Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Best Of The "Eli Manning Looking At Things" Tumblr

Watch This Incredible Time Lapsed Video Of Hurricane Sandy's Attack On New York

This incredible video was created by Silas Maniatis, and the wildest part is that you can pinpoint the exact moment when New York City went dark.  Hope everyone's staying safe and sane amidst the chaos. I can speak first hand about how the lack of power in parts of this city is bringing out the crazy in people. Last night I was talking on the phone as I turned the corner heading south on 34th and 9th street when I was immediately punched/hit in the nose. I turned around quickly, but before I could even let out a "what the fuck" this manic drug addict/homeless man was in my face saying "You good bro, you good bro" with both arms cocked and ready to swing again. Needless to say I got the fuck out of there as soon as possible and didn't look back. No way I was going to end up as that guys personal pincushion.

Oh, and happy Halloween. Even though it's apparently been pushed back to Monday.

[video via]

-fresh (@danye33)

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

2013 NBA Predictions

The 2 Man Weave's NBA Preview has been pushed back ever so slightly due to unforeseen circumstances, but with the season kicking off tonight I figured it's best to get some quick predictions out there before the season officially tips. Don't worry, all picks will be explained in full once the column drops. But for now, here goes nothing!

MVP - LeBron James, Heat

Rookie of the Year- Anthony Davis, Hornets

6th Man of the Year- Kevin Martin, Thunder

Defensive Player of the Year- Dwight Howard, Lakers

Eastern Conference Playoff Seeding

1. Miami Heat
2. Boston Celtics
3. Indiana Pacers
4. New York Knicks
5. Philadelphia 76ers
6. Brooklyn Nets
7. Chicago Bulls
8. Toronto Raptors

Western Conference Playoff Seeding

1. Los Angeles Lakers
2. Oklahoma City Thunder
3. San Antonio Spurs
4. Denver Nuggets
5. Los Angeles Clippers
6. Utah Jazz
7. Memphis Grizzlies
8. Golden State Warriors

NBA Finals

Heat over Lakers in 7

Eastern Conference All Stars

LeBron James*
Carmelo Anthony*
Dwyane Wade*
Rajon Rondo*
Andrew Bynum*
Kevin Garnett
Josh Smith
Deron Williams
Chris Bosh
Danny Granger
Derrick Rose
Kyrie Irving

Western Conference All Stars

Kevin Durant*
Kevin Love*
Kobe Bryant*
Chris Paul*
Dwight Howard*
Blake Griffin
Marc Gasol
Russel Westbrook
James Harden
Steve Nash
Danilo Gallinari
LaMarcus Aldridge

*- starter

Team That The League Will Rig The Lottery In Favor Of- Orlando Magic 

Get hyped!

-fresh (@danye33)

Luda Dressed As The Brow For Halloween

I wonder if Luda used a merkin for that faux brow?


Weave Gotcha Covered- Pearl Jam "Last Kiss"

Sorry for the ultra depressing song on a day that for most of our northeast readers is already gloomy enough, but for some reason while I was walking to work this morning in a "I am legend"-esq. New York City, this song was stuck in my head. Funny story though, up until about five minutes ago I was convinced this was an original track by Pearl Jam. Turns out it's a cover of a Wayne Cochran song the band did for the 1999 charity album No Boundaries: A Benefit for the Kosovar Refugees.

See, you learn something new everyday.

-fresh (@danye33)

Week 9 Waiver Wire Pickups

Take a break from all your hurricane stresses and check out my "Win Week 9" column over at This week's edition features a duel-position eligible Chief and a rookie who is yet to complete an NFL pass.

-fresh (@danye33)

Monday, October 29, 2012

Tips For How To Handle Hurricane Sandy

Throw a Category 4 Loko Party

This advice rings especially true if you live in an apartment complex or college setting, and are surrounded by people who like to get pants shitting drunk on poisonous malt liquors. But seriously, what better way to pass the time indoors than by raging with friends while coming dangerously close to overdosing on caffeine?  Just tossing it right back in that bitch Sandy's face. Oh you wanna come at me with your 70 mph winds and 1/2 inch per hour rains? Well I'm just gonna sip on my blackout juice, dance to Ke$ha and do hoodrat stuff with my friends.


Thank god we have ourselves a west coast MNF game tonight. Could you imagine being trapped at home without any football, basketball, baseball (if you're 30+) or hockey (LOL) games to watch? Anywho tonight the Cardinals will play host the 49ers on Monday Night Football, which means that anyone trailing by more than 4 points in fantasy with Larry Fitz on their team is going to die a slow, painful, inevitable death as he finishes up the night with 3 catches for 32 yards. Don't be surprised if Arizona squeaks out a win though. They're 3-1 at home on the year and anytime Alex Smith falls behind by more than 3 points he immediately morphs into Ryan Leaf. For those of you without a monitory interest in this snooze-fest, this dose of visual NyQuil may put you to sleep by halftime. If you sense yourself nodding off, drink a 4 Loko.

Play Hungry Hungry Hippos

I could have just as easily suggested Break The Ice, Monopoly, Mouse Trap or any of a hundred other nostalgic board games, but regardless of what you chose tonight is the perfect night to turn the clock back to 1994 and get your game on. If you're gonna opt for the sober route, you might as well act like a child while you're at it!

-fresh (@danye33)

Great Moments In Tropical Storm History- Hurricane Chris

With Hurricane Sandy rapidly approaching the northeast, it's now that we shift our attention and look back at some of the other most devastating natural disasters this great nation has had to endure. Sure we all remember the big guys, like Hurricane Katrina, Irene and Wilma. But none of those compare to what we experienced back in the summer of 2007.

That's right, I'm talking about Hurricane Chris.

You may remember this nightmarish natural disaster from his lone single "Ay Bay Bay", which resulted in no fewer than five hundred billion brain cells lost in the lower 48 alone. According to Billboard, the phrase "Ay Bay Bay" was repeated 67 times throughout the 4 minute track. FEMA has been working with the rap game ever since.

