Following Up On The 2 Man Weave's 2012 NFL Preseason Predictions

Five Things We Got Right

Predicting that San Fran would lose in the Super Bowl (9/7/12) 

49ers- Last year I picked San Fran to finish last in this division. Needless to say, I won't be making that same mistake again. Harbaugh's boys are back and better than ever with a defense foaming at the mouth to feast on their division's horrific group of inexperienced quarterbacks. If they lose any of their six match-ups to Sam Bradford, Russell Wilson or Joshvin Skolb it will be an utter disgrace. Alex Smith is the only thing holding this team back from a Super Bowl victory, and if his teammates play the way they're capable of, even Smith's incompetence won't be enough to derail this potential juggernaut.

Super Bowl- Pats over Niners, 31-13 

The 49ers were the best defensive team in the league a season ago, and came within a muffed punt of reaching the Super Bowl, so a trip to the big game was certainly in play heading into 2012. As stated above, I knew Alex Smith would be this team’s only weakness, but I never could have dreamed that Colin Kaepernick would come in and dominate the way he did. If it hadn’t been for some horrific play calling from the five yard line on the final drive of the Super Bowl, San Fran would have secured their sixth Lombardi trophy. Three incomplete passes to Michael Crabtree later and my prediction has come true. 

Predicting Greg McElroy would start a game for the Jets this season (8/31/12)  

2. Greg McElroy will be the Jets starter by week 14

Mark Sanchez is an inaccurate, horn dog, who displays the same amount of confidence in the pocket as Scotty Smalls did the first time he played at the Sandlot. Tim Tebow is an inaccurate, virgin, whose inexplicable luck is about to run dry on this side show attraction of a team. McElroy inherits the starting gig by default once Sanchbow throw the season away to the tune of a 3-9 start. Just like Jonah Hill said in ;Funny People, there's nothing funny about a physically fit man. Sexy Rexy was 100% more likable when his waist size matched his mouth.

I ended up being two weeks off on the start date, but I'm still giving myself credit for predicting that the Sanchbow experiment would self destruct on impact, leaving the Jets with option C., Greg  McElroy. To be honest it should never have come to this, but the circus that is the J-E-T-S refused to ever give Tim Tebow, a playoff winning QB, the keys to the offense. 

McElroy would go on to lose his lone start for the green and white 27-17 to the Chargers. Completing 58% of his passes for 185 yards and an interception. I think I speak for football fans everywhere when I say that I've seen enough of this guy already. 

Predicting that Peyton Manning would win Comeback Player of the Year (9/7/12)

Comeback Player of the Year- Peyton Manning  

To be honest the stage was set heading into this season for Manning to win this award. Peyton was the face of the NFL, coming off of four neck surgeries and playing for a new team, all he had to do was play halfway decent and he'd walk away with the hardware. He won 11 straight games during the regular season, and if not for this play, should have contended for a Super Bowl. 

AP's comeback was equally miraculous, but the fact that Manning hadn't laced up in a year and a half made this decision a no brainer. He threw for 4,659 yards, 37 TDs and only 11 picks.

Loved the Falcons to win the NFC South (9/7/12)

1. Falcons- Atlanta had the fourth best offense last year, averaging more than 25 point per game. However, it was their defense, and ungodly fourth down play calling, which ultimately led to their premature demise. This time around they've added Lofa Tatupu, Asante Samuel and Chris Hope in an effort to slow down the rest of the division's high flying offenses. Honestly, the Falcons and Saints are pretty much the exact same team, but due to the karma of Bountygate, the Falcs get the nod for the top spot in the South.

This one was pretty easy to see coming. We knew the Saints would be a shell of themselves without Payton and the Falcons had been good for the past three seasons so it was only natural that they would continue to improve. I actually jumped of the Falcons at 25-1 odds to win the Super Bowl when I was in Vegas last April, which of course only assured the fact that they would not win the Super Bowl. 

Predicting that Rob Gronkowski would not play week 13 against the Dolphins (8/31/12)

5. Rob Gronkowski will not play week 13 against the Dolphins

Gronk will spend that Sunday at Jackson Memorial hospital after nearly OD'ing on Molly the night before at Prive.

Broken forearm/Molly OD, same thing right? Either way Yo Soy Fiesta! was missing in action when the Pats won 23-16 at Sun Life Stadium.  

Five Things We Got Wrong

Advising fantasy owners to proceed with caution with A.P. (8/21/12)

Adrian Peterson, Vikings

After undergoing both ACL and MCL surgery this off-season, now might be a good time to switch up Peterson's nickname from "All Day" to "Day to Day".  With his Week 1 availability still in question, fantasy owners will have a tough decision to make come draft day. When healthy, there is no doubt that he's a top 5 talent, but with limited time to prepare, and no realistic shot at making the playoffs, it may be in the Vikings best interest to protect their investment and ease him back on to the field.

If you do decide to roll the dice on A.P., it's essential that you handcuff Toby Gerhart as a safety precaution. He'll be the guy doing the heavy lifting should Peterson end up missing time. It should also be noted that Minnesota will be playing from behind more often than not, which could be detrimental to their rushing stats. Wait it out and grab him in the third round if he falls to you.

There is certainly some cause for concern for Peterson owners in keeper leagues as well, seeing that his rushing total decreased last season for the fourth year in a row, and with close to fifteen hundred carries under his belt already, it looks like some of the wear and tear is already starting to catch up with him.

Purple Jesus made me eat my words, shit them out, rinse and repeat this season. All Day took home the MVP award, en route to leading the Vikings to the playoffs and falling just 9 yards short of breaking Eric Dickerson's single season rushing record.

AP set career highs in carries (348), rushing yards (2,097), YPC (6.0), and first downs (85). He also scored 13 seasons and put together a streak of 8 straight games going over the century mark on the ground. 

