Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Week 13 Waiver Wire Pickups

Nate Burleson, WR, Lions- Week 12 Stats: 7 rec, 77 rec yds, 1 rec TD

In his first game back from an arm injury brought upon by dramatic late September pizza-rescue, Burleson caught seven balls for 77 yards and a touchdown in Detroit's 24-21 loss to the suddenly surging Buccaneers. Burleson was clearly Stafford's favorite target not nicknamed Megatron, and should continue to get a ton of looks playing second fiddle in the second most pass-happy offense in the league. He can stretch opposing defenses in ways Kris Durham never could, making him a threat to get into the end zone on a weekly basis. I wouldn't feel horrible about heading into the fantasy playoffs with Nate as my WR3.

Julian Edelman, WR, Patriots- Week 12 Stats: 9 rec, 110 rec yds, 2 rec TDs

Edelman played the Wes Welker role to perfection in the Patriots 34-31 come from behind victory over the Broncos Sunday night. He caught nine balls for 110 yards and two touchdowns in a game that saw his team fall down 21-0 early. From a fantasy standpoint Patriots players have been a crap shoot all season long, with Aaron Dobson (0 points in week 12) being the most recent example of this. But the upside is there, and I'd still rather start someone like Edelman or Amendola over a "stud" wide receiver from a lesser offense like Golden Tate or Cecil Shorts.

Montee Ball, RB, Broncos- Week 12 Stats: 7 car, 40 rush yds, 3 rec, 17 rec yds
Benny Cunningham, RB, Rams- Week 12 Stats: 13 car, 109 rush yds, 1 rush TD

These are both precautionary measures in event that Zac "Staced God" Stacy and Knowshon Moreno are limited or miss this week's games altogether. Both the Broncos and Rams (in the post-Daryl Richardson era) have been highly effective at running the ball this season, though if I had to prioritize my waiver claims I'd give Ball the slight edge over Cunningham.

Moreno was seen on crutches and wearing a walking boot following his 38 touch, 230 yard performance in Foxborough. So there's reason to believe that even if he can suit up against the Chief's on Sunday that it would be wise of the Broncos to limit his carriers and give more work to Ball, the rookie out of Wisconsin.

Stacy suffered a concussion in the Ram's 42-21 beat down of the Bears, but still managed 87 yards on 12 carries and a score. Cunningham picked up right where Stacey left off, adding another score and 109 yards in his absence. Zac will need to pass the league's concussion protocol before lacing it up against the Niners on Sunday. You're going to want to monitor both situations closely, but if you need a home run performance in order to make the playoffs, both of these players could have huge pay offs this weekend.

Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Steelers- Week 12 Stats: 22 of 34 for 217 pass yds, 2 pass TDs

Big Ben has been on a tear of late, throwing 11 touchdown passes in his last four games, and surprisingly has the one time 2-5 Steelers on the verge of playoff contention in the top heavy AFC. Roethlisberger has a Thankgiving night showdown against their biggest rivals, the Ravens. Aaron Rogers owners could hedge their bets by picking up Big Ben in case their gun slinger misses a fourth consecutive game. He's out there in about a quarter of all leagues.

-fresh (@danye33)

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Week 12 NFL Picks Column

Good news- I found a new apartment!

Bad news- I'm now down to one kidney to pay off my Realtor fee!

2 Man Weave Anti-Lock Of The Week (3-8) Chi +1 in the Lou

Smokin' Jay Cutler or not, I love this Bears team. They've got one of the best WR duos in the league with Marshall and Jeffrey, and Matt Forte is in the midst of a MONSTER season. Chicago is tied for first in the NFC North and can't afford to lose such a winnable game this late in the season. Gimme Da Bears in a blowout.

And now, the picks!

