Sunday, June 30, 2013

Damn Right I Support It

The Empire State Building brought out all the colors of the rainbow in support of Gay Pride week

Macklemore opens up about "Same Love"

Chris Kluwe's open letter to Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. 

Jason Collins' coming out piece in Sports Illustrated 

-fresh (@danye33)

Manute Bol Once Hit Six 3-Pointers In One Half

Though it seems preposterous, Bol's six 3's remain the most ever hit in one half in Sixers history.


-fresh (@danye33)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Here's Arizona Cardinals Receiver Robert Gill Running 25 MPH On A Treadmill

That's some Road Runner shit right there.

Aaron Hernandez Arrested For First Degree Murder, Along With Weapons Charges

Last week I alluded to the highly likely possibility that Aaron Hernandez would go down for the murder of 27 year old, semi-pro football player, Odin Lloyd. On Wednesday morning that prediction came true, when the Pro Bowl tight end was formally charged with first degree murder, as well as five additional gun charges. Hernandez pleaded not guilty and is being held without bail. 

This quickly became one of the most highly covered stories in recent years, but this one paragraph from USA Today's excellent piece made me physically ill. 
McCauley hinted that Lloyd might have known his fate when he got into the car with Hernandez, because Lloyd cryptically text-messaged his sister and asked, "Did you see who I left with?" When his sister asked who, Lloyd texted, "NFL." He followed with another text that said, "Just so you know."
Naturally, my heart breaks for any life taken too soon, but for Lloyd to have known that his end was near, and to have to subtly text his sister a final goodbye, just makes me so angry. It's time, for me at least, to stop thinking of Hernandez as a "star", and start looking at him for what he truly is- a monster. 

This premeditated killing, which Hernandez is being accused of orchestrating, all happened because Lloyd talked to a group of men that he didn't like. How deranged and entitled do you have to be to think that it's okay to kill someone because they associated with people you didn't get along with? Are you in the NFL or middle school? 

Other notable tidbits from today's hearings- Hernandez returned one of his rent-a-car's with a shell casing left under the seat, surveillance video shows Hernandez walking around his house, gun in hand, shortly after shots were heard at the industrial dump site, and Hernandez was chewing Blue Cotton Candy Bubblegum at the time of the murder. 

It's time to lock him up and throw away the key. 

P.S. Anyone who makes a "he used to be a tight end but now he's gonna be a wide receiver" joke needs to punch themselves in the face, repeatedly. The shelf life for that joke expired last week. Try coming up with something original

-fresh (@danye33)

Don't Call It A Comeback!

(FoxTime to welcome back the Twinkie: Hostess is bringing back its popular snack cakes on July 15 after going bankrupt last year and selling its brands to various bidders.

First Arrested Development, now Twinkies! Remember last fall when Hostess went bankrupt and everyone and their mother's became filled with faux-rage at the thought of living in a world without their favorite creme filled sponge cakes? Well I bet all those people who shelled out more than $100 for a box on Ebay feel silly now, huh? This food was meant to last until the end of time, just like the cock roaches, and now thanks to the private equity firms Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulous & Co., they will.

Happy binge eating guys!

-fresh (@danye33)

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Lebatard's Back With A Championship Spurs Rant

By far the best part about the Miami Heat's success in recent years has been Dan Lebatard's epic rants following the team's numerous playoff series wins. So it should come as a surprise to no one that Lebatard carpe diem'd the first chance he got after the Heat clinched their second consecutive NBA title Thursday night versus the Spurs. Below are some of my favorite one liner's from the latest installment of "The Rant," courtesy of The Dan Lebatard Show with Stugotz.

Hey Tony Parker- LeBron pulled out his Eva DONGorea and Wee-Wee'd all over your dreams!

San Antonio is the fastest growing city in the United States- 
but it's only because of Borris Diaw!

Duncan is from the Virgin Islands. 
When LeBron gets done vacationing there, they're just gonna be "islands"!

Danny Green thought it was best of five!

You pick up McGrady, we'll pick up YOUR ladies!

You have a Popovich, we pop a molly!

Joel Anthony has as many rings as Wilt Chamberlain!!!

San Antonio is a nice and classy team. But dusty San Antonio is known for tumbleweeds. 
Birdman is gonna spend his off-season, tumbling in weeeeeeeeeeeed!

