Friday, December 30, 2011

12 Reasons To Love TNT’s “NBA Forever” Christmas Day Promo

When I asked my close friend and basketball enthusiast/historian/nerd Dan Chiavetta if this 113 second promotion was the best ad ever created, his response to me was pretty direct: “BLOG ABOUT THIS!”

In the spirit of the Holidays, I give you the twelve reasons why I haven’t stopped watching or sharing this groundbreaking and compelling commercial.

1) 0:00 Paul Pierce takes the court with Red Auerbach’s Celtics, followed by Kobe Bryant leading Magic’s “Showtime” Lakers onto the floor of the Boston Garden.

2) 0:19 The lyrics “Don’t ever forget that you’re never alone” accompany an image of Derrick Rose standing with Scottie Pippen, Michael Jordan, and Bill Cartwright. Powerful symbolism.

3) 0:36 Spike Lee salutes Bill Russell, and Dirk guards Larry Bird as we hear “Play on children, like it’s Christmas Day.” Somewhere, a music supervisor deserves a raise.

4)  0:43 Steve Nash pats “Pistol” Pete Marovich on the back as the song begs “I want you to live forever…”

5) 0:53 “…underneath a sky so blue.” Kevin Love and Jerry Lucas look to the heavens as they fight for rebounding position.

6) 0:57 Wilt Chamberlain blocking Dwight Howard, then giving him the old good game as Dwight warmly acknowledges the iconic center.

7) 1:00 Blake Griffin stuffing it on Hakeem. You have to believe “The Dream” would’ve at least gotten a hand on it, but I digress. 

8) 1:06 Larry Bird kicks it to Ray Allen for the open 3 as the music crescendos, and on cue, every single person watching gets goose bumps.

9) 1:12 Amar’e Stoudemire throws it down, and then chest bumps Patrick Ewing. Knicks fans rejoice.

10) 1:34 Magic dishes one of his signature no-look passes to Kobe for the slam, before dapping up Bryant, the man he himself referred to as “The Greatest Laker of All Time”

11) 1:40 The NBA’s reigning MVP, Derrick Rose, follows a ferocious dunk by paying homage to his lineal teammate, Michael Jordan, with a fist bump and a bow of the head.

12) 1:44 A sport that is as linked to its past heroes, as it is to its modern day superstars, declares one unifying message: “NBA FOREVER”.

The best ad ever? You can decide that for yourself. What’s certain is that if you love basketball, this promo symbolizes the end of the lockout and the beginning of one of the most anticipated seasons in league history, which is, after all, the best gift the NBA could have given.

-John Fontanelli

John is the co-founder of the 37 project

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Best Of The 2 Man Weave, 2011

Nuthin' But A "G" Thang- Dan Chiavetta (1/25/11)

An Ode To Tommy- Dan Chiavetta (1/26/11)

Things Not To Do When Visiting Your Alma Mater- Dan Chiavetta (2/11/11)

Kemba Madness- Dan Chiavetta (3/16/11)

NBA End Of Season Mega Column (Part 1 & Part 2)- Dan Chiavetta (4/13/11 & 4/15/11)

LeBron's Rough Draft- Dan Chiavetta (6/9/11)

The 10 Greatest Basketball Video Game Characters of All Time- Gary McClune (6/21/11)

@Keytwitty, A Tweep You Should Follow- Dan Chiavetta (7/8/11)

A Retroactive Diary From My First Concert Ever (Blink-182 at Jones Beach, 7/21/01)- Dan Chiavetta (7/21/11)

The One Where We Break Down Ke$ha Lyrics: "Tic Tok" Edition- Dan Chiavetta (8/23/11)

The People's Champ- Peter Walsh (9/3/11)

2011 NFL Mega-Preview- Dan Chiavetta (9/7/11)

Peoples Who Don't Smoke Weed and Why I'd Like Them Better If They Did- Meg Marzo (9/8/11)

Tyson Tanks and Schmur Soars at The Charlie Sheen Roast- Bob Sohigian (9/24/11)

Pipa Middleton Upskirt Alert!- Dan Chiavetta (9/26/11)

Facebook Rant- News Feed With In Your News Feed Edition- Dan Chiavetta (9/27/11)

The Ten Facebook Commandments- Dan Chiavetta (10/3/11)

The Unintentional, Unavoidable, Side Effect of Book Trailers- Dan Chiavetta (10/12/11)

Following Up With That Chick Who Had The Most Outrageous Profile Picture of All-Time- Dan Chiavetta

The One Where Chooch Goes Inside The Huddle For USC-ND- Mike Cianciulli (10/21/11)

SNOOKI READ THE 2 MAN WEAVE!!! It's Your Weekend Tweet Re-Cap- Dan Chiavetta (10/17/11)

SLC Punk: Growing Up and Growing Out- Corey Hammock (10/26/11)

2011 NFL Midseason Power Rankings- Dan Chiavetta (11/8/11)

Sad Time In Happy Valley- Dan Chiavetta (11/10/11)