Luckily, I ignored my own advice and kept him in my keeper league where he carried me to a second place finish. Hopefully Weave readers did the same.

Predicting that the Bills would have a good defense/make the playoffs (9/7/12)

2. Bills- Team owner Ralph Wilson finally decided to open his wallet for the first time this century, bringing in former #1 overall pick and master of the sack, Mario Williams, to a defense that gave up the third most points in the league a season ago. The Bills also added DE Mark Anderson to round out a much improved front four, to go along with Marcell Darius and Kyle Williams. On the offensive side on the ball, this team will only go as far as Fred Jackson's rehabilitated, 31 year old legs will take them. If Jackson can regain his '11 form which saw him rush for over 100 yards in 60% of his games played, there's no reason why this team can't contend for a wild card spot in the AFC.

Buffalo finished up with the 26th ranked defense in terms of points allowed and finished 6-10, behind the lowly Jets, for last in the AFC East. Also, Ralph Wilson is (miraculously) still alive which pretty much guarantees they're going to suck again next year. 

No faith in the 'Skins (9/7/12)

4. Redskins- Washington gave up everything and the kitchen sink for a chance to draft Heisman winner Robert Griffin III. He has all the tools to be an elite quarterback at the next level, but trying to escape from guys like JPP, Demarcus Ware and Trent Cole 6x a year may hinder his development. Also, am I the only one who gets pissed off by Mike Shanahan's inability to commit to a single running back? Hightower was supposed to carry the majority of the work load in '11, now he's unemployed. I know he was able to get away with that in Denver, but the capitol ain't the Mile High city. Pick a back and stick with him. It's not fair to us fantasy owners.

The Redskins shocked the football world with their overachieving '12 season, finishing up 10-6, winning the NFC East and even hosting a playoff game. Granted, the field condition in that home playoff game may have forever altered their Rookie of the Year quarterback's career, but at least Synder earned some extra revenue! 

That Jon Baldwin would be a fantasy WR worth keeping an eye on (8/22/12) 

Jon Baldwin, Chiefs

With Dwayne Bowe still holding out for a new contract in Kansas City, the number one spot on the Chiefs receiving depth chart is Baldwin’s for the taking. Even if Bowe does come to his senses before the season starts and suits up for Week 1, he’ll still be playing catch-up in terms of learning Brian Dobell’s new offense, not to mention the time it will take to get his body back to playing shape. Which is why you should bank on a big time season from this former first rounder out of Pitt.

Baldwin missed the first six games of last season with a thumb injury and had a hard time finding his stride after that. But after a summer full of team workouts and the opportunity to be a starter, all the ingredients are there for a breakout fantasy season. Depending on how fast WR’s are going in your draft you should be able to land Baldwin in the seventh or eighth round.

The Chief Keefs were an absolute disgrace in 2012. They only won two games (one of which happened to knock me out of my suicide pool so THANKS for that!) and were so awful that it would be hard to pin the blame on just one player. Now I'm not going to say that Jon Baldwin was the problem for K.C., but he certainly wasn't the answer. The second year wide out caught 20 passes for 325 yards and 1 touchdown. Pretty dismal for a guy who came into camp #2 on the depth chart.

Predicting that the Vikings would come in last in the NFC North (and that Joe Webb was the answer) (9/7/12)

4. Vikings- FREE JOE WEBB! FREE JOE WEBB! FREE JOE WEBB!

I know they drafted Ponder a solid round higher than he should have gone, but for the love of all things football why hasn't Joe Webb gotten a shot to at least compete for this starting gig? Let's face it- this team isn't going anywhere. At the very least they could be exciting with Webb under center. From the small sample size of snaps we saw him take in '10 it was evident that he poses a duel pass-run threat most quarterbacks lack. Oh yeah, AP/AD's rushing yards have decreased four seasons in a row, plus he's coming off both ACL and MCL surgeries, so uh, good luck with that.

Admittedly, this was a horrible prediction (I was unnaturally high on the Lions heading into this season) BUT Joe Webb did have a chance to prove me right when he finally got the start for an injured Christian Ponder in round one versus the Packers. Instead he went 11 for 30 for 180 yards (36.7 completion percentage) with one TD, an interception and a fumble. 

-fresh (@danye33)

Asian Teens Throwing Epic "Potato Parties" at Local McDonalds, I Want In NOW

So apparently McDonald’s in Japan, and now South Korea, have dropped prices on French fries, making what was once thought to be a luxury a bargain. The result has been “Potato Parties”, where teens meet up and order an ungodly amount of fries, spread them out over the course of several trays, Twitpic that shizz and get down to business. McDonald’s employees are predictably not too happy about these little get togethers, due to the amount of time wasted cooking the fries and cleaning up the mess that gets left behind. Unluckily for them, the promotion runs until November 2^nd, so the only thing stopping these parties from continuing is going to be the inevitable premature heart attacks some of these youths are bound to suffer.

Loyal 2 Man Weave reader Keytwitty made a keen observation that in all of these potato parties something seemed to be missing, and that something is ketchup! Seriously how do you consume 13,000 calories worth of fries in one sitting without going HAM on some Heinz? Makes no sense. Good thing I have five vacation days left that I've got to use by the end of April. I’m about to go over there and show them how to properly pound some potato. They don't call me the Big Dipper for nothing!

/they don't call me the Big Dipper at all : (

-fresh (@danye33)

In Honor Of Steph Curry's Coming Out Party At The Garden Last Night, Here's A Video Of Him Rapping In College

For decades the greats have used Madison Square Garden as a proving ground to showcase their skills, and after last night’s red hot performance by Steph Curry, you can now add him to the list of players who have reached new highs in New York. The fourth year guard out of Davidson erupted Wednesday night for a career high 54 points, including a team record 11 3-pointers, while playing every single minute of the Warriors’ 109-105 loss to the Knicks. Curry is averaging 46 ppg in his last two contests and is pretty much playing real life NBA Jam out on the court, swishing and dishing from just about anywhere.