The King's Throne
Keytwitty (28-27) Indy -2, Pitt +2, Den -2.5, Car -4, Minn +5

Watch The Throne 
Dough Boy (24-30-1) Den -2.5, Pitt +2, Chi +1, Car -4, Indy +2

Danye (23-30-2) T.B. +9, Jax +10, Chi +1, Den -2.5, Car -4

J Fonts (23-30-2) Atl +9.5, Mia +4, N.E. +2.5, Wash +5.5, Jax +10

Cambo (23-30-2) S.F. -5.5, Chi +1, Car -4, K.C. -5, Dal +2.5

Chooch (23-31-1)  Det -9, S.D. +5, Pitt +2, Bal -3.5, Dal +2.5

Gary (21-32-2)  G.B. -5, Car -4, NYJ +3.5, Pitt +2, Oak -1

Miggs (19-34-2)   Jax +10, K.C. -5, Pitt +2, Ten +1, N.E. +2.5

The Mush
Flem (16-35-4) Car -4, Pitt +2, Indy +2, Den -2.5, S.F. -5.5

Obscure Gif of the Week / More like HAM-ma, amiright?

Bonus Gif of the Week / Drinking Water In Zero Gravity

Babe of the Week / Jennie Finch (throwback, but I've always had a thing for her)

Random YouTube Video Of The Week That Has Nothing To Do With Football / Pug Head Tilt


Chief Keef "Locked 'N Loaded" Fantasy Player To Watch For

 Victor Cruz, WR, Giants

"So the other night after my show I'm driving home in the Caddy, and even though that shit automatic, you best believe the bitch I was with was riding stick. So she's sitting shotty, churning the butter, kissing Cyclopse ay now and then, but once we pull off of I-94 I decide its time for the cake. So she hikes up her skirt and jumps on it like Apache. Now I'm going a cool 70 while hittin skins and its getting real hard to focus on the road. I tell her to slow down but she ain't listening and its starting to feel like Mt. Vesuvius bout to blow. Close my eyes for a second and the next thing I know I'm face-deep in an airbag and shorty butt ass naked leaking from the dome. Wasn't tryna get blood on the crocodile seats so I kicked her ass to the curb and cruised on home."

-fresh (@danye33)

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Hey Lamar Odom- Do Less

Christ almighty, clean it up bro. I know it can't be easy to get it up for Khloe, but how bout limiting it to one crack rock per night?

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, November 22, 2013

BREAKING: Mark Sanchez To Audition For Role In "Spring Breakers 2"

Looks like Mark is taking the one year anniversary of his butt fumble a littler harder than expected. 

And now, the definitive tribute to white dudes with corn rows. A look I so desperately wanted in 1999.

-fresh (@danye33)

Are Most Runners Really Self-Important Assholes? Kinda, Yeah.

Running is more popular than ever. I could validate that statement with a nice number from some article, but I won't. Look outside for a few minutes-- that should be enough proof. If it's not, I don't know what to tell you. The internet is a big place. Go find something else to read.

More people are running races.

5ks! 10ks! Halfs! Marathons! Ultras!

And more types of races are sprouting up every week.

Spartan races! Tough Mudders! Color Runs! Neon Runs, whatever the fuck those are!

You don't even have to compete to see it. Just look at your facebook, twitter or instagram newsfeed every weekend. Running is officially trendy. There's always a backlash when anything gains popularity, and runners are starting to take more heat.

Wall Street Journal ran an article last week (Jump ) by Chad Stafko. Click the link if you want the full, but this quote sums it up.

There is one kind of bumper sticker I see almost daily here in my small Midwestern town: a small oval printed with "26.2" or "13.1." ...There is only one reason running aficionados display the stickers. They want the rest of us to know about their long-distance feats.
I have a theory. There is no more visible form of strenuous exercise than running. When runners are dashing down a street in the middle of town or through a subdivision, they know that every driver, every pedestrian, every leaf-raker and every person idly staring out a window can see them.
These days, people want more than ever to be seen. This is the age of taking a photo selfie and posting it on Facebook
Stafko is half right and half wrong. But before I explain why, I should give you a reason to listen to me. I'm a runner whose atttitude toward other runners is somewhere between indifference and contempt. I ran track (200,400,800, dabbled in the mile) and cross country throughout high school and briefly in college. I run a handful of 5ks a year, and if I don't win, I come pretty close. I understand the world of the runner just as much as I do the runner hater, ok? With that out of the way...