RIP Trolling And The Tale Of The Juggalo Funeral- Dan Chiavetta (12/16/11)

BREAKING NEWS: Women Get Hit On At Office Holiday Parties, Some Don't Like It- Adam Herbert (12/22/11)

2012 NBA Season Preview (East & West)- Dan Chiavetta

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Long Haired Dude From Workaholics Fractured His Spine After Doing A Beer Pong Dunk Off His Roof

(TMZ) Blake Anderson -- the frizzy-haired guy on "Workaholics" -- fractured his spine Saturday night ... jumping off his roof onto a beer pong table ... and the incredibly stupid stunt was all caught on tapeSources close to the actor tell us, he's currently undergoing surgery to treat the fracture-- and fix whatever else he messed up. Needless to say, he'll be out of commission for a few months. Blake was throwing a party at his L.A. house when the accident went down -- attended by Tyler the Creator and members of his rap crew. We're told cops shut the entire thing down not long after the roof-jumping. 

It takes a special breed of bad ass to jump off your own roof in the middle of your own party.  I mean it's not like Blake here is some nobody at his first Hollywood get together, trying to steal the show, get recognized or make a name for himself.  It was his party! Everyone there already knew/loved him or was just using him for the free booze.  Either way I think we all need to tip our hats here and recognize real because this man is on some Daniel Day Lewis shit.  Just staying true to his character 24/7.  No days off.  Dude was probably smoking smoking pcp with Tyler the Creator and the rest of those Odd Future misfits and decided to get his Almost Famous on, only this time instead of jumping into a pool he landed back first on a wooden table.  A for effort, F for brains.  Good thing the cameras were rolling.

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

Bitch better have my honey!

-fresh (@danye33)

College Football Pre-New Years Bowl Preview

It’s time for Capital One Bowl week, or whatever ESPN is calling it these days. We’ve got some of the useless pre-Christmas bowls out of the way and have some real matchups coming up over the next week leading up to New Year’s Day. Here’s a rundown of the games you should check out this week.

Monday December 26:

Independence Bowl: Missouri vs. North Carolina- North Carolina will be playing this game with an interim coach, usually a concern for teams in bowls looking for a reason to give 100% effort. Larry Fedora will take over next year after leading Southern Miss to a Conference USA title, but he won’t be involved in this game. UNC has tons of talent, including future high NFL draft pick DE Quentin Coples. Missouri had something of a down year after winning 40 games over the prior 4 seasons. My hunch is that North Carolina comes out playing hard for interim coach Everett Withers and pulls out a close victory.

Tuesday December 27:

BELK Bowl: Louisville vs. NC State- I’ll be honest. I’ve never heard of this bowl game. I also don’t know what the fuck BELK is. Nevertheless, the game features an interesting matchup featuring up-and-coming Louisville, coached by one of the best future coaches in college football, Charlie Strong. Louisville has recovered from the dark depths of the Steve Kragthorpe era and has the Cardinals playing good ball, especially on defense, his area of expertise. I expect Louisville to challenge for Big East titles starting next year, and winning the bowl game would be a good start.

Wednesday December 28:

Holiday Bowl: Cal vs. Texas- The Longhorns have been one of the country’s most disappointing teams the past two years and have vastly underachieved based on their talent level. Mack Brown could be on the hotseat, and rightfully so. He had a great 7 year run with Vince Young and Colt McCoy, but hasn't done anything when he doesn’t have an elite star at QB. Next year will be huge for him regardless, but a bowl win would be a good start. I think they’ll pull it out.

Thursday December 29:

Alamo Bowl: Baylor vs. Washington- This should be an exclamation point game for Robert Griffin III and his Heisman season against a mediocre Washington team. Beware the Huskies though. No one picked them to win the bowl game last year vs. Nebraska but they surprised everyone. Still, I don’t see it this year against a playmaker the caliber of RGIII.

Champs Sports Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Florida State- It’s the Chooch vs. Benji bowl. It could also be dubbed the “fail to live up to preseason expectations” bowl. FSU began the year as a top-5 team but could never quite put it together after nearly upsetting #1 Oklahoma in Week 3. Disappointing losses to Wake Forest and Virginia ensued, but the Gators did once again defeat Miami and Florida to win the Florida state title. Notre Dame, though not ranked as highly to start the season, still failed to meet BCS expectations, due mainly to its 0-2 start, including the night we shall not revisit (the epic choke at Michigan). This will be a defensive struggle as both offenses were pretty woeful down the stretch. Turnovers will be key, and that makes me really nervous as an ND fan. I’ll have to pick Florida State to win this one. Hope I’m wrong.

Friday December 30:

Pinstripe Bowl: Rutgers vs. Iowa State- This is a pretty uninspiring matchup, but it’s sweet that they’ve created this bowl game for Yankee Stadium. The stadium will be rocking with all those NYC area Rutgers fans (eyeroll).

Music City Bowl: Miss State vs. Wake Forest- One of a few ACC-SEC matchups. It’s strength vs. strength with MSU’s defense against Wake’s offense. Based on how Wake got killed by Vandy the last week of the year, I’ll have to pick the SEC team in this one.