With performances like the ones we've seen in recent games from Curry, it's impossible to ignore his talent on the court. But did you know he's also got some mic skills to go along with it?

Below is the music video for Davidson College's 2009 cover of Asher Roth's "I Love College", titled "I Love Commons", a homage to the campus cafeteria. The highlight of Steph's two verses include raps about flavored tater tots and awkward eye contact at breakfast after a one night stand.

See guys, he's just like me and you! Only ridiculously good at basketball.



P.S. Props to Curry for being two years early on the glasses without lenses trend. 

-fresh (@danye33)

Who Throws A Shoe At One Direction's Harry Styles, Honestly?

Harry Styles, the four nippled front man of the world’s biggest boy band and former T-Swift cuddle buddy, didn't have the best time last night at his concert in Glasgow, Scotland. Styles was hit in the groin by a free flying show in between songs, dropping the 19 year old singer to the ground where he unsuccessfully tried to regain his breath for several seconds.

According to Swift’s twitter feed she was “driving home” last night (while listening to Maroon 5), so it’s safe to say that she can be ruled out as a possible suspect in the moccasin massacre. However, this does cement Harry’s legacy alongside the other all time greats in shoe attack history.

-fresh (@danye33)

High School Basketball Beat Writer Makes Hilarious Observation

Amongst his many other responsibilities, Kevin Devaney Jr. covers section 1 sports for MSG Varsity, and he does a damn good job doing it. He reports year round on all the happenings in both boys and girls athletics in Westchester, Rockland and Putnam counties, and he doesn't take a season, yet alone a day, off. Kevin hosts his own talk radio show called “On The Beat” and you can find his articles on MSGvarsity.com. But that’s not the only places you can find his work.

With more than four thousand Twitter followers, Devaney is constantly putting his thumbs to good use by reporting up to the minute happenings on his Twitter feed. Typically its either score updates or quotes from players, but yesterday Kevin blessed us with an incredible eyewitness account from the Keio-Hamilton girls Class C semifinal game at the County Center in White Plains, New York.

For the uninitiated, Keio Academy is a private high school in Purchase, New York, that is predominately, if not exclusively, for Japanese students. Apparently these students love eating Nathans, and the visual of dozens of Keio students sitting in silence scarfing down dogs, fries and lemonade while their team warmed up pretty much made my night. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but this tweet (presumably) provided four thousand laughs.

Unfortunately for the Nathans enthusiasts, Keio would go on to lose 45-31, but at least they went home full.

-fresh (@danye33)

Here's Louis C.K. Like You've Never Seen Him Before

[image via]

Composed entirely by Cheetos! Thank you, internet. 

Power Ranking The Courses of Mario Kart 64

16. Choco Mountain

Choco is hands down the most frustrating course in the game. Whether you're avoiding crumbling boulders or pulling 180's to get the blinking "REVERSE" memo off the screen after falling off the ledge, chances are you're not going to be enjoying yourself for the duration of this race. Green shells cause more harm than good, and reds are rendered useless due to the lack of straightaways.

15. Banshee Boardwalk

I'm sure some of the die hard racers are going to disagree with me on this one, but Banshee Boardwalk is pretty much a haunted house from hell. The lack of boundaries leaves you highly susceptible to going off the edge and getting fished out of the abyss by Boo. If bats and graffiti directions are your thing than the more power to you, but this course has always been downright infuriating for me.

14. Sherbert Land

Similar to Frappe Snowland, only with more diving Billy Madison penguins and the added possibility of falling into the water and ending up as a frozen block of ice. I swear there's nothing worse than cruising through that cave with a full head of steam, only to get bounced backwards after getting blindsided by a penguin as you hug the wall.

13. Mario Raceway

This course is basically Royal Raceway Jr., only shittier. It's one of the shortest tracks in the game and you need to shift like your life depends on it. It's not a bad course by any means, but it definitely lacks some imagination. Though the character based billboards in the background do give it a nice touch.

12. Frappe Snowland

The snowman mine field is one of the most diabolical stretches of track on any level ever created. Dr. Drew has a higher success rate on Celebrity Rehab than players do making it through that opening unscathed. However, the snowman death trap does lead to a more competitive race. It doesn't matter what place you're in, if you get a star before hitting that patch you can make up ground in no time. The bridge over water to the finish line is also a highly underrated wrinkle to this course.

Also, if you're into cheating you can do this.

11. Bowser's Castle 

Beware of falling, angry, blue bricks that have a knack for landing directly in your path EVERY SINGLE TIME. This level is not for the faint of heart, and there are several fire bridges you must clear before making it to the home stretch. Bowser's Castle certainly does its owner justice.

10. Moo Moo Farm

Don't blink on this one! This track is fast and furious with annoying ground hogs to boot. Every race goes down to the wire and there are plenty of boxes to go around. It doesn't bring much to the table, but since its a part of the highly raced "Mushroom Cup" circuit it gets Grandfathered into the fan favorite Pantheon. Also, Moo Moo Farm is by far the best, and most simplistic, course name in all of Mario Kart 64.

9. Yoshi Valley

This course provides more false hope than a preseason Rex Ryan press conference. You have no idea what place you're in until you cross the finish line, which is cool at the beginning of the race, but makes the realization that you're about to get lapped that much worse because you can't see it coming. I've raced this track hundreds of times in my lifetime and I still don't know which direction is the most effective route to take. Ditto for what type of animal that possum-porcupine hybrid that gets in your way is supposed to be.