Stafko is right when he says runners want people to know they're a runner. What's a bumper sticker doing if it isn't broadcasting information about yourself to strangers?  But runners oversharing their exercise doesn't stop with bumper stickers. There's the running shoes/race watch guy at your office, the foul weather runners (the people who lace up their shoes as soon as the sky gets dark because they're THAT hardcore), the joggers in all neon during their lunch break (LOOK AT ME!!! Are you looking????), the people who tweet their runkeeper or whatever app workout results and the "I'm Wearing My Race T Shirt Everywhere" guy. Ok, I'm kinda guilty of wearing my race t shirts but it has less to do with bragging and more to do with dirty laundry.

Most runners want people to know they're runners. That's obvious. What's less obvious is why they act like a 10 year showing off his sick dives at the pool. 

There are 2 major reasons why runners draw attention to their running.

1- It's a time consuming habit. It takes a long time to run 10 miles. You are what you do. If you spend a lot of time on something it shows up in your actions or personality. In this case it's social media bragging, bumper stickers and a holier than thou attitude. I'll talk about running way more when I'm training for a race because I don't have anything else to talk about.

-So what have you been up to?

-Working and running. I make excel spreadsheets and go run by myself for an hour. Would you like to hear more?

If you see me at a party, walk the other way. I'm not an interesting conversation.

2-  Running attracts a distinct personality. The entire running community can fit into these neat categories-

-They didn't play other sports so they feel like they're "real" runners and they want the world to know it.

-They're hyper-competitive people who played other sports but discovered adults don't play soccer or basketball very often so they turned to running as a competitive outlet. 26.2 stickers are grown up varsity letters.

-They want to be "fit". They get tricked by magazines and nike ads into spending hundreds of dollars on a sport that only requires shoes and open space. Hey, if you spend all the money on the gear you gotta wear it.

-They want to fit in. The running community can be a tight knit (albeit, culty) tribe. If you're new to a city and want to make friends, you should join a running club. You get all the friends and cool gear like you're in a gang, just without the gun violence.

I will fight tooth and nail, blog and tweet with anyone who disagrees with anything I wrote above. Hell, I'll race anyone offended.

The majority of runners are doing it to do it. They don't like it. They like being a runner because it's a vaunted social status. Runners are healthy, thin, fit, active, energetic and ambitious. Well, that's what society thinks they are. So why wouldn't people try to project that?

Some people just like to run.

But it's a broad brush. Stafko is 1/2 right, so he's also 1/2 wrong. Some people just like to run. Running only requires time and space. And shoes. You need shoes. When you're running, you're going to be outside. People are going to see you. Big whoop. You can't do anything outside in a city without being seen so that can't be used to prove runners love attention. What if kite flying became popular? You can't fly a kite inside. Would that mean the people who loved flying kites were only doing it because people would see them? (Can flying kites PLEASE be the next cool trend? How do we make this happen?)

Some people just like to run.

I do. It's something I'm good at, something I've always been good at. Probably the only thing I've ever really been good at. It always made sense. Some people run to think; I run to not think. It's the only thing that lets me shut off my brain. It's exhausting and weirdly energizing.

I like the last mile of a run, that mile where I'm tired but I want to see how much I have left. I like the days where there's more left than I thought. Those are good days. But I like the days where I try to find that next gear and can't. Those are the days where you find your limit. And that's why I run. Not to wear t shirts, or win trophies, or make new friends. I run because it's the only way I know how to really stretch myself until I almost break. And sometimes you do break. I have.  A few times actually.

But you rest, and you come back to it because it's the one thing that makes sense, that always made sense. Everything else can fall apart but as long as your legs work you can still lace up your shoes and get back to that place where nothing matters except putting one foot in front of the other.

Some people just need to run.

-Joe Turner (@Joe_Turner00)

Keytwitty's Week 12 Cortaca Hangover CFB Power Rankings

Screen Shot 2013-11-17 at 10.07.43 PM

Holy Cortaca HangoverTurn down for what? 