Insight Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Iowa- No fanbase can be more disappointed with its team’s season than Sooner fans. Oklahoma had it all set up to make a run at the title and the talent to do so, but blew an inexplicable game to Texas Tech at home, but followed it with losses to Baylor and bitter in-state rival Oklahoma State. The only thing that should keep the Sooners from rolling in this game is motivation. If they come to play, Iowa won’t stand a chance.

Saturday December 31:

Sun Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Utah- This game intrigues me because of Georgia Tech’s triple option offense. This scheme has frustrated opponents for years during the regular season, but the Yellow Jackets have put up a total of 20 points in 3 bowl games under Paul Johnson. When a team has a full month to prepare, the defense can stuff the triple option. If Utah can do it this week, it’ll be the final proof.

Chick-fil-A Bowl: Auburn vs. Virginia- I was surprised when the Chick fil-A bowl picked Virginia over Florida State for this game. Auburn isn’t that good, but neither is Virginia really. I think the SEC takes another one over the ACC.

I will provide a preview of the New Year’s Day and BCS games later this week.


mike cianciulli is the 2 man weave's college football guru

Monday, December 26, 2011

2012 NBA Season Preview Part 2

Western Conference
1. Oklahoma City Thunder- OKC made it to the Western Conference finals a year ago and this time around I don't see the train stopping there.  This team features two of the top five best Under-25 players in the league in Russell Westbrook and back to back scoring champ Kevin Durant (other players in top 5 U-25 are Blake, Rose and John Wall) and despite rumors of a power struggle between the duo over who takes the last shot/is the go to guy in crunch time, you have to figure that they can co-exist enough to win the west.  Quite frankly there is just too much talent on this team for them not too.  Kendrick Perkins showed up to camp down 30+ lbs and basically looks like Sergie BLOCKa 2.0.  James Harden is my preseason choice for 6th Man of the Year (if he comes off the bench) or Most Improved Player (if he starts).  Either way he's prime for a breakout season.  FEAR THE BEARD.

2. Los Angeles Clippers- Lob City will finish top 3 in the Western Conference for 3 reasons. 1) They've found the fountain of youth.  Aside from Chauncey this team is made up entirely of 80's babies with fresh legs that are ready to run on short rest. 2) The Blake Show. Last years Rookie of the Year averaged 22+ PPG and 12 RPG. Look for both of those numbers to increase in his sophomore effort alongside CP3.  And  reason 3) The Battle of Los Angeles- After David Stern nixed the original three team Chris Paul trade Lakers fans were left with a very sour taste in their mouth. But just days later when Stern allowed for Paul to be dealt to their arena sharing little brothers (the Clippers), that meant war.  Both teams want to outperform the other more than anything else and be the toast of the town. The bad blood is there, and a rivalry has just been formed before our very eyes.  This is the year the Clips step out from big brother's shadow, and if you don't believe me, look at the highlights from their two preseason games this past week.  Yellow and Purple doesn't even belong on the same court as Red and Blue.

3. Dallas Mavericks- Sure the reigning NBA champs may have lost Tyson Chandler, JJ Barea and Caron Butler from a year ago, but their core offense nucleus of Dirk, Matrix, Jet and Kidd remain in tact.  The additions of Delonte "Charlee Redz" West, Vince Carter and The Candy Man Lamar Odom go a long way in ensuring another season with a deep bench. Perhaps it's just because they over achieved so much last season, but for some reason I think these guys are going to pick up right where they left off like they still have something to prove.  Maybe Jason Terry will get a matching championship trophy tattoo for additional motivation.

4. Memphis Grizzlies- The Grizz are they NBA's new kids on the block after a surprising and inspiring playoff run last May.  They locked up big men Marc Gasol and Zach Randolph for the foreseeable future and going to battle with a healthy Rudy Gay could elevate them to title contenders right off the bat.  Josh Selby, the highly talented freshman out of the university of Kansas, fell into their lap with the 49th pick in last June's draft.  Look for him to do a nice job of spelling Mike Conley during this jam packed season.

5. San Antonio Spurs- Greg Poppovich must keep a keen eye on Tim Duncan's minutes throughout this season if he wants him to have anything left in the tank come playoff time.  After last years early exit to the Grizzlies it will be interesting to see if these Spurs have one last playoff push in them.  Blair/Splitter/Bonner will rotate down low to help fight off Old Man Time from the Big Fundamental.  Also, their draft day deal with the Pacers for swingman Kawhi Leonard might have been the most overlooked move of the summer.  Once Richard Jefferson's noose contract expires, the athletic wing from San Diego State will become a staple in that front court for years to come.