8. Toad's Turnpike 

You'll find worse drivers on Toad's Turnpike than the Jersey Turnpike, which is actually hard to do. Have fun navigating your way around cars that switch lanes and drive alongside one another with no rhyme or reason. A mushroom power up in this level is basically a death sentence, although it is pretty sweet that they make you go off to the shoulder to collect boxes, kind of like how drivers gas up or get their oil changed in a NASCAR race.

7. Kalimari Desert 

The deciding course of the Mushroom Cup is like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, only with less drugs and more inconveniently located train tracks. No matter how secure you think your grip to first place is you can always bank on some variation of star/lighting/triple red shell combo to come back and steal your shot at glory.

6. Wario Stadium 

Everybody has that one friend who spends the entire race trying to hop over the wall and there's no greater feeling then seeing them fail miserably at their cheating conquests. Of course, whenever they do successfully hop over that wall it makes me want to go all Lenny from Of Mice and Men on my controller. You're going to want to get familiar with the drift button (R), because this course has more turns than a game Monopoly. It should also be noted that this is the first course on the cup circuit that features spread out boxes. And trust me, there is NOTHING worse than missing a box.

BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN A LIGHTNING BOLT GUYZ : (

5. Royal Raceway 

I would just like to take this time to point out that you should not waste your mushroom power up in the moments leading up to the lagoon crossing jump. The red and yellows lines (inexplicably) provide you with enough power and using a mushroom does not make you go further. This course takes close to three minutes to complete, meaning its anybodies game from the get go. That is, unless you go too wide and miss the entrance to the ramp for the big jump. If that happens, you're fucked. Those "REVERSE" lights are pretty much the kiss of death.

4. D.K.'s Jungle Parkway

D.K.'s Jungle Parkway is just an all around, fun course. It features water clearing jumps, poorly constructed wooden walking bridges, coconuts that pelt you if you go off the beaten path, caves (immediately go left to escape quicker) and boats. Also, push the joystick to the left while airborne to gain a slight advantage coming off the aforementioned jump.

3. Luigi Raceway

Talk about coming out guns blazing. Despite the relative ease of this course (countless straightaways and can't miss boxes), it's still a proving ground for competitive Karters. You can play Luigi Raceway one of two ways- by being the rabbit and setting the pace for the group, or you can bide your time in the back of the pack and hope you get a game changing item to propel you to victory. Both ways have their perks and flaws.

2. Rainbow Road 

I'm going to go out on a very short limb here and say that the creation of this course was 100% the result of an acid trip. Everything from the literal "rainbow" road to the neon caricature's of each character floating in space just screams drug trip. It's the last of all the races in the four cup series and it does a great job of alluding to the "final frontier" (seeing that it takes place in outer space). Watch out for the chomping bomb-on-chains that swim around on the track like sharks in a pool.

Oh, and if you're feeling particularly ballsy, try jumping off to the left (using the R button) on the initial drop for a chance to land on a later part of the track. It's absolutely a high risk, high reward maneuver, but I would be willing to bet there's no greater video game accomplishment in life than pulling it off.

1. Koopa Troopa Beach

There is no better way to prove yourself in Mario Kart 64 than by kicking ass and taking names on Koopa Troopa Beach. It's the millennial generation's Normandy.

Koopa is by far the most scenic of all the courses, with a plethora of palm trees, sandy beaches and crabs scampering around. But what truly makes this level great is the short cut, aka "the jump". If you hit the jump (pictured above) it cuts about 20 seconds off your time and shoots you out on the other side of the beach. Most successful jumps occur with the use of a star or red/golden mushroom, but if you hit it raw (without a power up) then your virtual go-cart racing skills can not be denied.

-fresh (@danye33)

Chi City Talking About The Importance Of Keeping A Well Stocked Refrigerator Taking You Into The Weekend

The laugh at the 1:13 mark after acknowledging that he made a pizza may be my favorite laugh of all time. Safe weekend folks, we'll be back at it on Monday!

-fresh (@danye33)

MAKESHIFT U-HAUL WALKER TROJAN HORSE FTW!!!- It's Your S. 3 ep. 10 Recap of "The Walking Dead" With Miggs

How hard is it to aim a gun with one eye? It must be pretty hard after seeing the conclusion to last week’s Sunday’s episode of The Walking Dead. This season is taking a very slow crawl to the inevitable showdown between The Prison and Woodbury, but at least it took a giant step in the right direction at in the final minutes of Sunday night’s episode “Dead Men Talking”.

The show opens up with Rick once again off his rocker. He’s seeing visions of his wife in a white dress and chases her throughout the grounds of the prison. This happens in the first five minutes and we don’t see Rick again until the climatic last five minutes of the show. Going forward he has two choices, either get it together or give the reigns of his Ricktatorship over to someone else who can handle the mental stress. These people rely on Rick and he is just wandering the grounds of the prison chasing after his dead wife’s ghost. I see this playing a huge factor in the upcoming episode that Rick wants to relinquish his leader position to someone else. My prediction is that the Governor does something to Rick personally that is going to get him charged up again and ready to kick some one-eyed ass.

In Woodbury, The Governor is still plotting his attack on the prison and is now trying to manipulate Andrea into becoming the new “Leader” of Woodbury.  He asks her to take over after her rousing speech last week. Wake up Andrea! This guy wouldn’t give up control of this town, no matter how shockingly hot you are in, and out, of underwear. He is using you to get closer to the prison in order to get an edge and take it over.  I think she knows this and will return to help the prison soon enough.

The Dixon brothers are out and about, arguing about what it means to do the right thing (I’m guessing they’re not big Spike Lee fans). Daryl is the moral good guy and shows that by smashing a zombies head in a trunk and saving a baby. He’s almost becoming too powerful and badass, almost single handedly taking out close to 20 zombies in the process with only five arrows. We also learn that the patriarch of the Dixon clan used to beat Daryl, especially after Merle flew the coop as a child.  What people need to realize is that Daryl’s rough upbringing is what makes him such a successful survivor. After dealing with what he has, killing a few undead people seems like a piece of cake. The prison is just lucky that Daryl is on their side.

