnosed with a form of cancer at the young age of 18. After surgery he was announced cancer free and returned to the NHL later that season. Last season Kessel led the team in goals scored without much help around him so hopefully Tim Connolly will be able to stay healthy, which he has had problems with in the past. Toronto fans are expecting big things from forwards Nikolai Kulemin, Clarke Macarthur, and Mikhail Grabovski . The biggest issue Toronto had last season was keeping the puck out of their own net. They finished with the third worst goals against total and that was mainly due to their goaltending. They started the year by splitting time between Jean Sebastien Giguere and Jonas Gustavsson but both were extremely inefficient. Towards the end of the season they called up young goaltender James Reimer from the AHL who made Brian Burke look like a genius. Reimer finished the year with a 20-10 record with a 2.60 GAA. He is without question the starting goalie this season and for the future. In front of Reimer will be an above average defensive unit including team captain Dion Phaneuf, Long Island native Mike Komisarek, John-Michael Liles, and the highly praised Luke Schenn. This team will have its ups and downs this season, but the future looks bright for this young group of players. I would not be surprised if sometime over the next 2 seasons they made a run at the final playoff spot.

Players to Watch- Nikolai Kulemin, Luke Schenn, and Nazem Kadri


North East Prediction

Boston Bruins- 101 pts

Buffalo Sabres- 99pts

Montreal Canadiens- 92 pts

Toronto Maple Leafs- 85pts

Ottawa Senators- 78 pts

-Stan Darsh

This is the second of six NHL Previews that Stan Darsh will be writing for the 2 Man Weave

The Flesh Colored Beard Poetry Watch Continues

So Spencer Pratt, the annoying reality television douche from The Hills and 50% on the made-for-TV couple Spidey, seems to have taken a liking for poetry lately. That's all fine and dandy, but now Mr. Flesh Colored Beard Man himself is twitter bragging about memorizing one of Robert Frost's poems. Now I had never heard Fire and Ice before reading this tweet, but I quickly got familiar with it after a quick YouTube search led me to this video.



Are you kidding me? This stupid poem is like 5 lines long, and not to mention creepy as fuck. I can only hope that he uploads a video of himself reciting this garbage. Either that or a video where he jumps off a building head first . Both would suffice.

-fresh

16 Dead And Counting From Tainted Cantaloupe

(Third Age) Cantaloupe deaths and illness are expected to rise, said federal officials in response to the recent outbreak of listeria in Colorado cantaloupes. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the outbreak has caused 16 deaths and over 70 illnesses in 18 states although the number is expected to rise. Listeria is more deadly than well-known pathogens like salmonella and E. coli although it generally only poses a risk of death for the elderly and those with weakened immune systems. Pregnant women are also at risk. There are some suspicions that animals, often responsible for carrying listeria bacteria, might have contaminated the water supply.

HA! Well at least I know I'm safe! Didn't even bat an eye when I first read this story. Haven't eaten cantaloupe this millennium and to be honest I'm not even sure why? Probably because I prefer junk food and pizza, but oh well, at least I get to live to see another day. It's stories like this though that make you contemplate why people even bother being eating healthy in the first place? Like could you imagine a worse way to go out? You spend your whole life avoiding cheese cake and blooming onion, literally passing on all the great, artery clogging goodness the world has to offer, only to get fucking killed by a god damn fruit.

Somewhere out there Ronald McDonald is cackling while eating a Big Mac. Cue the Happy Dance!


-fresh (@danye33)

Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten- Barenaked Ladies "The Old Apartment"

BNL has to be one of the most underrated bands from the 90's. They're so much deeper than just "One Week" it isn't even funny. I caught them front row at an upfront party last year in Manhattan and they absolutely killed it. Dancing around on stage, freestlying, just making everyone there feel young again. I really love this song in particular because of the detailed (Broke into the old apartment, 42 steps from the street) and heart felt (Why did I have to break in? I only came here to talk) lyrics about an apartment he once shared with his ex. I would imagine the feelings to be spot on for someone who's been in a situation like this and despite the songs dark subject matter I still gladly rock out to it on the reg.

And look at Billy Bibbit from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest slappin' da standup bass like a pro. Red hair, don't care.-fresh (@danye33)

Melo And Bosh Spice To Appear On "Law and Order: SVU" Tonight

Tonight's episode of SVU, titled "Personal Fouls", focuses on a youth basketball coach who is accused of sexually assaulting his players. New York's own Carmelo Anthony will be guest starring along with 1/3 of the MoHeatos Big Three, Chris Bosh. According to TVGuide.com the NBA stars will be playing themselves on the silver screen.

This episode is definitely appointment television considering it may the last time we get to see these guys on TV for a long time.

Jesus Christ that's depressing.

-fresh (@danye33)

Nancy Grace's Boobs Scare Me

So Nancy Grace let the twins out and then some on DWTS last night and to be honest I've never been more confused in my life. Like the one on the right is perky and full of life just curving around like a young Jenna Jameson, doing anything and everything in its power to get attention and boost sex appeal. But then you have that thing on the left. It looks like a Bisquick pancake is trying to escape from one of the Michelin tire man's fat rolls. So unproportional it's not even funny. Reminds me of those mirages that you start seeing when you get dehydrated in the desert. How is that even possible? She should sue Lane Bryant for not providing her with the balance she so desperately needs.

Either that or just cover those puppies up, no one wants to see that anyway.