So no matter what happens in these next few days, just remember, it could be worse. You could be walking around in a world where people still holler out Ay Bay Bay.

-fresh (@danye33)

Great Moments In Unfriended History, Vol. 7

Please keep me as far away from "the biggest prayer chain" as humanly possibly. Christ, I thought these embarrassing chain proposals died along with AOL mail. Can't you just shut up and enjoy your day off like a normal person?

Oh, and if you would like to show this blog post to a friend, you have to copy and paste it. NO SHARING!!!!

-fresh (@danye33)

Great Moments In Tropical Storm History- El Nino

I can only hope that if Chris Farley were still alive today that he would be dressed up in full Sandy Olsen attire, signing "You're The One That I Want" while Manhattan washes away behind him.


-fresh (@danye33)

Saturday, October 27, 2012

James Harden Is A Houston Rocket

The NBA's reigning 6th Man of the Year winner, James Harder, has been dealt to the Houston Rockets. Along with the owner of the league's most recognizable facial hair, the Rockets have also acquired Cole Aldrich, Lazar Hayward and Daequan Cook. In return, the Thunder will receive shooting guards Kevin Martin and Jeremy Lamb, along with future draft considerations. This according to Yahoo sports columnist Adrian Wojnarowski, who broke the story just before 11 pm Saturday night.

The move coming just hours after Harden rejected a 4 yr/$52 million extension with OKC. The fourth year star and former Team USA member was hoping to receive the 4 yr/$60 million max offer that the Thunder could have offered. GM Sam Presti wasted no time in dealing the highly coveted two guard once contract talks turned sour.

The trade signifies the end of Oklahoma City's lovable trio of Kevin Durant, Russel Westbrook and Harden. Together they captured the Western Conference crown and Olympic gold in 2012, and their futures together looked bright. It's rumored that the draft picks obtained by OKC include a pair of 2013 first rounders (via Dallas and Toronto) along with a second round pick courtesy of Charlotte.

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, October 26, 2012

Get Ready For The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! It's Your Week 9 College Football Talk With Chooch

This is a huge, huge weekend coming up for college football featuring four games pitting teams in the top 14 against each other. Let’s take a look at the Big Four.

(5) Notre Dame at (8) Oklahoma: I’ll be honest. If you would have told me in August that ND would be coming into this game at 7-0, I’d have thought you were crazy. The Irish have leaned on a great defense all season long, one that is second in the nation in scoring D (behind #1 Alabama). However, ND hasn’t faced a team with an offense as elite as Oklahoma’s. The Big Ten is down this year, so games against MSU, Michigan, and Purdue didn’t necessarily show much. Stanford and BYU are really just power running teams, which plays right into the ND defense’s strength- the front 7. Miami has a potentially explosive passing attack similar athletes to Oklahoma, but the Canes have nowhere near the polish and discipline that OU brings to the table. The Sooners are led on offense by senior Landry Jones, who passed up a lot of NFL money to return for one last title run in Norman. He has a scary group of weapons around him, particularly at receiver, with standouts like Kenny Stills and Justin Brown. Keep an eye on Trey Millard, the 256 pound fullback/beast the Sooners will be employing against All American Manti Te’o. Here’s a glimpse at what he can do.

Oklahoma presents problems against Notre Dame’s defense, which hasn’t faced a group this deep and talented in the passing game all year. The Irish like to play out of the base defense, meaning sometimes lining up an outside linebacker on the opponent’s slot receiver. They got away with it against some average competition, but I’d be surprised if OU doesn’t make them pay and force them into nickel alignments. Of course, all pass games can be thrown off-synch by a great pass rush. ND’s pass rush hasn’t been great per-se, but it’s been very very good, causing headaches for opposing QBs by moving and collapsing the pocket. Stephon Tuitt and Louis Nix III need to make their presences felt all game and hopefully could force some mistakes from Landry Jones, who is not very mobile. If Jones has all day to throw, it could be a long night.

When ND is on offense, I’m not really sure what to expect. Oklahoma’s defense is underrated, especially now with Mike Stoops back as the DC, but they’re built to fly around and play in space against Big 12 offenses. They’re talented no doubt, but I think they’re vulnerable to running between the tackles. Kansas St. put up over 250 yards on the ground in Norman week 4. ND must stay committed to the run game, since its effect could be felt more over the course of the game as OU’s undersized tackles and linebackers wear down. In the pass game, I’ll hold my breath every time Everett Golson starts dancing around, but accept that he’ll need to make some plays for ND to win this game.

All in all, I really do believe that ND has a chance to win if it can get some turnovers and avoid the crushing mistake on its end. However, OU is a 12 pt favorite for a reason. If they play up to their capabilities, they could make this an ugly game. I’m hoping they don’t.

(2) Florida vs. (10) Georgia – The world’s largest outdoor cocktail party is always a big game, but this year it’s for the SEC division title as well. Florida would wrap up the division with a win, while Georgia for all intents and purposes would if they win, with their final two SEC games against Auburn and Ole Miss. Florida has been as big of a surprise as Notre Dame this year, upsetting LSU and beating South Carolina at home to rise to #2 in the BCS standings. The Gators’ defense is great, but the offense is kind of sketchy. UF was up 21-0 at the half against South Carolina after gaining just 29 yards of offense. Can the Gators win a game in which the opponent doesn’t make crucial mistakes? Georgia has the talent to do so, but they might still be smarting from the beatdown they suffered at South Carolina a few weeks ago. If Georgia can win this game, they’ll vault back into the national title chase.

(3) Kansas State at (14) Texas Tech: Tommy Tuberville, Texas Tech’s head coach, has made a living on upsetting top 10 teams in his career. He has another chance to do so this weekend against Kansas State, who’s fresh off their beatdown of West Virginia last week. How the Texas Tech defense tries to contain Heisman favorite Collin Klein will be interesting to watch.

(11) Mississippi St. at (1) Alabama: The Bulldogs enter this game undefeated, but the dream should die this weekend at Alabama. The Tide are just playing like a well oiled machine right now.