In the words of the great Kanye West "sunglasses and advil" Cortaca was mad real.
S/O to anybody who reps C-state

10) LSU - The Tigers probably can't wait till college football starts their playoff systems.  The BCS punishes teams that play a tough schedule.  LSU has to finish the season against top 25 opponents on the road.
Last Week #9

9) Texas A&M - Somehow, someway I had to put my Heisman front runner Johnny "Money" Manziel back into my top 10. The Aggies have a tough test against LSU this weekend.  If Manziel leads the Aggies to victory, just give him the trophy.
Last Week Unranked

8) Missouri - The SEC East new king of the hill. They get their big time NFL QB prospect Franklin back this week. I'm not sure if this football program is here to stay or if its really a basketball school that happens to have football.
Last Week Unranked

7) Clemson - Some one loss teams can't really move up in the ranks. Clemson still can operate around their schedule.  Coach Debo still has national championship dreams every night.
Last Week #7

6) Oregon - Who's faster than this team in America?  #Nobody. A few weeks ago after the Ducks lost to Stanford and all seemed to be lost.  Then Stanford gets upset by USC and now the Ducks control their Pac-12 destiny again.  #nikejerseyswag
Last Week #6

5) Auburn - They survived a great finish against Georgia last week. They are awaiting a showdown against 'Bama to end the season.
Last Week Unranked

4) Baylor - The Bears are the best team in America that does not play defense. Someone has to rep the Big 12.
Last Week #5

3) Ohio State - The Buckeyes can only blow out teams in the big 10 and hope one of these top 2 teams lose. Urban Meyer can't wait for the playoff system because the BCS is screwing the Buckeyes.
Last Week #3

2) Florida State - On the field this team is flying on all cylinders.  Off the field Jamies Winston need a lawyer and to pray to Bobby Bowden. 
Last Week #2

1) Alabama - Nick Saban does the right things all the time for his program. Saban control all superstar egos and makes boys into men. #RollTideRoll
Last Week #1

-Keytwitty (@Keytwitty)

Just Wanted To Pay Some Respect To Greg Giraldo

Not much to say here other than that I was stumbling around on YouTube and came across this awesome mash-up of all of Greg's Comedy Central roast performances. I used to cry watching this guy tell jokes. He would cut his peers to shreds verbally like a knife through warm butter, and it was really nice to see some of his best work put together so smooth and condensed. Enjoy.

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

A Special Cortaca Interview With Berny- The 2 Man Weave's Cortland Party Correspondent

2MW-  For starters- what the hell happened this weekend?

BernyCortland went nuts... The day started for half of campus with bar parties at 8 am and 11 am so people had almost 12 drinks in their body once the game ended. Then the riots started on Clayton and once word got out over social media people flocked there. People were jumping off roofs, riding in shopping carts down the hill and throwing beer bottles and cans and TVs and couches at the police when they tried to stop it. It was one of the craziest events that I have ever been to.

2MWThat leads me to my next question which was going to be how did everyone know to go to Clayton? I remember when I went to Cortland there were always parties spread out across Thompkins, Clayton, Monroe, Groton, etc. How did the whole student body know to go there while the game was going on?

BernyIt was just word of mouth to go to Clayton before Cortaca even started everyone was talking about how they were going to go to Clayton. After the riots started happening people started to flock to Reynolds avenue and a full out brawl erupted.

2MWWhat started the brawl?

BernyWell these kids decided to drive down Reynolds and flip people off and they almost hit 30 kids on the street then people started throwing bottles at their car. This then led to the kids getting out of the car and they tried to fight thirty kids on the street it was legitimately 30 on 4. These four kids got beat up pretty bad and their car almost got flipped but the police stopped it from happening.

2MW- Why do you think this year's Cortaca was so much crazier than year's past? It had always been a wild weekend, but it feels like this year you guys took it to a whole new level.

BernyI don't know there was just something in the air. This entire year has been much crazier than usual downtown is always packed now. The Cortland student body was not happy that Oswego, Oneonta and Albany were rated better party schools than us. So they upped their game this year.

2MWI think that debate can be put to rest after this weekend. Where were you chillen when the "riots" were going on? What was the craziest thing you saw on Clayton?