-fresh

Facebook Rant- News Feed Within Your News Feed Edition

This is not my first Facebook rant and I suppose it won't be my last either. But with the new changes that have been made to all facets of the social networking site, including the death of the old news feed (R.I.M.P- rest in mega pixels), I feel as if too much damage has been done to not voice my opinion.

Clearly the elephant in the room is the new, ever scrolling, News Feed within your News Feed that appears on the right side of the screen. You know what I'm talking about, the constantly updating timeline that refuses to disappear no matter how quickly you try to click up or down on the page. I mean doesn't Zuckerberg get that this isn't the god damn New York Stock Exchange and we don't need an up to the second monitor of who 'likes' someones prof pic? This is beyond intrusive, it's unnecessary and it pisses me off. I used to think it was bad enough that everytime you commented on a picture or wrote on someones wall that it would show up for everyone else to see and now you have to add your 'likes' on top of that? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Another change that I'm still baffled by is the home page, or as I like to call it, the area of computer screen formally known as News Feed. At the top of this section their is a rundown called "Top Stories Since You Last Visited", which is exactly like the old feature where you used to be able to click "Top Stories", only now it looks congested and confusing. Apparently you have the option of clicking a gray half box on the upper left hand corner of a "Top Story" if you feel it's not worthy enough to take up such valuable real estate on your run down. Once again, incredibly unnecessary.

If you continue to scroll down from the "Top Stories" you will come across "Recent Stories" and further down "Stories From Earlier Today." To me this does more harm than good. It slows down your browser the deeper you elect to scroll and I'm still for the life of me trying to figure out why the old version of picking between Recent and Top Stories didn't last? I'm all for evolution but not if I feel like the new product is a just a more complicated version of a system that was already working perfectly fine. One last thing before I move on from the feeds- Facebook used to filter out your feeds so that you only saw people that were relevant to your online life (creepy, yes, but also convenient), now it's every man for themselves. I've seen status updates recently from people I don't even remember ever knowing (i.e. the people you friended as a freshman in college) which has prompted to me eliminate some of those people (which is a positive).

Another change that has been made recently is the super size me effect that happens whenever a photo is tagged or uploaded. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, they've made it so that whenever a photo related activity occurs, said photo is displayed 4x bigger than it used to be. I'm sure in three months I won't even remember the old thumbnail days but for now it definitely seems a little too "in your face" for my liking.

And now for the people who inhabit Facebook. Is it just me, or are the people that use Facebook getting dumber and dumber? Maybe it has to do with the influx of adults joining the site that still don't fully grasp the proper online edicate necessary for normal online communication but I can't help but laugh at all the people that are constantly getting trolled into posting stupid shit as their statuses. Take Exhibit A for example:

The girl who posted this status was by no means alone in her actions. In fact I saw no less than 25 other people re-post this very same status last night. Now the fact that all I had to do was type in Amy Bruce on Google and within 3 seconds I found out that it was a hoax from 2007 is besides the point, it's common sense people. For starters- what 7 year old even knows what the words rape, slut and fighting for our country even mean? She also allegedly had a brain tumor from constant beatings, yet someone found time to log on to Facebook and type this shit up? And what kind of bullshit Make A Wish Foundation gimmick would this even be? Incentive based status posting giveaways? Give me a break people and wise the eff up. You got played, plain and simple.

Not don't get me wrong, I am an avid user of Facebook and think that it has forever changed the way people communicate for the better. Chances are many of you that are reading this right now clicked this link from the 2 Man Weave fan page, and I'm thankful that this platform exists to spread material and stay connected. But that doesn't mean that when changes are made that I don't deem for the best, or when people neglect to use the common sense part of their brain that they aren't going to get called out by me. It's a system of checks and balances people and I'm just here to play the role of the regulator.


-fresh (@danye33)

Pippa Middleton Upskirt Alert!

Well I think Prince William and Kanye West both got it wrong cause if I were in the Royal Wedding I wouldn't have married Kate and Ashley. I would have married Pippa, no questions asked. Yea Kate is beautiful and all but Pippa is a freak! Just look at her, even her name is sexier. Old Willie's gonna be kicking himself in the face at every holiday dinner for the rest of his life just looking across the table at what could have been.

Pippa stole the show at her sisters wedding and it's only a matter of time before she steals her husband. You heard it here first. Mortal lock.


-fresh

Ice T's Unique Way Of Educating His Children On Drug Use, Spencer Pratt Reads Poetry and Tyler The Creator Drops Heat- It's Your Weekend Tweet Re-Cap

So Jay-Z has announced that the Net's will be keeping their team name when they hip-hop across the Hudson and move to Brooklyn in 2012 and can you really blame him? I mean that franchise just oozes with tradition, it would be if like Notre Dame switched their mascot to the Lazy Spaniards. Wait, whats that? The Nets have never won an NBA Championship ever? They're just two years removed from a 13-68 season and in a shameless attempt to draw more fans to their games they came up with a promotion that involved giving away opposing team players jerseys? You're absolutely right Hova, Nets it is!

And now, the tweets!

Spencer Pratt you flesh colored beard toting motherfucker you. Who do you think you are implying that you're reading poetry on a Sunday afternoon? I started following you two weeks ago cause I thought you'd have funny tweets about your wife's plastic surgeries, or all the blow you did last weekend but instead all I've gotten is tweets about how good it feels to be back in college and how much you like to read. Totally not what I signed up for. Don't buy it for a second and furthermore if you don't Yfrog some nudie pics of Heidi you're about to get unfollowed faster than your 15 minutes of undeserved fame ran up.