6. Los Angeles Lakers- Let's re-cap these past seven months for the Lakers.  First, they got swept in the second round of the playoffs by the Dallas Mavericks, going out with absolutely zero class in a frenzy of flagrant fouls, ejections and strip teases. Then the Zen Master, Phil Jackson, retired, leaving them with former LeBron scapegoat Mike Brown calling the shots.  Then Lamar Odom became brothers in law with Kris Humpries.  Then they became ex-brothers in law just 72 days later.  Then the lockout ended and the team agreed to trade Odom and Gasol for Chris Paul.  Then commissioner David Stalin Stern vetoed the trade after every news outlet in the country had already confirmed it, leaving both Gasol/Odom's "feelings hurt".  Then Odom decides not to show up to training camp, so they traded him for 8 cents on the dollar (Dallas' late first rd pick).  Then their little brother (the Clippers) pulled off a deal for CP3, and over night became the toast of the town.  Then they got embarrassed by said little brother, not once, but twice, in the pre-season and their opening day starting lineup consisted of Kobe, Gasol, Fisher, Josh McRoberts and Devon Ebanks.  So yea, I'm putting the Lakers here out of respect for Kobe's legacy, and although I wouldn't put money on it, I wouldn't be surprised if this team misses out on the playoffs entirely.

7. Portland Trail Blazers- The Blazers are a perfect example of the type of the team whose players don't really wow you individually (sans Aldridge), but when playing together, can really produce some productive basketball.  Camby and Wallace are elite defenders, Aldridge was 2 Man Weave All-NBA last season, and the Jamal Crawford signing (2 yrs/10 mil) goes a long way in lightening the scoring burden placed on Wesley Matthews and Nicolas Batum.  Also, it'll be nice to see Camby/Kurt Thomas playing together again for the first time since their Knicks days back in the early 2000's.

8. Golden State Warriors- The Warriors missed out on this years free agent crop of elite big men talent, swinging and missing on Marc Gasol, Tyson Chandler and Nene, settling for NBA Draft mega-bust Kwame Brown.  But a strong draft (sharp shooter Klay Thompson) and pre-season trade (acquiring Brandon Rush from Indiana) should go a long in way in adding to their already lethal long range arsenal.  Last years 3 point leader Dorell Wright looks to keep his hot hand going and with Steph Curry and Monta Ellis in the back court, putting up points should not be a problem for the Bay city Blue and Gold.  If David Lee can stay healthy, I think this is the year they sneak into the playoffs.

9. Denver Nuggets- The Nuggets really impressed me last year post-Melo trade.  However, after three of their starters exiled to China during the lockout, their team is now left with some serious question marks.  Problem #1- who wants the ball in their hands with the game on the line?  Gallo?  Afflalo? Al Harrington? The Knicks-West lack that go-to scorer, and I'm not entirely sure how much sense having Lawson and Andre Miller makes.  On the block this team will be able to d-up with the best of them, and look for newcomer Kennith Faried to lead all rookies in rebounds per game.  Other Nuggets predictions- The Rooster averages 20+ PPG and Tina-Fey Mosgov gets no fewer than four sets of testicles stamped on his forehead.

10. Utah Jazz- The Jazz boast one of the strongest front courts in the West with Paul Millsap, Al Jefferson and Derrick Favors.  Which is why I was so surprised when they took Kentucky Center Enes Kanter with the third overall pick, since center was seemingly the only position they didn't need help with.  Regardless, they must have really liked what they saw.  For this team to be competitive this year they're going to need Devin Harris to revert back to 2009 form, where he averaged 21 PPG and 7 APG for the Nets.  Easier said than done, but I'm not ready to write his career off just yet.  Gordon Hayward, Alec Burks and Raja Bell should make for a nice 3-headed monster at the 2, and it will be very interesting to see whether or not journey man and ganja enthusiast, Josh Howard, has anything left in the tank. If so, this team could make a solid run at the 8 seed, especially in a shortened season.

11. Houston Rockets- The Rockets grand plan of stock piling assets in hopes to make a splash in the summer of 2011 failed miserably once Stern nixed the Gasol/Paul deal.  GM Daryl Morey has had a hard on for a center ever since Yao retired and he was unable to fulfill his own wishes this off season.  I just spent the past 10 minute blankly starring in awe at this hodgepodge that has been assembled.  There's simply not enough back court minutes to go around for Courtney Lee, Johnny Flynn, Gordon Dragic, Kevin Martin, master tweeter Johnny Flynn and Kyle Lowry.  And their front court is equally as jammed with Pat Paterson, Louis Scola, Marcus Morris, Chandler Parsons, Jordan Hill, Chase Budinger and Terence Williams, with the only center on their roster being the unproven Hasheem Thabeet.  Unless they can package up some of these guys for something of value, this season could get ugly fast for the red Rockets.