BernyI was originally on Reynolds because that was bumpin but when I heard that riots were going on I went down to see them. I was in the middle of Clayton during the riots. One of the craziest things I saw was the kid jumping off the roof into the crowd. Another crazy thing I saw was cops getting pelted with beer bottles and people bleeding cause they got hit with different objects in the air.

2MWWhat were some of the objects kids were throwing?

BernyThey were throwing chairs, full beer bottles and cans, TV's and tables. Basically anything they could find they were throwing them. It was crazy when my friend got his finger cut by a piece of wood and blood started gushing that's when I knew the riot was for real.

2MWIs the story about the kid who chased the cop with an ax true or just an urban legend?

BernyNo the story is true. I heard from multiple sources that they saw the kid with the ax chasing the cops multiple times. One person told me that it took 9 cops to stop the kid.

2MWAny background info on the kid? Like why the fuck did he have an ax in his hands, let alone use it to chase a cop?

BernyThe kid did not go to Cortland what many people do not know is that more than 75 percent of the kids that were arrested did not go to Cortland. People just saw the kid with the Ax on the street nobody knew how it got there.

2MWCan you explain to me what "Turn down for what?" means? It seemed to me like that was the phrase of the weekend and I'm embarrassed to say that I'm clueless as to what that means.

BernyIt is a song by DJ Snake and Lil Jon but the phrase has been used a lot this semester. People use the phrase basically for everything it is the same thing as turn up but it means you will never stop turning up. You will get so turned up that the cops will come knocking.

2MWWhat do you think the repercussions will be from this Cortaca? Do you think the game will be cancelled next year?

BernyThat's a great question actually a few hours ago there was a vote to ban Cortaca and it was shot down by a vote of 6 to 2. So the game is definitely going to happen next year but I think there will be a bigger police presence stopping riots.

2MWGood to know, thanks for doing this interview man. And remember- no matter what, don't ever turn down!

BernyYes thank you for interviewing me and I cant wait to come back next year and talk about Cortaca again!

-fresh (@danye33)

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Week 12 Waiver Wire Pickups

Brian Rianey, RB, Buccaneers- Week 11 Stats: 30 car, 163 rush yds, 2 rec, 4 rec yds, 1 rec TD

Well that escalated quickly... Last week Rainey was in a back-up timeshare with Brian Leonard and this week he's getting 30+ touches and three touchdowns. Granted it was against an atrocious Atlanta team, but the undrafted back out of Western Kentucky was still able to triple teammate Doug Martin's seasonal trips to the end zone in his first career game as a starter. With running back reliability being shaky at best league wide, Rainey is an intriguing play the rest of the year. Ambitious owners may have seen this coming and scooped him up last week, but there's a good chance he's still out there in your league, and could be a difference maker come playoff time.

Donald Brown, RB, Colts- Week 11 Stats: 14 car, 80 rush yds, 2 rush TD, 1 rec, 14 rec yds

The Trent Richardson fantasy fire sale has officially commenced thanks to the Donald's two touchdown coming out party on Thursday Night Football last week. Those paying close attention to the running back situation in Indianapolis knew it would only be a matter of time before Brown surpassed Richardson, whose yards per carry have dropped to embarrassing 2.8, on the fantasy relevance depth chart. But his most recent performance in the Colt's 30-27 win over the Titans should seal T-Rich's fate. Brown is available in close to 70% of all Yahoo! league and should make for a serviceable flex play moving forward, whereas Richardson is now 100% dropable in all non-dynasty leagues.

Rod Streater, WR, Raiders- Week 11 Stats- 6 rec, 84 rec yds, 1 rec TD

Streater was the main beneficiary of replacement QB's Matt McGloin's big day in Houston, hauling in a team high six catches for 84 yards and a score. McGloin tossed three TD's in the 28-23 win, and brought hope to a passing game that turned stagnant with Terrelle Pryor under center. Streater ceiling remains a low-end WR3 at best, but at this point in the season any startable player is worth adding.