Ed. Note- Spencer, if you're reading this and by some form of divine intervention Robert Frost happens to be your drug dealers name too, then I would like to offer you my deepest of apologies.

Hey Tyler is take a shiiitt code for drop an album? Because the end result of that and your completion of a bowel movement aren't too far off. Admittedly, I don't know too much about Tyler The Creator, other than the fact that he's the most successful member of the Los Angeles based rap gang Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All and that he wore a pretty sweet psychedelic kitten tee to the VMA's this year. I tried listening to the song Yonkers and I literally felt like I was getting brainwashed to go stab somebody.

He's another one of those guys on Twitter who is just constantly promoting something. Either that or going on CAPS LOCK FUELED RANTS that are so random and filled with typos that Webster himself would turn over in his grave. He does earn bonus points for his unique twitter name (fucktyler) but I still feel as if his shelf life on my timeline is dwindling.


Now that's how you keep your kids off drugs! None of this D.A.R.E. bullshit that goes out the window the second you see the varsity quarterback spark up a J at your first woods party. Show him Johnny Depp tripping face in Las Vegas under the influence of acid, pcp, coke, nitrous, mescaline and a whole galaxy of uppers, downers, screamers and laughers scared shitless seeing bloody alligators pop out of the carpet and shit or imaginary bats circling his car. If that doesn't teach your boy the dangers of drugs then you might as well just give up right then and there.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

This tweet made me LOL for two reasons.

1) The idea of Barry Manilow singing this beautiful love song about some hombre named Armando is absolutely hysterical to me.

Well you came and you gave without taking,
But I sent you away, Oh Mandy,
Well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
And I need you today, Oh Mandy

2) This song 100% reminds me of the movie "Can't Hardly Wait". In the movie, Preston Meyers (Ethan Embry) has a 4 year crush on a girl named Amanda (J. Love Hewitt, who scores ridiculously high on the strokability charts in this role). Throughout the movie we hear this Manilow song and are constantly reminded of Preston's longing for Amanda and there is even a scene at a bus stop where he hears the song playing and it reinforces the fact that he needs to make it back to that party confess his love to Mandy via love letter (Completely plausible for 1998. Nowadays if a kid felt that way about a girl he would probably send her a text message, or just be satisfied with wanking it to her facebook page. Oh, I believe in yes-ter-day).



Little known fact- Blink 182's "Dammit" was prominently featured on the Can't Hardly Wait soundtrack and can be heard as the kids run once the cops bust up the house party.

Until next week, keep twitting my friends

-fresh (@danye33)

Giants Cruz To Victory

The Giants stormed into Lincoln Financial Field yesterday with something to prove and executed their game plan to perfection. By limiting turnovers, putting constant pressure on Mike Vick and and protecting the goal line in the red zone, Big Blue was able to walk away with a 29-16 victory. A win for the Cowboys tonight against their division rival Redskins would mean a three-way tie atop the NFC East, with none of those teams being the "Dream Team" Philadelphia Eagles. So how did the Giants do it? Let's take a look.

Defensively, this was the break out game we had all been waiting for out of second year Defensive End Jason Pierre-Paul. JPP tallied 9 tackles and 2 vicious sacks that left Vick Mr. Glass roughed up. Vick, obviously still impacted by his Week 2 concussion, was a shell of his normal self and it was evident right off the bat. Instead of taking off and running down field like he normally does so effectively, this week he opted to stay behind the line of scrimmage and pass into double coverages once he got outside the pocket. The defense is certainly to be credited as well, and in the fourth quarter he left the game with a broken right hand after taking a rough hit from Chris Canty.

To stay on this side of the ball, the Giants two goal line stops, in my opinion, were the plays of the game. Two separate Eagles drives got stalled inside the 5 yard line and they were forced to walk away with only three points both times. That was the difference in the game right there. One second quarter stand in particular saw Vick and Owen Schmitt (twice) get stood up just inches away from scoring. Over the years the Giants have been most successful when their defense has been the driving force of their team. That goes all the way back to the LT days and was proved again in that '07 Super Bowl season. Perry Fewell had his boys fired up yesterday and we can only hope that that trend will continue moving forward.

The Giants offensive success yesterday can be attributed to two things- Eli's decision making and Philly's terrible job tackling. Victor Cruz, the second year rookie (if that makes any sense) out of UMass, was able to shake off safety Kurt Coleman on a 5 yard out pattern and turn it into a 74 yard touchdown catch. Later in the game he was able to out leap Nnamdi A$omugha and Jarrad Page for a 28 yard score that put the Giants up for good. Cruz, previously best known for his 2010 3 touchdown preseason game for Big Blue, did a stellar job filling in for the injured Mario Manningham and Domenik Hixon. One hundred plus yards and a couple scores should do wonders for his confidence and definitely allows fans to rest easier knowing that Cruz can get the job done.

Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw were constant forces in this game throughout, combining for 105 yards on the ground, 95 yards receiving and a score each. When thunder and lighting is in full on storm mode they can be a nightmare for defenses. That duo of power and elusiveness just brings so much to the table and they did a great job of closing out the game yesterday.