Back at the prison, Glen is trying to step in for Rick while he deals with the crazies. He wants to be Rick, and wants people, specifically Maggie, to rely on him like they do Rick. The only question is does he have what it takes to be that guy? I think he does, but when push comes to shove I don’t think the people around him believe that he can be a successful leader. That is what most successful leaders need, for those that they are leading to believe that they are always doing the right thing. He wants to go take out The Governor Michonne right then and there, but luckily for the group they ended up sticking around the camp.

Also, Maggie is pissed at Glen, and just like in real life I don’t understand why this woman is so mad at her man. He seems to just be caring for her and angry about what happened, and she’s lashing out at him almost like it’s his fault. I will never understand woman, even during the simple times of a zombie apocalypse. Hershel wants to leave the prison all together but with one leg and a zombie alarm of a baby, they decide its best to not leave yet. Finally Hershel reaches out to Rick, who had been M.I.A. for most of the episode. He is trying to get him to come back in and let it go.

Just then Axel, who clearly had too much back story revealed in this episode, gets shot in the head (Ed. Note: Called it!). Quick observation- If a random, not that important, character begins to talk more than they usually do, or give a lot of back story in one episode, most likely they are going to die. Then a five minute gun battle ensues, In which Axel is still primarily the only person who gets shot over and over because his body is being used as a shield. I think out of maybe 15 people shooting high powered assault rifles at each other, Axel and the guy in the tower were the only ones to get hit. The Governor makes a perfect headshot from 100 yards away but then can’t hit anyone else. One of the coolest execution of Zombie warfare is when the Governor had a zombie bomb, which is just a truck full of zombies, break down the prison door and released about 30 walkers into the prison walls. Then Rick who had been on the outside of the prison all day gets swarmed by multiple zombies, and it looks like it may be the end for their leader. Luckily, the Dixons storm in at the last second and save the day. This was akin to seeing the Avengers fight together for the first time. It made me feel like it has to show Rick that you need both of these dudes to help if you’re going to stop the Governor.

We still have yet to see Rick and The Governor speak to each other face to face. They are really holding off on this confrontation and I expect it to be an explosive one. Rick is still shaky and needs to get his crazy back in its cage before he destroys the group as a whole. I also think next week Tyrese is going to make his way back to the prison just in time to show his worth to this group. Check back next week for another recap, ya filthy geeks.

-Miggs (@NickMiggs)

You Will Respect Michael Kidd-Gilchrist's Authority

The above facial came late in the fourth quarter of the Bobcats 105-99 loss to the Pistons in Charlotte last night. The victim was second year center Greg Monroe and the perpetrator was Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, the #2 overall pick in last June's draft out of Kentucky. MKG's numbers this year have been pretty pedestrian (9/6/1.5), but you can now add a poster to his season stat-line, so at least there's that.

-fresh (@danye33)

Nothing About This Shitty SportsNation Meme Makes Sense To Me

Saw this pop up on my news feed earlier, and to be honest I just flat out have no idea what the hell is the point of this picture? Harden's face is twice the size of Durant and it looks like the dude has rabies. The sexual innuendo in that "HARDEN IS HARD" line is beyond Pause-able, and it took me three minutes to realize they meant "mean" when they wrote "KD is not nice", because I thought they were strictly sticking to name puns. I unfollowed their historically unfunny twitter account a couple months back, and now it looks like I'm going to be making the same move over on the book.

Just like that old saying goes- Don't make me laugh once, shame on you. Don't make me laugh twice, BOOM- unfollowed.

-fresh (@danye33)

Pro Bowl Corners Engage In Virtual Pillow Fight

[image via The Big Lead]

Darrelle Revis’ leg may not be healthy enough to play, but it appears his fingers are doing just fine! The four time Pro Bowler took to Twitter yesterday, engaging in PG-13 virtual pillow fight with Seahawk’s cornerback Richard Sherman. The rebuttal coming after months of boasts from the second year player out of Stanford claiming he has already surpassed Revis as the league’s premier defensive back.

Revis, sidelined since week 3, got things started by accusing Sherman of “running his mouth like a girl” and “steady putting my name in your mouth for notoriety”. He also pointed out that his business manager has more Twitter followers than Sherman, and reminded him that Roddy White, who burned him in a playoff loss, was his “real competition”.

Sherman, who had just gotten off a flight, claimed he didn’t need Revis’ name, and that “Ur name will be irrelevant once u step back on the field bruh. Get ya picks up!”. The Seahawks corner had been using the phrase “men lie, women lie, numbers don’t” to describe why he’s better than Revis for quite some time now, and yesterday’s Twitter spat was no different. Sherman hammered home the point that his stats from year two (8 ints, 3 ff & a sick) were “looking like Revis career stats”.

But what’s that you say about QB’s not throwing to Revis’ side of the field?

Don’t worry, Sherman had a response to those allegations too, claiming that in Revis’ second year “they were throwing his way. I still doubled his picks”.

Revis put an end to this adorable tickle fight by stealing a phrase popularized by Ocho Cinco (“child please”), and advising Sherman to “not get ahead of yourself”. Darrelle then pointed out that he just helped Sherman gain 6,000 Twitter followers, before returning to his game of NBA 2k.