Carlson Palmer, QB, Cardinals- Week 11 Stats- 30 of 42 for 419 pass yds, 2 pass TDs

Parlmer made it rain in the swamps of Jacksonville Sunday, throwing for a season high 419 yards and a pair of scores in Arizona's 27-14 victory. Michael Floyd was had a huge game as well, catching 6 passes for 193 yards and a score. Granted the big day came against the second worse scoring defense in the league, it's still an encouraging sight for those who had been waiting all year for any sign of fantasy life from Palmer, a guy who threw for more than 4k and 20+ scores with way worse weapons around him.

Delanie Walker, TE, Titans- Week 11 Stats- 10 rec, 91 rec yds, 1 rec TD

Walker caught all 10 of the balls that came his way in the Titans 30-27 shootout loss to the Colts last week. The odds are we won't see production that high again from the the longtime vet out of Central Missouri, but at position as top heavy as tight end, there are many worse options out there to own. His five touchdowns on the season rank fifth among all TE's.

-fresh (@danye33)

Monday, November 18, 2013

Unverified Study Finds Birth Control May Increase Women's Chances Of Going Blind

(Foxnews) Women who use birth control pills for three years or longer could have an increased risk of developing glaucoma, one of the leading causes of blindness, DailyRx News reported.

In a study presented at the 117th Annual Meeting of the American Academy of Ophthalmology, researchers examined data from more than 3,400 women aged 40 and older in the United States, who had completed questionnaires regarding their reproductive care and eye health.

Overall, women who took the pill for three years or more had double the risk of developing glaucoma, compared to women who used the pill for a shorter period of time or who never used the pill at all.

"We believe at this point, by analyzing the data, there is an association between long-term birth control use and glaucoma," study author Elaine Wang, of Duke University, told CNN. "Why? We're not sure. The next step is to examine the eyes carefully and look at exactly what is happening to a woman's vision when she's on birth control pills.We need to verify these findings."

Thank God for the last sentence in this article. I was reading this in a cold sweat with my teeth clenched. The pill, the single greatest invention of the last century (in my opinion), increases your risk of going blind. This wonder pill that lets you rawdog your girlfriend without getting her pregnant and (sometimes) makes her boobs bigger might also make her blind like Billy in 4C? 

Monogamous boyfriends everywhere started getting anti-boners. All of a sudden that becomes a much tougher sell to the gf."Here honey take this because the biggest perk of this relationship is that I don't have to use condoms anymore. No pressure but our relationship kinda hinges on you medicating yourself. Also, and this really isn't THAT big of a deal BUT it might make you go blind. Love you!"

But then there's that breath of fresh air, that beam of light at the end. "We need to verify these findings" It's inconclusive! Unconfirmed! Of course it is! What do these pseudo docs know anyway? Buncha science nerds if you ask me. Huzzah! We did it! Set that cell phone alarm, babe. Can't afford to miss a day.

-Joe Turner (@Joe_Turner00)

BREAKING: Dough Boy Puts A Ring On It!

2 Man Weave Pick 'Em Pool participant Greg Reilingh (though better known here as Dough Boy) decided to take Beyonce's advice this past weekend while on a visit back to his alma mater, Le Moyne University, in Syracuse, New York. Dough lured his girlfriend of more than five years, Christine Farrand, to their old stomping grounds under the false pretenses that his non-existent, Jesuit priest cousin would be conducting an on-campus mass. Reilingh hit the deck and pulled out the bling somewhere between the Le Moyne chapel and the new business school. The proposal took Farrand by surprise, who was barely able to squeak out a "yes" due to a mixture of shock and excitement.

The following day, Christine took to Facebook to break the good news to the world with a status that quickly surpassed more than 180 likes!

Before asking the love of his life to marry him, Dough first asked permission from her father, and their bull dog, Pearl. We wish them eternal happiness.