Next week the Giants fly out to Arizona to play a feisty Cards team in a battle that has the potential to be your classic let down game. Hopefully they stick it to them early and often the way they did the Eagles because the Giants schedule certainly doesn't get any easier as the season moves along.

One last thing I did want to touch on was New York's two point conversion mentality yesterday afternoon. So they scored to make it 20-16 early on in the fourth quarter and went for 2 to make it a six point game. I mean I guess being up by 6 is a lot better than being up by 5 but I still wouldn't have done it because a failed 2 point try and an Eagles touchdown would have left the Giants down by 3 (meaning a subsequent FG would only tie, not give them the lead, had Philly scored). Whatever, they went for it, succeeded, and led 22-16. All is well and good. But then why later in the game when the Giants scored to make it 28-16, did they not go for 2 to make it a two touchdown game? Just doesn't seem to make any sense at all, right? Like if you're confident enough to go for it at a time when you really didn't need to take the risk, why wouldn't you go for it when it could actually help ensure that you don't blow your lead, especially after what happened last year?

P.S. If someone had told me before the season that after three weeks the Giants would have a one game lead on the Eagles and that Vick would have already suffered a concussion and broken hand I would have signed off so fast it would've made your head spin.

P.P.S. Possible Ewing Theory in play with Osi and Steve Smith.

-fresh (@danye33)

Half Face Man From "Boardwalk Empire" Freaks The Shit Out Of Me

So I caught Boardwalk Empire for the first time ever tonight on HBO. It was the season 2 premiere and I figured it would be better to jump in late than never. Did the same thing with Sons of Anarchy and that turned out fine. But I can't tell you how utterly freaked out I was by the dude with the half face mask tonight on Boardwalk. Disturbing on so many levels. For starters, the faux mustache looks like a merkin. Like was this the result of a war accident? Or did he spill a flaming 151 shot on his face? Regardless, it looks like the spawn of what would happen if the ugly twin from House of Wax fucked a ventriloquist dummy. The line on nightmares tonight is -175.

-fresh (@danye33)

Tyson Tanks and Schumer Soars at The Charlie Sheen Roast

Last Monday, September 19, 2011, Comedy Central aired their latest roast and this time the guest of honor was the "Wild Thing", Charlie Sheen. Some may think it was quite appropriate, given Sheen’s recent explosion in the public eye ;) but at the same time, some people are sick of seeing this guy get so much publicity for acting like a complete sociopath. Personally, I commend Charlie Sheen for his lackadaisical outlook on life, hookers, cocaine, and feminism at this point in his existence. Despite having two daughters, one of the best sitcoms on television, and a family of celebrities that are constantly vulnerable to criticism and critique, Charlie always seems to be on the front page of Esquire backhanding a stripper with his teeth gritted in a Jack Torrance-esque smirk. This may work for Charlie’s publicity, but it served as the fodder for the incredibly raunchy jokes spit out by the celebrity panel at this roast.

As a whole, the roast was mediocre at best. It wasn’t bad, but it had the potential to be epic. It was almost like traveling an hour out of your way to get Sonic because you saw the commercial and it looked so damn good, but then you get there, they mess your order up three times and the kid on roller blades hits a pothole and spills a slushy on your pants. It’s not like your entire meal was bad, but it could have been a better experience for you. Some of the comedy was great (Amy Schumer, Seth MacFarlane, Jeff Ross), while some of it was just okay (Anthony Jeselnik and Kate Walsh), and some of the “comedians” would have been better off if they stayed home (Shatner, Tyson, Steve-O). If Comedy Central decided to bring back some old favorites and leave out some celebrity circus acts, this roast could have had the audience squealing for more.

Lisa Lampanelli, as essential to a roast as yeast is to bread, decided not to attend this event, which in my opinion was from the utter embarrassment of seeing Mike “The Situation” humiliate himself in the Donald Trump Roast. I would say The Situation should stick to his day job, but the Jersey Shore is the worst thing to happen to this country since the Depression, so we can all hope he just gets locked in a tanning bed someday Final Destination style. Lampanelli made the right choice, because Comedy Central made the detrimental move of going to their bench and adding another no talent Mike. Only this time is was Tyson.

First of all, I love Mike Tyson as a fighter and what I am about to say relates solely to his career as a celebrity after sports. Mike Tyson has been more overused in mainstream comedy these days than porn stars that specialize in bukaki videos. Yes, the Mike Tyson compilation video in addition to all of his public interviews are hilarious. Yes, his cameo in “The Hangover” was a great addition to the movie (although they should not have put that scene in the trailer, it would have been way funnier if we didn’t see it coming). After that brief comedic career, it should have been back to feeding pigeons, watching cartoons, and eating Fruity Pebbles for Tyson. Putting Iron Mike up on stage and having him attempt insult comedy for 5 minutes is more painful than getting hit in the face by him (Ask Steve-o, who also should stick to stunts and stay away from stand-up). Or, as far as Amy Schumer pointed out, “you have a slutty lower back tattoo on your face…Men don’t know whether to be scared of it or finish on it.” It didn’t help that Comedy Central let him drink during the show and he was drunkenly cackling and drooling at every joke told by every performer. Again, Amy Schumer (Last Comic Standing Season 5, 4th Place Winner) said it best when she was asking the audience if Tyson had a translator with him.