12. New Orleans Hornets- The Hornets are in an awkward situation right now.  They don't have an owner, so all basketball related decisions go through the commissioners office.  Which is why the Chris Paul trade from earlier in the months presented such conflicting interests for all parties involved. Regardless of how wrong/corrupt etc. it was to veto that trade, you can't argue that this team isn't better suited now for the long run.  There was a better chance of Tim Tebow getting herpes than there was of Paul re-signing, so locking up Eric Gordon (top 5 SG), Minny's pick (more than likely top 5), Chris Kamen (former All-Star) and Al-Farouq Aminu (8th overall pick in 2010) is like highway robbery compared to the fates Cleveland and Toronto faced when their stars walked in 2010.  They also have stud defenders in Trevor Ariza and Emeka Okafore and traded Quincy Pondexter for Greivis Vazquez, a young PG out of Maryland who showed huge chops in last years playoffs.  So no, this team cannot contend in the immediate future, but barring contraction have some nice building blocks to work with.  Even if the way they obtained them may not have been moral, fair or even legal.

13. Minnesota Timberwolves- The Wolves have been able to assemble some of the best young talent in the league these past few seasons.  Twelve of their fifteen players are under the age of 27, including All-Star Kevin Love, Derrick Williams (#2 in '11), Wes Johnson (#3 in '10), Anthony Randolph, Ricky Rubio (#5 in '09), Darko (#2 in '03), Wayne Ellington and Michael "Super Cool Beas" Beasley (#2 in '09, averaged 19+ PPG last year). They finally have a competent head coach in Rick Adelman, even though the same can't be said about their GM David Kaaahhhhhhhhnnnnnn!!!!! This team has the highest ceiling out of all the other bottom feeders out west, and are a year away from becoming a team that must be taken seriously.  I think Kevin Love will win the rebounding title this year, but also expect rookie Ricky Rubio to go through his fair share of growing pains while adjusting to a new league and country.  Expecting anything more than 8/4 per game out of the Spaniard is unrealistic.

14. Phoenix Suns- The Suns overachieved and finished just under .500 last season.  Don't count on their winning percentage to sniff that number again this year. As of now Josh Childress is the only "true" shooting guard on the team, and he's 6'8 with a career 5 PPG and 34% from 3.  Not exactly the type of player Nash strives with.  They overpaid Grant Hill to stay (one year/6 million) to go along with other grossly overpaid forwards on the team, Hakim Warrick and Channing Frye.  Steve is wasting the last few productive years of his career playing with trash and needs to put his loyalty aside and bolt at the end of this season when his contract runs out.  As for the Suns in general, you can't blow something up that's already in shambles.

15. Sacramento Kings- The Kings are like that AAU team that comes into gym and immediately intimidates the other team with their superior athleticism.  Just hammering down dunks like it ain't no thing in warm-ups, oozing swag in their black ripaways and shooting tee's. But then you get on the court and realize that they are incredibly undisciplined, the coach has no control over them and the players would much rather go one-on-one than set an off ball screen.  The next thing you know your down 20, the players are sulking and their heads are out of the game.  That's basically what I think of when I try to evaluate this team.  Jimmer and Tyreke are undoubtedly going to struggle to maintain a happy medium between the two in terms of ball control and shots, and I'd set the over under at game 25 before it blows up in their face completely. I'm also counting down the days until Demarcus Cousin's inevitably self combusts and assaults another teammate.  Vegas actually just released the odds on "Which Teammate Cousins Is Going To Punch In The Face This Season" yesterday and the lines are as follows- JJ Hickson +225, Jason Thompson +300, Tyler Honeycutt +355 and Jimmer Fredette +1,000.  Tyreke Evans may have the best handle in the league, but don't expect it to translate over to W's quite yet.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dan is the co-founder and editor in chief at the 2 man weave

DJ Earworm Drops His 2011 Mashup

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I am 100% a sucker for DJ Earworm's yearly mashup.  The 2009 version still gets heavy rotational play on my iPod, and although 2010's was kind of meh, he rebounds strongly in his latest effort which dropped last night.  Below is a track listing of the 25 songs featured in the 2011 installment.  Definitely a little (okay, a lot) too Katy Perry heavy for my liking, but I could still see this song getting some play during sorority pregames or high school house parties.

Adele - Rolling In The Deep
Adele - Someone Like You
Black Eyed Peas - Just Can't Get Enough
Bruno Mars - Grenade
Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song
Britney Spears - Till The World Ends
Cee Lo Green - F* You
Enrique Iglesias - Tonight (I'm Lovin' You)
Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks
Jennifer Lopez - On The Floor
Jeremih feat. 50 cent - Down On Me
Katy Perry - Firework
Katy Perry - E.T.
Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)
Lady Gaga - Born This Way
LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem
LMFAO - Sexy and I Know It
Lupe Fiasco - The Show Goes On
Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger
Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
OneRepublic - Good Life
Pink - Raise Your Glass
Pitbull - Give Me Everything
Rihanna - S&M
Rihanna - We Found Love


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas From The 2 Man Weave

Merry Christmas to you and yours from everyone here at The 2 Man Weave.