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, June 21, 2013

Far From The Patriot Way

New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has found himself “under center” of a murder investigation involving the death of a 27 year old, semi-pro football player, named Odin Lloyd.  

Lloyd’s body was found in an industrial park less than a mile from Hernandez’s own home on Monday, not far from a vehicle that had been rented in Hernandez’s name. According to reports Hernandez was initially cooperative in the police investigation, but as more details emerged, and the likelihood of an arrest rose, the Pro Bowler has become more and more reclusive.

So far Hernandez has not done a great, or even a decent, job at portraying his innocence. Police sources say that Hernandez and Lloyd were in the rental car together, along with two other men, after leaving a Boston bar the night of the murder. Text messages from the victims phone confirm that Hernandez was the man driving. Three of the men made it back to Hernandez house that night, with Lloyd being the odd man out. According to Fox 25, citing a law enforcement source, there is video evidence of the three men walking into Hernandez's home within minutes of neighbors hearing gunshots. 

On Thursday police arrived at Hernandez home with a warrant claiming the Pro Bowler intentionally destroyed his home security system and hired housecleaners to scrub his home down on Monday. Hernandez was also asked to hand over his phone, and when his attorneys did so, it was allegedly smashed “in pieces.”

A more thorough investigation into Hernandez’s past this week revealed more red flags, including an incident in February in which a man claimed that Hernandez shot him in the face after an altercation on the ride home from a club. The case was initially dropped but was re-filed Wednesday night. Another incident report claimed that Hernandez was present during a May altercation with a Jets fan at a club in Providence in which a firearm was drawn, although it was unclear whether or not the gun was in any way connected to Hernandez.  

Regardless of how this plays out legally, this type of behavior is far cry from the “Patriot Way.” At this stage repercussions seem like a safe bet, be it in the form of suspension, or in the worst case scenario, jail time.

So where does that leave the Patriots?

To put it bluntly- in trouble.

It was announced on Wednesday that tight end Rob Gronkowski, Brady’s most efficient weapon, would be placed on the PUP (physically unable to perform) list to start the preseason. Gronk underwent his fifth surgical procedure of the year on Tuesday, and at this point there is no realistic timetable for when, or if, he will be able to return to the field.

Combine that with the loss of safety blanket Wes Welker to free agency, and Hernandez’s legal woes, and New England may very well start the season without their three leading touchdown receivers from a season ago. Now all of a sudden a will-be 36 year old Tom Brady may be left with the ultra-fragile Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman and Jake Ballard as his go-to options. That’s an incredible talent drop-off from a unit that led the league in scoring at close to 34 points per game in 2012.

The good news for the Patriots is that despite all the uncertainty concerning their Pro Bowl pair of tight ends, they can take solace in the fact that playing in the AFC East means they’ll be able to waltz into the postseason regardless of who they put on the field.

But you can still bet your bottom dollar that Belichick, along with the rest of Patriot nation, is longing for the days when Gronk’s partying was the team’s biggest concern.

-fresh (@danye33)

ESPN Mysteriously Cuts To Black As Soon As Simmons Mentions "The Decision"


Thursday, June 20, 2013

It's 1994 All Over Again!

We got game 7 of the NBA Finals and an NFL superstar wanted for murder! Here's to hoping D-Wade channels his inner Starks and goes 2-18 tonight!

-fresh (@danye33)

"When They're Under Pressure, They Usually Rise To The Occasion. But Tonight It Just Didn't Happen" And Other Quotes From Heat Fans Who Left Game 6 Early

Though we really shouldn't expect anything more from a fan base that predominantly includes this guy, but even so, Heat fans reached a new low Tuesday night when they headed for the gates well before the conclusion of what LeBron James would go on to call the "best game I've ever been a part of." The MoHeatos were able to keep their quest for back to back titles alive, thanks largely impart to some timely missed free throws by the Spurs, and some heroic shooting by the great Jesus Shuttlesworth, setting the stage for an appropriate, and highly anticipated, game 7 matchup Thursday night in South Beach.

But just in case the resentment of missing out one of the greatest comebacks in NBA history wasn't enough, NBC 6 South Florida was outside American Airlines Area with their cameras rolling, forever ensuring that some fans shortsighted decision won't soon be forgotten.