Besides Tyson being more out of line than Sara Palin in her attempt at a career in politics, there were several other “comedians” on the special that didn’t seem to fit too well. William Shatner, best known as Captain Kirk on Star Trek, was funnier to look at, being bloated and plastic at age 80, than to actually hear spit out comedy. Jeff Ross hit him with a good one when he said, “Hey Captain Kirk, maybe Scotty can beam your balls up from the floor”. Steve-O, although I am a huge fan, wasted his time trying to impress the audience with a stunt while he awkwardly ran into Tyson’s fist. Maybe Seth MacFarlane was right when he said Steve-O should stick to stapling his balls to his leg. As far as Kate Walsh and Anthony Jeselnik, Kate Walsh was cute but should stick to drama, and Jeselnik had his moments, but should stick to holding Amy Schumer’s purse and start trying harder because it sucks when your girlfriend is funnier than you.

Being that I’m a “glass half full” guy, there were some noteworthy performances. It goes without saying that Seth MacFarlane is more than qualified to be the Roast Master and he lived up to the expectations. Always witty and one of the most successful men in television today, MacFarlane made it a point to do his job and make fun of everyone with precision and intelligence. “Yes, we are here tonight to honor and hopefully arrest, a man who was great in two things twenty five years ago . . . Charlie Sheen.” “You’ve seen him on TV, you’ve seen him in movies, and if you’re a prostitute, you’ve seen him point a gun at your face when you’re trying to get him hard.” I could go on with all of his memorable quotes, but I would literally have to type out his entire performance.

Also, as expected, Jeffrey Ross took the gold medal for best jokes and the most “bang for your buck” if you will. Dressed up as Omar Gaddafi, claiming to be “the biggest dictator who is roasting a dick,” he rips on everyone from the obvious Sheen, to the unexpected Slash who nobody took a shot at (Slash, you’re like the Abe Lincoln of rock n’ roll, especially since you haven’t had a hit in four score and seven years).

What wasn’t expected was the sarcastic genius of Amy Schumer. Starting out with the obvious target, she rips apart Tyson while he slurs and rambles idiotic remarks back at her that she effortlessly rebuttaled. She then rips on everyone, including her boyfriend Jeselnik, and even tells Shatner she’s “seen less bloated men dredged out of rivers.” My hat goes off to Schumer for taking the “you’re a nobody” jokes and making every dude in the room cower away with their dick between their legs.

Overall, Charlie agreed to do this roast with the knowledge that he would be called out for his poor parenting, drug use, and the rest of his inappropriate behavior. People call him crazy, but I call him a marketing genius from Mars. Sure, his life may have gone from two and a half men to two and a half grams, but at the end of the day Carlos Estevez is still winning.

Duh.

-Old Blind Bob (@HeadBOBin)

#guestblog

(Ed. Note- I thought this was the best roast in years, but I’m a little higher on Jeselnik/Walsh than Bob is)

Music Videos That Don't Suck Vol. 7

Because all MTV airs lately is pacifier armed teens, zombie cops and over-emotional guidettes, I've taken the responsibility upon myself to present you, the reader, with worthwhile music videos to watch. This installment features the song "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim, off of his 2000 disc "Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars". This video kicks ass because it's just four minute of Christopher Walken doing what he does best- owning life. The guy is a straight up OG and has the dance moves to back it up. He doesn't say one word in this entire video, yet his swag is so undeniable you hardly notice.

Weapon of Choice isn't just another notch on Walken's old belt.




-fresh (@danye33)

Lattimore Lets Loose, Boomer Sooners and The Return of The U- It's Your Week 4 College Football Talk With Chooch

A much more pleasant Saturday of football let me enjoy my Sunday a bit more than usual. Also, not preparing for a week in New Hampshire with a bunch of Patriots and Red Sox fans helped as well. Allow me to re-cap the week that was in College Football.

Looking back at Week 3

The Sooners pass a big test: Oklahoma's 23-13 victory over Florida State in Tallahassee is more a positive for the Sooners than it is a negative for the Seminoles. FSU went toe-to-toe with the number 1 team in the country for most of the game. Most importantly, they showed a much improved defense that should be dominant against the ACC if it can consistently play up to the level it did on Saturday night. But this game was about Oklahoma, which had some big flops in primetime road games in recent years (Missouri last year comes to mind). QB Landry Jones had been 3-5 in true road games prior to Saturday's victory. When Clint Trickett threw a 56 yard touchdown on 3rd and 28 early in the fourth quarter, it looked like history was repeating itself. But the next drive Oklahoma marched down and scored. Then its defense forced a turnover to set up the game-sealing field goal. It was an impressive response from a team with a lot to prove to itself, much less the rest of the country. It's also a game that could propel them to a BCS championship season. OU had better not rest on its laurels though. They face a tough Missouri team in week 4.

Clemson and Miami pick up the slack for the ACC: Not that FSU's close loss to the number 1 team in the country was all that bad, but the ACC still needed some wins this weekend to improve the image of the conference. Clemson and Miami delivered. Clemson started slowly but eventually wore down Auburn's defense. Tajh Boyd was a beast, throwing for four touchdowns, and Clemson's defense did enough to slow Auburn's spread attack. Miami, meanwhile, completely dominated Ohio State, holding them to just four completions for the entire game. Al Golden is a hell of a coach, and Penn State is going to regret letting him get away (Golden went to PSU). Meanwhile, I think it's safe to say Luke Fickell will not be the head coach at Ohio State after this season.