Lakers Players Mad The Clippers Kept Dunking On Them And Celebrating Afterwards

(ESPN) EL SEGUNDO, Calif. -- For the first time in years, the title of "Best NBA Team in Los Angeles" is up for grabs as the Los Angeles Clippers revamped their roster this training camp while the Los Angeles Lakers have been unable to shake up theirs.Barnes said the Clippers should be feeling some positive vibes after adding Chris Paul...but thinks they may have gone overboard in showing that enthusiasm. "They have a lot of reason to be excited, but all the celebration after dunks and all that kind of stuff, I mean, I just kind of think it looks amazing and it makes 'SportsCenter,' but I mean, let's just play basketball." "They act like they won the dunk contest after every dunk," Barnes said. "So, as players, people aren't going to tolerate that." Barnes showed how much he appreciated the celebration when he picked up a flagrant 1 foul for pushing Blake Griffin to the floor with 6:48 remaining in the third quarter on Wednesday. It was just one example of the overall chippy play between the two teams. Lakers forward Pau Gasol offered an explanation for all the hard fouls after the game. "I think we were upset that they were flopping a little too much," said Gasol.

Matt Barnes, you mad bro?  I'm not gonna sit here and pretend the Lakers haven't been LA's team for decades. No competition whatsoever. But this outcry from the Lakers over the Clippers celebrating their dunks is literally the biggest sour grapes move on the planet. If you think the Clippers, who haven't been good ever, who now have a legit team known for dunking the basketball, aren't going to celebrate posterizing their crosstown rivals on any given night, than you're in need of a serious reality check. Matt Barnes jealous much? First of all, you're Matt Barnes. Second of all,so  you're Matt Barnes. Thirdly, the Clippers went out and put a SQUAD together while the Lakers lost Lamar Odom for nothing, the Zen master retired, Kobe Bryant's about to lose half his net worth, so of course they're gonna celebrate after dunking on your ass.  They have a chance to be the team in LA while the Lakers are left with their dick in their hand. If Kobe Bryant had come out and said something maybe I'd merit it more consideration- but Matt Barnes? Bro you don't even start. The only reason people know who you are is because you play on the Lakers so stop crying like a little girl.

"Waaaaaaa, Blake Griffin the dunk contest champion just posterized us and celebrated, waaaa"

"Refffff, Chris Paul just threw an alley oop to DeAndre Jordan and now their high-fiving, make it stoppp"

Newsflash bro, you don't want them to celebrate, don't let them slam it down in your grill piece time and time again, plain and simple. Play defense. I know it's a lost art in the NBA but the Mavericks played it all through out the playoffs and in lieu of sweeping your ass, won a championship against the Heat.  That team was supposed to win not 1, not 2, not 5, not 6, not 7 championships. You know what kind of defense it takes to beat a team who's supposed to win like 8 championships? 

And I really hope I misread the article and Pau Gasol wasn't complaining about people flopping. Bro, you're like the biggest flopper in the history of sports. Worse than Manu Ginobli, worse then the champions league soccer players. Your like 7 foot 250 lbs and I swear every time someone even so much as grazes your arm when you have the ball you act like someone just pumped you full of lead from a shotgun. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Surprised Barry Meyers from Warner Bros hasn't offered you some sort of guess spot in one of their productions.


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Week 16 NFL Picks

The King's Throne
Flem 113-102-9  Hou -6, Oak +1, Den -2.5, Jax +7.5, Cin -4, N.E. -9.5, Bal -13, NYJ -3, Minn +6.5, T.B. +7.5, Pitt -15.5, Det -2.5, S.F. -2.5, Dal -1.5, G.B. -13, Atl +6.5

Watch The Throne
Danye 111-104-9  Hou -6, K.C. -1, Den -2.5, Jax +7.5, Cin -4, N.E. -9.5, Cle +13, NYG +3, Wash -6.5, Car -7.5, St. Lou +15.5, S.D. +2.5, S.F. -2.5, Dal -1.5, G.B. -13, Atl +6.5

Chooch 111-104-9
  Hou -6, Oak +1, Den -2.5, Tenn -7.5, Cin -4, N.E. -9.5, Bal -13, NYJ -3, Wash -6.5, Car -7.5, Pitt -15.5, S.D. +2.5, S.F. -2.5, Dal -1.5, G.B. -13, N.O. -6.5

Gary 105-110-9   Hou -6, K.C. -1, Den -2.5, Tenn -7.5, Cin -4, Mia +9.5, Bal -13, NYG +3, Wash -6.5, Car -7.5, St. Lou +15.5, S.D. +2.5, S.F. -2.5, Dal -1.5, G.B. -13, N.O. -6.5 

The Mush
Geez 102-113-  Indy +6, K.C. -1, Den -2.5, Tenn -7.5, Cin -4, N.E. -9.5, Cle +13, NYG +3, Wash -6.5, Car -7.5, Pitt -15.5, S.D. +2.5, S.F. -2.5, Philly +1.5, G.B. -13, N.O. -6.5

A Closer Look At Some Of Your Favorite Christmas Songs

Ah yes, the Christmas season is upon us once again. It's at this time of year that we take part in yearly traditions such as eggnog chugging contests and plastering on a smile when your great Aunt Bertha gives you three DVDs from the five dollar box at Walmart. I don’t care who you are but National Lampoon Christmas Vacation 2 is not a classic. Over the past month we've had to endure listing to the same five Christmas songs being played in a never ending rotation on the radio. After listing to all these songs for about the 1000th time in my life, I’ve come to realize that a lot of them have double entendres and a lot of them are disturbing in nature. So here is my breakdown on some of the most classic and fucked up Christmas songs.