Here are some quotes from a handful of the uninformed Heat fans who left the game early:
"It wasn't our year. It's okay, they tried."
"I can't believe they lost, that's the only thing I'm thinking right now. It was so close."  
"When they're under pressure they usually rise to the occasion, but tonight it just didn't happen. It just didn't happen and it saddens me."
Like it or not Heat fans will get a chance to redeem themselves Thursday night in game 7. But according to Ryan Wolstat of the Toronto Sun, if Chris Bosh had it his way, all the fans who left early in game 6 would not get a second chance at fandome.

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Aaron Hernandez "Not Ruled Out" As Homicide Suspect In Murder Of Boston Bombers' Linebacker

(CBS) NORTH ATTLEBORO, Mass. - New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has not been ruled out as a suspect in a homicide investigation in North Attleboro, Mass. The source confirmed the 23-year-old Hernandez is not cooperating with investigators at this point in the investigation. Investigators spent several hours at the football player's house Tuesday night. One officer reportedly took a box out of the massive house. Sports Illustrated reports that the link between Hernandez and the case was a rented Chevrolet Suburban with Rhode Island plates that police had been searching for. 

I've been a big fan of Hernandez since his Gator days. Always try to draft him in fantasy and feel that he's the most versatile tight end in the league. So I'm going to stick to the whole innocent until proven guilty thing here and just state the facts at hand. I guess the main connection Hernandez has to the victim, 27 year old Odin Lloyd, is that an Enterprise rent-a-car in Aaron's name was found next to the body at a vacant lot in North Attleboro. Now why would someone who just signed a 5yr/$40 million deal ever need to rent a car? He could literally just go around buying Carolla's in each town he landed in and his bank account would never notice the difference, so the fact that he signed off for a car that may or may not have been used to transport a dead body is definitely a reg flag. 

Also, the fact that news outlets are reporting to Hernandez and Lloyd as "associates" leads us to believe that money played some kind of role in their relationship. Otherwise they would simply be "friends". And now TMZ is reporting that Hernandez was sued in February for allegedly shooting a man in the face on the car ride home from a club. Is it sketchy that we're only now hearing about another shooting involving Hernandez that happened four months ago? Sure. But then again this whole story has been sketchy from the get go, so I'm not ruling anything out.  

-fresh (@danye33)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Kanye West's "Yeezus" (full album leak)

I'm sure this YouTube vid will be pulled by the morning, but enjoy (or hate on) it while you can.

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, June 14, 2013

Toss Up! What Is 2 Chainz Worse At- Freestlying or Not Getting Robbed?

On one hand we have Mr. Chainz absolutely abysmal freestyle performance on Tim Westwood's radio show a couple of months back. That online backlash to this piece of crap was so bad that the famed DJ had to disable all YouTube comments from the video. After listening I went back and checked through roughly 20 other Westwood freestyles before getting bored, and I can now say with 100% certainty, this is legitimately the only time he's ever had to do such a thing.

Here's the lyrics for anyone who values the sanctity of their ear buds.

I wanna say…fuck errbody. Just playin.
Apologize for what? fuck you. apologize for what? fuck you.
Apologize for what? fuck you. fuck you.
Who wanna test me, to these two necklace
Money so tall she got count it in Giuseppe’s
Check it, no Nike. I do this shit unrestless
Young nigga from the USA getting head on Toms
Pause new beat on these niggas
New shoes on this nigga
New bitch in the condo
They say “well done” when I leave Wells Fargo
Bank of America, I’m in London
Nigga we ain’t scared of ya
Mass hysteria on microphone
I’m getting head, you should leave that dyke alone
Get it all day nigga
Freestylin with my trigger
Shoot yo ass on the backside
Kill a nigga, landslide
This is a freestyle
I get paid just to run miles
You get paid you just run your lip
And me? I run this shit
2 Chainz in this motherfucker
Karate chop yo mama
Karate chop the car
Top off nigga…baw
Baw baw baw
(That’s a shot for you niggas)
Baw (now let’s go in)
My brother drink gasoline while smoking a blunt
Where were you niggas when my bills was piling up?
What I had for lunch? Hawaiian pussy
Mixed with Hawaiian punch
Court dates, 50 collide with us
I got my watch hot, nigga your time is up
I got like 40 on me
I got two chains in the rain that cost like 40 homey
20 in each pocket that’s 40 homey
The flow is marvel hoes in the condo
They be like “hey you”
I be like “bye, ho”
Insane in the membrane
2 Chainz but today I got on three chains
Switch it up with my British swag
“All this gold all on your bitch ass”
Accent like I live here
Passport nigga real hair
You can see it down my back ho