Heisman Watch

1. Collin Klein-QB-Kansas State: Klein now has a stranglehold on this race after embarrassing West Virginia and Geno Smith last week.

2. AJ McCarron-QB-Alabama: McCarron may have the reputation as a game manager since the Tide are so dominant, but AJ has 16 TDs with no INTs this season and is making plays in the passing game.

3. Geno Smith-QB-West Virginia: Smith stays on because of his stats, but he’ll need Klein to collapse down the stretch to have any chance.

4. Manti Te’o-LB-Notre Dame: Te’o won’t win because he’s a full time defensive player, but he should get a token invite to New York.

See you all next week


Music Videos That Don't Suck, Vol. 15

Because MTV has essentially turned into PTV (pregnant television network), I've taken the responsibility upon myself to present to you, the reader, worthwhile music videos to watch. This installment features M83's ultra trippy 2011 hit "Midnight City". The video features telekinetic children who escape from a boarding school and test their powers in an abandoned warehouse. It was prominently used in BBC's coverage of the London Olympics, and really makes me want to have sax.

-fresh (@danye33)

Migg's Top 5 Movie Characters To Drink With

Whats crackin' Weavers? This is a question movie goers have been asking themselves ever since talkies debuted and prohibition ended in the late 1920’s. If you could pick any fictional movie character to drink with who would it be? So if our track record says anything, this question is right up the weave’s ally. This is where you guys come in, see Dan and I are going to select our top five movie characters to hit the bar with, and then you guys are going to vote on which list would make for a better night. Feel free to leave messages to tell us why and to even add some names that we left out. So without further ado let’s chug an imaginary beer and breakdown the best movie characters to get pants shitting drunk with.

5) Aldous Snow / Get him to the Greek version-

You may not like his pompous British attitude but the dude can straight party with the best of 'em. Aldous Snow is regarded as one of the last living rock stars on earth, this comes with the good and the bad if you are part of his entourage. The good- you are going to get the best service liquor protection and an overall time of your life with this man. Trickledown economics is the name of the game when it comes to the woman factor in the equation as this option will guarantee that you get laid by somebody who wants to be famous by just being around this guy. But it does sound too good to be true because I'm not quite sure if I'm into that whole heroin scene. This guy will basically torture you for his own enjoyment just because he can. If it’s not smuggling drugs on an airplane, he'll sneak you a Jeffrey and then it’s all downhill from there. My recommendation is that this ride is not for the timid or those with heart conditions because you will end up imbibing way more than a couple Zimas with this guy.

4) Tommy Callahan / Tommy boy- 

This is probably the most lovable guy on this list. His child like demeanor and overzealous attitude is a recipe for doing some dumb shit while your drunk. Tommy has a little bit of money because his family owns a car parts factory but that was the nineties so I’m sure his company would have went bankrupt, but then bailed out by the government so we would probably be going out on the town with tax payer money which is pretty fucking cool. Tommy is a classic bro to the core, he was doing bong rips while doing a handstand before I even knew weed was a thing people did. Tommy is just a good hearted dude that doesn't take himself seriously which is always a desirable trait when drinking with someone. You don’t want some smarmy little dude like  David Spade judging you because you're throwing up next to a children’s nursery during the day time. You want a guy who you can go cow tipping with and that is exactly what Tommy Callahan provides.

3) The Beerfest Crew / Beerfest- 

Looking for some beer gamers? Look no further. These are the guys you want to hang with. With an unbelievably high beer tolerance and penchant for the dramatics in drinking games, hanging with the crew from Beerfest would be a crazy good time. Be it beer pong, quarters, the Mexican, they play it and they play it well.They even brew their own beer which just happens to be “ZE GREATEST BEER IN ALL ZE VORLDDDD!!”. They represent America in the world Beerfest, which is something that we all wish would replace the Olympics. And they have one of the greatest motivational speeches for drunk people of all time.

2) Tony Stark / Iron Man-

This will be the first and only super hero appearance. Why? Cause Tony Stark is the only super hero who likes to have a little fun once and a while. Superman is way too pure and boring. Batman is always depressed and Hulk is an angry drunk. Iron man is a billionaire playboy who loves drinking and has an iron suit that he drives drunk. Which raises a good question- can you get a DUI for operating an indestructible bio mechanical suit under the influence of alcohol? Who cares! You could just fly away and no one would catch you. He’s rich as anything and has one of the coolest houses in the world. My dream of drinking with Tony Stark goes a little like this. We start out at his house with a huge party, then we go to check out the suits. At this point he tosses me one of the iron man suits just like Mean Joe Greene, then instead of going on some ordinary run of the mill pub crawl, we go on a continent crawl. We visit every continent and have a couple drinks at each and then move on to the next. It’s a sick fan boy wet dream that mixes parts of the Avengers with parts of the Hangover. It's sad, but it's my dream so lay off.

1) Frank the Tank / Old School

Frank may be a cliche pick, but it's just because he's so god damn good. He will go down as one of the best representation of a drunk frat brother in the history of film. Most likely because Will Ferrell was once in a fraternity at USC, that I'm sure he stole a couple moves from his own repertoire. This guy is in the hall of fame for drunken doofuses in movies. The transformation from loving husband to drunken buffoon is one of mastery. Everyone remembers how Frank exclaims after his first beer bong of the night. “Its so good, it tastes so good once it hits your lips.” That will be said at least three times at every major drinking event from now till the end of time. Frank is the ultimate party animal and his reputation precedes him. You don’t coin the name Frank the Tank unless it was deserved, and from the looks of it, Frank goes far beyond the expectations of a man with a nickname like that. I mainly picked Frank because Old School was the first rated R movie I saw in the theaters by myself when I was thirteen. I didn't even drink yet, but leaving that theater I kind could tell that I wanted to do what Frank the Tank did. Not a great role model and kind of a good reason to not let your kids see rated R movies at a young age. But having said that, it was Frank's attitude and spirit that made it seem appealing to go streaking through the quad no matter how old you are.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Here's A Video Of Kanye West And Ma$e Hanging Out At Jermaine Dupri's Birthday Party In '98

This is a Channel Zero video from Jermaine "Bling bling, money ain't a thing" Durpri's birthday party in Atlanta in '98. The freshly dressed interviewer asks Murder Ma$e some hard hitting questions such as "Was you hittin' Brandi?" and "Who got the flyest herb everywhere you been?" (answer, as always, Cali manggg). Afterwards everyone in the Harlem World crew introduces themselves on camera, and last but not least, a 21 year old Kanye West grabs the mic and gives a quick shout out to 87th street in the Chi. Even back then Yeezy looked the most comfortable with a mic in his hand. He also looks like a young, skinnier David Robinson.