-fresh (@danye33)

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Homeless in T-13 Day- It's Your Week 11 NFL Picks Column

On Tuesday I was greeted with this gem of an e-mail from my soon-to-be ex-landlord. Basically kicked us to the curb via e-mail with no reasoning, leaving my girlfriend and I with slightly more than two and a half weeks (one of which being Thanksgiving) to find a new spot. I've also been sick as a dog and even had to miss some time from work because of it so I apologize for the delayed column, but in the immortal words of Martin Lawrence: 

click to enlarge
I regret to inform you that I will need to take back the apartment permanently at the end of this month.  Please plan on removing all belongings and vacating the premises by Saturday, November 30, 2013 at 5:00 p.m.

I will cancel cable before the 30th and let you know where and when to return the boxes.  I trust you will deliver the apartment in the original state in which it was given to you.  Thanks.
(number redirected)
A few things to address here- first, this guy must be out of his goddamn mind if he thinks that cable box is getting delivered anywhere other than the bottom of the East River. Second, I have zero respect for any man who shares a joint e-mail account with his wife. Grow a spine will ya? Any lastly- does anyone have any room on their couch for the kid?

2 Man Weave Anti-Lock Of The Week (3-7) Jets +1 in the Ruff Tuff Buff

This is completely a gut call but I just think New York will be able to chew up the clock with their running game and limit the turnovers in what is sure to be a windy one at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Mind you this is the Jets, a team that'll upset a Super Bowl contender one week and then get Mercy ruled the next, but I feel pretty good about this one. Kellen Clemons stopped the bleeding for me last week, and I'm banking on another shitty QB to keep the mojo flowing this time around. 

And now, the picks!
The King's Throne
Keytwitty (26-24)  NYG -5, NYJ +1, S.D. -1.5, Det -2, Car -2.5

Watch The Throne 
Danye (23-26-1)   Det -2, N.O. -3, N.E. +2.5, S.D. -1.5, NYJ +1

Dough Boy (23-27)  Oak +7, N.E. +2.5, Indy -3, Det -2, S.D. -1.5

Chooch (22-28)   Jax +7, N.O. -3, NYJ +1, S.D. -1.5, Pitt +2

Cambo (21-27-2) K.C. +8, Cincy -6, Det -2, S.D. -1.5, Ari -7

Gary (21-28-1) NYJ +1, S.D. -1.5, Indy -3, Cle +6, Det -2

J Fonts (20-29-1)  Tenn +3, T.B. +1.5, Jax +7, Mia +1.5, Pitt +2

Miggs (17-32-1)  Philly -3.5, Cle +6, NYJ +1, N.O. -3, NYG -5

The Mush
Flem (16-31-3) Indy -3, NYJ +1, S.D. -1.5, G.B. +5, Det -2

Obscure Gif of the Week / Jacked Chick 

Bonus Gif of the Week / Slow Mo Face Melt 

Babe of the Week / Need A Pick-Me-Up So We're Going With Old Faithful 

Random YouTube Video Of The Week That Has Nothing To Do With Football / Barenaked Ladies "The Old Apartment"

This one hits a little too close to home...

-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, November 15, 2013

A Special Cortaca Edition of Keytwitty's Week 12 CFB Power Rankings

(Ed Note: S/O to Nicole Hapanowicz!)

Last week was a great week of college football. Made me want to hold on to my weave.  The top 10 has been shaking up like Kelis' Milkshake.

10) Cortland State University of New York - Happy Cortaca weekend!  Cortland will play their biggest game of the year against Ithaca College. Win or lose it should be a great weekend in Cortland.

9) LSU - For 3 quarters last Saturday the Tigers lined up and played great football against 'Bama. I don't care how many losses they have. They play tough every game and I still believe they are better than 98 percent of teams in America.  Including the Jacksonville Jaguars.
Last Week unranked

8) South Carolina - Mike Davis is a man/hombre playing running back like a monster.  The old ball coach still has a game against Clemson at the end of the season that could help their BCS standing.
Last Week unranked

7) Clemson - Many times in college football some programs struggle after a tough loss. Clemson has weathered the storm. Clemson is seeking to go bowling some where nice for New Years.
Last Week #7

6) Oregon - In the words of the great philosopher Kanye West "It was all good just a week ago". The Ducks were just outplayed last week.  Nike + great jerseys does not equal national championships.  
Last Week #3