Next comes Sunday's incident in San Francisco where 2 Chainz and his posse were run up on by some gun wielding thugs. 2 Chainz denied the incident on twitter a day later, but unfortunately for him, surveillance video (obtained by TMZ obvs) shows the dreaded rapper running for his life and tripping on his sagged jeans while the robbers get away with his wallet and cell phone.

Here's the self proclaimed Tity Boi defending his manhood by posting the three rules of what typically would happen if a rapper were to be robbed (though rule #3 is just him boasting about some good weed he smoked).

The verdict: Freestlying by a long shot. There will never, ever, be anything worse in life than that freestlye. Casey Anthony is better at raising children than 2 Chainz is at freestyling. Bill Clinton is better at cheating on his wife than 2 Chainz is at freestlying. Amanda Bynes is better at not being perceived as crazy than 2 Chainz is at freestlying.

Karate chop yo mama!

-fresh (@danye33)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Quote Of The Week- Kanye West

"I would rather sit in a factory than sit in a Maybach"

-Mr. West, in this New York Times interview

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Look No Further Than The Challenge: Rivals 2 to Quench Your Summer Sports Thirst

With both the NBA and NHL Finals set to wrap up before the month ends, and no Olympics to help pass the time before football, most sports fans are stuck wondering "am I really going to have to spend my summer watching baseball?" And while sure, that's definitely a possibility for people who don't mind watching paint dry, others can tune into MTV for our country's fifth professional sports league- The Real World Challenge.

The 24th installment of the station's last remaining watchable show kicks off Wednesday, July 10th at 10 P.M. eastern. This season's format will be Rivals 2, meaning cast members will be broken up into teams of two, with you guessed it- their biggest rivals. It takes place in Thailand and features a nice mixture of new blood and old favorites.

Some notable men's teams include two of the all time greats to have never won a challenge- CT & Wes, four time champion Johnny Bananas and Battle of the Seasons winner Frank from Real World: Sand Diego, and Leroy/Ty (though their lack of an alliance may come back to haunt them). While the three girls teams to beat are sure to be Paula (Rivals winner) and Emily, Sarah/Trishelle, and Diem/Aneesa.

Popping their challenge cherry will be a pair of teams from Real World: Portland- Marlon, the former Texas Tech linebacker & Jordan (Trey Jr.), as well as Anastasia "Bird" Miller & Jessica McCain.

Here's a full look at the 16 team roster:

  • CT (Paris) & Wes (Austin)
  • Derek (Cancun) & Robb (St. Thomas)
  • Bananas (Key West) & Frank (San Diego)
  • Dunbar (Sydney) & Tyrie (Denver)
  • Jordan & Marlon (both Portland)
  • Preston & Ryan (both New Orleans)
  • Leroy (Las Vegas) & Ty (D.C.)
  • Trey (St. Thomas) & Zach (San Diego)
  • Anastasia & Jess (both Portland)
  • Aneesa (Chicago)& Diem(Fresh Meat)
  • Camila (Spring Break Challenge) & Jemmye (New Orleans)
  • Heather & Naomi (both Las Vegas '11)
  • Emily (D.C.) & Paula (Key West)
  • Jasmine (Cancun) & Theresa (Fresh Meat II)
  • Jonna (Cancun) & Nany (Las Vegas '11)
  • Sarah (Brooklyn) & Trishelle (Las Vegas '02)
Rumors have been floating around the internet that Naomi leaves mid-season for personal reasons and is replaced by Cara Maria, though that remains unverified.

Remember to check back here throughout the summer for episode recaps and previews. I'll also be taking part in my first every Real World Challenge Fantasy League (drafting Sunday) so I'll be sure to keep you posted on that as well.

Here's to hoping we get a reenactment of CT's "Banana Backpack" this summer!

-fresh (@danye33)

Sunday, June 9, 2013

This Men's U16 USA Practice Looked Like Fun

These children are pulling off dunks that would make Nique weep.