The Irish finally close a game: They tried their best to blow this one by fumbling a punt late in the fourth quarter, but Notre Dame's defense came up with a big INT and sealed a big 18 point win over a top 20 team in Michigan State. This is what the Michigan game should have been. The Irish need to stop committing turnovers, and even in this game they finished minus-1 in the turnover department. It's exciting yet frustrating to think of what this team could do if it actually finished positive in the turnover battle. For the year ND is -8 in turnovers, good enough for last in FBS.



Navy gives South Carolina a scare: South Carolina needed to come from behind to squeak by the Midshipmen 24-21. The incredible Marcus Lattimore led the way with over 200 yards rushing. Maybe this result will finally make it clear to some people that Navy isn't some garbage team that Notre Dame plays each year. Navy is good, but that doesn't make it acceptable to lose to them the way Notre Dame has recently. Still, I don't want to hear any more mocking from southern schools who feast on the likes of Western Carolina, the Citadel, Middle Tennessee State or any other shit team each year.

Looking ahead to week 4

There's a great slate of games this Saturday. Here's a quick rundown:

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M: A battle of top 10 teams in the first Big XII conference game of the season. I had A&M as one of my overrated teams going into the season. We'll find out if I was on point this Saturday. Can A&M stop Justin Blackmon, who should be playing in the NFL right now? That will go a long way in determining the outcome of this game. It's interesting to see that, despite all of the controversy and instability in the Big XII, the conference boasts some very strong teams this year, even after Oklahoma.

Arkansas at Alabama: Can the Razorbacks exact some revenge after last year's heartbreaker in Fayetteville (Bama came back from down a couple of touchdowns to win)? I don't think so. Alabama's defense is just too talented and well-coached by Nick Saban. The Tide will be too tough, especially at home. A win for Arkansas would be one of the biggest in recent memory for the program.


Florida State at Clemson: Can the Noles, probably still hurting from last Saturday, re-group and pull out a win in Death Valley? Clemson has lots of confidence right now after ending Auburn's 17-game winning streak, but they have a history of shrinking in these big games. A win for either team puts them in the driver's seat in the ACC Atlantic. How healthy is EJ Manuel? If he doesn't play, I have to think Clemson will pull this one out.

LSU at West Virginia: The Tigers travel to a hostile Morgantown, West Virginia, a place known as much for burning couches as it is for championships. It seems like that fun might be coming to an end though. You have to give LSU credit for scheduling these tough non-conference games even though they play in the SEC. I think LSU's defense will slow down WVU's offense enough to pull out the win. Jarett Lee needs to avoid the stupid turnovers.

Heisman Favorites after Week 3:

1) Marcus Lattimore (not on list last week)

2) Andrew Luck (last week #2)

3) Landry Jones (last week #1)

See you next week

-Chooch

I may have slept on the favorites last week, but will I learn from my mistake in Week 3?

Gary came back down from reality after his stellar 10-5-1 Week 1 performance, however he remains atop the leader board of our 2 Man Weave Pick 'Em pool. This week we advise all action to be placed heavily on the favorites, with unanimous decisions all around for the Chargers, Panthers, Ravens, Steelers and Lions. On a fantasy football note- Antonio Gates will you PLEASE STOP SUCKING?! Through two weeks of NFL play, John Kuhn has twice the amount of fantasy points as Gates does. How is that even possible?

And now, the picks!

The King's Throne
Gary (16-14-2) S.F. +2.5, Buff +8.5, Hou +4, Philly -7, Cle -2.5, Ten -7, Det -3.5, Car -3.5, S.D. -14.5, NJY -3.5, Bal -3.5, Atl +1.5, Ari -3.5, G.B. -3.5, Pitt -10.5, Wash +5

Chooch (14-16-2) S.F. +2.5, N.E. -8.5, N.O. -4, Philly -7, Cle -2.5, Den +7, Det -3.5, Car -3.5, S.D. -14.5, NJY -3.5, Bal -3.5, Atl +1.5, Ari -3.5, G.B. -3.5, Pitt -10.5, Wash +5

Flem (14-16-2) S.F. +2.5, Buff +8.5, N.O. -4, Philly -7, Mia +2.5, Ten -7, Det -3.5, Car -3.5, S.D. -14.5, NYJ -3.5, Bal -3.5, Atl +1.5, Ario -3.5, Chi +3.5, Pitt -10.5, Dal -5

The Geez (13-17-2) Cincy -2.5, N.E. -8.5, N.O. -4, NYG +7, Cle -2.5, Ten -7, Det -3.5, Car -3.5, S.D. -14.5, Oak +3.5, Bal -3.5, T.B. -1.5, Ari -3.5, G.B. -3.5, Pitt -10.5, Dal -5

The Mush
Danye (10-20-2) S.F. +2.5, N.E. -8.5, N.O. -4, NYG +7, Cle -2.5, Ten -7, Det -3.5, Car -3.5, S.D. -14.5, NYJ -3.5, Bal -3.5, Atl +1.5, Ari -3.5, G.B. -3.5, Pitt -10.5, Wash +5

2012 NHL Season Preview (Atlantic Division)

ies in this man's brain. Try wrapping your head around that.
The NHL season is finally back and I, for one, could not be happier. Don’t get me wrong I love baseball and football as much as the next New Yorker, but I’ll take the NHL over both any day. With Sidney Crosby’s lingering effects of the concussion he sustained halfway through last season, the eastern conference is wide open and there are question marks up and down the western conference with teams rebuilding. In this six-part season preview I will break down each division team by team, adding in my predictions, impact players, and some fantasy sleepers to watch out for.