Bing Crosby- White Christmas

This classic diddy has been a mainstay for Christmas songs for decades. How much cocaine did Bing Crosby use in his lifetime to dream of having a Christmas that is based around it. The connections to the devils dandruff is pretty glaring when you consider that "White Christmas" is the best selling single of all time according to Guinness book of world records.  The fact that this song sells as well as cocaine does means there is no way I could leave it off this list.

Eartha Kitt- Santa Baby 

This song is absolutely filthy. It's basically a dirty love letter that some whore sends to Santa before Christmas.  She is trying to fuck her way through her Christmas list. She is the ultimate gold digger. She's claiming how good she has been and asks Santa for a yacht and a Sable coat. She then tells Santa to "Hurry Down My Chimney Tonight". If I was Santa I would be pissed at this chick. Like Santa has a wife and a bunch of elves to take care of and you're blatantly going to make a song about trying to commit adultery with him? Like even if he was going to give her his candy cane, she blew it because she was so in his face about it. This song has single handedly become a Christmas anthem for gold diggers around the world. HO-HO-HOme wrecker.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause- Jimmy Boyd

This song may very well be the most fucked up Christmas song there is. Whoever wrote this song had some serious daddy issues. The song describes what it’s like to come downstairs on Christmas morning all excited for your gifts only to see mommy tongue (and balls) deep with some fat guy in a beard. Like imagine your mom making out with anyone, and this kid has to witness this act on Christmas, as she gets it on with Papa Noel. I want to know what happens when daddy comes downstairs? I want to see the sequel to this song, "I saw daddy go to jail for domestic violence". It would be very similar to how the song Guilty Conscience ends.

Run DMC- Christmas in Hollis 

This is the Christmas Rap song that started it all. It perfectly described what it would be like if Santa stopped in Hollis queens for a night. The best part of this song is the way Run describes seeing what is sure to be a homeless man or some insane old guy chillen in the park, but turns out it's SANTA MOTHER FUCKIN CLAUSE. I also got the idea that it was cool to ask my parents for a million dollars in cold hundreds of Gs. Needles to say I never received my Christmas dough.

Bruce Springsteen- Santa Clause is Coming to Town 

This song gets me so pumped for Christmas, and life in general for that matter. Hell, I could listen to it before a football game to get amped up. From the way Bruce sounds like he smoked 5 packs of Virginia Slims before singing it to Clarence Clemons' "you better be good for goodness sake" in the ultimate baritone voice, nothing quite sets the holiday mood like this track from the E Street Band. 

I love Christmas music and these songs are just a few of my favorites. They spread holiday cheer but if you really look at them they should spread holiday fear and tears (sans The Boss). MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHA FUCKASSSS



The Best Of The Scumbag Steve Meme


-Rose Champagne

BREAKING NEWS : Women Get Hit On At Office Holiday Parties, Some Don't Like It

(LS) Men are attempting to spread a little too much holiday cheer to their female colleagues, new research reveals. More than 80 percent of the women surveyed in a study said a co-worker had made unwanted sexual advances toward them at a holiday gathering. Eighty-six percent of them reported being surprised by the actions of the co-worker, and more than 60 percent reported that a supervisor was the one making the advances. More often than not, the co-workers involved were married, and the research showed the come-ons seemed to negatively impact the colleagues' relationship once they returned to the office. While the advances are sometimes unavoidable, Tribby offers several tips to help women deal with being hit on by a co-worker.

  • Avoid drinking too much. Limit intake to no more than two drinks. You will be more aware of your surroundings and will be able to pick up on signs that something uncomfortable may occur.
  • Don’t spend too much time talking to one person, or any male colleague, who has been drinking too much.
  • If you don't have a date, bring a friend or relative along to the get-together.
  • Always remain in a group setting and don't go off alone with anyone, even if you know the person well.
  • Avoid getting into deep personal stories with co-workers.
  • If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, be direct and firm in insisting that you don't want their advances, even if the person is a supervisor and it causes a scene.
  •  If you are the victim of inappropriate behavior, report the incident immediately to the human resources department.
Everyone knows all bets are off at the office holiday party. I always thought this was common knowledge. Every year I hear stories of Mark and Susie fucking on the copy machine after Mark "accidentally" Xeroxed a picture of his dick. Or some secretary sleeps with her married boss because her holiday bonus wasn't exactly what she expected and wanted more. What do you honestly expect when a bunch of co-workers bound by social norms and workplace conduct get together for a night out during the most joyous time of year and consume large amounts of alcohol? No shit there's unwanted advances. Unless every girl agrees to wear a sign on top of the ugly sweater that says "Advances Welcome"  or "Advances Unwelcome" I think we're at a standstill. If you think Milton, after getting bitched around all year by the higher ups and spending half the time looking for his swingline stapler, isn't gonna let loose, pound some egg nog, and try and get his dick wet with the short skirt wearing Jenny from the 5th floor on the one night of the year when that's supposed to seem normal you're more clueless than Popeye.