Hands down the best quote from the two minute video is when Ma$e says he's "just happy to still be breathing at 20". Ain't that the damn truth.

P.S. I so wish they had the after party footage from their inevitable 6 am trip to "Waffle House".


-fresh (@danye33)

Drunks On A Train- It's Your Week 8 NFL Picks

Get a load of this story my buddy told me the other night that totally didn't happen to me. So this guy was bartending an open bar in the city on Saturday with a bunch of his college friends. Everything was going great except for the fact that he got way too drunk off margaritas and well tequila, so shortly after his shift ended at midnight he left with intentions of boarding the 1:06 Harlem line train from Grand Central. Only when he got to Grand Central he was too drunk to navigate the tracks and instead boarded the 1:08 train to New Haven, Connecticut. It should be noted that the New York metro north trains are blue and the Connecticut trains are red. It should also be noted that this guy works in New York City and commutes on these trains daily.

So this guy wouldn't take no for an answer that he was on the wrong train, but luckily his girlfriend was able to drag him off the train before the doors closed. Only by this time the 1:06 train home had already departed, so they had no choice but to suck it up and take the 1:56 drunk train home, you know, the one that makes ALL the local stops between Harlem and White Plains and takes an additional 25 minutes? Yea, that one.

So they both get comfy on the train and proceed to fall asleep immediately after giving the conductor their tickets. My buddy wakes up sometime later and heads to the bathroom. It’s then that he sees that the train is stopped at Williams Bridge. He panics, thinking it’s Golden’s Bridge (a few stops past his own), wakes up his sleeping girlfriend and runs them off the train. Once they get on the platform and the doors shut they realize that they A) had only been on the train for twelve minutes and B) are now stranded in the Bronx at 2:20 am.

So they walk up the stairs and on to the street, and it’s there that they see a man in a black car (makeshift taxi) offering them a ride anywhere for $15. So they get in the car and tell the guy what town they live in, and only then do they realize they’re forty minutes away from home. The driver has no idea how to get there, but thankfully had GPS, and for $40 drove them home from the Bronx, in what I can only imagine was the sketchiest car ride of their lives.

What an idiot!

2 Man Weave Anti-Lock Of The Week (2-5) Giants -1 vs Cowboys

In a game that would make Emily Thorn proud, this match-up is all about revenge for Big Blue. The Giants are one of the top 3 teams in football and there's simply no way they loss twice to the Cowboys this year. This is one of those games you bet your mortgage on, and then proceed to drink very heavily.

And now, the picks!

The King's Throne
Flem 47-53-4   T.B. +6.5, N.E. -7, Indy +3.5,  G.B. -13, S.D. -3, Philly -2.5, Det -3, NYJ -2.5, Car +7.5, Wash +5, Oak +2, Dal +1, N.O. +6, S.F. -6.5

Watch The Throne
Chooch  46-54-4  Minn -6.5, N.E. -7, Tenn -3.5, G.B. -13, S.D. -3, Philly -2.5, Sea +3, Mia +2.5, Chi -7.5, Pitt -5, Oak +2, NYG -1, N.O. +6, S.F. -6.5

Gary 45-55-4   T.B. +6.5, N.E. -7, Indy +3.5, G.B. -13, Cle +3, Atl +2.5, Sea +3, Mia +2.5, Chi -7.5, Wash +5, Oak +2, NYG -1, N.O. +6, S.F. -6.5

The Mush
Danye 41-59-4   T.B. +6.5, N.E. -7, Tenn -3.5, G.B. -13, S.D. -3, Atl +2.5, Sea +3, NYJ -2.5, Car +7.5, Wash +5, Oak +2, NYG -1, N.O. +6, S.F. -6.5

Muggsey  41-59-4   Minn -6.5, N.E. -7, Tenn -3.5, G.B. -13, S.D. -3, Atl +2.5, Sea +3, Mia +2.5, Chi -7.5, Pitt -5, Oak +2, NYG -1, N.O. +6, S.F. -6.5

Obscure Gif Of The Week / Bassist from Rage Against The Machine crashes Limp Bizkit's acceptance speech at 2000 VMA's

The 11 Most Outrageous Moments From The VMAs (In GIF Form)

Babe of the Week / Melanie Iglesias

Random YouTube Video Of The Week That Has Nothing To Do With Football / Drunk Asshole Gets What He Deserves (Midtown East)

Game Time Snack Of The Week / Fried Pickles

Chief Keef "Locked 'N Loaded" Fantasy Player To Watch For

Eli Manning, QB Giants

Eli looks like Dumbo. Dumbo sounds like dumb ho. But yea this dumb Dumbo looking muhfuggah been on fire like the molotov cocktail I threw through Sparky's window last night. Homie's whole stash went up in flames along with a size 12 pair of LeBron Olympic X's! That should teach him to move weight on block. They ain't nickname me 50 Shades of Spray for nothing!

-fresh (@danye33)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Week 8 Waiver Wire Pickups

Ayo, are you slippin, fallin and need to get up in fantasy? Then check out my "Win Week 8" column over at to get your team back on track in time for the playoffs.