Below you can find the highlight tapes for each of the players involved in the above dunkfest.

Seventh Woods
Ivan Rabb
Malik Monk
Terrance Ferguson
Josh Jackson

Here's to hoping the Knicks end up in the lottery in 2017!

-fresh (@danye33)

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Fresh Take Mailbag, Vol. 9

Holla at a playa when you see him in the streets! Welcome back to another edition of the freshest interactive column on the interwebs. In this week's Mailbag we're talking period euphemisms, cock blocking etiquette, how to deal with lesbians wooing your woman and much, much more. As always please continue to hit me with all your wildest questions and predicaments via e-mail, tweet, text or in the comment section of our Facebook fan page.

Giddy up!

Is there a better euphemism for a girl's time of the month than Shark Week? Things start to get intimate, and she just simply says "We can't. It's Shark Week." I challenge you to even suggest a better way to phrase it.

P.S. If you're lucky, she'll go snorkeling anyway. HAY-OOOOOOOO
-Jacque, The Great Barrier Reef

Simply put, no, there will never be a better euphemism for a girl's period than Shark Week. We're one question in and you've already won this Mailbag.

Just for shits and giggles though I'm going to try (and fail miserably) to top your suggestion:
  • "My iPod's got "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" stuck on repeat"
  • In the penalty box
  • Locked Up A-Broad
  • I Saw Red
  • My girlfriend's running the Tough Mudder
  • Watching a marathon of True Blood
  • The front door's locked
Danye- I'm sitting in my cube right now pretty much hating every minute that goes by. Monday's always suck (along with Tuesday-Friday...) but I'm gonna go ahead and say that the first day back to work after Memorial Day Weekend is the worst work day of the year. Do you agree? Are there any days that even compare?

The Tuesday after MDW is especially brutal because it's the first nice weather holiday of the year and chances are you got shitfaced the day before at a BBQ or pool party, but that's not to say its necessarily any worse than any number of other day-after-holiday work days. The first day back after the 4th of July weekend, the Tuesday after Labor Day, the Friday after Thanksgiving (if your bosses are sociopaths), January 2nd and the day after the Super Bowl all more or less blow equally.

My only advice would be to make minimal eye contact/conversation with co-workers, eat a ton of greasy food and stay put at your desk. The less amount of walking around the office you do the better. Nobody wants to be the guy who gets suckered into small talk, only to then excuse yourself half way through your chat to go puke your brains out.

Even if you think you're playing it cool, they know. They always know. 

Is it ever okay to cock block a friend?

Now of course "friends" should never actively try to prevent you from getting laid, however, I do think that age and location plays a factor in determining whether or not its okay to be a rooster blocker. For example, lets say you're in college and going out five a nights looking to hook-up. In the fake-life world of college, going home empty handed one night isn't a big deal, and you can make up for it by doubling down and going out the next night.

But let's say you're a 25 year old working man whose only time to shine is the weekend. If one of your "boys" puts the kibosh on a potential hook-up, be it by embarrassing you, not giving you enough time alone, or in extreme cases, outright stealing your girl from you, then you're perfectly within your constitutional rights to terminate the friendship. It's hard enough competing for chicks with the millions of other douchebags out there, you shouldn't have to worry about your friends too.

I've noticed that when I was younger I was a lot more willing to put up with bullshit from people just because I was still trying to figure things out about myself and find my niche in life. But by the time you leave college you should have a good grasp on which friends are worth your time and which ones aren't. And if someone is standing in the way of you reaching the Holy Grail, then by all accounts, that is not your friend.

Seeing a lot of people leaving Facebook for Twitter recently (myself included). With a huge influx of older people migrating to the Book, is Facebook going the way of MySpace?

I don't think its going the way of MySpace quite yet. After all, they did crack the one billion user mark last year. But there is definitely some cause for concern.

Facebook was the tits back when there wasn't eighteen million other online platforms to waste your day on. But now there are just too many other options with Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, Instagram, blogs and Tinder (along with the 800 other "fuck your friends!" apps out there), Facebook has become more of a luxury than a necessity. Plus the fact that everyone and their grandma is on it doesn't exactly scream "cool."