ATLANTIC DIVISION

Philadelphia Flyers- Philly arguably made the most noise this off season by trading away their team captain, Mike Richards, and lethal sniper, Jeff Carter in order to free up cap space to sign prized free agent goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov. Weak goaltending was by far the Flyers biggest weakness last season with the merry-go-round they had in net. I personally think they gave up way too much offense in Richards and Carter but Bryzgalov has silenced my criticism in the past. With the return of a healthy Chris Pronger, the Flyers bolster one of the deepest defensive units in the league which includes Andrej Meszaros, Kimmo Timonen, Braydon Coburn, and Matt Carle. I am very interested to see if Claude Giroux can follow up with another all star caliber season now that he is in the spotlight as one of their primary playmakers. I think the biggest keys to the Flyers success this season will be Danny Briere’s ability to produce another 30 goal season and can players like James Van Riemsdyk finally breakout.

And how could I forget the man with the mullet that once would have put Barry Melrose to shame, Jaromir Jagr. He hasn’t played in the NHL since 2008 as a member of the Rangers, but I believe you can still throw him out there on the power play and he will bury a few with that nasty wrister. If only he would grow that hair back out I might consider forgiving him for signing with Philly…Overall the Flyers season will come down to their ability to put the puck in the net and if they can consistently do that, then they will be a force in this division.

Players to watch- James Van Riemsdyk, Brayden Schenn , and hell I’ll say it…Jaromir Jagr.

Pittsburgh Penguins- With Sidney Crosby possibly missing the first half of the season, the Penguins must once again rely on role players and pray that Evgeni Malkin can stay healthy. I was amazed with the season they had last year with the likes of players such as Tyler Kennedy, Pascal Dupuis, and Chris Kunitz leading the way. Two seemingly forgotten players from last season that I see having huge years are Jodan Staal and James Neal. Staal only played in 42 games last year and finished strong down the stretch and Neal was a late season acquisition who never really found his stride in Pittsburgh. The Pens are all set in net with Marc-Andre Fleury, and on defense with Kris Letang, Paul Martin, and Brooks Orpik leading the way. This team goes as Crosby goes and if he can come back healthy in the second half of the season, this will be a scary team to play and are already getting pre season picks to represent the east in the finals. As much as I hate the way Sidney Crosby plays, he is damn good and is the face of the NHL. It would be a huge blow to the league to see Crosby turn into the next Eric Lindros.

Players to Watch- James Neal, Jordan Staal, and the recovery of Sidney Crosby

New Jersey Devils- I honestly have no idea what to expect from the Devils this season. They recovered from a horrific start to last season to almost complete one of the best single season turnarounds but just fell short in the playoff race. They once again have a new coach and a mix of veteran and young talent, but most of all they have a healthy Zach Parise. The big questions are will this team find chemistry with another new coach?, and can Marty Brodeur stay healthy and add one more quality season to his hall of fame career. Being a Ranger fan, I LOVED watching the Devils struggle last year but I do hope they turn it around this year. Not because I feel bad for them, but because I missed having the intense rivalry games between the Rangers and the Devils, and having them actually mean something in the standings.

I expect big things from New Jersey’s first round draft pick Adam Larsson, who may have been the most NHL ready of all the players in this past draft. I watched him play last night in a pre season game and he looked like a 5 year veteran. The Devils don’t have big name players on their blue line, but they do have solid players and along with Larsson they could have a decent year as a unit. One of the biggest reasons the Devils came out of the gate slow last year was their inability to put the puck in the net. A few games into the season Zach Parise, who has led the team in points the last two seasons, suffered a season ending knee injury. Along with Parise’s injury, Ilya Kovalchuk, who the Devils signed until he is 75, looked lost on the ice and didn’t find his scoring touch until the end of the year. If these two all stars can stay healthy along with getting some help from young forwards Jacob Josefson and Nick Palmieri, the Devils might be able to sneak into the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed.

Players to Watch- Nick Palmieri, Adam Larsson, and a 39 year old Martin Brodeur

New York Islanders- Islander fans are very excited about the upcoming season as well they should be. This franchise has made some very smart moves recently and locked up a core group of players for a long time. I do not see them as a playoff team just yet, but they are very close. They showed that they could score goals last season with players such as rookie Michael Grabner, waiver pick-up Matt Moulson, and the face of the franchise John Tavares. They will also be getting back a healthy Kyle Okposo and brought in veteran Brian Rolston. My concern with this team is not their offense, but their group of unproven defenseman, outside of Mark Streit (who deserves a congratulations on being named captain). In the future they are going to have to make a play on a veteran defenseman who can give Streit some help.
Five years ago Islander fans thought they had a franchise goalie in Rick DiPietro and the front office thought it would be a good idea to lock him up….to a 15 year deal. Now even if you are not a hockey fan, you know that this was just asinine. Since he signed that insane contract DiPietro has been plagued with injuries, almost visiting the IR at least once a year. To say that this is the worst contract in NHL history would be an understatement. If he makes 20 starts this season they would be lucky. On the other hand, the Islanders do have two other very capable goalies to start for them this upcoming year. Former all star Evgeni Nabakov has finally reported to the team and will try to prove he has something left in the tank, and former Rangers draft pick Al Montoya who had a respectable year for the Iles last season. I am very curious to see if they start the season with a rotation, or have them compete for the no. 1 spot in net. The Isles are still missing a few pieces but expect them to be competitive.