-fresh (@danye33)

Carol Goes Fist Deep In Zombie Uterus, and Other Observations From Season 3 Episode 2 of "The Walking Dead"

“This isn’t a democracy anymore,” doesn't that phrase ring truer and truer each week? As we as a nation get closer to experiencing the everlasting symbol of a democracy, Rick is reminding everyone in the group why he elected himself the baddest motha fucka around.  We pick up right where we left off from last week right after Rick went all Chop Suey on Herschel’s leg. We found out that the survivors are not alone in the prison as they revealed that a small group of inmates have been held up inside the cafeteria since the outbreak happened. Over the next twenty minutes squabbling and cock size competitions go on between Rick and the inmates, most notably, their leader Thomas. Rick has become progressive about protecting his own and shows that he believes that no one from the outside can be trusted.

But for dramas sake they decide that they can put their differences aside to clear out a herd of zombies so that the inmates can have their own block of the prison. In exchange, the Rick’s crew will get half of the food supply that the prisoners have been hoarding. Next came a shocker that we all saw coming a mile away- the prisoners can’t seem to be trusted. The leader of the prisoners, Thomas, the presumed Mexican gang banger, cannot give a normal look or reaction to anything the group of survivors tell him. Hardened by thug life/prison this guy just keeps giving Rick the stink eye and it’s pretty clear that something is about to go down. They venture out and during a scrum one of the prison inmates gets a scratched by a zombies broken bone. This is where things went downhill. I had been interested in seeing how Big Tiny’s character played out, but Thomas wasted no time going all “There Will Be Blood” on his ass.

So after that Patrick Batemen display Rick gives Daryl the “one wrong move send an arrow through his eye” signal. They finally reach the end of the road as they have to clear one last room full of zombies. Thomas is given the order by Rick to only open one door so they can funnel all the zombies out slowly and kill them all easily but of course he does not listen and the next thing you know a battle royal ensures. During the battle this guy has the cojones to take a swing at ricks head and then also toss a live zombie on top of Rick. Now if this guy caught Rick maybe a month or two earlier he might have walked away from this confrontation. If Thomas this crap with the old Rick, the old Rick probably would have called him his best friend and let him knock up his wife. But not anymore. Now when people don’t listen to Rick Grimes they get a machete to the head. This rick don’t take no guff for nobody and ends up taking out two of the remaining prisoners.

Moving forward the gang will have to deal with such moral dilemmas as is there even such thing as humanity anymore? In a world filled with undead zombies, is there a right and wrong when it comes to killing to protect what is yours? We all ask that question “do you think you could kill a zombie?” and most people answer undoubtedly yes. But the question of whether or not you could kill another human being if there wasn’t any consequences is a whole other ball game.

For those inquiring, yes, I am writing about Zombie Apocalypse Psychology and I will be teaching this course at a college campus near you soon.

While the rest of the men were out zombie hunting, all the single ladies were left to care for an ailing Hershel.  Two things happened during these scenes that were totally awesome. First, Carl goes out on his own (once again top notch parenting skills) and returns with a bagful of gauze and medical gear. Lori gets mad because she can only project her own hatred for herself onto others. Basically Carl goes all “I’m 12 years old and killing zombies like it’s going out of style what do you offer to this world?” and storms out. And then the moment we’ve all been waiting for finally happened. Lori Grimes finally admits that she’s a terrible mother. It only took three seasons for this woman to open her danm eyes and to shed that hardened shell of denial that she created. Just to point out how bad of a mother/wife she’s been throughout the show, here’s a quick rundown of what brought her to this realization. 
  •       Leaving her husband who was in a coma to fend for himself.
  •       Boning his best friend after three months of not seeing him.
  •       Not using protection/pull out method
  •       Losing track of her son on a weekly basis during a zombie apocalypse.
  •       Asking her husband to kill someone and then get upset when he does (Even though the dude was trying to kill Rick first.

It took 25+ episodes for her to realize that the girls on 16 and Preggers are a more desirable mother figure. But at least she has finally admitted it. There was a weird moment where Carol has to practice a c-section on a zombie, and we totally get a look at a dead chicks panties. Also in what was the shit your pants moment of the show, Lori gives mouth to mouth resuscitation to herself (I know what you’re thinking but this time it’s an actual medical procedure, not infidelity).  I nearly shit my pjs when he jumped up, but it turned out that if you can restart the heart then the zombie virus is still at bay.   

Get pumped because next week it looks like we’ll finally get our first glimpse of The Governor. This is a huge plot turn and it changes everything from here on out. Rick will continue to test the trend that it doesn’t matter who he kills and when he kills them, so long as it’s done to protect his family. Whether that means killing humans or an undead zombies, it really doesn't matter for Rick. After all, they're all “The Walking Dead” already.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Great Moments In Unfriended History, Vol. 6

Hmm that's funny. Can't find the words to say how he feels to one person, so he decides to say it to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS FACEBOOK FRIENDS!

-fresh (@danye33)

h/t to Britt for the screen shot

Friday, October 19, 2012

Dancing Funeral/Barefoot Knockout Taking You Into The Weekend

Okay so I just saw this on reddit and literally started crying from laughter at my desk. Like to the point where I had to pretend to sneeze/cough and cover my face with my sweater while tears streamed from my eyes. I have no idea why I found this so amusing (possible because I had no background info and the link I clicked it from only said "Why?") but if you didn't like it, then I hope this barefoot knockout video will provide you with the chuckle you so desperately deserve heading into this weekend.

Oh and if you're going to be in Manhattan tomorrow night, it'd be in your best interest to stop by Johnny Utah's on 51st b/t 5th and 6th ave from 10-midnight. That's right, Danny Utes IV will be in full effect and $20 gets you as much beer/wine/liquor that your liver can handle. It's a proven fact that if you show up to one of these parties there is an 85% chance that you're going to get laid that night.