5) Baylor - In the age of soft college football defenses. The Baylor Bears only probably needed a top 10 defensive to go undefeated this season post-RGIII. The Big 12 conference should just play 7 on 7 flag football game because tackling is optional.
Last Week #5

4) Stanford - The toughest nerds in America flex their muscles against the Ducks last week. The Cards are now the best 1 loss team in the country. They will have to pray every night that one of these top 3 team get upset.
Last Week #6

3) Ohio State - According to my BCS Computer the Buckeyes can not jump into the BCS championship game unless an unbeaten team gets upset!  Looking forward the Buckeyes might have to start scheduling stronger non-conference opponents.
Last Week #4

2) Florida State - The Noles just have to worry about playing mistake free football for the reast of the season. The NCAA is already investigating Famous Jamies Winston, I hope that does not distract the team.
Last Week #2

1) Alabama - Out of the 70 scholarship players at 'Bama 16 of them have already graduated early. That is just a well ran program that focuses on scholar athletes.  
Last Week #1

-Keytwitty (@Keytwitty)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Week 11 Waiver Wire Pickups

Andre Brown, RB, Giants- Week 10 Stats: 30 car, 115 rush yds, 1 rush TD, 1 rec, 4 rec yds

So much for easing Brown back into the rotation. The fifth year back out of N.C. State touched the ball over 30 times in the Giants 24-20 win over the Raiders on Sunday, and looked every bit as explosive as he did before his leg injury. In a season that's seen guys like Peyton Hillis, Michael Cox and Brandon Jacobs play substantial snaps in New York's backfield, getting Brown out there on the field must have been a breath of fresh air for an organization desperately trying to keep their head above water. Big Blue's upcoming schedule includes games versus Green Bay, Dallas, Washington and San Diego, making Brown a reliable RB2 the rest of the way provided he can stay healthy.

John Carlson, TE, Vikings- Week 10 Stats: 7 rec, 98 rec yds, 1 rec TD

Carlson caught all seven of his targets for 98 yards and a score while filling in for the injured Pro Bowl MVP, Kyle Rudolph, in the team's 34-27 win over Washington. It remains to be seen whether those numbers were a byproduct of the 'Skins non-existent pass defense, or a preview of whats to come. Regardless, I'd rather roll the dice with Carlson as a bye week TE fill-in than some of the other low-end TE2's likely available on your wire like Scott Chandler, Zach Miller or Jared Cook.

Tavon Austin, WR, Rams- Week 10 Stats: 2 rec, 138 rec yds, 2 rec TDs, 1 return TD

Austin stole the show in the Rams 38-8 beatdown of the Colts in Indy. The rookie out of West Virginia made the most of his limited (15) snaps and scored on both of his catches. With Kellen Clemons under center I personally wouldn't feel too comfortable starting any Rams receiver, but Austin has proved time and time again that he's capable of catching lightning in a bottle and going off like we saw this week. I'd look to add him this week and try to sell high to someone else in your league.

Rishard Matthews, WR, Dolphins- Week 10 Stats: 11 rec, 120 rec yds, 2 rec TDs

Matthews more than doubled his yearly production in Miami's embarrassing 22-19 loss to the previously winless Buccaneers. I know I've said this many times but its worth repeating- targets are the #1 indicator of future fantasy success and Matthews saw 14 balls come his way Monday night. Without Jonathan Martin and Richie Incognito this offense line is looking like a shell of its former self, and the result has been lots of quick passes Rishard's way. Look for that to continue the rest of the way. Worth the add in 12+ team and PPR leagues.

Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB, Titans- Week 10 Stats: 22 of 33 for 264 pass yds, 2 pass TDs

With Jake Locker likely out for the year with a foot injury, the former $50 million man will get another chance to prove he can run the offense in Tennessee. With Kendall Wright, Nate Washington and Delanie Walker at his disposal, Fitzy should be able to put up solid, QB2 worthy numbers. At his juncture in the season its highly unlikely that you're going to find a fantasy worthy starting quarterback on the waiver wire, but its nice to know that serviceable backups are still out there.

fresh (@danye33)