I know the article list tips for coping with unwanted advances but I have a much better list

1) Don't go. Boom. Easy as that. You don't want to get hit on at the holiday office party don't attend. 

2) Wear appropriate workplace clothing year round. Nothing says no like a skirt to the ankles. You wear ones all year that show a lot of leg, expect to get hit on. 

3) Say nothing and walk away. Nothing says no like walking away from the person hitting on you. You walk away problem solved. If he keeps coming after you punch him in the mouth. I bet he'll get the hint.

4) Manage your expectations. Expect to get hit on at the holiday office party. If you can't take the heat get the fuck out the kitchen (See #1).


Rogue And Renegade Ninja Cow's Reign Of Terror In Nebraska Finally Stopped

(Yahoo!) It didn't happen overnight, but residents of Plattsmouth, Nebraska have finally outsmarted a deceptive, wayward bovine known as the "Ninja Cow." Wayward livestock can pose serious threats to human and other animals. Even a small deer can destroy a car, seriously injuring the occupants in a collision. Still, for months, the Ninja Cow eluded police and locals, making late night appearances on private lawns, leaving behind only cowpies as evidence of its existence. Police and local experts tried just about everything from luring the cow with biscuits and gravy to capturing her on an infrared camera. They played cow sounds on a laptop. But every attempt failed. Pretty much the only thing they didn't try was recreating the cow costume from Top Secret. Thankfully, it never came to violence. A pair of "real old-school cowboys" eventually brought Ninja Cow to justice, where she is adjusting to her newly domesticated life. "I wouldn't say she was wild, but she was really smart," said Neil Johnson, who helped bring Ninja Cow in. "The first few days she was throwing herself at the fence. Now, she eats right out of my hand."

Not a good look at all for Nebraska, not a good look at all. Nebraska is known for 4 things, football, corn, Warren Buffett and Omaha Steaks. When you got a Ninja Cow on the loose in the state known for it's steaks you know you got a problem. Can't have cows just shitting all over private lawns. You think your next door neighbors wants to drive 15 miles to your house and be greeted abruptly with Ninja Cow cowpies. Not a chance in hell. 

Must have been some Ninja Cow too. Ducking infrared radar, laptop cow noises, state and local law enforcement. No easy task for even the smartest and most elusive of Ninja Cows. Probably had Ninja Cow stars and blowdarts, setting boobie traps and shit, way too much of a task for the state of Nebraska to undertake if you ask me. Might have to call in the National Guard next time because I'll tell you this much, this new captivity thing is all a ruse, and myself and everyone else knows its just a matter of time before the Ninja Cow strikes again and I don't think it's wise to just sit idly by and wait. Personal recommendation; raise the Ninja Cow alert level to at least yellow. Because next time there may not be an anonymous tipster to bail you out. Can we even rule out the fact he hasn't activated and enlisted the help of Ninja Cow sleeper cells?

I also want to point out it's times like this when I miss Steve Irwin (R.I.P.). If you think he would have let the Ninja Cow get away with such attrocities you're sadly mistaken. Probably would have found him 2 seconds, wrestled him to the ground and made a mockery of him all in one half hour of television.

P.S. If I'm ever on the run for anything, I'm 100% going to Nebraska. If you can't take down the Ninja Cow without a statewide manhunt and expert contractors and rancher then there's zero chance you're finding me. 


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

MTV Announces New Real World Challenge Season "Battles Of The Exes"

Official 2MW preview coming in January

@iDisrespectHoez Live Tweets Late Night "Boy Meets World" Episode, Is Shocked To Find Out It's An Old Show And Not "On Some New Shit"

Yes, this is @iDisrespectHoez twitter avatar

By some divine intervention from god I stumbled upon twitter user "Alex The ChillLater" aka @iDisrespectHoez time line. I immediately began following him, fully aware of the consequences of adding someone with 63.3 thousands tweets to your timeline. That's a lot of tweet real estate right there, but I figured what the hell? After noticing that his avatar picture, which consisted of a gun, iPhone, cocaine rocks, hundred dollar bill stacks, Magnum condom and red tootsie roll pop, I was like Lloyd Christmas the first time he laid eyes on Mary Swanson- tractor beam, sucked me right in.  His twitter bio reads as follows:

I play in the NBA...I'm a multi-platinum rnb singer...And I model in McChicken commercials... 
It also says he's from Zimbabwe.

Anyways, last night may or may not have been Alex The ChillLater's first time watching the nostalgic coming of age adolescent comedy "Boy Meets World".  Luckily for us, he live tweeted this momentous occasion and the rest is timeline history.

Fingers crossed that he takes to live tweeting another episode tonight. I won't sleep until @iDisrespectHoez agrees to do an interview with the weave. This guy in an Internet gold mine.  

-fresh (@danye33)