The Seahawks and Jets would have to meet in the Super Bowl next year for a chance to see these two players settle things on the field. But then again Revis’ name has been floating around in trade talks of late, so maybe we’ll get to see these two quick fingered corners put their money where their mouth is sooner rather than later.

for some reason I don't see their beef ending like this

-fresh (@danye33) 

The Frat Rap Chronic-L's: Chris Webby "Contradictory to Grown Up's"

Frat rap is a genre of music gaining steam of late, predictably amongst college aged kids, which details the escapades of the party lifestyle. The main players in the genre are typically white, and the majority of the songs are quick witted covers over already familiarized beats. Now I can’t confirm or deny this, but if I had to pick a song that signified the start of the “frat rap” era, I would have to pick I Love College by Asher Roth, but the reality is there’s been plenty of big time acts (Mac Miller, Mike Posner and Mike Stud to name a few) who’ve already struck gold on the college circuit. Ironically, most frat kids I knew tended to gravitate towards the EDM scene, but the market is there and the demand for more of this type of music is growing by the day.

I've said it once and I’ll say it again, no one has benefited more from the internet than tech savvy, white rappers. With the advents of Final Cut, YouTube, twitter and more, these acts are able to get their product out there and make a name for themselves all on their own. The grassroots culture of frat rap music is an admirable one and there are a plethora of young artists to get to know. Which is why from now until the end of the school year the Weave is going to be putting out a recurring segment called “The Frat Rap Chronic-L’s”, where we showcase a different up and coming act each week.

We’re going to get things started with Chris Webby, a 21 year old rapper out of Connecticut. With over 110k twitter followers, and 200k likes on Facebook, it’s safe to say his impact is already being felt of the college circuit. We chose Contradictory to Grown Up’s as the first song in this feature because he absolutely murder’s the Chiddy Bang beat, but also because he successfully rhymed “smokin’ bud” with “Team Pup N’ Suds” (a homage to the 1998 Disney Channel original movie). 

For more of Webby's music, click here. 

-fresh (@danye33)

More Than Just Second Hand Goods

By now you've surely heard, and may already be sick of, Seattle rapper Macklemore’s ode to second hand clothes, “Thrift Shop”. It’s the number one song in the country and has been downloaded more than two million times to go along with more than 114 million YouTube views. A catchy hook and intoxication beat can be thanked for its immense mass appeal, but there’s a lot more to the hottest new act in hip-hop than bargain shopping on a $20 budget.

If you get a chance to listen to Macklemore’s debut studio album, 2012’s The Heist, it won’t take you long to realize how much substance he packs in each one of his lyrical punches. Take “Same Love” for example, a song which fights for gay rights and takes a shot at homophobia in hip-hop. He takes a stab at the stereotypes we allow to exist, and acknowledges “If I was gay I would think hip-hop would hate me, have you seen the YouTube comments lately?”, a shot at the thousands of faceless message board dwellers who spew hate so freely. 

Another song that dives into your ear buds and finds its way into your heart is “Ten Thousand Hours”, Macklemore’s ode to Malcolm Gladwell’s theory that the key to success in any field is to practice your craft or specific task for a total of roughly 10,000 hours. Macklemore has that number tattooed on his wrist, and if his music in any indication of his progress, I would say he’s about to surpass that number any day now. In this track he opens up about conquering his substance abuse demons and talks of a new generation of artists “choosing love over a desk”. 

It's ironic because even though it took a funny song for Macklemore to get recognized, if you don't think he's the real deal then the jokes on you. So the next time you hear some fourteen some fourteen year old kid signing along to "I'm gonna pop some tags", know that there's much more to this artist than meets the eye.



-fresh (@danye33)

Man Dives Head First Into Gigantic Cactus, Hilarity Ensues

This dude has future Dawin Award recipient written all over him.


-fresh (@danye33)

You Know Atticus and Rainer Are Poppin' Bottles Today

To some people Presidents’ Day is just another day in the office. For others, it’s an excuse to sleep in late and have a date with your Netflix account. But for two Long Island boys, it’s (presumably) their Super Bowl, Christmas and Halloween all wrapped up into one!

In case you live under a rock, or don’t watch The Ellen Show, Rainer (as of last summer 6 years old) and Atticus (as of last summer 4 years old) are two Presidential experts who took both the Republican and Democratic Conventions by storm last August with their overt knowledge on anything and everything POTUS. They've been interviewed by the likes of Anderson Cooper and Michelle Obama, and can name every President in order, along with their term years, at the drop of a hat.

Here are some more fun facts about the brothers: 

• Their favorite president is Martin Van Buren (because he had cool sideburns).
• JKF was Rainer's favorite president because “he gave people hope”.
• They support gay marriage.
• They credit all of their presidential knowledge to a placemat their parents bought them when they babies. 

It remains unclear how the red headed duo plan to celebrate their favorite pastime on this national holiday, but you can bet your bottom dollar it’s going to be a wild night at the Muuss’ household.

Followed by a wicked apple juice hangover tomorrow morning. 

-fresh (@danye33)

Real World Portland Trailer Comin' In Hot!

Over the weekend MTV released the trailer for the latest installment of their trademark show, The Real World, and unlike last year's lackluster preview for St. Thomas, Portland looks like hella fun. The new cast features a ragtag group of models, Hooters waitresses, Playboy bunnies and a former D1 football player. As well some unbalanced guys and the usual slew of daddy issues.

The trailer predominantly displays copious amounts of binge drinking, implied sex, heart to heart conversations and girl on guy fisticuffs, all the while leaving viewers thirsty for more. And even if this season does fail to live up to the high hopes the trailer provided us with, it'll still be a breath of fresh air to see something other redneck hillbillies, preggers teens and Jersey whores on the "music" television network.

The 28th season of MTV's The Real World gets underway Wednesday, March 27th at 10 pm.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dave Matthews Band Announces Summer '13 Tour Schedule

The Dave Matthews Band has officially announced dates for their 2013 Summer Tour, and fans of the (seemingly) always traveling rock group will be happy to see a lot of familiar venues on the docket. The 45 show tour features two night stands in Saratoga Springs, NY, Hartford, CT, Wantagh, NY, Camden, NJ, Noblesville, IN (wtf?), East Troy, WI and West Palm Beach, FL. As well as a trio of Labor Day shows at the Gorge in Washington, followed by a few California shows in early September to close things out.