Other reasons why Facebook kinda sucks these days:
  • the News Feed is wayyyyy too intrusive
  • spam ads
  • memes
  • they change their format every three months
  • 'likes' made users lazy
  • too many self-indulgant/"woe is me" statuses
  • your parents are on it
I don't think Facebook will ever become completely irrelevant just because of the sheer volume of users they have and the amount of history we have with it. For many people the site serves as a virtual time capsule, diary and photo album for some of the formative years of their life (whether or not that's a good thing remains to be seen). But the writing is clearly on the wall, and over time I think it will become a place that we check out when we want to take a trip down memory lane, as opposed to what we use it for now- stalking people.

Do you think this year's Miami Heat is the best NBA team of all-time?

To be fair, this question was submitted during the Heat's epic 27 game winning streak, but after surviving the Pacers in seven games to advance to the Finals, the best NBA team of all-time discussion is technically still in play.

Since 1960 only 11 teams have made three (or more) straight trips to the Finals, so the MoHeatos are already in elite company in that regard. Their aforementioned near-historic winning streak is something that no Jordan team ever came close to accomplishing and their .805 regular season winning percentage is good for eleventh best all-time. They have one of the five best players to ever play the game on their roster, along with three other surefire HOFers (Wade, Bosh, Allen) and some nice role players (Chalmers, Haslem, Birdman, corpse of Shane Battier), but despite being one of the best defensive teams of the past ten years they remain a flawed group.

We just saw up and comers Paul George and Roy Hibbert push this team to their absolute limit. They finished the regular season 20th in the league in rebounding (with a -1.5 per game differential) and their performance in that category has somehow gotten worse in the playoffs. Bron leads the team in points, rebounds and assists per game in the playoffs and has gotten virtually no help from his "star-studded" supporting cast. Injury bug or not 14ppg from Wade is unacceptable, and heading into this series versus the Spurs I'm not quite sure they're the best team left this season, let alone of all-time.

Which leads us to...


What is your NBA Finals prediction?

I picked the Heat to win in 7 in October, so I feel like as long as they're still alive I've got to stick with my guns, but I don't think its going to be easy. San Antonio's playoff run this year has been nothing short of incredible. They swept the Kobe-less Lakers, got redemption on OKC and took care of the Grizz in roughly the same amount of time as it takes to watch an episode of Arrested Development. They've had 10 days off, have the best coach in the league, a much deeper bench and Tony Parker has done everything in his power to solidify himself as the sole proprietor of the point guard conch.

But with all that being said I still have to go with the King. The man has won four MVPs in the past five years and at this very moment is playing the best two-way basketball that we've ever seen from him. I think this is going to be a great series, but there's no way James goes home without the hardware. Considering it somewhat of a passing of the torch from Duncan to LeBron, and I suspect LBJ will never look back.

We're at a point right now where you can put LeBron on any team in the league and you can automatically pencil them in for 50+ wins. I honestly believe that if he were on the Bobcats this year they would have been the two seed in the East. He's that good. Add another ring to his mantle this season and matching Jordan's 6 titles are absolutely in play down the line.

This question comes after Jays pitcher J.A. Happ almost gets killed by a line drive: should pitchers wear protective head gear?
-Dan, Toronto

Should they? Probably. Will they? Absolutely not. The MLB is by far the least progressive league out of the four major professional sports in America. I could have sworn they banned YouTube from posting their highlights (though the embedded video above completely refutes my argument), but even besides that it just seems like they're permanently stuck in 1935. I was at Wrigley a couple months back and the Cubs literally do not have a scoreboard capable of showing replays at their ballpark. It was almost as if I wouldn't have been that surprised if there were race segregated bathrooms. That's how archaic it felt.

The NHL and the NHL Players Association on the other hand just yesterday agreed to make visors mandatory for the upcoming 2013-14 season. But I think a pitcher would have to die on the field before Selig made fielders go all John Olerud out there.

Is it ever okay for a guy to take a selfie?

Thanks to Snap Chat, yes. But in any other circumstance it's a resounding no.

The thing about male selfies (head shots, not full body pics) is that no matter how good you may think you look, its NEVER a good idea to go ahead and hit that "send" or "publish" button. Sure, it can be a useful tool as a last resort mirror or to check if you've got anything stuck in your teeth, but the second you send that baby out for the world to see you become fair game for mockings and ridicule.