Numbers don't lie

-fresh (@danye33)

50 Day Bender Ends With Man Facing Charges For Attempting To Open Emergency Door On Plane

(CNNIt's a cautionary tale: Capping off a 50-day bender with a transcontinental flight may cause confusion. A Ukrainian man returning from a trip during which he "got drunk and stayed drunk for the entire 50 days." as the plane was descending, Anatoliy N. Baranovich, 46, woke and started yelling in Russian that the wing of the aircraft was on fire. Passengers wrestled Baranovich when he tried to open the emergency exit shortly after landing. Baranovich's rough homecoming came after a trip to visit family in Ukraine, where he was planning to start building a house. But those building plans fell through. He also "stated that he got drunk and stayed drunk for the entire 50 days" of his visit.  

I've been on some benders in my day. Back in college it was pretty much the norm to go balls to the wall Wednesday through Sunday (+Mondays during football season). If I was ever sleeping it wasn't by choice, it was likely due to the fact I literally couldn't stand up anymore. Senior year second semester I made it to the bar for a personal record of 29 days straight. That being said, Anatoliy N. Baranovich is a first ballot hall of famer when it comes to benders. Out did me by 21 days and capped it off facing federal charges that each carry a possible 20 year sentence.

Nobody is in the same league as Anatoliy Baranovich right now. I'm sure someone out there will argue that there are homeless people who have been on lifelong benders, some mixing it up with a crack binges here and there, but this guy is different. He's not some hopeless drifter. He went back to his homeland to build a house and ended up getting shitcanned for 50 straight days. Could have happened to anybody. I hear the Ukraine is all the rage this time of year provided you’re nowhere near Chernobyl. Then after it’s all said and done, dude gets on the plane and goes home like it’s no big deal. And now he's facing federal charges?  All he did was try and leave the flaming plane early. So what if it wasn't actually on fire per se? No harm, no foul right? They should be writing a book about this guy instead of a felony complaint, but hey, what do I know?


High School Kicker Drills 67 Yard Field Goal To Send Game Into Overtime

Here's senior Austin Rehkow of Central Valley High tying up their game against Shandle Park at 55 all as time expires. The 67 yard field goal is the longest in Washington state high school football history, and it missed the national record by just one yard. Rehkow's team would go on to win 62-55 in overtime, despite a state record 577 passing yard performance by sophomore Brett Rypien. Brett is the nephew of former Washington Redskins' Super Bowl winning quarterback Mark Rypien, who also played for Shandle Park.


-fresh (@danye33)

The Gamecocks Gear Up For a Showdown In The Swamp- It's Your Week 8 College Football Talk With Chooch

Game of the week: South Carolina at Florida

The Gamecocks take college football’s center stage in Gainesville this week, for the third week in a row, to close out the most brutal 3 week schedule any team will face this season (Georgia, at LSU, at Florida). So far, they’re 1-1, with national title hopes still alive, but SC can’t afford another slip up. That won’t be easy against #2 Florida in the swamp. The Gators have exceeded expectations this season, coming up with big SEC wins over Texas A&M, Tennessee, and LSU, behind a great defense and just good-enough offense. Florida’s passing attack won’t wow opponents, but the Gators are as good as any at lining up and pounding the ball down a defense’s throat in the run game. Sophomore quarterback Jeff Driskell is also a threat with his legs, rushing for over 170 yards last week in a win over Vanderbilt. The Gators also get five starters back this week, including defensive standouts Jelani Jenkins and Dominque Easley.

As for South Carolina, the Gamecocks played a pretty good game overall at LSU, but had some costly lapses on defense, allowing LSU some room to rush the ball. The defensive line and linebackers must raise their levels of play because Florida is even more physical running the ball than LSU. On offense, Connor Shaw needs to supply some plays in the passing game to loosen up a stingy Florida defense. Tough game, no doubt, but one that South Carolina can win if they play sound, mistake-free football.

Other Games to Watch For

Kansas State at West Virginia- Bill Snyder’s Wildcats keep rolling along under the radar, while West Virginia garnered all the attention with their flashy offense. Geno Smith’s flawless play allowed the media to gloss over the Mountaineers’ swiss-cheese defense, but that was exposed last week in a 49-14 blowout loss to Texas Tech. That loss has taken some of the excitement from this game, which would have featured two top 5 teams. It will still have huge Big 12 title implications and could knock Kansas State out of the national title chase. Keep an eye on Smith and KSU QB Collin Klein, the two current Heisman front-runners both looking to make a statement Saturday night.

LSU at Texas A&M- This game strangely starts at noon, despite pitting two top 20 divisional foes in a huge SEC West matchup. A&M has beaten a few of the SEC’s bottom feeders so far, but fell to Florida in Week 2. LSU should provide a similar test. The Tigers can’t afford another loss if they plan on making to the national title game.

Florida State at Miami- Not the game it has been in the past or I hope will be again in the future, but it’s always great when these two bitter rivals take the field. FSU might put up 100 points against that awful Miami defense.

BYU at Notre Dame- This is the definition of a trap game, with the Irish coming off an emotional win over Stanford and potentially looking ahead to a huge game at Oklahoma next week. ND had better be ready to go though against a tough, experienced BYU defense.

Michigan State at Michigan- The Spartans recent struggles have lowered the national excitement for this game, but they've still won four in a row against Michigan since Mike Hart referred to the Spartans as the Wolverines’ “little brother”. Michigan though has rebounded nicely from a 2-2 September and has steamrolled their first two Big Ten opponents. This should be the year UM takes back control of this rivalry.

Heisman Watch

1. Geno Smith-QB-West Virginia: Yes, I leave Smith on the top of the list despite losing because he’s still thrown 25 TDs and no INTs, and because no one else has fully taken a huge step forward.

2. Collin Klein-QB-Kansas State: Klein has done everything right, but still needs a few more wins in the spotlight to close the stat gap between himself and Smith. This Saturday is a perfect chance.

3. Manti Te’o-LB-Notre Dame: Yes, the odds of a full time defensive player winning the award are slim to none, but Te’o has been been one of the better stories this year, leading the Irish to an undefeated start and playing through the tragic loss of his grandmother and girlfriend. He’ll at least get an invite to New York.