Players to Watch- Kyle Okposo, Michael Grabner’s sophomore performance, Mark Streit’s return, and whoever is between the pipes.

New York Rangers- The Rangers had arguably the best off season of any team and the blueshirt faithful have not been this excited in a long time. They signed prized free agent center Brad Richards to a long term deal and were also able to resign key pieces Brandon Dubinsky, Ryan Callahan, and Dan Girardi to name a few. For the last few years the Rangers were always lacking that #1 play making center and now they have exactly that in Richards. Along with every other Ranger fan, coach John Tortarella hopes that Richards will help restore Marian Gaborik to the goal scoring machine that he is. Also with the addition of Richards, a lot of pressure to score goals is now lifted off of the shoulders of players such as Dubinsky and Callahan. Richards has proven that he can handle the pressure multiple times in the past as he won a Stanley Cup in 2004 as a member of the Tampa Bay Lightning and was also named playoff MVP.

It was recently released that forward and New York native Ryan Callahan was named captain. This came as no surprise to anyone as Cally has been the heart of this team for the past few years. He has repect in the locker room and plays harder than anyone on the ice at all times. On the other side of the ice, the Rangers are returning a strong defensive core that is young and only getting better. Marc Staal and Dan Girardi have proven they are a #1 pair that can lead by example and shut down opposing 1st line players. There are no questions in the crease as King Henrik returns after yet another unbelievable season posting a career high in shutouts. There are not too many holes in this team this year and I see them making a run at the division title.

Players to Watch Derek Stepan, Christian Thomas, Marian Gaborik’s resurgence.

Atlantic Division Points Prediction:

1.Pittsburgh- 108pts

2.New York Rangers- 106pts

3.Philadelphia- 98pts

4.New Jersey- 92pts

5. New York Islanders- 85pts

-Stan Darsh

This is the first of six NHL Previews that Stan Darsh will be writing for the 2 Man Weave

Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten- Spin Doctors "Two Princes"

Pretty rowdy crowd for the VMA's wouldn't ya say? Actually looked like people were enjoying themselves and getting into it, unlike the paid extras they've had in recent years who stand around with their fingers up their ass pretending to vibe to the likes of Beyonce and Mumford and Sons.

I'm also kind of shocked by the lead singer from Spin Doctor's whole look in general. Literally had never seen what they looked like before watching this video 10 minutes ago. Kind of reminds me of a cross between Ryan Dunn and Tibbs from Sons of Anarchy. Regardless, this song definitely acts as a time machine for me and will always remind me of driving around in my aunts car with leather seats, dogs everywhere and bogey smoke floating up through the sun roof. Ah the good ole days.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dr. Evil's Henchmen, Joe Son, Found Guilty of 1990 Christmas Eve Gang Rape and Torture

(MSNBC) Joseph Hyungmin Son, the 40-year-old actor best known for playing Dr Evil's shoe-throwing henchman Random Task in 1997's "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery," was convicted of torture on Thursday in Santa Ana, California, in connection with a 1990 Christmas Eve gang rape of a woman. The victim was walking back to her apartment alone with her dog, when Son distracted her by asking for directions. He and his friend, Santiago Gaitan, then dragged her to their car and threw her in the back. After pistol whipping her, they drove her to Huntington Beach, where they raped her repeatedly, sodomized her and forced her to give them oral sex.

The District Attorney stated that Son also threatened to kill her, penetrated her vagina with a firearm, and counted the bullets in the gun out loud while the victim pleaded for her life.The men then finally allowed the woman to leave, naked and with her pants tied around her eyes. She managed to go to a nearby home where the homeowners called police. Because it's too late to prosecute him for sexual assault, he was charged with torture and was found guilty. Son now faces a maximum sentence of 15 years to life.

Ohhhhh behave!!

But seriously, chill the eff out you Odd Job wannabe. So what if you didn't get a Talk Boy or Koosh Vortex Howler Football for Christmas? That doesn't mean it's okay to go all Kobe Bryant on some random broad off the street. I legitimately feel like this story is some kind of best-0f Special Victims Unit spectacular. Just all the most horrific things you could do to someone mashed into one story.

One person I can give props to though is Michael Myers for putting Joe Son on Team Evil in that first Austin Powers movie. You had Doctor Evil, Number Two, Scotty and the gang trying to channel their inner quest for world domination, meanwhile the Asian Sensation is just chillen in the corner with ice blood pumping through his veins just thinking back on all the unwilling poon he's gotten over the years. Totally reshapes the way you watch that movie. There's just no way little man should have bee taking orders from a fat bald dude in space gear when he's the one with the far more evil resume. It's not even close.

Also, legally speaking, what exactly constitutes torture? Cause I'll argue for days that there are plenty of ways to be tortured without someone laying so much as a finger on you. I had this professor back in college named Doc Hollenback. The dude was verbal NyQuil. Absolute torture. Other things I would add to that list: blue balls, being stuck in a subway car with a singing bum begging for change, power outages, consistently playing against the team in your league that puts up the most points each week in fantasy football and getting a really bad sun burn. That shit kills.

-fresh (@danye33)