Think about the types of guys you know that post selfies on platforms like Facebook and Instagram. Have you ever once looked at their picture and not cringed? It's physically impossible to post a male selfie and not come off looking like a huge tool. Amplify that by a thousand if the selfie is accompanied by any kind of rap lyric.

I can assure you that Lil Wayne did not have your kissy face in mind when his ghost writer penned "Steady Mobbin."

So I'm dating this girl for four years now and the following has only gotten worse over time. Since we met some of her friends have come out of the closet as lesbians. They're generally awesome people that I like to hang out with, but the only problem is my woman happens to be a buxom beauty. I know I took on the task of dealing with dudes staring at her tits or trying to hit on her when we started dating. I'm fine with it because I know how to handle that situation- you beat your chest like a gorilla and grab a beer bottle if he is bigger than you. But what do you do when a lesbian hits on your woman? They are all about not objectifying woman and feminism, yet they try and motor boat my girlfriend and get her to take her top off because its "liberating."

I mean if I try and convince a girl to show her fun-bags I'm a chauvinist pig, but if they do it they're just being silly woman. I have a hard enough time worrying about some dude hitting on my girl now I have to worry about everybody. Do I have a right to be upset or am I over reacting? What's the best way to handle this situation?

So let me get this straight- you have an attractive girlfriend, who is constantly getting hit on by other chicks. What's the problem? You should be channeling that anger into finagling a potential threesome scenario. It's every mans dream!

Okay, now time for the serious answer. As with all things in a relationship, communication is key. Have a talk with your girl and tell her how although you respect her friend's lifestyle, some kind of boundary needs to be put in place to show that she is off limits to every other man and woman. That's the whole point of being in a committed relationship, so that you don't have to share the one you love with anyone else.

Let her know that even though it may be just fun and games in her eyes, you fear for her friend's intentions. Especially if alcohol is in play. What may start out as innocent touching and flirting could quickly escalate into a full fledged "experiment" if the suitor is persistent enough or if your girl's decision making is impaired.

You are certainly within your rights as a boyfriend to be upset, and as far as I can tell you haven't done anything that I would deem as over-reacting. So long as you keep the conversation light and honest I think she'll be receptive to your requests and will do a better job at letting her female friends know that she is off limits. After all, you guys have been dating for four years so you must be doing something right.

Oh yea, and definitely end your conversation by whipping it out and giving her the old helicopter dick. No better way to impress a chick.

Word is bond.

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

If D4NNY Really Did Kill Himself I'm Totally Stealing The Way He Writes His Name

First off that autotune is straight fiya. "Goodbye to everybody who hated on meeeee" kills me every time (no pun intended). Wish I had more back story on this kid, but the comments are disabled on YouTube and there's no video description, so I can really only go the fact that he's a satirical genius and his video has racked up over 340,000 views. It would be a shame for this kind of talent go to waste, but if D4NNY really did off himself, you can rest assured that his unique and futuristic way of spelling his name will live on with me.

-D4NYE fresh (@danye33)

Saturday, June 1, 2013

It Was A Wet Dream Come True For Frankie Muniz's Biggest (And Creepiest) Fan

You guys remember Frankie Muniz, don't you? I mean OF COURSE you do. Why how could you forget that time he tricked that nerdy guy into jumping into that blue pool? Or that time he hopped out of his wheelchair and won that race in a soapbox? Or the time he played Walter White's second youngest son in that show that falsely claimed he was the middle child? Anyways, I'll tell you a guy who hasn't forgotten any of that- twitter user Craze Jake (@JakeScottLacy).

Now to bring you up to speed, Craze Jake is a young fellow with a "never give up attitude", who advises his followers to "trust no one", and once made it on to Lad Bible (#ruthless). He is also, predictably, Craze-y. I know this, because two days ago he posted this picture of a recent tattoo he got.

Yes, you're reading that correctly. That's Frankie Muniz's signature, in permanent ink, on a grown man's forearm.

Luckily for Craze-y Jake, Frankie just happened to be his area last night (though I wouldn't be surprised if he hitch-hiked, flew or teleported in for the show) performing at the Garage in London. 

It was there that Jake got to meet his idol face to face, and the two posed for this adorable picture which promptly became his twitter avatar. 

See guys, fairy tales do come true! 

-fresh (@danye33)