See you all next week


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Week 7 NFL Picks

So the ESPN the magazine's NBA preview hit newsstands this week, and for some reason unbeknownst to me they decided to Photoshop/black face cover boy Carmelo Anthony's face. Dude looks like Chris Tucker circa the first Rush Hour movie. His eyebrows are arched in an unnatural way and his skin color is noticeably darker. It makes no sense why they would do such a thing, but it does make for the rarely seen perfect 10 out of 10 on the unintentional comedy scale.

This week Chooch saw his lead dwindle to a mere one game up on last year's champ Flem. A 3-11 week 6 showing now has me at a laughable 20 games under .500, and in sole position of the dreaded Mush title. The Cowboys are the only team that we all agreed on this week, so I would like take this time to advise all you jive turkeys to throw all your Monopoly money on Scam Newton and Carolina Panthers.

2 Man Weave Anti-Lock Of The Week (2-4) BuffaLOLa -3 vs The Tit.I.Ans

Both of these teams are Gawdawful, but you've got to like the Bills' ground and pound attack at home against CJ2Fat. The Hurt Locker is out again, meaning Matt "No Hassle, No Razzle Dazzle" Hasselbeck will be lining up under center. Which leads me to my next point- Hasselbeck is 3x Pro Bowler who made it to the Super Bowl, yet it's his backup-turned-analyst brother, Tim, who gets to go home to a smoke show wife each night. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Matt probably wifed a dime too, but there's not a wine ice pop's chance in hell he doesn't fap to Lizzy after each Thanksgiving dinner. That's the real lock of the week.

And now, the picks!

The King's Throne
Chooch  40-48-3   S.F. -7, Buff -3, Ari +6, Indy -3, Hou -6.5, G.B. -5.5, Dal -2, Wash +6.5, N.O. -3, N.E. -10.5, Oak -4, Cin +2.5, Det +5.5

Watch The Throne
Flem 39-49-3   S.F. -7, Buff -3, Ari +6, Indy -3, Hou -6.5, G.B. -5.5, Dal -2, Wash +6.5, N.O. -3, NYJ +10.5, Oak -4, Pitt -2.5, Det +5.5

Gary 36-52-3   Sea +7, Ten +3, Min -6, Cle +3, Hou -6.5, G.B. -5.5, Dal -2, Wash +6.5, T.B. +3, N.E. -10.5, Jax +4, Pitt -2.5, Chi -5.5

Muggsey  35-53-3  S.F. -7, Buff -3, Ari +6, Indy -3, Hou -6.5, St. Lou +5.5, Dal -2, NYG -6.5, N.O. -3, N.E. -10.5, Oak -4, Pitt -2.5, Chi -5.5

The Mush
Danye 34-54-3  Sea +7, Buff -3, Ari +6, Cle +3, Bal +6.5, G.B. -5.5, Dal -2, NYG -6.5, N.O. -3, NYJ +10.5, Jax +4, Pitt -2.5, Chi -5.5

Obscure Gif Of The Week /  You Are NOT The Father!

The Essential One-Stop Dance GIF Post

Babe of the Week / Alison Haislip 

Random YouTube Video Of The Week That Has Nothing To Do With Football / 2010 Lake Havasu Spring Break Beatdown 

Chief Keef "Locked 'N Loaded" Fantasy Player To Watch For

C.J. Spiller, RB Bills

Ayo so the other day I had this trick over and she was doing her thing on my ding-a-ling, when all sudden she popped her head up too quick and spilt my cup of lean all over the damn floor. After that I couldn't even get it up no mo cause I was tight I ain't had my purp. Ho's fucking up my buzz is that shit I don't like, but I guess I'm gonna stay positive and think of it as a sign from God. C.J. Spiller this Sunday getcha money right.

-fresh (@danye33)

#DepressingSitcoms Challenge!

Last night was hands down the most fun I've ever had using hashtags on Twitter. At around 12:30, while conducting a routine scroll through my rundown, I came across #DepressingSitcoms. For the uninitiated, all you had to do was come up with a depressing sitcom title using a play on words from a show that already existed and add the #DepressingSitcoms tag at the end. Below are some of the ones that I came up with.

  • Perks and Recreational Drugs
  • 12 Steps By Step
  • Date Rape Line NBC
  • Bug Juice: My Summer at Concentration Camp
  • Shaved By My Balls
  • Mike Eats Molly
  • I Dream Of Janeane Garofalo
  • Mad About Jew
  • My Little Kony
  • True Menstrual Blood
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Moms
  • Hiding 30 Crack Rocks From The Son
  • Boston Pubic
  • Guys With Kiddie Porn
  • Everybody Loves Rain Man
  • Boy Meets Metta World Peace
  • How I Cheated On Your Mother
  • Curb Your Autoerotic Asphyxiation 
Here are the best of the rest (that I saw)

  • The Office Shooting
  • The O.J. Simpsons
  • Darfur And Greg
  • Sandusky And Son
  • 8 Rules For Carbon Dating My Teenage Daughter
  • Malcolm In The Middle Of The Human Centipede
  • Sabrina The Teenage Mom
  •  My So-Called Abortion
  • Foster Home Improvement 

I'm sure there were plenty of other gems that I missed, but for now this is the cream of the crop of what we've got. Now I'd like to challenge you to come up with your own #DepressedSitcoms titles. E-mail submissions to, tweet them @danye33 or post them in the comment section below/on the 2 Man Weave Facebook fan page. The funniest ones will get recognized in a future post which should totally make that girl/guy you've been eyeing want to bang you, so yea, send us your titles pronto.

Good luck!

-fresh (@danye33)

Jeremy Evans Should Pay Property Tax On Ronny Turiaf Because He Owns His Ass

This block-facial combo took place in the second quarter of Utah's 96-94 preseason loss to the Clip Show Wednesday night. You may remember Evans from his 2-ball alley-oop from Gordon Hayward that ended up winning him the 2012 Dunk Contest last February. And if last night's performance was any indication, we should be seeing a lot more of the high flying wing in the very near future.