The band released their eighth studio album, Away From The World,  last September, so this summer will mark the first full length tour to feature tracks from that album.

Click the below image for an enlarged view of the full tour schedule.

-fresh (@danye33)

Tomorrow Night Marks The Return of Danny Utes!!!

I pinky promise this will be the last time I whore myself out in regards to promoting this party, BUT if you're going to be in the tri-state area tomorrow night (2/16), and are a fan of the Weave, then you're gonna want to get your ass to Johnny Utah's on 51st between 5th and 6th ave at 9 o'clock sharp. That's when the two hour open bar kicks off with your boy doing his best Tom Cruise impersonation. $20 gets you unlimited beer, mixed drinks, margs and vino from 9-11 with other great drink deals for the remainder of the night.

So come early, bring friends and get ready to twerk. Guaranteed to be the second best party of all time.



Also, if any 2 Man Weave fans out there can't make it to Utah's and are looking to party in Boston, check out our good friends over TWSS Boston's Valentine's Day bar party at the North Star.

-fresh (@danye33)

In Honor Of Valentine's Day, I Present To You The Best Love Song Of All Time

These words ring truer and truer each year. Happy Hallmark holiday everyone!

The Walking Dead Comes Back With A Bang

The Walking dead returned from its two month hiatus this week to smash their previous ratings record (12.3 million viewers AGAINST the Grammy's), setting the stage for what should be an explosive back half of season three.  Some questions are still in need of answering following the suspenseful  mid-season finale. Is Rick going insane? Will the Dixon boys make it out alive? Who will Andrea side with? And what about these new comers to the prison? Some of those questions were answered, but a handful remain following an exposition filled mid-season premiere.

The show picked up right where it left off, with the Dixon boys in trouble again. I can’t help but think that if they did a spin-off show of just the Dixon brothers it would pretty much just be The Dukes of Hazard set in the zombie apocalypse. On this week’s episode The Governor has pit the Dixons against one another in a battle to the death. Luckily, somehow Rick and Maggie take out a bunch of Woodbury militants and get the Dixon brothers out alive. What we can take away from this scene is that The Governor that we used to know, has lost an eye and it feels so rough (Ed Note: Re-read that last sentence to the tune of “Somebody That I Used To Know” if you didn’t do it the first time). Not only did he lose his eye, but he also lost his undead daughter and the last shred of humanity remaining in his body. Now he dresses in long black trench coats and I assume he probably started listing to ICP, because he looks like he’s not F!@#!# around this season. He takes out a couple of zombies nonchalantly through the cloud of smoke bombs and then stares off into the distance, I can only assume that this is because his deception is thrown off from losing an eye.

zombie Hines Ward

Rick, Maggie and the Dixons meet up with the convoy of Glenn and Michonne. This is where the Ricktatorship comes into play. Without much thought about it, he gives Daryl an ultimatum- either he leaves his brother alone in the woods or he doesn’t come back to the prison. First off Rick, this is not how you run a successful survival campaign. Daryl has done more than enough to prove his worth during the zombie outbreak, he’s been Ricks closest ally since Shane went all y tu brute and tried to kill him. All that Daryl has done to help support the group and Rick is willing to just throw it all away because Daryl happens to be related to a bigoted sociopath. Daryl basically says to Rick that blood is thicker than water, and leaves the group to go on the lamb with Merle.

Then Rick turns to Michonne and basically tells her that as soon as she’s patched up she’s going to get the boot from the prison. Dumb move number two.  This bad ass chick has clearly shown that she knows how to dispatch zombies with ease and also has taken an eye away from the Governor. Rick knows that the Governor is coming with brute force to destroy everything he loves and he just cut two of his best assets from his crew. It’s like cutting your star running back and receiver right before the Super Bowl. Sounds like something Bill Callahan would do.

Meanwhile, back at Woodbury, The Governor is nowhere to be seen and zombies have broken through their defenses, attacking a couple people along the way. Tensions are running high and their fearless leader is in hiding. Andrea then steps up and gives a rousing speech about how they will band together and be a part of the rebuilding process to form a normal society. This goes against my prediction that Andrea is going to ditch The Lovernor and the people of Woodbury. Instead she steps right in and became the Governor’s unofficial spokes person and number two in command.

On their way back to the prison, Glenn is noticeably miffed about something, as represented by his brutal Ndamukong Suh impersonation on a zombie. He’s upset that the Governor got away and that he had no part in infiltrating Woodbury, he wants revenge badly against those who did him wrong. Maggie also seems to have been changed by beatings and near rape, and I can’t say I blame her. I too would be freaked out if the Governor made me take my shirt off and hold my boobs for him. I see their relationship getting strained in the coming weeks, which is a shame because I had a lot of high hope for those two crazy kids.

As Rick finally gets back to the prison, he’s greeted by the proposition of letting new members into his group. Tyrese clearly shows his willingness to pitch in and help the group survive at all cost. I see his cohorts in his group who planned on taking the prison by force becoming a problem, but Tyrese himself would be an amazing addition. In the novel Ty plays the same role that Daryl has played up until now. If Rick can hide his crazy long enough to let his rational thought process take over, he should come to sense and realize that he needs the muscle that Tyrese is sure to provide.

If this was the first time you watched the show, that shadowy figure that Rick kept screaming at represents his dead/fully digested wife. He is clearly off his rocker right now. Which brings me back to my point about letting Michonne and Daryl go only intensifying his responsibility in this group.  I think that it’s only going to become more clear to him that he needs these people as much as they need him. Hopefully he can tuck away his crazy just long enough to save the prison from The Governor’s invasion.