The NBA season tips off with a triple header on Tuesday, October 30th.

-fresh (@danye33)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Week 7 Waiver Wire Pickups

Is your fantasy team getting worked out like Jenna Haze on a Saturday night? If so, you're in luck! Check out my "Win Week 7" column over at and right your ship before the iceberg comes.

/apologizes for awful similes

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Lake Street Dive "I Want You Back"

Much like its predecessors Music Videos That Don't Suck and Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered is a (fairly) new music feature we've been putting out from time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers. This installment features Lake Street Drive covering The Jackson 5's immortal hit "I Want You Back". LSD (no-relation that I'm aware of) consists of a lead singer, a standing bass, trumpet and drums. Their smooth, brassy rendition of the former MJ hit is both seductive and intoxicating, and I've had it on YouTube repeat all morning. You can learn more about the band here

-fresh (@danye33)

h/t to Alex for the vid

Carl's Balls May Or May Not Have Dropped, And Other Observations From The Season 3 Premiere of "The Walking Dead"

Season two of the The Walking Dead left us with many questions. Has Rick lost control of the group? Who was that chick in the hood? Will Carl ever stop being a Zombie cock tease and become a real man? All three of those questions were answered last night, but with Lori's pregnancy occupying the group's main focus, their mission shifted towards finding a safe place for her to pop out her little demon seed. This poor baby has already been bastardized and it's not even born yet. And to top it all off- MOMMY AND DADDY ARE FIGHTING!

Yes, the zombie killing version of Ronni and Sammy are back at it, so without further ado, here is the 2MW recap of Sunday night's premier episode. 

The show opens up with the new Rick “This ain't a democracy” Grimes leading the group which has seemed to turn into a traveling band of scavengers. This is where the first pleasant surprise of the night came- Carl Grimes is killing zombies and slappin' asses like it's going out of style (Ed. Note- he's gonna be two knuckles deep in that blond chick by episode 4). His hair is longer and I'm pretty sure one of his testicles dropped during that final zombie attack of last season. Little Carl is now strapped with a semi automatic pistol as he wanders around dark houses looking for undead to kill. 

Rick has taken it upon himself to ensure that Shane's his child gets to live. So while looking for a place to set up camp, Daryl and Rick stumble upon a prison overrun by Walkers. They then round up the troops and enter the field full of zombies using a specific technique shown in the novels. If you think about it honestly, one of two things I noticed last night were uncharacteristically smart moves made by the usually dumbfounded survivors.

1) They used their surroundings and smarts to their benefits. They called the zombies over to a fence and then quickly and efficiently stabbed them through it. This allowed them to remain protected as they slowly but surely removed all the zombies from the yard.

2) The introduction of silencers. They don’t tell you how, but Rick and Carl both have silencers attached to their handguns so now they don’t have to worry about waking the neighbors up every time they want to fire off a round or two.

Meanwhile, a new character has been unveiled. For those who have read the graphic novels, we knew it was going to be Michonne, the baddest sword wielding bitch this side of the Bride from Kill Bill. In the season two finale Andrea was about to be made into zombie shit until Michonne came to the rescue. We pick up as Michonne is now caring for Andrea and there seems to be some sort of semi-lesbianic love between the two. That being said Michonne has two pets, both of which are male zombies (rumored to be her ex-boyfriends) that I can only guess are used to go down on her when she gets bored. Both "men" are missing their bottom jaws but that's not because she cut them off. Those puppies fell off from exhaustion.

Rick is still steadfast in trying to secure the prison so they can make a strong hold for the child he will undoubtedly resent, seeing as it serves as a constant reminder that his wife couldn't keep it in her pants for three months while he lay comatose. 

We also learned that Daryl has been plowing that grey haired, Sinead O’Conner looking chick. Come on Big D you're better than that. You're easily the most manly and reliable member of the group and  you're gonna settle for the salt and pepper haired girl?  I mean, I understand that there isn't a wide selection of Poonan Pie in the post apocalyptic world, but still, I'll pass on grandma's monkey.  Plus, apparently no one has heard of contraception once the world crumbled into chaos.  So before you go and start making another baby that will eventually turn into a zombie that Rick will have to shoot in the face, just say NO.

Now onto the one lull in the entire episode. Of course it comes down to Lori Grimes… OHH WOAH is me. I'm pregnant in a world over run in zombies…wahhhh….I cant handle the stress ….wahhhh. Please I'm tired of this chick and her "the entire world is against me" attitude. You put yourself in this position and it should be your responsibility to just shut up and deal with it. Rick is out there risking everyone’s life just so he can protect a kid that’s not even his and you think she would be a little grateful. NOOOOO of course not she has to cry to Herschel about how she thinks the baby is dead and it's going to eat her uterus from the inside, in what would be widely considered as the worst hysterectomy known to man.

If you were so worried about that happening here's an idea- PULL OUT! Don’t cry about how you don’t want to bring a baby into this world yet you couldn't have told Shane to shoot his load on to like a tree or a mushroom in the woods? You could have painted a god damn Jackson Pollock on a Redwood but instead you opted for the cream pie. It’s only a matter of time before the combination of blue balls and intense mental stress causes rick to go postal and Chris Benoit this broad.

Finally, the ending of Sunday's episode provided us with one of the more intense scenes in the entire series. The group of able bodied people (not pregnant or a 10 year old kid) try and clear out another part of the prison (can these people EVER be satisfied?). This time they have to do it in small dark corridors. It was one of those clear cut moments that if you’re watching it you're thinking "oh yea somebody is gonna get there ass chomped on right now", and of course, it happens and the victim this time is good Ol’ Herschel "I'm about to turn into a" Walker.  An ankle bite tears in to Herschel's calf like someone biting into a Crunch Wrap supreme for the first time. Rick is then forced to make a split-hair decision and kicks it up a notch into full on crazy mode, hacking off the old man's leg with so much as a wince. Just to let us know that he's officially lost all of his humanity.

Episode 3-1 grade: B+