See you all next week.

-Miggs (@NickMiggs)

Marco Rubio Popped A Molly At The State Of The Union Address

[gif via Buzzfeed]

He's sweatin' (Woo!)

Kate Upton Takes The S.I. Swimsuit Cover On A One Way Ticket To Rack City

How does that old saying go? A picture is worth a thousand boners?

An Attack On "Elite"

Despite being far and away the most adored and successful sport in America, football has had its fair share of troubles in recent memory. In the last year alone there was the Bounty Gate debacle, the rising awareness to the league’s concussion problem, and most recently, an inability to keep the lights on at the Superdome. But of all the issues that the NFL is currently dealing with, none is more frustrating than the unset benchmark of what exactly constitutes a player as “elite”.

Elite is a five letter noun that serves as the imaginary entrance into a subjective group of players who are regarded as the best in their specific field or craft. This phrase came to the forefront of talking heads around the same time Eli Manning hoisted up his second Vince Lombardi trophy a season ago, thus putting to rest the argument of whether or not you could, in fact, spell “elite” without “Eli” (spoiler: you can’t!).  

The elite conundrum continued into training camp last August, when Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco prematurely anointed himself as the “best” QB in the league. Of course that proclamation now seems merited, after Flacco’s incredible playoff run which saw him throw for 1,140 yards with 11 TDs and no interceptions, en route to taking home Super Bowl MVP honors. But at the time everyone was quick to shoot down Joe’s entrance to the elusive “elite” club.

The thing that makes these “elite” conversations so frustrating is that each one is essentially just a never ending merry-go-round of opinions. There is no such thing as being “elite”, because there’s no set rules or stipulations that guarantee you that title. Elite is an imaginary club that only exists in your own mind and each person gets to govern their members however they please, meaning there’s always going to be some, or many, people out there who disagree with your rulings.

In the week leading up to Super Bowl XLVII, as with every Super Bowl, players were asked hundreds of questions ranging from obscure to insightful to downright irrelevant. Somewhere in between San Francisco 49ers’ wideout Randy Moss was asked his thoughts on his former teammate, Titans wide receiver Kenny Britt. Moss pointed out the many similarities between the himself and Britt, including how they were both highly coveted wide receivers coming out of college whose draft stock plummeted due to off the field issues. He concluded his answer by saying that if Kenny can get his act together, he can “reach (the) elite class (of wide receivers) very quickly”.

This is the type of quote that would routinely get skipped over if there were games to be covered, but since we’re in the midst of a six month offseason, it became front page news.

When you think about it, Moss basically was saying that “If Britt can do something he previously has not proven to be able to do, then he can reach my imaginary club of elite wide outs”. The reason this is so ridiculous is because the same thing can literally be said about anyone.

“If player X gains 50 pounds of muscle and lowers his 40 time by a full second he can reach an elite level!”

“If player Y improves his accuracy and arm strength he can be an elite quarterback!”

When you throw out these hypothetical scenarios, you’re not really saying anything at all.

Right now Kenny Britt is exactly the player we think he is. An injury prone, first round talent with a knack for finding himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Three years have passed since he’s made it through an entire season unscathed, and to this day he still finds himself in the midst of police investigations. Britt has a lot of things on his plate, but he also has a far way to go, as well as a lot of growing up to do, before he’s mentioned in the same breath as “elite”.

Let’s just hope that by the time that day comes we've found a new, tangible, word to measure success.

Because the way we have it set up now means nothing.

-fresh (@danye33)

This article was also published on TDdaily.com (Who's Elite? Who Cares!)

Marcus LoVett Is Very Good At Dribbling Basketballs

Marcus LoVett is a 5-10 sophomore from Providence High in Burbank, California. He’s also the #1 rated point guard in the class of 2015, and has a handle that would make Jason Williams weep.

LoVett averaged 31.7ppg last year as freshman, and according to future150.com, he scored a player grade of 99 (out of a possible 100). But his sophomore campaign was cut short in an attempt to get his grades up. Marcus' father announcing last week that they were "putting basketball on the back burner" and "doubling down on school."

For the sake of basketball fans everywhere, lets hope LoVett gets those grades up so we can see him back in action on the AAU circuit this summer. 

-fresh (@danye33)

Somers Star Wins Section One Scoring Title on Senior Night

(image via MSG Varsity)

Somers' senior John Decker headed into last night’s regular season finale versus North Salem needing 52 points to surpass 1,000 for his career, 54 points for the Section 1 scoring title and a win to clinch home field advantage in the first round of the Section 1 Class A playoffs. By the end of the night, all three of those milestones had been reached.

Decker dropped 59 on the Tigers, 24 of which coming in the fourth quarter, in the Tuskers’ 85-69 victory. The senior drained 10 3-pointers and finished up the night 17-20 from the stripe.

The 59 point eruption was just four points shy of the Section 1 single game scoring record of 63, held by Westlake’s Bill Schwarzkopf and Pearl River’s Jess Cohen.

With the scoring outburst, Decker (25.7 ppg) surpassed Section 1’s newly crowned “Mr. Basketball”, junior Eric Paschall of Dobbs Ferry (25.3 ppg), for the scoring title. Earlier in the week both Decker and Paschall were named First Team all-Lower Hudson picks alongside Joe Clarke (New Rochelle), Josh Doughty (Mount Vernon), Brandon Hynes (Mahopac) and Jack Sullivan (Albertus Magnus).

According to Varsity Insider, Decker is still weighing options from a handful of DII schools, and has until the end of April to make a commitment. In the meantime, #8 Somers will get ready to host #9 Gorton Friday night, where the senior will get a chance to add to his already historic scoring numbers. 

-fresh (@danye33)